Please note the items you are about to read consist largely of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation. As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked. Its informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully thought through.

 

THE GONADS! CHARLTON! SOUTH LONDON! STREET ROCK N ROLL! COCKNEY CULTURE! COCKNEY ROCK! OI-TONE! SKA! BEER! CURRY! WORKERS’ RIGHTS! FLAG-GIRLS! ENGLAND! OI OI OI! THIS IS WHO WE ARE!

Sept 26. Gal’s brutal new Harry Tyler novel, Harder Than The Rest, is back in stock at Caffeine Nights – still for £5.99 – and will be on Amazon soon. The Steam, Smoke & Mirrors podcast generously called Harry “as hard as Jack Reacher and twice as randy”. Please note: although Iron Maiden, the Rejects and the Business are mentioned in the book, the band at the heart of the action are entirely fictional.

Sept 25. Here is Human Punk’s gig schedule for the next year…

Sept 24. BREAK OUT THE LAGER TOP! We’re supporting the Business at the 100 Club on 18th December. It’s the traditional Boot Boys Xmas Knees-up (although of course boot-girls are welcome too, as are wearers of Oxford brogues, Oxblood tassel loafers and so on and so forth). The Chisel are opening the show and there will be special guests as we celebrate the memory and legacy of our dearly departed pal Micky Fitz RIP. It’ll be a good’un! Tickets from ’ere.

In slightly more disturbing news, self-styled film-maker and fully qualified agent of chaos, Sandie West (Hollywood Pest) is back on the scene. She contacted a shaken Rodger ‘Trotsky’ Shosa demanding he set up a Zoom meeting between her, Gal and Clyde. About what, we ask? “I don’t know,” replies a shaken Trotsky. “I was on the phone with her for 31minutes to hear her great idea and it never came. I really don’t know what it was she was saying at all, she was just blabbering on and on about nothing. I was trapped in Sandie hell. She has a plan but nobody knows what it is, not even her.” Sounds about right!

Sept 19. Join The Crunch for a special, one-off event in London on Friday, 15th October at Nambucca in Holloway Road. You’ll get the chance to pick the brains of the band whose members have also played with Black Sabbath, The Clash, the Cockney Rejects, the Diamond Dogs, Gen X, Hanoi Rocks, Johnny Thunders & The Heartbreakers, the Lords Of The New Church and Sham 69… all hosted by our Gal. Tickets from here.

Random guff… Doctors Of Madness support The Band Of Holy Joy is at The Powerhaus, Camden (formerly Dingwalls) on 7th October… The Descendants are flogging a ‘Milo Goes To College’ action figure. We’re still working on our Fat Col inaction one…

Sept 18. Good news! Mark McMighty has now written the music to the very true (and rather shocking) story that is Teeth Aht. It will be on our next album, Revolution Now! which is expected at Easter. Bad news. Sources close to Gal Gonad are “significantly concerned” about his mental health. One family insider tells us, “He’s turning into a gibbering wreck, talking to himself and constantly singing obscure Cockney songs like The Lunatic Asylum. Last night he remembered a load of filthy rugby songs including An Engineer Told Me and a vulgar version of The Sheik of Araby, which wasn’t a pleasant experience for anyone. We think he’s on the verge of a breakdown”. Condition normal, surely?

Sept 17. Here’s The Liar, the brand-new track from the Deviates.

Gal’s new Harry Tyler novel, Harder Than The Rest, is already out of stock! We’ll shout when the next batch hits the publisher’s.

Sept 16. Lovers of original skinhead and suedehead style should check out SCORCHA! by Paul ‘Smiler’ Anderson and Mark Baxter which covers the years 1967 – 1973 in lavish and loving detail. It has a foreword by Suggs and a ton of pictures.

Sept 15. The Cockney Rejects play The Booking Hall, Dover on 12th December. Tickets are HERE.

Those whimsical peaceniks B Squadron have posted a rough mix of their new song Pals on Spotify which they tease will be a track off their album; no release date yet.

Sept 12. Gal’s latest Harry Tyler novel, Harder Than The Rest is out now. It’s based around a fictional East End hard rock band who operate as a front for a violent gang of drug-running thieves. ‘What if the Krays had guitars’, says the blurb, except the hard-hitting novel is set in the early 90s. It’s the fourth book in Gal’s Harry Tyler series which began with The Face in 2001 and you can buy it direct from the publishers, for a limited period, for just £5.99. Caffeine Nights are also running a FREE eBook promo on Amazon for the book until Wednesday.

Sept 11. John King’s tasty book-zine Verbal is back with an Alan Sillitoe special, details here. Previous editions of Verbal have featured ‘boot generation’ fiction, Irvine Welsh, Club Ska and the Ruts, and short stories by the likes of Pete ‘Manic Esso’ Haynes, Gal, Cathi Unsworth and Martin Knight…

9/11. God bless New York. Never forget.

Sept 9. Spotted in Oxford, this fine sculpture allegedly of Gal’s great-great grandfather, the distinguished professor of intoxication, and Music Hall performer, Nadbush Llewellyn, of whom more will apparently be heard next year…

Sept 7. Mercifully Shazza is getting better and is now able to leave us relatively short voices messages of just under two hours duration. However, we have reason to suspect that it wasn’t the Rona virus that laid her low but the hex power of a certain female band member who didn’t take kindly to the thought of her clothes being stolen on stage while she was wearing them… Fat Col, who has experienced Wattsie’s magical curses before, warns “Watch yerself, Shazz, that woman is evil. I upset her once and she turned my knob into a button mushroom.” It’s never recovered. And when Bruce Foxton pissed her off, an unexplained cascade of lager and urine drove From The Jam off stage in North London…

Sept 5. Good luck to our pal and North East agent Shazza who is currently self-isolating. Wishing you a speedy recovery, pet.

Sep 4. Our North East gigs are looking good for next year, but there are significant risks involved. Local Gonads fan club organiser Shazza has pledged to “invade the stage, sing with ye and steal Wattsie’s clothes while she’s wearing them!” We naturally can’t encourage this kind of immoral mayhem, but in a related story Fat Col has just volunteered to film it.

Sep 3. Just as things were going smoothly, Gal throws a spanner in the works. Although pleased with the early work on the Revolution Now album, he has announced his intention to record a Music Hall ep which will include skapunk versions of Two Lovely Black Eyes and The End Of Me Old Cigar, a punk take on Knocked Em Down The Old Kent Road and a moving pubrock rendition of It’s A Great Big Shame. Fat Col has warned against the project calling it “a needless diversion from the pure-punk plan”, but Fit Bird tells us “The ep will be quite separate to the album, wunnit, so it won’t be no diversion, will it?” Miss Management agrees, stating that “As fans know, the Gonads have long acknowledged their debt to the Music Hall tradition. It began with Annie Auldiron on the first ep, continued with the pub side of the live double album and the moving version of Half A Pint Of Ale, and according to completists it will reach its peak when Gal performs The Lunatic Asylum and A Mother’s Lament live, as he has threatened to do many many times…in fact, every time he has had a skinful.” Actual completists will know that Curry House Lizzy recorded a number of music hall songs for us during the Old Boots album sessions in Fulham in 2006, and Gary Lammin recorded an unreleased acoustic version of Two Lovely Black Eyes during our Glorious Bastards recordings in approximately 2011.

Sep 2. Fools Errand from Las Vegas sound like this. No mess, no stres. Just oi-oi music for the disposssed. We like em!

Sept 1. R.I.P. Mick Crudge from veteran Blackpool punk band The Fits who has reportedly died while cliff-walking. He was a brilliant frontman. Our condolences to Orsi.

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