July 29. Morning punters, Fat Col here. Some big old news just broke, and as no other bugger is about to tell you it, I’ve stepped into the breach. Yep, incredible though it may sound, Jimmy Pursey and Dave Parsons have papered over their differences and Sham 69 are back. That’s the real Sham 69, not a load of twonks you’ve never heard of. The chaps – Jimmy, Dave, Dave Tregunna and Mark Cain (that’s the classic 1977 line-up) - have just confirmed a show at Electric Brixton (the old Fridge) on October 29. Tickets will cost a score – hey little rich boy! - and they’re on sale today. ’Ave it!

I understand that there is some pukka Gonads news to come next week, but while I’m here, I just heard that The Who are bringing out a special 'Director's Cut' boxset of Quadrophenia in November. It’ll come with previously unheard demos, an exclusive eight-track 5.1 Sound DVD (whatever that is), a hard-back book, photos and other memorabilia. It’s also coming out as double vinyl version. Things it won’t come with: that ‘book’ Pete Townshend was supposed to be researching, the ‘I Can See For Miles’ Peeping Tom customised telescope, explicit photos from the sick bastard’s hard-drive that the cops didn’t destroy, and a special pervert-friendly version of the Who’s ‘Pictures Of Lilly’, ‘Pictures Of Willy’ (continued up the Newbridge).

July 26. RIP Gill Gale, the larger than life Cockney character passed away this morning. East Londoner Gill, who was once one of Desmond Dekker's dancers was a fervent Gonads fan. She was also the sister of the late West Ham terrace legend Billy Gale. Our love to Gill's family. She was a wonderful woman and will be much missed.

Normal lacklustre, insubstantial and slightly irritating blog service will return some time in August.

July 22. Desert Oi-Land sounds so great we’re going to pop over ourselves for a week or so.

Here are the Woking Wonder’s desert island picks: Tin Soldier - Small Faces, September In The Rain - Dinah Washington, Better Get Hit In Yo’ Soul - Charles Mingus, Don’t Be A Drop Out - James Brown, Arabesque No 1 – Debussy, Galileo (Someone Like You) - Declan O’Rourke, River Man - Nick Drake, That’s Enough – Roscoe.

Paul’s book is Absolute Beginners by Colin MacInnes. His film is A Clockwork Orange. And instead of a TV box-set, he requested a settee to sit on. Weller’s new clothing collection is on sale via Liam Gallagher’s Pretty Green fashion label.

Loads more great Desert Oi-Land stars when we return.

Mods are heading back to Brighton this August bank holiday for an action-packed weekender. Sat & Sunday daytime are at the Volks Tavern 200 yards east of Brighton Pier and entry is FREE both afternoons. Saturday will feature THE HIGHER STATE, THREE VICARS and MARMALADE SKY. Sunday has the Scooter competition at 15.00 followed by a cruise to Beachy Head and back and a open decks DJ session. Both days will feature DJs and a Mod market flogging records, vintage and bespoke clothes, art and memorabilia. Plus there’s an exhibition devoted to sixties Mod legends The Action. The full programme is here.

Random news: The Bermondsey Joyriders open for Jello Biafra at the Islington O2 arena on August 6th.... Clockwork Orange will be turned into a stage musical with lyrics and songs by its original author, Anthony Burgess. The musical described as a "re-visioning of the story" will be performed in Manchester next year, as part of the 50th anniversary of the novel...

July 21. STOP PRESS: RIP Pat Mancini who died today. Known as the Queen of Blackpool, Pat was a great friend to comedians, bands and entertainers. She even put up with us, laying on hotel rooms, rehearsal space and late night sandwiches at the Queens whenever we played Blackpool. Gal says: “I knew Pat for fifteen years and she was an absolute diamond. I’ve lost track of the times I stayed with her, and all the glorious nights sitting late into the night there drinking with the likes of Mick Miller, Chubby Brown, Johnnie Casson, Bobby Ball, Roy Walker, Frank Carson, Buddy Lee and many other immortal comedy legends. The great Joe Longthorne is dedicating his show tonight at the Opera House to her memory. She was a marvellous woman and she lived life to the full. We’ll drink to her tonight – it’s what she would have wanted.”

July 21. In the world of Mod, there are few figures as legendary as today’s guest on Desert Oi-Land. It’s only the Stalin of Style, Paul Hallam Esquire - DJ, publican, and the man they call “the gurus’ guru.” Tragically though Paul has blotted his copy-book with one seriously unseemly song choice, but the rest of his eight tracks are pretty cool: Strawberry Fields Forever – The Beatles (“a bit obvious but pop music at its very best”), Magic Touch – Melba Moore (“I’m a rubbish self-conscious dancer but if I were alone on an island nobody could see me...”), Green Onions – Booker T & The MGs (“Music that shaped my life!”), I Feel Love –

Paul’s TV choice is The Prisoner deluxe box-set. Film: Robot Monster (“the Citizen Kane of 1950 B-movies”). Book: The Longman Chronicle of the World (“1100 pages, loads of pictures and not too many big words.”)

Tomorrow an even bigger Mod name – some would argue the biggest in the world...

Hush now rude boize! The next King Hammond gig is at Club Ska, the 100 Club on Saturday 30th July, with special guest, Too Many Crooks, Swagga & The Skanx plus Club Ska DJ's. Tickets here: www.wegotttickets.com

How much of an anarchist is Steve Ignorant these days? A lot of crusties are up in arms about his Last Supper gig at Shepherd's Bush in November, specifically because he tried to ban support group The Mob from playing another gig in a completely different part of London the night before. Ignorant notes on his blog: ‘It’s normal with big shows to ask the supports not to book any other gigs in the same town for two weeks either side, but we tried to be reasonable and ask for two nights. The Mob felt that financially the gig the night before ours was better for them, so they said they couldn't do our gig.’ Hmm, so the old Crass man now thinks he’s Harvey Goldsmith? One fan notes: ‘As for this exclusivity thing being “normal for big shows” well I always thought of you guys as being different and a bit apart from the usual rock ’n' roll business…’ Another disgruntled fan says: ‘Personally I would love to have seen the Mob playing with yous, and really don’t think it would have taken anything from the show having them play the night before somewhere else. Like you said ‘the night is nearly sold out’ so how would it have taken anything away?’ And in a similar vein: ‘I also can’t see why The Mob playing the night before would take anything away from the show. I’m coming down from Scotland for the gig, and getting to see The Mob as well would have been amazing as I probably won’t get chance to see them elsewhere. I couldn’t have cared less if they played every night in every pub in London between now and November 19th, as long as they were on the bill at Shepherds Bush.’ A Mob fan states that their decision ‘had nothing to do with money and everything to do with a) what The Mob’s fans wanted and b)objecting to being told when and where they can and can’t play.’ He goes on: ‘The show the night before won’t be “pretty much the same show” as there are five other bands playing and the Mob will be playing an hour long set (they were only offered a 30 minute set at the Last Supper).’ Ignorant says that ‘If by chance anyone bought a ticket specifically because they wanted to see The Mob, they can get a refund on the ticket price from Southern (www.southern.com/shop).’ A good idea, get your dosh back and go see The Mob instead! Some authorities – Montgomery Burns, Satan, the Taliban etc – reportedly support Steve’s stance. But most anarchist punks say: ‘So what if they are playing the night before? What the fuck happened to the spirit of punk for fucks sake?’ Say no to career punk! Say yes to the Mob!

Matters arising from the last Punk Rock curry night: Lars tells us that the name of his Old Firm Casuals was NOT inspired by Rangers v Celtic but rather from his old US skinhead gang. Lars also came out in support of Obama over his stance on the debt ceiling. Mercifully Palin worshipper Fat Col wasn’t there at the time. When he found out the porky rebel fumed: “The problem with Obama is that he’s run out of other people’s money to spend.”

Chelsea Dom’s caption for his own picture: 'Yes Jon, I'm THAT pleased to see you.' We knew it!

Hardcore revivalists Cerebral Ballzy release a new self-titled album next week...very much in the old Black Flag/Circle Jerks vein.

Prankster news: There are moves afoot to try and strip the PM of his ‘Perfect’ Master title and downgrade him to IM (Imperfect Master) over a “series of absent-minded cock-ups” and “frustration caused by his persistent non-attendance of important Prankster events.” The puffed-up rebels – led by a certain Morose Mike of Margate – want the great man to be summoned to Prankster HQ, much like the Murdochs were summoned to Parliament, and be asked to explain himself in a three hour grilling. But loyalist Effete El says that the move is “unconstitutional” and “without the presence of adequate security, it could constitute a public safety issue.” Besides, he adds, “he’s likely to forget to show up.” Insiders say the important issue is likely to be determined by whether or not he buys us the Chinese he promised before the month is out. Wendi Deng would do nicely. More on Tel tomorrow when he turns up in Caption Corner...

True story: a Swedish heavy metal fan has had his musical preferences officially classified as a disability. Roger Tullgren, 42, enlisted three shrinks who agreed that he needed this to avoid being discriminated against. One signed a form saying: ‘Roger feels compelled to show his heavy metal style. This puts him in a difficult situation on the labour market. Therefore he needs extra financial help’. The headbanger is now entitled to copious state benefits. What a bleedin’ racket! But wait, if this works for people with long hair and tats, and it catches on over here, then surely no crustie, goth or bonehead would ever work again. “Yes, I would like to edit The Lady for you, madam, but I’ve got ‘Evil Conduct’ tattooed on my forehead and this tends to put people off. I do need a small sum from the state to keep me in scrumpy, pork scratchings and Gonads albums however. £200? That’ll do nicely...”

July 20. It’s a Mod, Mod, Mod World on Desert Oi-Land all week, and taking up prime position in the typically tropical hammock today is dynamite drummer Brett ‘Buddy’ Ascott of South East London’s finest The Chords (and more recently, Pope – as recommended by Grant Fleming.)

Buddy’s eight song choices are: I Can See For Miles – The ’Oo (“and if one more DJ fades it out too early I’ll drown their puppy in petrol…”), You Say You Don’t Love Me – the Buzzcocks (“Could just as easily have been I Don’t Mind, or I Believe…”), Complete Control – The Clash (“or White Man… or Straight To Hell…”), The Unguarded Moment – The Church (“The best thing out of Australia, ever, apart from Austen Tayshus”), I Say A Little Prayer – Aretha Franklin (“forever and ever…”), Sensitize – That Petrol Emotion (“Best track from a blinding album”), Common People - William Shatner (“yes, that one; social satire replaced by unmitigated anger – courtesy of Joe Jackson on backing vox!”), I Walk The Earth – Voice Of The Beehive (“Woody’s finest moment”). That’s eight but Bud also tries to smuggle in On The Bench – The Ruts with West One, Camper Van Beethoven’s Take The Skinheads Bowling and Dennis Brown with Money In My Pocket…

His film is Angelheart) (“Not just because of Lisa Bonet, but that helps…”). Book – Papillion by Henri Charriere (“just to cheer me up as I’ll know someone’s worse off than me!”). TV Box set: 15 Storeys High by and starring Sean Lock (“an undervalued genius”).

Tomorrow, Millwall’s own Paul Hallam, ‘The Stalin of Style’.

The Old Firm Casuals flew into London yesterday for their tour, and naturally made a bee-line for South London where they were greeted by a fine array of oi-oi dignitaries including Gal, Steve Whale, Mark ‘Symarip’ Wyeth, Manic Esso, Robin Guy (from The Business, The Blades, Control, GMT), Fat Col Gannon and the Straw Hayes (the real PM having let us down as usual, in this case to have a crisis meeting with his conscience). There was some minor aggravation when Esso begged us to include his appalling song choices on Desert Oi-Land (Lady Gaga, Boy George, The Communards, Tom Robinson, Rolf Harris’s ‘Two Little Boys’, the Village People, the London Diehards etc – we politely declined) and also when it kicked off in the Taylor’s Chalk like Wendi Deng Murdoch in a temper. But all round it was a good do and we send our fraternal wishes to the OFC who storm into their UK tour in Bristol tonight – we’ll see you firm-handed in Tunbridge Wells, boys.

*Caption Corner. Scores of pithy captions have flooded in for yesterday’s Chelsea Dom caption contest, the joint prizewinners being: “And that’s how you get into the Jolly Pranksters” from Charlton Tel, and "Carlsberg don't make blackmail photos, but if they did...." from Batttttty. Runner-up captions include: “It looked bigger last night!”; “That’s what I call a Bell-End Badoe!”, “We’re not gay, we just help them out when they get busy”. “That’s too small even for the Midget Protection League”; “Dom’s dick was so big, it has its own knee”, “Will it squeak if I squeeze it?”, “How much did Jon pay to touch Dom’s badoe?”; “After all that, it was just a limp cucumber” and “That’s not a custard pie, but Wendi Deng Murdoch still wants to slap it”. We’re told the picture was taken at a Sparrer gig in Antwerp and that Watford’s partner in crime was Lee from the Angry Agenda.

Bob’s Book is The Lord Of The Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien. TV Box Set: Life On Mars. Film: El Cid.

Tomorrow Brett ‘Buddy’ Ascott from The Chords.

Sometimes our team of informants – snoops, spies, gossips, Peeping Toms, back-stabbers and disgraced News of the World hacks – hit upon something so shocking that words fail even us. And that’s where you come in...

This disgraceful picture illustrates some of the more debauched goings-on to be found in the murkier recesses of the modern Oi scene. It features Watford Jon from Argy Bargy doing something unspeakable involving the crotch area of Chelsea Dom’s trousers.

Quite what we’re not sure, so we’re inviting you, our army of loyal readers, to send us your suggestions marked ‘Caption Corner’ in an email to waistrel@the-gonads.co.uk

Funniest caption wins a night with the Nosher; runner-up wins two nights...

The Dropkick Murphys have announced their first annual Shamrock-N-Roll Festival. The touring fest will feature the Murphys, the Street Dogs, Chuck Ragan, The Mahones and The Parkington Sisters as well as local bands. It will include two alternating stages - a main stage and an acoustic stage - and fun for all the family.

Ken Casey tells us: “We wanted to put a different spin on the idea of an Irish music festival. Instead of focusing on the Old World folk tradition, we’re showcasing the ways that tradition has woven itself into newer music, while still maintaining a family-friendly environment and Irish cultural perspective. Our fans cross so many generations, and not all of them want to see a Dropkick Murphys show in a punk rock venue. The Shamrock-N-Roll Festival will give more fans an opportunity to experience our live show, and to hear the unique ways that the other bands on the festival bring that Irish influence into their modern music.” In addition to the music, the fest will include a boxing demonstration and signing with special guest, renowned pugilist ‘Irish’ Micky Ward (The Fighter). One buck from every ticket will go to the band’s own charity, The Claddagh Fund. The tour will kick off with the band’s previously announced Boston shows on September 8th and 9th and proceed to venues in Bangor, Altamont, Pittsburgh, Columbus, Portsmouth, Rochester and Philadelphia.

Congratulations to Garry Johnson. Gal’s long fight to clear his name after his wrongful arrest is starting to bear fruit. Lordship Lord Justice Munby has lifted reporting restrictions on his case, and Gal will be fighting all the way to the European courts for compensation. Well done, mate.

COMING SOON: the big BLESMA benefit gig, featuring the Heavy Metal Kids, The Gonads and Agincourt, all profits to the British Limbless Ex-Servicemen’s Association. Date: August 13th. Place: The Garage, Highbury Corner, North London. Doors open 7pm. Tickets £12.50 from the Garage. Do your bit for our neglected heroes and support a worthwhile cause: www.blesma.org

July 18. If it’s Monday, it must be...  Mod Week on Desert Oi-Land. And starting us off is Walthamstow’s own Mr. David Cairns of Secret Affair, co-writer of such timeless classics as ‘Time For Action’ and ‘Glory Boys’. Dave’s disc choices are: Won't Get Fooled Again - The Who, Ava Maria – Pavarotti, Family Life - Blue Nile, Can You Hear Me Knocking - Rolling Stones, Afterglow - Small Faces, Houses Of The Holy - Led Zeppelin, Highway To Hell - AC/DC, The Supernatural - John Mayall's Bluesbreakers with Peter Green.

Dave’s book choice is The Wasp Factory by Iain Banks. Film: Performance. TV box-set: The X Files.

Tomorrow: Robert Manton from the Purple Hearts.

Actual Gonads News Shocker: We will be playing the Help 4 Heroes weekender in Harlow next June. The street-party themed four-day event, coinciding with the Queen’s Golden Jubilee (“gawd bless ’er!” – Fat Col) kicks off on Friday 1st June. There will be twenty bands, plus DJs, stalls, ice cream vans and a camping area. Once we sort out which night we’re playing, this item will be upgraded to the Actual News Page.

July 17. On Desert Oi-Land today, it’s only... South Coast Steve! The Gonads’ own mighty meaty beat-keeper is widely acknowledged to be one of the greatest drummers on the scene. He’s also a karate black belt, 97th dang, so piss him off at your peril.

SCS’s song choices are Wardance - Killing Joke (“Big Paul Ferguson was a major influence on my drumming”), Israel - Siouxsie & the Banshees (“their best-ever song, and drummer Budgie was also a huge influence”), Anarchy in the UK - the Sex Pistols, Clash City Rockers - The Clash (“Joe Strummer, voice of the people”), Sick Sick Sick...- Queens Of The Stone Age (“just listen to the fucked-up guitar riff, fucking great”), YYZ – Rush (“Yeah, I know, but Neil Peart is a god!”), Steppin' Razor - Peter Tosh, Song For Kali – Faces Of Sarah (“my other band, just listen to the power and intensity of Nick Shultz”), FrankenSkin - The Gonads and Sus – The Ruts (Yeah, we know that’s nine songs but we don’t want to argue with him...)

South Coast’s film is Blade Runner (director’s cut). TV: The Tube. Book - Communion by Whitley Strieber.

Tomorrow: it’s Mod Week on Desert Oi-Land!

July 16. Mais oui, mais oui! Finally someone with the sense to take their swimwear to Desert Oi-Land. Brightening up our tropical paradise no end today, is Vanessa from Parisian street-punk band The Misogynes, or as we like to call her La Cor de France.

Vanessa’s book is Human Punk by John King (and all Virginie Despentes books, via Kindle). Film: Billy Elliot. TV show: The I.T. Crowd. We’d encourage her to take a diary too, the stories she could tell...

Advance warning if you would like to experience “la touche Française des Misogynes”, they will be playing with Vicious Rumours and Resistance 77 on a boat in Quai des Mines, France on October 8th. Cheap ferries available at dfdsseaways.com for those who wanna stock up on low-price booze and cigs just across the border in Belgium. The organisers can also give you tips for cheap hotels near the venue. More info from boobsandlaces@hotmail.fr. Fat Col guffaws: “Vanessa can put me up any time... but what about the hotel?” Oaf.

Prankster News: as promised spaghetti-juggling is coming to the Edinburgh Fringe next month. Two nights of messy mayhem kick off on 24th August at 6.15pm outside the Beehive Inn in the AAAAAGH! It’s Malcolm Hardee Spaghetti-Juggling Contest Year One. Rules will be posted in due course, but contestants must be able to juggle cooked spaghetti for more than one minute. An ashen-faced Effete El cautions “although anyone can take part, the introduction of cooked spaghetti as opposed to uncooked means this is really now an event for pros and semi-pros.” So mote it be.

A reader notes the strange resemblance between Mensi and Watford Jon in our pictures. “Could Watford,” they ask, “be one of Mensi’s seventy-two children?” There’s no other explanation.

Conflict frontman Colin Jerwood will do the London to Brighton Challenge in aid of The Jimmy Mizen Foundation this weekend – that’s sixty miles cross country on a bike (not the Nosher). He’s still looking for sponsors.

Record News: out this week, the Dead Kennedys’ ‘Mutiny On The Bay’ (Manifesto Records) - the first ever official DK live album; fourteen classics recorded in and around SF in the early eighties on a handy 180 gram vinyl platter.

Fat Col on Dave Gilmour’s son Charlie getting banged up: “Sixteen months? Long enough to be uncomfortably bummed.”

July 15. Another day, another castaway. Today’s distinguished Desert Oi-Land disc spinner is Graham Saxby from the Warriors.

Tomorrow: Vanessa from The Misogynes – ooh la la!

Nacho’s book is The Heroin Diaries by Nikki Sixx. Film: Rocky I. TV Box-set: Mork & Mindy.

Tomorrow: guitar ace Nacho Jase.

The mighty Agincourt have secured a Japanese release for their debut album Angels of Mons. You can see the Midlands new wave metal merchants live at the BLESMA benefit show at The Garage, North London on August 13 with us and the Heavy Metal Kids, and as special guests of Jameson Raid at the Robin 2 Brierley Hill on 17th August 2011, where they will be showcasing tracks from the album.

Tom’s tracks are: Smile - Nat King Cole, Pretty Boy Floyd - Woody Guthrie, England – the Angelic Upstarts, Complete Control - The Clash, Pretty Vacant – Sex Pistols, Baby Love – The Supremes, Cos I Love You – Slade and Stairway To Heaven – Led Zeppelin. The rascal also intends to smuggle in Merry Xmas Everybody – Slade and American Trilogy – Elvis Presley.

Out now: the Stomper 98/45 Adapters split 7inch ep (Randale Records). Tracks: ‘Anti-Social’ and ‘ISP: One Crew, One Family’ from S-98, and ‘What’s Right’ and ‘Nothing To Prove’ from the Adapters.

July 11. It’s the turn of the great Steve Whale (on right in picture) in the Desert Oi-Land hammock. The legendary guitarist with The Business and The Masons (and a new group we’re not allowed to divulge) opens with a quick gag:

Three guys are stuck on a deserted island, when one of them finds a lamp on the beach. He picks it up and gives it a little rub and a genie pops out. The genie looks at the three guys and says: "I normally give three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant each of you one wish." Well, the first guy is sick and tired of being on the island, so he wishes to go back home. POOF!!! He disappears. The second one said he, too, is tired of the island, and wishes to go home. POOF!!! He too disappears. The genie then turns to the last guy and asks him what his wish is. "Gee," he says," I'm awfully lonely here by myself. I wish my friends were still here!"

Steve’s eight tracks, “in no particular order”, are Youth – Blitz (“When I heard this I knew the Business had to raise our game or go to the pub”), Bad Man - Cockney Rejects (“a timeless classic, makes you wanna go out and punch a Tottenham fan”), I Hate People - Anti Nowhere League (“The times I have thought this to myself - a brilliant front man, very smart song writing”), Student Power – the Angelic Upstarts (“One of the leaders of the punk movement, plus I like his hair style”), Sick Boy – GBH (“Even to this day it makes me wanna go out, drink cider and ponce 50p”), England Belongs To Me - Cock Sparrer (“One of the all time greats; if you meet the band you know why they have written some of the all-time classics”) War Head - UK Subs (“Charlie Harper for a knighthood, enough said”), Avenues & Alleyways – Rancid (“Has anyone seen more talent in one band? Just the ‘oi oi’ bit will do me, amazing.”), Song Of The Streets – Sham 69 (“Their opening song live, and the only one to get me from the bar to the front of stage”), My Family - Madball (“One of the best front men going, makes you want to punch people in the face”), South London Aggro Girl – The Gonads (“Great riff and lyrics, not sure about the singer - I think he is a Charlton supporter or something silly like that”), My Heart Is On The Street - “the best new band I’ve heard in a long while, and if your thinking that's twelve, well, people in bands can’t count. You should know that!”

Steve’s film is: Iron Monkey. TV show: Revolver (“Peter Cook was great abusing the audience”). Book: Wizard’s First Rule by Terry Goodkind.

Tomorrow, Tom Mensforth. That’s right, Mensi!

We asked Fat Col if he knew any desert island gags to equal Steve’s. He replied: “Four blokes and a nymphomaniac get stranded on a desert island. Since the guys needed to satisfy their natural urges, with the woman's agreement, they draw up a rota whereby each take it turns to screw her for a week at a time. The arrangement works really well for the next six years, satisfying the men and the fit nympho until she dies tragically and unexpectedly. The first month goes by and it’s awful for the blokes. The second month is worse, the third month is almost unbearable. By the fourth month, they can't take it any more so after much soul-searching they decide to bury her...” The man’s a beast.

We received this message yesterday from a certain ‘Billy Blagger’ at bullshitters.com. It reads: ‘Dear Garry, We are big fans of Punk in Hignickstillbury. And we have been putting on gigs for the last 17 months at the hugely successful rate of two per year. We have a great turn out. Pickled egg sales double when we have bands play. Last month we had Barry Blogs & the West Serriford Bullstars playing. Saxby recommended them to us. They suggested we contact you as you like to play small pubs in new places. I have wired in my Hifi now to double as DJ deck and PA, so that's sorted, and we will supply you with enough beer tokens to drink until they run out. What else would you want if you played in our pub?’’ Thank you, sir. I’m sure we will take you up on your kind offer, if you can throw in some pork scratchings, and a crafty ‘ham shank’ from the barmaid.

Maninblack has just released "Fighting In The Streets" b/w "The NYC (There Will Always Be)" as a free download on their Black Dalek label. However, Black Dalek has also pressed a limited edition mini CD which they will give away free to the first 5 people who send them their name and address, limited to the next 24 hours (time is now 10/7/2011, 2:10 PM EST). Happy birthday yesterday to Maninblack's lead vocalist / synth guitarist / theremin stroker André Schlesinger. Apparently they had a quiet evening at The Double Down Saloon in Manhattan last night. That’s "quiet" in the sense that Bay Of Pigs was “uneventful”.

July 10. RIP Michael “Würzel” Burston. The former Motörhead and Splodge guitarist has died of heart disease aged 61. Another good man gone.

July 10. Today on Desert Oi-Land, Cardinal Jesushate, aka Colin from The Blood – arguably the greatest punk band ever to come out of South London.

Colin’s eight discs are: London Calling – The Clash, Smash It Up – The Damned, Woman In Disguise – the Angelic Upstarts, Pretty Vacant – The Sex Pistols, Going Underground – The Jam, Walk On By – The Stranglers, War – DOA, In A Rut – The Ruts.

The Cardinal’s book is Ecce Homo by Friedrich Nietzsche. “Fuck TV box sets,” he says.

Tomorrow? Steve Whale!

The great thing about being on this desert oi-land is that we can ignore time-wasters, the sort of idiots who ring up saying: ‘Will you come and play our pub in the back of beyond? We can’t pay you but you’ve got lots of fans here and we’ll make you a cheese sandwich...’ Yes of course we will mate. Want us to bring a couple of sparks with us too to sort out your wiring, and a painter and decorator to touch up the bar? We know a plumber who’s happy to work for a ham roll. Does your brewery give you beer for nothing? Do you give all the bar takings to homeless shelters? FFS!

Today’s desert oi-land diamond is none other than Rhoda Dakar, former star of The Bodysnatchers and The Special AKA, Chelsea fan and occasional Madness guest vocalist.

Rhoda’s music choices are: Night In My Veins - The Pretenders, There Must Be An Angel – Eurythmics, Shine On - Degrees Of Motion featuring Biti., So Tired Of Being Alone - Al Green ("from Soul Train, with the hot pants... actually no, I'll never forget that anyway"), Sweet And Dandy - Toots & The Maytals, Man At C&A - The Specials, Beauty Queen - Roxy Music and Never Loved A Man - Aretha Franklin. She adds: “I should also need a handbag to dance around, please.” Rhoda goes on, “This was difficult as far as music was concerned - all the others are easy.

Tomorrow belongs to... Cardinal Jesushate!

Seriously we will give you some proper news about the new Gonads four track ep just as soon as we hear from the formidable Diana at Randale Records. Due to the unusual atmospherics in the Black Forest it seems that she is unable to communicate by the old-fashioned email, Skype, mobile phone calls or even a common or garden pay-phone and must instead wait for the next full moon whereupon she can send a semaphore signal to bounce off the lunar surface straight back onto the shining bald pate of Franky ‘Boy’ Flame. This message will then be deciphered by a team of trained mystics and sent to us pigeon post from Frank’s Blackheath belfry. It’ll be worth the wait. Probably.

Random noos: NOFX are going to release an eight-track EP originally recorded back in 1984. Fat Mike says: “It’s called the Thalidomide Child EP. I found the original quarter inch tape at Fat Wreck Chords, we transferred it to DAT and everyone said, ‘Holy shit, this is terrible’. I know! That’s why we never released it!” But it will become out later this year. Mike adds: “Only one of the songs has ever been heard before. It’s pretty fucking terrible. But it was recorded in 1984, so it’s kind of cool.”.. In unrelated news, the original version of our first single, ‘Stroke My Beachcomber, Baby’ will feature as a bonus track on The Gonads: Greater Hits Volume II, expected sometime in 2012... Rhino Records plan to reissue the first four Ramones albums on 180 gram vinyl. Each of the first 500 comes with a blue 7-inch single off the relevant album (e.g. ‘Sheena is a Punk Rocker’ b/w ‘I Don't Care’ comes with Rocket to Russia and so on)...The Riverboat Gamblers’ new ep, Smash/Grab, is out on Tuesday on vinyl, CD, and digital download.

Out now: The Bad Brains’s first single ‘Pay To Cum!’ b/w ‘Stay Close To Me’ on Reachout International... Alkaline Trio’s new double album, Damnesia – all the classics played acoustically, plus two new songs... Sick Of It All’s new album, Based On A True Story (Think Fast)...

July 8. Today on the Desert Oi-Land, the iron man of street rock: Mr. Clyde Ward, Cockney Rejects producer, life-long Gonad, one-time UB40 bassist, Saints fanatic, and the man who puts the righteousness in Right Said Fred. Clyde’s eight platters are: Emerald - Thin Lizzy, Pretty Vacant – Sex Pistols, Redemption Song – Bob Marley & The Wailers, Cockney Reject – the Cockney Rejects (“one of the best things I have done”), Basket Case - Green Day, Uptown Top Rankin - Althea & Donna, You Shook Me - AC/DC, Oi Nutter – The Gonads.

Clyde’s film would be The Long Good Friday. TV: Fox (with Ray Winstone). Book: Poe Must Die by Marc Olden.

Tomorrow: Rhoda Dakar!

July 7. It’s the seventh day of the seventh month, 2011, which according to Ancient Mayan prophesies means the final apocalypse is less than five months away.

So who better to bask in Desert Oi-Land’s big swinging hammock than the Beelzebub of Blackheath, that barely-living legend Frankie ‘Boy’ Flame, Superyob singer, one-man Cockerney piano-party, author, sage, Magus, bad news psychic and Flat Cap Wearer of the Year, 1936.Frank’s handsome herbert-handed disc selection is as follows: London Pride by Superyob (“from the classic Superyob album 'Quality Street',” Frank notes modestly), Hardcore Hooligan – The Business, Nemesis – The Gonads (“I loved this song the moment I heard it, a rant against Blair and New Labour... in fact I liked it so much I play it in piano bars while doing solo and duelling piano shows”), Sunny In England – Three Colours Red, Millennium – Killing Joke, Hammer In The Nails – Section Five, We’ll Bring The House Down – Slade, Land Of Hope & Glory/Rule Britannia – Royal Philharmonic Orchestra.

Pauline Black’s book Black By Design – A 2-Tone Memoir is out shortly... interesting for sure but it probably has a little less shagging than Neville’s book... (pre-order it here). Pauline and the Selecter play the O2 Islington on 23rd July.

July 6. A multiple instalment of Desert Oi-Land Discs today featuring our own loyal ‘street-team’ - pictured.

Next up is our part-time road manager, hardcore Charlton hooligan and head of the RCPSA (Revolutionary Conservative Punks & Skins Association) Fat Col Gannon who picks: Crazy Bitch – Buckcherry, Red Is A Mean Mean Colour – Cockney Rebel, Song Of The Streets – Sham 69, Revenge – Rose Tattoo, Oi Mate – The Gonads, One In A Million – Guns & Roses, Tush – ZZ Top, Nice Legs Shame About The Face – The Monks. Col’s book is Common As Muck by Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown. Film: Zulu. TV Boxset: The Benny Hill Show.

Penultimately comes Gonads webmistress and all round rock n rollin’ dominatrix Batttttty who chooses: Hurt - Johnny Cash, The Load Out - Jackson Browne, The Bucket Of Water Song - The Four Bucketeers, Won't Get Fooled Again - The Who, Ebay - Weird Al Yankowicz, Dancing With St. Peter - Sign Of 4, Night Of The Wolf – Waysted, Valhallaballoo - The Gonads. Batttttty’s book is The Argos Catalogue. Film: Blazing Saddles. TV: Tiswas, with a side order of Come Dine With Me. Smuggled inside her voluminous drawers is a hollowed-out copy of The World According To Garry Bushell, containing the complete UFO back catalogue... because webmistresses can get away with doing stuff like that.

And now, the biggest gun of them all: former Sounds diarist, hereditary peer and Gonads manager Lord Waistrel himself! The esteemed aristo picks these eight tracks “gramophone records of course”: Enigma Variations – Sir Edward Elgar, The Lark Ascending – Ralph Vaughan Williams; Symphony Number 9 in D Minor Choral – Beethoven, Cello Concerto In E Minor – Sir Edward Elgar, Mars, The Planets - Gustav Holst, Air On A G String – J.S. Bach, Die Walkürie (The Valkyrie), Act 3: Ride of the Valkyries – Richard Wagner, Reg & Ron – Lord Waistrel & The Cosh Boys. His Lordship’s book is Peter Simple’s Century by Michael Wharton, “with Right Ho, Jeeves by PG Wodehouse for my man servant, Scrotum.” His film is Brideshead Revisited. He doesn’t do “new fangled guff like television.” But what, you ask of the Franken-Skin? All things will come, dude, all things will come. Tomorrow: Superyob’s Franky ‘Boy’ Flame!

Secret Affair are re-recording their classic anthem ‘Time For Action’ this week for a new Save The Children campaign. It'll be a viral, internet streamed protest petition that will be taken to major festivals, sports events etc across the country for people to be filmed singing to the chorus (to add to the petition) and eventually ending in Downing St in Sept...

Our mates The Coverup are joining the bill of the Shed Weekender in Peterborough (15th – 17th July). The Cockney Rejects headline on the Saturday. Tickets a score in advance, a pony on the gate. Snides for a jacks alive off Sid The Lip.

July 5. On Desert Oi-Land Discs today, Argy Bargy frontman and all-round good egg Sir Watford of Jon. Watford notes “The songs could change daily but in general these are the songs that I have loved for as long as I can remember and songs that I always end up going back to.”

In no particular order, his discs are: ‘Scarred For Life’ – Rose Tattoo, ‘It’s A Shame’ – the Heavy Metal Kids, ‘Runnin’ Riot’ – Cock Sparrer, ‘Tell Mama’ – Etta James, ‘Tighten Up’ - The Untouchables (“the first track on Tighten Up Volume 1”), ‘Staring At The Rude Boys’ – The Ruts, ‘It's A Long Way To The Top’ – AC/DC, ‘Chaos’ – The 4-Skins. "Oi! The Album was a life changing moment for me, and this track in particular was instrumental in shaping the man I am today. The opening riff still makes my hair stand up on end.” (What hair? – Ed)

Finally delivering the knockout were Argy Bargy, possibly the finest musical exponent to come from Watford since some bloke called Reg started playing with his organ. In appreciation the crowd chucked out some weird & wonderful shapes on the dance floor, either that or someone spilt their beer. With more hooks than a pirates’ convention (that comment was straight out of the book of Bushellisms), Bargy punched through a set of their top tunes without a broken toe in sight. From the slower ‘Immaterial Girl’ to the more up tempo ‘There's Gonna Be A Riot’, each song had the audience enthusiastically singing along - Watford Jon menacingly spitting out the vocals, Dalb doing his best Lemmy impersonation, Smiffy on lead (as in guitar, not piping) & pigeon fancier Ray Dust thumping out a rhythm whilst pulling more faces than all the Banana Splits combined. New song ‘Burning Skies’ improves with every performance - can we have some more new numbers please lads? To round off, a few covers were played for good measure. A top night, good to see a full house & a special thanks to Bill from Oi Oi the Shop for putting the gig on.’

Our favourite punk poet Annie Phetamine is on stage in Edinburgh next Monday (July 11th) at the Blind Poet pub, 32 West Nicolson St. The bill also features Fiona Lindsay, Alec Beattie and Burgh Blues – a two-man 12-bar blues outfit.

The Angelic Upstarts headline an anti-racist all-dayer in Leeds on 24th September, sub-titled ‘Punks & Skins Against Racism’.

Also on the bill: THE AUTONOMADS, CONDITION DEAD, RASTA4EYES, BUS STATION LOONIES, THE MAGNIFICENT , THE SWINDELLS, KEYSIDE STRIKE, GEOFFREY OICOTT, LOWLIFE UK and PAUL CARTER.

July 4. Today's Desert Oi-Land Discs come from our Desert Oi-Land Dish, ravishing Wattsie Watts, part-time Gonadette and full-time Modette about town. Wattsie's eight disc choices are: Harmony In My Head - The Buzzcocks, Song Of A Baker - the Small Faces, Folsom Prison Blues - Johnny Cash, Ziggy Stardust - David Bowie, Lola - The Kinks, White Room - Cream, How Does It Feel - Slade, The Killing Moon - Echo & The Bunnymen. And like so many of you, she's tried to smuggle in extra tracks: Made Of Stone - the Stone Roses, and Bargain - The Who.

John’s eight disc choices are The Day The World Turned Dayglo - X-Ray Spex, Shout For Joy - Mike King, Pressure Drop - The Maytals, Rockaway Beach - The Ramones, Island Hopping - Joe Strummer, Lights Over London - Argy Bargy, Silver Machine – Hawkwind, Rock N Roll - Led Zeppelin.

Last night's Jolly Pranksters charity bash, held in Kent, was a spectacular success – even with Gal as auctioneer. He raised £2,277 flogging essentially worthless items like Arsenal tickets and a signed West Ham top. Four VIP passes for the Orgasm Guerrillas’ secret come-back gig in October went for a whopping £350. Highlights from Gal’s sales patter included: “Next up – a crate of wine, bottled in Barking. It comes with instructions on what to do if you get it in your eyes...” and “come on, a tenner more and we can arrange for you to go clubbing with Jack Wilshere – literally...” The final item was a 2007 England shirt signed by the entire team. Well. Almost, claimed Gal. “David James hasn’t signed it but he did manage to get his fingers to it.” They did have a West Ham football to auction but unfortunately that went down as well.

*Coming shortly, a limited edition mini-CD release of the new Maninblack single, 'Fighting In The Streets' b/w 'The NYC (There Will Always Be)'. The lads will chase this ace with a full length CD, released through André's Black Dalek label later this year. Various European labels have also expressed an interest. Songs may include: 'Yeah, Yeah, Come Get Some,' 'God Save The USA', 'Go Reds: Smash State', 'Mean Old Man', 'Tourist Get Out', 'Flyer Bomb', 'Replaced By A Machine', and 'Round Dodger Dub' (not our song of the same name). The working title of the CD is: It's All About Me.

*The Charlton Boys made their movie debut last week, filming St George’s Day with Frank Harper and Tony Dehnam of Football Factory fame. Chris Weeks tell us: “It’s all set in Berlin, English hooligans vs Germans, but this is only part of the story. 

We started filming at 8am, and ended twelve and a half hours later. We were a firm running down to meet the Bosch – we filmed that bit at Crystal Palace Park, then we moved to Ceriese Road Peckham for the fight scene in a car-park which was done up like the U-Bahn...” Chris ended up playing a German Skin, and because he’d been stationed in Berlin in the army, he was asked by the producer to teach the boys some Schnelle Deutsche... like "Footsa” (C*nt), “Untermensch” (Subhuman), “Pimmel Kopf” (Dickhead) und so weiter. The film is due out in February.

July 2. Just for starters, Argy Bargy are playing the Fiddler’s Elbow tonight in Kentish Town, North London – a gig so low-key that they haven’t even told their own website.

Next weekend, The Selecter and The Beat put the Ska in Skegvasion! The two day event at Grand Central on the Skegness sea-front is organised by the Yorkshire Scooter Alliance and Skegness Lambretta Club. More details here... and BTW, the Ska & Skins International group is up on facebook here - a group for true skinheads “people who love Ska, 2-Tone, Trojan, Bluebeat. No racism, no politics.”

The Old Firm Casuals have firmed up their UK dates, starting off in Bristol on July 20th with Argy Bargy, then Exeter, Leicester, Glasgow, Edinburgh, Newcastle, Manchester, Nottingham, London (Underworld), Tonbridge, Brighton, York, Dublin and Blackpool (Rebellion). The Last Resort open for them in Newcastle, Manchester, Nottingham, London; the League support them in Tonbridge. We’re still chuckling at the thought of a band called The Old Firm Casuals playing Glasgow. Apparently, the opening act is just a geezer who comes on stage in a Rangers top and sings “We are the Billy Boys”, followed by a Celtic nutcase drinking a Molotov Cocktail. Cry havoc and unleash the dogs of war...

Random noos: Flogging Molly play UK dates in November... The Mighty Mighty Bosstones are busy recording a new album due out by Winter... Lou Reed’s album with Metallica is out “by November”, he tells us... The Dropkick Murphys play two shows at Boston’s Fenway Park (home of the Red Sox) this September. Part of the proceeds will go to the Massachusetts 9/11 Fund; the gigs are on Sept 8th and 9th; ticket info available on the Red Sox homepage on 7th July (from noon, East Coast time).

Hardcore release of the month ‘Motivation From Misery’ by Knuckle Up! Which hits like David Haye...

Today, swinging low in the Desert Oi-Land Discs hammock fingering his sweet chariot, let’s hear it for a man with reggae in his jeggae, Mr. Nick Welsh, AKA the sovereign of Ska, the ruler of rude, King Hammond.

Nick’s discs are: God Save The Queen – Sex Pistols, Complete Control – The Clash, Savage – Ultravox, Fan Club – The Damned, Live Injection – The Upsetters, Double Barrel – Dave & Ansil Collins, Je T’Aime – Judge Dread, and Mr. Easy Talk – King Hammond.

Nick’s TV choice is The Sweeney. Film: Bronco Bullfrog. Book: Diary Of A Nobody by George Grossmith. Tomorrow, another street culture monarch – John King.

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