July 14th. In exactly seventeen days, we will have our new album Built For Destruction here at Gonads HQ. If you want to pre-order the controversial CD, just go to the Shop page. Built For Destruction features fifteen great tracks including our incredibly rare first-ever single ‘Stroke My Beachcomber Baby’ as bonus. Here is a song by song break-down:

1) C’mon Motherfucker – a shorter, sharper version of the track which kick-starts ‘Oi This Is Street-Punk Vol 3’, ‘Motherfucker’ takes rock’n’roll back to Joey Ramone's garage, yowling and scuttling along to an addictive sing-along chorus. This is Gal Gonad/Mark McMighty anthem is about “getting back to boots."

2) Oblivion – pure, unadulterated backstreet rock celebrating sex and drugs and rock'n'roll and exploding in the gritty gap between punk and Motorhead.

3) Punch, Punch (Your Fuckwit Head) – a bad-tempered diatribe that takes the piss out of clichéd bands who keep trotting out the same old tired bollocks. This number is a dark rhythmic soup with a satirical spine and an angry mob chorus.

4) Ugly Town (tribute to Nabat). Politicians get it in the neck on this unconventional but oddly infectious sing-along inspired by the great Italian Oi band Nabat.

5) Glorious – a monster terrace anthem from the legendary Gal Bushell/Clyde Ward song-writing team; Oi meets Slade in the East Stand with beautiful melodic lead from Nacho.

6) Dogging In Dartford also known as 'Not Cheryl Baker', this is a bad taste bonanza of filth with an unforgettable chorus that hooks right under your skin. Cheryl may never forgive us...

7) Diana Schuler – a dirty souped-up blues tribute to Randale’s Diana Schuler, "in honour of her love of streetpunk, her commitment and her fish farm."

8) Harry May’s Revenge – the revamp of an early crowd pleaser only previously available on our live double album from the early 80s. If you can decipher the lyrics you'll see whose side we were on when the Business fell out with Harry's mate, their former manager Fatty Lol.

9) Still Coming Blood – this is part vampire nightmare, part celebration of our Charlton brothers The Blood.

10) Dying For A Pint – a modern re-interpretation of our old reggae number; a protest against nightclub bouncer brutality in North London. Very much a demo, but maybe a pointer to how the SkaNads might develop.

11) Cunt Tease – true story of a Millwall supporting wretch who flew to Munich to shag a fraulein, started stallin' and then completely bottled out. He is rightly denounced.

12) My Cousin’s Niece – also known as Savile’s Lament, this is as bad taste as you can get; its only redeeming features is the Clash reminiscent feel and the fact that the "dirty nonce" meets an awful fate.

13) Charlton Warriors – roll over Scott Gorham and tell Phil Lynott the news; the new Gonads go Lizzy on your arse.

14) We Are The Boys – the second brand new Bushell/Ward number. Today's Gonads are joined by McMighty unleashing blistering lead guitar. This one is heavier than The Hulk in concrete boots. A portent of things to come?

BONUS TRACK 15) Stroke My Beachcomber, Baby (original version) – exactly what it says on the tin, the original version of our first ever single. It's a lot lighter than the more recent recording but, hey, we were poppier and drunker then!

Pirates Press have produced a limited 250 run of Cock Sparrer's vinyl box set 'Essentials', which includes all six studio albums in case-wrapped sleeves, four full live albums and half a ton of singles, picture discs and goodies. It weighs in at 32 sides of remixed, re-mastered, or previously unreleased vinyl, plus a book, two posters, a limited edition metal lapel pin and more... all for the knock-down bargain price of $325 - about £215 without postage. 'Ow much? Strewth! Also out this week: a ten track ep from new hardcore heavyweights Sex Prisoner, it's the bollocks, it's on Bad Teeth Records and it's a lot cheaper.

GENUINE GONADS CLUB OFFER! We are launching Club 77 - see the Shop page for details. It's not a joke, or a rip-off, it's actually a decent idea.

Lee Wilson calls. The Infas' lightening tour of the US and Canada - 13 gigs in 13 days - were "a blast, great fun." But Lee, known as Slippery to his friends, adds: "The first five shows were with Evil Conduct, who ended up fighting each other! We'd do it all again in a flash."

By the way, that Mod exhibition at Northampton Museum & Art Gallery opened yesterday.

Right this blog is now shut until August when we'll be back with relatively big news about the Gonads, the Cockney Rejects and the SkaNads. See ya at Rebellion.

July 7. Following yesterday’s extraordinary entries this blog is closing for a short period of reflection. To clarify matters, there is no ‘Gonadiers’ club, and we do not encourage women to send us revealing pictures of themselves (unless they really want to). The writer is seeking psychiatric help. We apologise for any confusion caused.

Weekend round-up. 6th July. Okay, some bands have ‘armies’, some of them ‘barmy’, but today we’re launching something more exclusive. Just for you, we present the GONADIERS CLUB – a cross between the Grenadier Guards and the Jolly Boys. Membership is FREE except for a small annual fee of £25, for which modest sum you get: a unique membership number, £1 off all purchases in the Gonads Shop, occasional curry recipes, a delivery of Gonuts (Gonads Doughnuts), advance notice of secret gigs and selected Curry Club events, £3 off ticket prices for our shows, and a FREE Live Free Die Free t-shirt. For membership details contact waistrel@the-gonads.co.uk (Why do bands have armies, why not navies or air forces? The navy is traditionally the Senior Service and we feel it should be represented. If enough people sign up to become Gonadiers we’ll be severely tempted to launch a Nads Navy with a grand cider and chips ceremony this Autumn on the Woolwich ferry. All hands on dick.)

If you want to be flag-girl at our gig in Burslem in September or Charlton in November contact the noble Lord Waistrel by email or by manhandling Scrotum, his wrinkled retainer. As you know this band frowns on sexism of any kind, so please don’t repeat the shocking rumour that any woman who sends his Lordship pictures of her naked breasts is guaranteed to get the job unless trumped by a blow-job from Skanky Lil.

Plenty of good stuff happening this Summer, folks. Not least our pals P45 playing the Hop Farm in Tonbridge over the weekend before Rebellion...

Don’t forget this is happening. Cass Pennant is now confirmed for the literary stage too.

Before that, pathetique standard bearers Monkish headline the Dublin Castle, Camden on 27 July with support from youthful Ska band The Great Big Bargain, the ever-busy P45 and PLMB who are described as sounding as if the Cramps teamed up with Voodoo Glow Skulls and put Joey Jordison on vocals... Plus fire eating and a promise of “other wicked waywardness!” Tickets £5 advance or with flyer, or £7 on the door.

Random news: the Cockney Rejects will be signing copies of the East End Babylon DVD (and anything else) at All Ages Records in Camden from 6pm on Tuesday 6 August... the New Badoes ep will include a mash up of two Clash songs, ‘The Prisoner’ and ‘Jail Guitar Doors’ in honour of original bassist Skully... Concrete’s Deadlock album is now available on vinyl...GBH bass-player Ross Lomas has just published his autobiography City Boy (Ignite Books); GBH headline a charity night for Macmillan nurses at the Hairy Dog, Derby, next Saturday 13th with the Restarts, Drongos For Europe and loads more. Tickets £14 in advance, £16 o.t.d.

John King’s so-called Beer Monster Elite has come under heavy fire from a break-away Curry Club group identifying itself as the Galloping Gosht Gourmets (no need to ask why they gallop...). A spokesman complains: “Under King’s regime, there was no planning and we ended up in a bog-standard curry-house serving bland dishes and warm lager.” Harsh but true. He went on: “All JK and his tanked-up cronies care about is getting rat-arsed. We demand a return to quality grub as this club’s over-riding priority.”

Meanwhile, in an unexpected move the PM (aka The Lad Himself, the gurus’ guru) is teaming up with Tony Feedback to open an oi-friendly curry-house in midi France. Colin 'I'm too sexy for my beergut' Gannon will be their financial adviser... which is a bit like getting acting lessons from the Hoff. Is the Terry Hayes Fan Club for real, asks a dubious reader? But of course. For membership details see your Tyler at the next Pranksters lodge meeting.

In a related non-story, a new JP lodge was ‘raised’ or opened last night on the Isle Of Dogs, said by certain sages to be “the omphalos of the order”, although other sources locate the sacred Prankster omphalos above the launderette in the parade of shops opposite the junction of Indus Road and Shooters Hill. The moving ceremony, again conducted by the powerful Scrotes, involved the Burghers downing the sacred goblet of Fleurie several times while chanting the free and accepted words "Oh-ah Freddie Starr, say oh-ah Freddie Starr" and the Mivvy maidens stimulated their mivvies. Thus are the sacred traditions of olde England upheld.

The Erskine Hospital Appeal launched by a couple of Rangers fans a while back, has now raised more than £500,000 - an amazing achievement. There is news on the related Buster’s Ska Battalion charity e.p. in the next issue of Street Sounds apparently.

Chelsea Dom has acted swiftly to suppress the “semi-naked” blackmail picture of his fellow CFC supporter John King. Dom’s loyal Bed-hunter Firm have intercepted and destroyed the shot before it could be published on this or any other public forum. Said a Shed insider: “The photo showed John shirtless, looking puny and pale through lack of good animal protein.” Another Stamford Bridge source commented: “This picture could have set the vegetarian movement back a decade.” (Good! – Fat Col) However some Bromley-based conspiracy theorists question its existence and claim it was actually a shot of Didier Wampass (who looks like an uncanny mix of John Robb and slippery Lee Wilson) which would render this blog thread even more of a waste of everyone's time than it normally is and WHY DON'T YOU DO A PROPER JOB THAT BRINGS IN DECENT MONEY YOU PATHETIC FOOL. (Sorry, domestic).

Out now from Epitaph: new Transplants album In A Warzone, featuring Tim Armstrong (Operation Ivy, Rancid), Travis Barker (Blink-182, The Aquabats) and singer ‘Skinhead Rob’ Aston. It apparently "kicks ass".

July 3. Midweek Madness: last night saw the Punk Rock Curry Club return to its booze and balti roots under the stern gaze of power-crazed John King and his Beer Monster Elite. Hoxton Tom, Gal, Manic Esso, Mark Wyeth, Tony Feedback, Wattsie Watts, Terence Hayes (PM), Paul ‘Stalin’ Hallam, Chelsea Dom and Joe Perfect kicked off the night in the Pride of Spitalfields where apologies for absence were heard from Steve Whale (on location), Peter Hook (in Majorca), and Stinky Turner (at home). Little of the night can be remembered except Wattsie caused a split in the ranks by insisting on going to eat after a mere two hours of drinking (“Never involve women in our club again” – Peter Haynes). But we can reveal that Hooky is now planning on launching a Northern division (onwards to the Curry Mile!) and Stalin is forming a Terry Hayes Fan Club (Dom gets life-time membership free!). John King laughed off blackmail threats from militant meat-eaters (see earlier blog entry) saying “Publish and be damned”; he also chided ‘lightweight defectors’ who shot off early to get their last trains and is now insisting on Southall for the October nosh up – “to test your mettle.” The next official club meet will be in August however, for the traditional Rebellion Ruby in Blackpool.

Many of you have been asking about various aspects of our plans, so it seems only polite to present... Your Questions Answered:

Q. Will the Gonads be retiring at Christmas or is this a wind-up? A. Yes, we’re jacking it in at Xmas, but in the words of Bob Dylan, Ian Rankin and most of the world’s major religions “Death is not the end”. Not always at any rate...

Q. Will Built For Destruction be the last ever Gonads album? A. No decision has been made, but a farewell Greater Hits Volume 3: The Complete Cobblers is a “medium to strong” possibility for late 2014. Q. Any other recording plans? A. We have been noodling (a technical term) away at the idea of a new single, to be recorded early in August if we’re happy with it and everyone is available. At this stage, any new recordings will have to be very special to get the green light.

Q. What about the SkaNads? A. They will record another ep just as soon as they get a permanent keyboard player. It’s unlikely to be this year. There is no rush. Again, any future SkaNads releases will have to be extra special to see the light of day.

Q. Any plans to release rare archive material? A. Not really but there are a few unreleased songs by Gal and Clyde from the 1990s including ‘Mystic Meg’ and ‘Give Her A Dog’, and we would like to appeal to anyone in the Charlton area who might have a copy of ‘Ripper’s Delight’ or live recordings of any of the old songs like ‘Darling Harold’ and ‘The Legend of Sam Bartram’..

Q. What news on the book front? A. Gal is 15,000 words away from finishing the new Harry Tyler novel. Oi – The Book is still a work in progress, but “rapid progress is being made”. The publisher still want your pictures, ticket stubs, fanzine covers and any other illustrations you can supply to make the book as good as it can be.

Q. Are there any plans to assemble all of your fittest flag girls for a farewell performance? A. Only in our dreams.

Q. Will there really be a Gonads film? A. There is a script. There is a casting director. There is a producer, a director and a soundtrack. All that’s missing is the dosh! These things take a long time but we would love to see it happen.

If you have any other questions you’d like answered, serious or otherwise, please send them to waistrel@the-gonads.co.uk. In the meantime Lord Waistrel is looking to recruit a “young, rock/metal vocalist with a great rock voice and performance skills for a major new venture”. If that’s you, get in touch.

Hello, Buddy Ascott presents....

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