May 31. Round two in our tale of gorgeous Gonadettes tracking down global celebs for our big farewell show - here's Bev Elliott in Las Vegas with Zach Galifianakis from the Hangover films. Zach was more than up for joining us on stage but alas yet again Lord Waistrel has vetoed it on the reasonable grounds that "Hangover 3 is utter shite."

While we're here, the righteous anger of punk balladeer Louise Distras will be heard at this year's Glastonbury. Louise is performing on 28th June on the Left Field stage, as part of Billy Bragg’s Radical Roundup. She’s promising us a release date for her debut album, Dreams From The Factory Floor, shortly.

May 30. Lord Zion from glam horror merchants Spit Like This, tells us that he is in the process of getting a film off the ground. NORMALITYVILLE HORROR: THE MOVIE is said to be a ‘dystopian sci-fi thriller centred around a man who is wrongly exiled so he joins a revolution to overthrow a corrupt government’. The film shares a title with the current Spit Like This album, but the two are only connected by “a rough theme.” Zion explains: "The theme is oppression, expression and a desire to be more - but that is where the link ends. This is not a SLT movie, but an independent film of mine which will be a cross between Escape From New York and A Clockwork Orange.” Sadly there is no news about our own majestic cinematic opus, Curry On Up The Gonads, as our “street-team” have struggled to raise much finance for the project, and what little they have raised was unwisely invested (by Fat Col) on a nag that’s still running. However in more film news, Gal and David Courtney are both set to star in new action movie Looters, Tooters & Sawn-Off Shooters. What’s it about? Butterfly collecting, sniffs Fit Bird with what we feel is unnecessary sarcasm...

News that BBC radio is reviving Dick Barton Special Agent has stoked hopes that Frankie Flame’s visionary song of the same name might be re-issued as a single and finally head for its rightful place at the top of the charts. Get in, Frank!

What of the East End Badoes? It’s the question virtually no-one is asking, but we’ll tell you anyway. Apparently Terence Hayes, PM, has abandoned plans to record ‘We Beat The Blitz’ for the band’s new e.p. on the grounds that it will be released on a German label and it might not be diplomatic to remind them...instead El Tel us working on a replacement song called ‘Where Have All The Dockers Gone?’ about how the East End has been yuppified. Except yesterday Tel called us in a state of distress to say that he’d spent several hours writing the lyrics but had mislaid them. We can reveal that his ‘notes’ were found later by his missus. They consisted of four words: ‘red wine, Stella Artois’. He’d written a shopping list.

The secretive Mad Butcher contacts us from his Stalinist bunker to whisper that he has re-released the Toasters’ Pool Shark album... and also that he’s released the new ep from RedSka called ‘Bella Ciao’ which we think means beautiful goodbye, which we’ll take as a cue to piss off as it’s now 5am and the red wine has run out. Until the next time...

Midweek Madness. May 29. Gal's latest Rancid Sounds pod-cast show is finally up with special guests Missing Andy and quality tracks from Boomin, The Crunch, The Fallen Leaves, Noise Agents, Leah McCaffrey, Buster Shuffle, Goldblade, Alien Sex Fiend, Laurel Aitken, Discipline, the Hickoids, the Gonads, Bonecrusher, Farse, Argy Bargy. Hear it here. This is the last ever Shoreditch show. This podcast is now taking a break for a couple of months but, sniffs Fit Bird, "It should be back by August."

Decca Wade's got a book out! Brilliant Upstarts drummer Decca has published his biography, surprisingly called I'm An Upstart which is ghosted by Ronan Fitzsimons and tells his story from his early days in Jarrow and South Shields to punk rock'n'roll infamy. "It's a very weird feeling having my whole life in black and white," says Decca. "To be honest when I saw the book I started to cry." (We felt like that about Dan Brown's Inferno - Ed). He goes on: "It's a very strange feeling to know that everything that is important to me and has made me the person I am is in the book, Ronan has done a fantastic job and I'm looking forward to going on a book tour with my band in the near future." Decca's book is available from www.ardrapress.co.uk.

May 26. Gal’s latest literary podcast, with Pete 'Manic Esso' Haynes of the Lurkers is up now, an in-depth discussion of the punk years, Pete’s books and plays and politics. One-time Gonad and full-time GLM drummer Pete is on hilarious form, he’s darkly funny, subversive & spiky throughout. “What’s the difference between the Monkees and the Clash?” he asks. “The Monkees had better songs.” Ouch. …

Meanwhile a behind-the-scenes row is threatening to engulf the Punk Rock Curry Club and tear it asunder. Purist John King claims the Club has been “taken over by teetotal late-comers who don’t stray more than a mile from their own front doors.” He goes on: “The Originators were Gal, me, Fatty Lol and Mark Wyeth. It started in The Falcon and Panahar in Battersea and switched to Aldgate East, before ending up out in the sticks dominated by the Diet Pepsi Crew. Time to take it back to core values – surely?” Strong words indeed, and while we wait for a rebuttal from club steward Steve Whale, we can report that John is planning to go out on a provisional wing and switch the next meet from Lee to East London. “It’s time to head back to Brick Lane and Battersea,” he says. “Back to our roots... starting with a six hour pre-curry booze-up in the Pride of Spitalfields.” Oh blimey. Let’s pray that the PRCC does not go the same way as the Joly Pranksters...

Junior Marvin will headline the 2014 International Ska Festival; grab your festival Earlybird tickets while you can, there are only 60 left - and you’ll save £80+ across the 4 day fest.

STOP PRESS: latest Gonads Quasar result. Gonads: 1653, Wickham Wizards: minus 325. Team Gonad – leaving the world choking in our dust.

Weekend round-up: here it is at last! The cover of the long-awaited Built For Destruction album which will be on sale in the UK from 7th July on CD and vinyl at the very latest. Artwork by Steven Friel. The controversial platter features fifteen tasty tracks, many of them previously banned, plus the original version of 1977's 'Stroke My Beachcomber, Baby'. Much more detail nearer the time.

Gal recorded his latest Rancid Sounds podcast yesterday with special guests Missing Andy who turned up for the last 15 minutes due to traffic chaos on A12, but no Paul Hallam who was laid up with the trots - bad news for a Stalinist. There are quality tracks from Boomin, the Fallen Leaves, Farse, The Crunch, 100 Men, Buster Shuffle, Noise Agents, Alien Sex Fiend, Laurel Aitken, Discipline, Leah McCaffrey, the Hickoids, us, Bonecrusher, Klasse Kriminale, Goldblade and Argy Bargy. BUT sadly it may be the last punk n Ska pod for a while as Bloodstock radio is temporarily homeless and will be operating out of Malcolm Dome's sock drawer for the next few months. We can't say what effect this shock news will have on the local economy except to say the guv'nor of the Owl & Pussycat public house was last seen weeping.

RANDOM news: Crashed Out's album Crash N Burn has been re-released by Randale - limited run of 100 on orange vinyl, CD comes with three bonus tracks and a video of 'Cushy Butterfield'... Missing Andy are back in London for a gig at the Garage on August 2nd... Coming soon the new King Hammond album, Hot Skin Music - tracks include 'Skin 2 Skin', (It's All About The) Bassline', 'I Am Your King' and 'Everyone's Playing Ska (Nowadays)'; 22 tracks in all in a special box that also comes with a KH badge & sticker. This is a limited edition of 500 & once they're gorn, they're gorn.

Events: Big Ska knees-up in Charlton: Ska Valley, on 19th September, at Charlton Liberal Club, Charlton Church Lane - a night of Ska, reggae, rocksteady and 2-Tone... Big 7 scooter rally, 2-4 August at the Hop Farm, Tonbridge, with our mates P45.

Our mate Matt went to the Texas Oi pub, Bill McCabe’s, and swiped this poster for our blog. He reports: “The bloke behind the bar was speeding off his head playing a Dropkick Murphy cover of Cock Sparrer's 'Working' at full volume and shouting at the punters.” Bliss!

STOP PRESS May 22. We are horrified by the brutal murder of a British soldier by reactionary nut-jobs on the streets of Woolwich today. The savage killing would have been shocking wherever it had occurred, but we feel doubly close to this as some of us were born in Woolwich and the Gonads originated in neighbouring Charlton. As a mark of respect to our forces and as a gesture of solidarity, we ask our readers to consider donating whatever they can to Help For Heroes. No surrender to terror.

Midweek Madness, May 22: it looks like we’ll be playing Stoke-On-Trent on September 28th, further details to follow... in the meantime, the big question is: who should compere the Gonads’ farewell gig in December? Bowie is selfishly unavailable, however our crack team of Gonadettes have been busy tracking down a suitable alternative big name – here, for example, is our dear friend Christine Peake with former England captain David Beckham at a Lakers game. Becks was interested of course – who wouldn’t be? But Lord Waistrel has blocked the deal on the reasonable grounds that Beckham never played for Charlton, and has sent the Yeti out on a quest to find Derek ‘Gypoe’ Hales instead.

Random guff: Street Sounds is now properly on twitter, here... there’s a free two-day punk ’n Ska fest at the Haygate in Telford over the weekend of July 5th, with Random Hand, Cartoon Violence, Skalinskis, Garageband and many more... the Simmertones release their new album on 31st May with a launch party at the Rainbow hotel in Torquay; veteran DJ Gaz Mayall will be joining the band on stage for a couple of songs as well as spinning some tasty Ska sounds...

STOP PRESS: the next Gonads live show will be on 15th June at a location near Brands Hatch in Kent. The gig will be a secret one, by invitation only. Said the Beast: “There are a lot of disreputable punters out there – trouble-makers, head-cases, drunks, delinquents, rascals, ruffians and women with loose morals... and we want to make sure they all come to the show.”

May 20. News that Gal will be interviewed by John Robb at Rebellion was greeted with gales of laughter here at Nads HQ. Says an insider: “Gal can’t hear a thing out of his right ear and John is a notorious whisperer. It’ll be like that scene in Fawlty Towers when dotty old Mrs Richards tried to talk to Manuel...

Talking of odd couples, Gal recorded his latest literary podcast last night, with Pete ‘Manic Esso’ Haynes talking about his books, plays, politics, comedy, class, GLM and of course the Lurkers. We’ll let you know when it’s up. Both men report industrial-size hangovers this morning thanks to Podcast Peg’s super-strength home-brew. How good is this ale? Well put it this way, they finished recording the pod at 7.45pm and Pete “Just one more glass” Haynes was still there at midnight...

Wonderful East London Ska band The Skints play Camden Koko on Wednesday night – their biggest-ever headliner. There will be filming! Hear their new single, ‘Out Of My Mind’, here.

A text arrives from Terence Hayes, PM, currently laid up at home after an operation on his knee. It states: ‘I have dropped my mobile into a cup of tea, now when people ring I can hear them but they can’t hear me.’ Hmm. It’s a novel twist, Tel (not to mention a blessing), but we doubt that they’d go for it on Dragons’ Den.

Random news: The Crunch – featuring Mick Geggus, Dave Tregunna, Terry Chimes and Sulo - have posted a video for their debut single ‘Down By The Border’ here - it’s out on vinyl on June 3rd... Lee Thompson’s Ska Orchestra play Manchester’s On The Wall club on Friday (24th)... Maninblack needs a new bass player who “must be male, over 40, NYC resident, have pro gear, fluent in UK '77 Punk, familiar with early Reggae, not intimidated by live electronics. Basic keyboard ability, working knowledge of bass synthesizers helpful.”... Meanwhile over in JR country, they’ve struck Oi!

Here is Paul Hallam, AKA the Stalin of Style, modelling anti-fascist banners in Genoa. We are sometimes asked where we stand on such matters. Obviously we are against fascism in all its forms but as self-proclaimed situationists, the Gonads rise above the mundane political world. For readers with an interest in these things however, here is a handy guide from the forthcoming book Street Politics: Homage To Catatonia by Ray Stamford AKA The Watcher (edited down from its original 197,000 words). SHARP - Skin Heads against Racial Prejudice, a well-intentioned and principled bunch true to the original spirit of the cult who formed in New York City in 1987 and are sabotaged only by the inconvenient fact that skinhead is one word, so they're really SARP. Sarpy sods. LOLS - the League of Labour Skins: dormant organisation dating back to late 1979, completely inactive now as even their veterans haven't got a good word for Miliband (and they weren't too keen on Blair or Brown either).

PPGB - the People's Party of Great Britain; a new-born socialist anti-EU organisation which is the brainchild of author John King, based on his Ten Principles and the idea that "thirty good men in combat jackets" could make a difference. RASH - Red & Anarchist Skinheads, formed in New York in 1993 to "win back the good name" of the skinhead subculture from "boneheads and racists"; has since spread to Europe where RASH supporters blotted their copy books by wrongly targeting the likes of Walter 'Wattie' Buchan who although a nitwit is no Nazi.

Cock Against Racism - ad-hoc grouping set up by ICF Casuals circa 1982, dedicated to fighting bigotry by enthusiastically bedding women of varied ethnic backgrounds; its members are now aging but Viagra helps them keep up, the ahem, fight. B&H - Blood & Honour, sometimes called 28 and often called far worse, these Neo-Nazis formed in 1987 and are the real swivel-eyed loons of today; mercifully on the decline in the UK they still provide muscle for the BNP and are strong across Eastern Europe (see also "Monsters Of Oi" - a transparent front set up by fellow travellers in East London/Essex.)

Rudies - 2-Tone skins, true to Jerry Dammers's vision of skins as working-class, colour-blind, and street savvy; now have their own 2-Tone Village in Coventry. 'Grey Area' - more a term applied to bands than people, referring to punk/oi groups identified by German Stalinists as dodgy "fence-sitters" because of their refusal to get sucked into political bullshit. Most of them are "completely apolitical" which means that they merely chose to vote UKIP in the privacy of their polling booth... as is their right. (For English Stalinists, see Hallam, P.)

Class War - violent anarchists formed in Wales in 1983, committed to physically bashing the rich, stopping the City, pogoing on a Nazi (etc); may appear crusty. There's no hope without soap, chaps. Libertarian Skins - anarcho-skins with a few bob in the bank.

ELF - the English Liberation Front, secretive underground group committed to an English revolution; not to be confused with the EDL who aren't. EDL - English Defence League, started on the terraces of Luton as an anti-Islamist protest movement; their ranks were swelled by hooligans from all over the UK but appear to have been rapidly infiltrated by the far-Right, possibly because the far-Left started calling them fascists. Skins Against The Nazis - short-lived group set up by Arsenal supporters in 1978.

Red Skins - there were quite a lot of these back in the day, but in the UK they were tarnished by their links to terrorists. Maoists - there were even a couple of Maoist skins around in the early 70s, and a heavy Dutch band called The Rondos who were about in the late 70s/early 80s and were often called Maoists but weren't; they used Maoist imagery but were far to the Left of Maoism. (The best-known Maoist band were Prairie Fire, Yanks who were drawn to punk only to be completely let down when Mick Jones told them the Clash were just using revolution to sell records).

Tory Skins - the Thatcher Firm! A sizeable minority but they have never been vocal or organised because they're too busy making money. Apolitical skins - probably still the majority; I asked for information, but the apathetic bastards wouldn't fill in the forms. Mosley Boys - small aging and largely inactive sect of little serious intent; known for their distinctive black Ben Shermans, the Mosley Boys struggle to explain how Sir Oswald's belief in the supreme heights of Western culture could reasonably be stretched to include the poems of Barney Rubble etc. NF - National Front, a near-dead UK Nazi-run party; linked to Rock Against Communism and later the White Music Club run by Nick Griffin which robbed rightwing skinhead-punk bands blind.

Oi Against Racism - started as a tour in 1981, OAR tours still take place in Germany. Red Action - "squaddist" group of street-fighting anti-fascists expelled from the SWP for their enthusiasm for violence; now defunct, Red Action put on Oi Against Racism shows in the early 80s and had close ties to the IRA. Skin Fein - IRA supporting skinheads back in the 80s, more a gang than an organisation; many prominent/infamous Loyalist prisoners were also ex-skinheads (ironically perhaps the Catholic skins were more likely to be Skrewdriver fans). Oi The Party - proposed by the nefarious Ministry of Delusion; not yet unleashed on the world and may merge with the PPGB (ibid). The League of Umpire Loyalists - my mistake, these are just into cricket.

May 19. Ska News: Our talented mate Nick Welsh takes his acoustic show The Life & Times Of A Ska Man to the Riverside, Sheffield on May 31... the Folkestone Skabour festival has changed its name to the far better Folkestone Ska Splash... and lovable Essex boys the New Town Kings are back with a new singer, Dabs...

Superyob’s ‘Glad to be grey’ gig in Bedford last night was sparsely attended we hear. The Bitch who did pass through, whispers: “There were under fifty in, many of them grown men not much shy of pension age still wearing DMs, braces and their jeans up their arses. It’s as sad as seeing a 60-year-old Mohican. Still I expect they still look like kids to Frankie.” Ouch! We have nothing against people dressing however the hell they like, but sniffs Fat Col: “Remember how we used to laugh at middle-aged Teds back in the day? Sometimes it’s best to let it go.” (He certainly has! – The Bitch)... The Gonads obviously do not endorse the views of The Bitch or Fat Col. We just hope and pray that the Bitch doesn’t cause trouble down at the Great Skinhead Reunion in Brighton at the end of the month.

Here’s our favourite shop page for old and new Ska sounds.

Midweek Update. May 16. Okay folks, Street Sounds issue three is definitely out now, featuring Pauline Black, Argy Bargy, Infa Riot, King Hammond, Punks In Prague, London Books, Mod and Casual news and much more. It’s on sale here. We’re backing this mag all the way because it is for and about our culture, it’s written by participants not voyeurs, and it’s real grit, not plastic pop poop.

It was a fine turn-out for the Punk Rock Curry Club on Tuesday, with the Old Firm Casuals, Steve Whale, Daryl from Cock Sparrer, Roi and JJ from the Last Resort, Jethro and Carrie from Buster Shuffle, the PM, Robin Guy, Richard England and Vive Le Rock’s Eugene Butcher among the many who made the trip – the Chelsea contingent swerved it to go to Amsterdam for the match, whereas Gal “phoned in sick” (Wimp – Ed). But this is interesting: without the drinkers, John King, Gal, Manic Esso, Mark Wyeth from Symarip and Chelsea Dom, we’re told that the price per head was a measly score. With them the bill per head is at least double that – as it was the night before at Gal’s rowdy B-Oi-fday Bash at That Turkish Place beloved by Pranksters and the Eltham Young Hounds.

Random news: The Cockney Rejects movie East End Babylon will finally be released on DVD on June 17th... Martin Lewis from Bad Manners will be joining the SkaNads on keyboards for studio work, the band is still looking for a live organist... here’s a trailer for the new Johnny Moped movie... Finally if you want a good night out in London this weekend, Buster Shuffle are supporting Chas & Dave at the O2 on Saturday. Now that’s entertainment...

The Dropkick Murphys have released an iTunes charity ep to raise cash for the victims of the Boston Marathon bombing. It features a newer version of their ‘Rose Tattoo’ song, with contributions from Bruce Springsteen, plus live, acoustic recordings of ‘Don't Tear Us Apart’ and ‘Jimmy Collins's Wake’ – all for $1.29. Every penny raised goes to the victims fund... AC/DC are backing plans to erect a statue of Bon Scott in his home town of Kirriemuir, Scotland...

STOP PRESS: The Beast has moved decisively to end the confusion hanging over this band. Nacho Jase and South Coast Steve have been granted leave of absence, and with immediate effect, Mark McMighty and Paul SkaNad replace them on lead guitar and drums, joining Gal and Mick Maverick. Said the Beast: “Nothing will be allowed to derail the Gonads’ plans for our final seven months of existence.” New gigs in England and Germany are expected to be announced after the release of ‘Built For Destruction’ and songs from the new album, including ‘Oblivion’ and ‘C’Mon Motherfucker’, will feature in a revised set which is also likely to include ‘Beano’ and ‘Oi Along The Watchtower’ for the very first time. Other band additions may be forthcoming and a promo video will be shot. The Beast explained: “This split is amicable and indeed may be temporary but we are a punk rock institution, there is no way on earth that this great band will play second fiddle to ukuleles and folk fuckwittery.” He added: “The clock is ticking. On December 31 everything changes. There are 231 days left to experience the Gonads. We are about to release the greatest album we have ever made and after that we are going out in proper, pukka Ziggy Stardust style.” As the Pranksters would say: so mote it be.

May 13. Happy b-oi-fday to Gal, 48 years old today (are you sure? – Ed). To celebrate we’re closing down this blog and getting smashed for a week. See ya later, masturbators.

Bollocks. A potential Gonads Stoke gig in August and two plum dates in Germany this October have been scuppered by band members having commitments to live shows with their other projects. We can’t name them for fear of reprisals, we’ll just refer to them as ‘JN’ (anagram) and ‘SC fucking S’. The Beast reacted to the news with a smile akin to that of a shark dropped into a tank full of haddock but said simply: “If we weren’t retiring at the end of the year, I’d be minded to replace them with musicians who are younger, more reliable and with a proper sense of priorities.” But we are, so that’s the end of it. Unless... well, Fat Col, who can be as cunning as a fox schooled by Peter Mandelson in the art of duplicity, reckons he has a plan to “fill the gap.” Hmm. Watch this space.

More bad news. It seems we can’t even go down Clark’s pie & mash shop in Exmouth market later this month, because with heavy heart Tottenham Sean advises us that it closed down about six weeks ago. Says Sean: ‘To say I am gutted is an understatement. Clark’s was my favourite P&M shop of them all. We even started the SDF, my old skinhead mob’s reunion there with double pie and double mash all round. I was inconsolable for days. Why is it we live and work in the greatest city in the world and the powers that be seem hell bent on ruining it?’ Beats the hell out of us, mate.

May 12. Some Mod pals want to organise a fund-raiser for Acid Jazz label boss Eddie Piller to help him through his difficult time with illness. But a passing cynic notes: “If there were any justice in the world, the money raised would not reach Ed’s bank account until at least eighteen months after it was due, and after the organisers had helped themselves to a hefty undeserved ‘commission’... ” Whatever can he mean?

Fears grow for the future of our FrankenSkin, who is said to be acting “like some bestial Shirley Temple” and succumbing to temper tantrums. Among Frank’s many outrageous post-Croydon demands are 1) a longer slot on stage 2) a whole ox and vestal virgin (gender unspecified) on every gig rider and 3) even cheekier, he wants to sing on stage with us as well as dance. We never had this problem with FB or The Beast!

The Street Dogs and Pirates Press Records are helping to raise cash for the Richard family (richardfamilyfund.org) whose young son was killed while his younger sister and mother were seriously injured in the Boston Marathon bombings. The Dogs are offering a $5 virtual donation package which includes a re-mastered studio and live version of ‘In Defense Of Dorchester’, plus a live video of the track. The physical donation package comes with a t-shirt, badge, and sticker as well as the downloads, and will cost UK buyers £22.80. All proceeds go to The Richard Family Fund. More info here.

Good luck to Stief A Billy as he records his solo album today with a handpicked team including our own Mick Maverick and Paul from the SkaNads. It’s a shame that certain members of the Nads family are sniping at the great man. Sandra Lane, our moral conscience, has hit out at Stief’s very catchy ‘P.H.A.T. Girl’ song, saying “spelling fat p-h-a-t doesn’t make it less offensive to women.” While that old curmudgeon Fat Col (definitely not p-h-a-t) was heard moaning that ‘Southend Rhapsody’ “don’t make sense, parts of Spain are like Essex on the Med, so what’s he banging on about?” Don’t ask us. The knockers and naysayers will be choking on their words soon however as we hear Stief’s ‘Cocaine’ song is set to be featured on the soundtrack of a new action movie.

May 11. Interesting. Fit Bird pauses, mid-vajazzle, to tell us that Gal is working on a new one-man spoken word show, “full of rib-tickling punk and rock anecdotes an’ that”; although it probably won’t be unveiled in public until next year’s Edinburgh Festival. In other actual news, Nads bass ace Mick Maverick guests on Stief A Billy’s solo album, recorded this weekend; the Orgasm Guerrillas are looking for a singer “with an operatic range”, the Beast has been re-installed as Gonads manager and the SkaNads are still trying out Hammond organists but they expect to make an announcement soon.

E ora sono qui some more shots from Genoa, for your delight and edification...

PIX SENT SEPARATELY HERE PLEASE

And here are the lovely Pukes performing their new single, a cover of Sparrer’s ‘Because You’re Young’ – out on Damaged Goods, May 27th:

Meanwhile Chelsea Dom, the bard of Bromley, has supplied these suggested dishes for Slippery Lee Wilson’s Skunx Cafe venture: Angelic Pop Tarts, Smoothie & The Banshees, Theatre of Cake, Iggy Slop, Ducky Boys a l’orange...

Talking grub, next Tuesday night sees the latest Punk Rock Curry Club get-together at a select location in South London. If you haven’t been invited it’s probably because Steve Whale thinks you’re a knob. Upsetting yes, but you’re an adult, deal with it.

May 10. If you’re thinking of buying this new Ben Sherman book, 50 Years Of Style and Culture don’t bother. Our pal Robert splashed out 30sovs on it only to discover that it’s full of ridiculous factual errors, including the probably libellous claim that the Rejects were headlining the Hambrough Tavern on the night of the Southall riot. They weren’t even on the bill. Elsewhere a picture of early Chelsea Casuals in the West Stand at Stamford Bridge is labelled as Arsenal. It’s written by a birdbrain called Josh Sims who claims to have worked for the Financial Times, probably as a paper boy. On this showing we wouldn’t trust him to number the pages in the right order.

Our mate Rodger asks us to give the Soul Partizans launch party a plug, so here goes. It’s a night for independent labels and unsigned acts next Friday (17th) at the Caves in Farringdon Lane, London EC1. Live bands include Natural Self, Lea Lea and Miniature Cities. Definitely one for the young, hip and groovy – so if it’s okay with you Rodge we’ll go down Clark’s pie shop instead.

There’s an Texan Oi compilation, handily called Oi! The Texas Volume 1, out on 1st June, featuring, it says here: “twelve of the finest Streetpunk/Oi! bands in Texas”. The release party is on 15th June at Bull McCabe’s in Austin. We don’t know the bands, we haven’t heard the songs but we sure as hell like Texas.

STOP PRESS: Gal Johnson released from nick next Thursday, according to our man on the case, The Beast...

May 10. Hallelujah! The mystery of our missing album has been solved – it was all down to under-paid postage, and the masters are currently languishing at Charlton’s Royal Mail depot. But that’s okay because engineer Pat Collier (ex-Vibrators) came to our rescue yesterday and knocked out a brand new mix which is already in the post (with the right stamps) to Randale Records. Thanks Pat. (The dodgy ‘kidnap’ messages we’d received were obviously just the work of a cruel and malicious wind-up merchant, almost certainly slippery Lee Wilson). The only downside was we didn’t get the word to Stief in time. Our rockabilly enforcer spent the day offering out some of the hardest firms in South London on our behalf. This is how he came back...

Randomarama: The Street Dogs are streaming their new three track e.p. Rustbelt Nation – it’s out now on Pirate’s Press... The original East End Badoes are busy rehearsing their next e.p. which will include a cover of ‘The Harder They Come’ and new song ‘We Beat The Blitz’... Billie Joe Armstrong has branded 'Gangam Style' singer Psy “the herpes of music” which is a terrible insult. To herpes.

May 8. Certain messages that we received yesterday about ‘Built For Destruction’ suggest that it really has been nicked; one in the form of an untraceable email describes our new songs as “lewd, lascivious, salacious, outrageous!” So they must have heard them... We’re not going to let this rest. We are sending out our top enforcer to hunt down the tealeaves. Bad men tremble when they hear his name – for the hero of Harlow, rockabilly revel, Essex’s answer to Duncan Norvelle, our very own FrankenSkin, the Stief A Billy himself is tooled-up and on the case. Yeah, the scum will live to regret the day they crossed us...

Poor Frankie Flame had a bit of bovver over in Sweden last weekend. He went clubbing after his show, like any sprightly 93-year-old might do, and popped outside for a fag only for the Russian bouncers to rudely refuse to let him back in. They also accused Frank of dealing and doing drugs! Ridiculous. The Flame doesn’t chase the dragon! They just come to his gigs and throw their sopping wet bloomers and incontinence pants at the stage. A spokesman for Frankie certainly didn’t say: “He doesn’t get treated like this at the Lewisham Darby & Joan Club... ”.

Song of the day: ‘Laced Up’ from Victory

May 7. This is getting beyond a joke. Now the master-tape of ‘Built For Destruction’ has gone missing somewhere between Forest Hill and Charlton Village. A grim-faced Fat Col tells us: “Either this is deliberate sabotage by the taste police or the album has been stolen by our many jealous rivals... ” Hmm. He then muttered: “Or it could be just lost in the post because some tightwad didn’t pay 70p extra for it to go recorded delivery.” (And would that feckwit tightwad be one Gannon, C.? – Curious Ed). Whatever the truth this latest set-back is as welcome as an 1980s celebrity at a girls’ school.

Record news: ‘Down In The Dirt’, the first new Black Flag song for 27 years is available to download here. It’s proper tuneless and painful, writhing about like Liam Gallagher being force-fed a bucket-load of blue peanut M&Ms.

We saw punk turned comic Mark Rough at a comedy charity night in Southend last night. He is as funny as fuck. Proper working class humour, biting one-liners, down-to-earth attitude. No wonder he’s not on telly...

May 6. Lee Wilson is pursuing his dream of opening a skunk cafe and asks you our gentle readers to supply more dishes for the menu. So far he’s got the Infa Fry-Up, Eddie & The Hot Dogs, a Cress salad, loaded potato 4-Skins with extra cheese, Frankie Flame-grilled burgers, the Billy Bragfast (served on left of the plate, may cause severe wind), Sharon Stiletto’s Sausage Surprise, Generation Eggs, breakfast UK subs and the Condemned Tasty Four (not available on the Mensi Menu, may leave an unpleasant after-taste)... All meals served with free tap water... in a paper bag from twenty feet above your head.

Track of the day: Tim Timebomb & Friends cover version of Rancid’s ‘Hyena’, just out...

The Crunch - the punk super-group featuring Mick Geggus, Dave Tregunna, Terry Chimes and Sulo - have announced their debut UK live date; they play upstairs at London's Garage on 5th June.

The Paradimes will play the Specials' pre-show (and after show) party in Leicester on 19th May at The Donkey music bar, Welford Rd Leicester (10 mins walk from Demontfort Hall). Plus Ska-Amanga and Ska DJ. Live music from 4-30pm; food + barbeque available. Ska-Amanga on stage 4-30pm; The Paradimes on stage 6pm. Admission: £5 - or £4 if you show your Specials tickets on the door.

May 5. Word is filtering back from last night’s big Oi! gig in Genoa. Brilliant Italian band Klasse Kriminale were dubbed “the best in Europe” by Paul ‘Stalin of Style’ Hallam, while Gal says Infa Riot were “impressively tight” (especially drummer Alex) although if you’re interested in trivial things like an actual review, you’d best buy yourself issue 3 of Street Sounds, as the presses have been held to umm ‘slip it in’... Gal and Paul were invited along to DJ, but didn’t start their set until 2.30am on Sunday morning. We detect some tension between the erstwhile buddies as we’re told Stalin wasted the entire afternoon on a Tony Feedback-style walking tour to 1) “look for a bank”, which mostly involved going up and down windy alleys in the red light district, and 2) he then set off on a search for “a tomato-free pizza”, as Hallam doesn’t “do tomatoes” (or sat-nav, Wednesdays, or lately round-buying). When he finally found the tomato-free pizza he moaned that it was “bland and tasteless”; yeah because it was missing something, possibly fucking tomatoes...

The gig was inside a massive squat, run by anarchists, and the mostly young crowd lapped up Street Sounds, 50 copies were sold. We expected the pair to come back with tales of the city’s fine Renaissance art but the only ‘culture’ they and the Infas experienced was an Oi! pub serving London Pride on draft, decked out with punk and skin memorabilia, Union Jacks, a West Ham banner and the Cross of St George (he’s their patron saint as well as England’s.) Back at the venue, slippery Lee ‘Daktari’ Wilson was up to his old water bomb tricks, giving bassist Ozzy a neat soaking from the dressing room window high above the stage. Thinking it had been thrown by Barry Damery, poor Oz chucked his beer over the guitarist. Chaos was only averted when Lee’s giggling face was spotted ten feet above, like the ghost of pranksters past. What else? Well, Gal revealed another string to his sporting bow by thrashing Hallam’s wretched ‘Team Mod’ at table football (10-1, 10-2, 10-0) before leaping on stage with Klasse Kriminale to croon ‘White Riot’. The lads’ Ska set went down well for the first hour... but then a drunken Hallam killed the mood by slipping on Sham 69’s ‘Rip-Off’ and shouting loudly “Tim Scargill’s the real Sham!” The house lights were immediately turned on and the punters quickly evacuated. DJ? The man’s a buffoon.

*Can this be true? We hear that there are attempts to set up a punk-Oi-Ska supergroup consisting of Spizz on vocals, Max Splodge on drums, Andy ‘Scoops’ on bass and Nick Welsh on guitar. Their name? How about Round-Dodgers Feckin’ United? No doubt they’ll be swiftly signed by Acid Jazz.

May 4: May the fourth be with you... some good news. The gremlins have been sorted, the ghosts in the machine dispatched and Gal’s latest podcast is finally up and running on Bloodstock Radio - featuring tracks from the Great Malarky, Noise Agents, Missing Andy, Booze & Glory, the Upsessions, The Straps, Goldblade, the Tennysons, the Skoidats, Closed Shave, RDB, Bonescrusher, and more plus studio guests Iron Maiden legend Dennis Stratton, Stief from the Noxious Toyz and a passing Stalin...

The London International Ska Festival has launched a new label and Social Club called Hotshot and Scorcher, whose first release will be the London International Ska Festival 2013 Collectors’ CD featuring previously unreleased, rare and exclusive cuts from 100 Men featuring the great Mik Whitnall (of Babyshambles), Pama International Meets Wrongtom, The Sidewalk Doctors, Potato 5 & Laurel Aitken, Pama Intl meets Manasseh and Ed Rome - available now from here - more releases will follow.

Stop Press: our best wishes to Oi! poet Garry Johnson, currently in Chelmsford Prison for reasons we have yet to discover.

May 3. Gal flies off to beautiful Genoa tomorrow for a spot of DJing with Infa-Riot and Paul ‘Toes’ Hallam (Stalin of Style)... no doubt some kind of report will seep through eventually.

Record noos: well-respected Boston chaps the Welch Boys release their new album, Bring Back the Fight next month on Sailor's Grave Records... Jenny Woo’s My Vengeance album also comes out on Randale in June, featuring 14 unreleased tracks.

Danny Garcia/Chip Baker films who brought us The Rise & Fall of The Clash are about to unveil Sad Vacation, a definitive film on John ‘Sid’ Richie's fall from grace in NYC. Featuring: Sylvain Sylvain (New York Dolls), Bob Gruen (rock n roll photographer), Cynthia Ross (The B Girls), Kenny Stinker Gordon (Pure Hell) and more. Trailer here.

May 2. The new action-packed issue of StreetSounds is available to pre-order from here - featuring Matt Worley’s chat with The Selecter’s spiky Pauline Black, four meaty pages of Argy Bargy, that old rogue King Hammond, Punk In Prague, John King on London Books, Klub Foot recalled, Chelsea Dom’s Diary, plus news, reviews & much more. All for £2. Bargain! (We’re told ordered mags will be despatched a week today as some advertisers still haven’t supplied their artwork.)

At last the return of... Controversy Corner! Allegations have trickled in that, if true, could possibly undermine the heroic accounts of the Gonads’ team’s glorious Quasar victory at the Battle of Bromley. For starters it’s now been claimed that the opposition ‘Team Herbert’ consisted almost entirely of children. A clearly flustered Fat Col denied the charge explaining that “Some of them were teenagers, some as old as 14, and you know how nifty them saucepans can be around a bit of laser technology.” Colin Gannon is 55.

May 1st Happy May Day! Before you nip off Morris dancing with the PM, here’s a quick round-up of exciting stuff...

1) For starters, the final mix of our ‘Built For Destruction’ album was completed yesterday. All agree that in terms of song-writing it is the best Gonads album to date, and according to Fat Col “a definite return to the true Gonads spirit... a proper punch up the trousers.” The full track listing is: ‘C’mon Motherfucker’, ‘Oblivion’, ‘Punch Punch (Your Fuckwit Head)’, ‘Ugly Town’, ‘Glorious’, ‘Dogging In Dartford’, ‘Diana Schuler’, ‘Harry May’s Revenge’, ‘Still Coming Blood’, ‘Dying For A Pint’, ‘Cunt Tease’, ‘My Cousin’s Niece’, ‘Charlton Warrior’, ‘We Are The Boys’; bonus track ‘Stroke My Beachcomber Baby’ (1977 version – to remind you how pathetique we used to be!). There are a couple of minor last minute hitches but we’re confident that, after months of controversy, rows and legal wrangles the album will be on sale by the end of June. Phew.

2) We hope to announce more Gonads gigs soon – in Birmingham, Bedford, Bavaria, Barrow-in-Furness and other places beginning with B. Gal meanwhile is confirmed to be appearing at Rebellion discussing his books with John Robb.

PS. We were wrong yesterday. Our spin-off band The SkaNads are due to play the big Skamouth Festival in October – “if line-up issues are sorted”. Sorry for any confusion.

As you may know Gal is editing a definitive, exhaustive and above-all truthful history of Oi. To make this book as good as it can possibly be, we need your help. The publisher needs pictures of bands and fans, flyers, old gig tickets etc. If you have any of those please contact footballculture@hotmail.de.

RIP our old mate Nosher Powell, actor, stuntman, diamond geezer and in his own words “a big, ugly bastard.” Fred started his film career as a teenager, on a horse with a lance at Agincourt in Henry V but became a market porter, professional boxer (he sparred with Ali) and a professional minder. He was a giant character, and also a big fan of Bushell On The Box, which makes him all right in our book (it’s a very dirty book though). Oi Oi that’s yet lot, get yer Maypoles out and find a queen to crown.

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