April 30. We’re not sure if this is a wind-up but those secretive souls at Contra Records have finally put the 30th anniversary Oi! compilation, ‘Never Surrender’ on their shop page. Naturally they have not told us, or anyone else, that the album is finished and available, and even Gal, who compiled it, does not know which bands made the final cut. But Contra watchers claim that this is “a major break-through” which “could signify an imminent release date” (imminent in this context meaning sometime this decade). Halle-fucken-lujah.

Definitely out now is a re-release of Crass’s ‘Christ - The Album’ (or as it’s known at Nads HQ ‘Christ – The Racket’). It’s been ‘re-mastered from the original tapes’ (very Led Zep) and comes with a second CD featuring a recording of their June 1981 live show at the 100 Club plus rarities. Fat Col calls it “hippy-shit heaven”.

Much more to our liking is the latest Cock Sparrer release ‘Back In San Francisco 2009’, a two LP plus DVD package recorded at Pirates Press' 5th anniversary knees-up in Frisco back in November 2009. This great collectors’ item comes with a whopping great poster featuring tons of photo booth pictures and ‘candid post-gig snapshots’. Available as a double album on coloured virgin vinyl or DVD digipak with bonus CD. PS Sparrer play Conne Island in Leipzig on June 25th with Bovver Boys and Towerblocks.

Yesterday’s Royal Wedding split punk opinion, even in Gonadian circles. While Fat Col hosted a packed-out street party in Plumstead, Bev Elliott and Jennie Bellestar were at the Not The Royal Wedding shindig up at Red Lion Square. Waistrel of course was at Westminster Abbey for the ceremony but not the actual Buckingham Palace party. According to Scrotum, his wrinkled retainer: “Hunfortunately ’Is Lordship got stuck up a Duchess and was not able to make it back to Buck ’Arse.” Could happen to anyone.

This blog returns to semi-hibernation now due to work commitments, until there’s something more to say. But tune back next week for the word on Amsterdam Rebellion from our man in the public bar, Chelsea Dom.

April 29. Congratulations to the happy couple – Wattie Buchan and his bride-to-be who tie the knot in Vegas next week. It’s Wattie’s third marriage, a triumph of hope over experience. But with Kev The Hammer as best man, what could possibly go wrong?

The Heavy Metal Kids have joined the bill for our BLESMA benefit gig on August 13th. Full line-up and ticket details to follow. Cheers lads!

US of Oi news: there’s going to be a major punk and Oi fest in Connecticut later this year. 2000 Tons Of TNT will take place over the US Labour Day weekend (3rd/4th of September.) The line-up will be announced officially in a couple days, but our sources reveal that the thirty-band bill is likely to include Evil Conduct, the Cro-Mags, Patriot, Forced Reality, the Last Resort, Pist N Broke, Control, Sheer Terror, Section 5, maybe legendary New York Oi band The Press (who’d have to come out of retirement for it), possibly Infa Riot, possibly even the Rejects. More details when we hear ’em.

2-Tone legends The Selecter play the O2 Academy in Islington on July 23, this line-up features Gappa and of course Pauline who tells us she’s releasing a new seven inch...and we think we’ll leave that there.

Fat Col’s right royal street-party kicks off at noon today (a bit late for the first pint! – The Beast). As well as London Pride bitter, the cuddly curmudgeon will be serving deep-fried pigs’ ears, curried rabbit, cockles and mussels, eels (stewed and jellies), and “proper pie and mash”. His message to the knockers: “Congratulations Wills and Kate. Long live Punk Rock! God save the Queen!”

A perfumed epistle, written in crimson lip-stick, arrives from Shazza Slutt (Mensi’s favourite transvestite slapper) saying she’s briefly retired from public life but will be back on the scene in June, when she’ll be supporting Spizz. No doubt like a rope supports a hanging man.

Jello Biafra has joined the Blackpool Rebellion bill, Sunday night, with his Guantanamo School of Medicine.

April 28. the big ‘Ska For Heroes’ ep has been put back until August to tie in with the start of the football season and give us time to come up with a better band name than The Gonads Vs The Coverup featuring Buster Bloodvessel, Jennie Bellestar & Liberty Hayes (Buster & The All-Stars? Ed).

Cricket-loving oi-sters, Geoffrey Oi!Cott’s debut LP, 'No 1 Hits - A Tribute to Geoffrey Oi!Cott' is recorded and will be released, artwork permitting, sometime early summer. The lads have a new guitarist, Tom Bowler, and are looking to play nationwide gigs at the back end of the year. Promoters should get in touch, especially dahn south where they never play. They’re particularly keen on performing with the reformed Case.

Mick Geggus tells us that everything is on track for the new Rejects album and documentary to be released next February, and there’s talk of a very special single...

While a lot of ‘punk’ bands are pretending to be angry about the Royal Wedding, controversialist Fat Col is hosting a Kate & Wills street-party in Plumstead with a Ska disco, a Royal menu (well take-aways from Burger King) and a raffle with “a regal prize” – apparently you can ‘Win a week in Greenwich Park’, and enjoy ‘all the trees you can eat.’

Ruck n Roll, US-style: there’re been a punch-up between ‘crunkcore’ band Brokencyde and pop-punkers Punchline. Cory Muro, Punchline’s drummer, had a pop at Brokencyde about their “misogynist lyrics” and when he got whacked he filed a complaint to the Old Bill. Muro is alleged to have said, "I don't like your band and what you stand for, you give music a bad name"; chaos ensued. Fat Col opines: “So he called it on, got walloped, and then grassed like a girl. He’s about as punk as Justin Bieber.”

The PM has turned up, and reveals that he was only AWOL while he helped set up an elite ‘Templars-style’ spin-off from the Jolly Pranksters, about which non-brethren need to know bugger-all. Such is the national well-spring of affection for the PM that we hear Walker's Crisps are considering approaching him with a view to taking over from Gary Lineker.

Random News: Cobra Skulls are currently recording their third album. This will be the band’s first album for Fat Wreck Chords... Those ‘rogues in brogues’ Set The Tone bring their Ska, Rocksteady & Reggae Night to London on Saturday with special guests The JJs – all @ The Social, 5 Little Portland Street, London W1. Admission free before 9pm, £5 afterwards... Section Five have confirmed the following June gigs:3rd - 'Tournament of Bae' @ Centro Sociale Rivolta, Venice, Italy, 4th - Traffica Club, Rome; 25th - Boston Arms, London UK.

April 27. Frequently Asked Questions: How hard has it proved to organise Buster Bloodvessel for the forthcoming Nads charity single? Not hard at all; certainly no harder than mastering Chinese algebra or splitting the atom while immersed in a tank of boiling water and wearing handcuffs. Will Wattsie Watts ever sing with you again? We hope so. Wattsie should be re-recording her vocals for the clean version of ‘Badly Done’ over the coming months, following the emergence of “blackmail quality photographs.” Why is Fat Col so rarely seen at Gonads gigs? Because he believes that us playing outside of “the three boroughs” (Woolwich, Greenwich, Lewisham) is a betrayal of our founding principles and consequently a sell-out. Why did the great Tony Feedback leave the band? Tony left us to become a transvestite called Sharron Slutt. Did Tone really try and charge the band for his beer and fags as well as his petrol? Yes, but that was okay. We weren’t so happy about paying for his lipstick and tights, though. And when he tried to charge us for tampons, that was too much. We are still on good terms with the old Mod however; he is our dauphin across the water, the Bonnie Princess Charlotte of Oi. One day he may return to reclaim his throne, and that will be the day he runs out of mascara.

Bad news: Our gig with The Wurzels is OFF following a shock intervention by The Beast and his enforcer, Vince Riordan. Channelling the spirit of Ari Gold, the Beast stormed: “There is no fucking way this great band will be playing in a backwater beer tent for a bunch of cock-sucking yokels.” Oh, okay then.

Our pals the Heavy Metal Kids play The Winning Post, Twickenham on Sunday, with supports Four Wheel Drive, The Royal Cartel and Prezence. The gig is billed pleasantly as ‘Never Mind The Wedding This Is The Bollox.’ And not as fact-fiend Snoozy Suzy originally informed us, “Never mind scratching your bollocks, get on with the weeding.”

The Last Great Act Of Defiance Scooter Club’s Mad Mod All-Dayer is on for the 4th June in Wootton Bassett. Big Millwall Mic has helped organise it; Small World, DC Fontana and The Universal are among the bands confirmed, and all profits will go to Help 4 Heroes.

US news: Punk Rock Bowling organisers have added a blinding opening night knees-up to the Vegas tournament, featuring The Cadillac Tramps, The Swinging Utters, Cobra Skulls and Punk Is Dead. The party, at Club Azul Tequila, also includes Joe Sib’s one-man spoken-word show about growing up punk... The Templars, Iron Cross and Stomper 98 play the Brooklyn Huckleberry Bar, NYC on May 21. Also on the bill Pist N Broke, On Trial and the 45 Adapters. Organisers state boldly: ‘Fuck off all politics, troublemakers will be brutalized.’ Our feelings exactly.

A new MARCHING ORDERS album ‘Brothers In Arms’ is out next month: a 20 tracks CD Digipack of Aussie Oi, which appears to be a comp of their sold-out stuff.

Fears grow for the new Pranksters PM, who is reported to have “gone off on a funny one” since his grand elevation at the weekend. One source whispers that “he hasn’t collected his robes, or even his plaque for Best Dressed Man of 1981 (awarded last week)... the pressure of exalted high office has clearly got to him.” The matter is being investigated. Unfortunately a super-injunction prevents us from revealing more, but if matters aren’t resolved swiftly an acting WM “of sound repute” will be appointed.

Out now: the infectious new ep from the Shirks, ‘Cry Cry Cry’ on the Grave Mistake label. Good stuff.

April 26. Word has filtered back from the great Pranksters’ St George’s weekender. It seems that the true purpose of the gathering had been hidden from ‘profane’ eyes by Prankster elders, and although there were the usual festivities and musical delights, Saturday afternoon was the real main event - a very special ceremony indeed: the elevation of Terence Hayes, WM, to the more prestigious position of ‘PM’ or ‘Perfect Master’. This rare honour, unheard of for several decades, was bestowed upon our glorious leader “in recognition of his services to Pranksterdom and skulduggery,” according to the Order’s official spokesman Effete El. He adds “This is the supreme elevation, no-one can rise higher in our Fraternal Brotherhood.” This promotion, an expert explains, establishes Terence as ‘a guru’s guru, a prince amongst Pranksters’. After the moving ritual, Tel was hoisted aloft by eight stout lodge officers dressed in ceremonial shooting-tweed and carried to the High Prankster altar (or public bar) – our place of communion with the Supreme Architect (or landlord). Here he was toasted at some length by a number of brothers. After several hours of festivities, many brethren reached such heights of spiritual enlightenment that they were heard “speaking in tongues.” The last WM so elevated was Lord Waistrel himself back in the 1960s. The new PM said that he was “greatly moved” by the honour, but added sourly “You took yer bleedin’ time, didn’t yer?”

The weekend events took place in an East Sussex village in “a part of Merrie England that has not as yet been spoiled.” They were organised by the Lodge of Synchronicity and attended by representatives of the long-dormant League of Herbert Gentlefolk. Entertainment included bands, a circus strongman, two DJs, a bondage tent, Gina (aka the bad news Tarot Card reader), arm-wrestling, an obese “sausage-swallower”, a rock ‘n’ roll Ferris wheel and two curvaceous punkette fire jugglers. The proceedings were not without controversy, however. On Friday night, before Skaliwag were due to play, stewards discovered that the Harvey’s beer tent had been infested by a small group of stealth round-dodgers from the Petts Wood area, trained, it was rumoured, by the Zen master of this dark and disgusting practice Paul Devine himself (may God rot his twisted soul). These weasel-like transgressors were given a stern lecture on the Pranksters’ founding principles (‘mate-ship’, chivalry and pub etiquette) before being forcibly ejected by the ferocious event Tyler. Glasses were then raised to absent friends (FB, Garry Johnson, Frankie Flame, Oxo Tom, Paul ‘Stalin of Style’ Hallam, Supreme NY Prankster André Schlesinger etc) before Sunday night closed with a rousing three-hour pub piano sing-along. The Pranksters would like to thank “Fertile Myrtle”, Emma “the people’s pianist”, Tanya and Dave for supplying buckshee accommodation, and “everyone who made this historic weekend a soar-away success.” The next event is the May Day AV debate. This is NOT an official Pranksters affair (the Brotherhood remains vehemently anti-politics) but for security reasons only brethren are invited. It will climax with Fat Col of RCPSA, the self-styled “darling of White Van Men everywhere”, taking on a masked representative of the secretive left-wing English Liberation Front (ELF), and will take place in “that Kent place.” Further instructions by email to brethren only. So mote it be.

Random news: Control’s launch party for their latest album is at the Brighton Hydrant next Saturday, from 5pm... Big Audio Dynamite will play at the Royal Festival Hall on July 23 as part of the Southbank Centre's Festival Of Britain... Out today: Polly Styrene’s ‘Generation Indigo’ album, the Swinging Utters’ ‘Here, Under Protest’ and Green Day’s ‘Awesome As Fuck’. Out already: The Bouncing Souls’ new album, ‘Live At Generation Records, NYC: April 18, 2009’ – the acoustic in-store set the lads played at New York’s Generation Records store. Limited edition of 1,500 copies from Generation Records. Out soon: The Caroloregians’s album ‘From The Congo Square’ (Rockers Revolt).

STOP Press. RIP punk legend Poly Styrene. The X Ray Spex star has died at the age of 53 after suffering from cancer of the spine and breast. Gal, who first knew Poly (real name Marianne Elliot-Said) back in 1977 said: “She was one of the great individualists of punk, a free-thinker, an inspiring performer and lyricist, and also a well-rounded human being. X Ray Spex were unique: shambolic, joyful and inspirational. Poly will be sadly missed.” All together:"Some people think little girls should be seen and not heard - well I think, oh bondage, up yours!"

April 23rd. Happy St George’s Day! Normal (lack of) service returns next week.

Okay we’re off for a while, TTFN and see you after St George’s Day. Toodle pip! Waistrel.

April 15. Here’s some last minute news to chew on. It’s looking likely that our BLESMA benefit gig will go ahead at the Garage, North London on Saturday, August 13th. Watch this space for full line-up and ticket details.

Also 99per cent on is the forces charity e.p. that Gal is organising. This three-track Ska gem will be released in July (marking the 95th anniversary of The Somme). The download ep will feature the Gonads, Jennie Bellestar, the Cover-up and almost certainly Buster Bloodvessel. The physical e.p., released a month later, will also include a track by Resistance 77 and the wonderful Liberty Hayes. All proceeds will be split between the Erskine Hospital (for British forces war veterans), Help 4 Heroes and the Royal Chelsea Pensioners – again, more details to come when we know them ourselves.

Tickets for Gal’s blue collar comedy theatre show FUNNY OLD BASTARDS are available now. The show at the Woodville Halls, Gravesend, will star three pukka Cockney comics – Mick Pugh, Dave Cook and Willie Thompson – and will be hosted by Gal. Tickets £16. To buy, call 01474 337774

Yo! Memo to all our New York readers, the mighty Maninblack play the Double Down Saloon on April 30th. More details here.

Veteran anti-racist Washington DC Oi!-Core band Immoral Discipline ask us to tell you they’re released a retrospective CD on DSI Archives: 26 tracks and over 72 minutes of vintage D.C Oi!-Core, plus 20 page insert with cover art by Jeff Lamm and label art by Alex Roehner. Available from Dischord Direct or email belfegore@hotmail.com for info.

Snoozy Suzy Unreliable Fact of the Week: the rings of Saturn consist entirely of lost airline luggage. FACT!

April 14. There is NO truth in the rumour that Gal will be replacing John 'Nasty Nick' Altman in the Heavy Metal Kids. It is true that John has left the band, however. We can’t contact Gal, who has gone to Portugal on a one-man mission to bolster their ailing economy. But a Kids spokesperson tells us: “There was a rumour going around that Garry was joining us a year ago. It wasn’t true then, and it isn’t true now.” And Fit Bird confirms it. “There is only one band for Gal,” she tells us. “And that is the Gonads.” (Erh, what about the Orgasm Guerrillas? – Ed). Fit Bird claims (unfeasibly) that Gal has gone to the Algarve to “show his solidarity with the Portuguese people who are England’s oldest ally.” His last trip there was for the filming of One Foot In The Algarve. The story involving Richard Wilson and a donkey will no doubt appear in On The Rampage II.

April 13. American Idiot, the Broadway musical based on Green Day's nifty album of the same name, is being made into a movie. Universal are in negotiations to pick up the screen rights and have hired Michael Mayer, the director of the stage production, to shoot it. Tom Hanks and the band will produce, and Oscar winner Dustin Lance Black, who wrote Milk, is on board to script the screenplay... Meanwhile, there’s renewed interest in the Cockney Rejects film Join The Rejects, Get Yourself Killed (written by Gal and Mick Geggus). Jeff tells us: “It’s in the hands of a couple of producers now. Nick Love was keen at one stage. He said it was a £2million movie and if we raised £1mill he’d get the rest of the dough together. We were just £999,999.50 short.” No word as yet on our film, Curry On Up The Gonads (screenplay by Mick Pugh) but as Universal are on the hunt for other musical projects we may be prepared to discuss Franken-Skin The Movie – if the price is right and they don’t dodge their round.

Note for Pranksters: the St George’s Day event is on but the venue has changed from That Kent Place to That Sussex Place. See your Tyler or the WM for details. Members only.

April 12. Rangers fans have launched a campaign to get ‘Penny Arcade’ into the charts. The song, written by Sammy King and made famous by Roy Orbison, may not be punk (“or even listenable” - Steve Whale), but it’s long been a favourite with Gers supporters, and all proceeds from the re-release will go to the Erskine Hospital which has cared for injured servicemen since World War I. Even if you’d rather stick hot coals in your ears while gargling stale goat urine than hear the bloody thing, everyone who wants to raise money for the Erskine Appeal and annoy Steve should download Sammy King’s ‘Penny Arcade’ from iTunes between next Monday (18th April) and St George’s Day. Further details here. Meanwhile the previously mentioned official Erskine ep (featuring Buster Bloodvessel and us) is still a distinct possibility for a July release, pending technophobe Dougie replying to our carrier pigeons.

Resistance 77 play a free gig at the Hawthorns, South Normanton, Alfreton on St. George's Day and a Concert For Heroes at Nottingham Rock City on Sun 24th – ten bands for a tenner.

The Cockney Rejects, Superyob, Evil Conduct, Gewohnheiststrinker, Jenny Woo and Raufhindel play the Randale Records Meeting in the Black Forest next month (May 7th). All followed on Sunday morning (May 8th) with a lively, liver-garroting ‘beer-breakfast with Franky ‘Boy’ Flame’. Sounds like ein cracker. But girls be warned: Franky’s ‘white sausage’ is not a traditional breakfast meat. And as for Stinky Turner’s ‘Full English’...

We are still in intense negotiations with Randale dominatrix Diana about a Gonads gig there later in the year. Once our modest terms are agreed (Schweinebraten, Doppelbock, a platoon of barmaids called Helga, a crate of Jägermeister and a medium-sized private Strahl) the deal will be as sealed as the Growler’s lips around a hot throbber.

Random whispers: the Last Resort have been tucked away recording a new seven inch... Superyob’s ‘Ghettoblaster’ album has been re-released... Steve Bruce suggests that the next official Oi compilation should be sponsored by SAGA. (Listen mate, by the time that Contra comp comes out, we’ll all be brown bread)... and U2’s 360 tour has just become the highest grossing ever, which just goes to show that there are still a lot of arseholes in the world.

Def Leppard’s new single ‘Undefeated’ gets its world premiere this morning on Rob Birnie’s Planet Rock show (starting 9am). It’s one of the three brand new studio recordings from their new live album Mirrorball, out in June on Leppard’s own Bludgeon Riffola label. Other new songs are ‘Kings Of The World’ and ‘It’s All About Believin’’.

April 10. Nacho Jase and a small party of Bournemouth Pranksters laid flowers on the grave of Mary Shelley today. Author Shelley, the creator of Frankenstein, is buried in a family tomb in the St Peter’s graveyard. Said Jase: “Without her, there would be no Franken-Skin.” We’re sure she’d be very proud. Next stop, Tilbury, where the Yeti is buried in a Y-shaped coffin.

Various: Billy Rath from the Heartbreakers will be appearing at the 100 Club with Steve Dior of the Idols on October 22 as part of Punk Special 2. Official announcement to follow... Joe Elliott turned up at the HM Kids’ Putney Half Moon gig last night, and joined the boys on stage for ‘She’s No Angel’. (How much longer, technically, can they call themselves ‘Kids’? Surely ‘Codgers’ is more appropriate - Ed)... Buster Shuffle’s new single ‘At The Bank’ is out now... The Business, Control, Citizen Keyne and 16 Guns play Bedford Esquires next Saturday (April 16th)

West Country Oi fans are fuming after misguided political activists (“po-faced middle class twats” says our man on the ground) forced the cancellation of the weekend’s Last Resort show in Bristol, claiming falsely that Roi and co were “a right-wing band” and objecting to the Union Jack on the gig posters. Oi fan and ex-squaddie Harry Monti May tells us that no attempt was made to speak to the Resort, the activists just decided the band had to be dodgy on the strength of the United Kingdom flag alone (Fat Col’s got a protest song about this, see below...). Hmm. And the Left wonder why they’ve lost touch with the working class...

Fat Col and his guitarist Frank unveiled their new songs last night in the back bar of a pub near Dartford, Kent. The numbers included ‘Cameron Ain’t No Tory’, ‘Guardian Mugs’, ‘Stand On Your Own Two Feet’, ‘Bully State’, and ‘Oi! Just Cos I Love My Flag Don’t Make Me A Nazi.’ Now that’s what we call a rightwing band. Sandra Lane’s face was a picture; her language would have made Rooney blush.

April 9. For a while these bulletins will continue to be as irregular as Fat Col’s bowels, but here’s a quick update on the whispers front. Gal and Kiria are in talks about a forthcoming duet, which will apparently involve Kiria and a bullwhip. Brace yerself, Mick boy!

More top-quality Nads gigs are on the horizon. We should be able to confirm the BLESMA benefit show (for the British Limbless Ex-Servicemen Association) shortly; the venue will now be London not the Midlands and new NWBHM sensations Agincourt will be on the bill along with us, Tainted Nation and more. Also convention-busting Nacho Jase is negotiating a spot for us in a country fair beer tent. The Beast went nuts when he heard about this saying such gigs “devalue the band” but such sensible objections were over-ruled when we discovered that The Wurzels were headlining, The Gonads and the Wurzels! It’s a match made in low-brow heaven. If only Judge Dread were still alive to join us. Ivor Biggun, come on down!

Check out our fave new-to-us punk band, the Sydney Ducks from California, here.

Snoozy Suzy’s latest unreliable fact! She informed the 335 that Rod Hull of Emu fame had died after a fight with Gal on the roof of his house! In fact Rod fell to his death while fixing his TV aerial. He had a fight on stage with Gal while they were in panto at Southend some years before. (The audience loved it, says Gal, they thought it was part of the show!)

Serious punk noos: Against Me have recorded a split single with Face To Face... Teenage Bottlerocket’s new three-track ep Mutilate Me is out on Tuesday... Goldblade will be supporting Steve Ignorant’s band The Last Supper on their US tour... Bad Religion played Jimmy Kimmel’s late night US chat show last Monday, bound to be on YouTube if you wanna see it. British TV should nick this idea, we reckon; nothing would brighten up ‘Fern’ more than a quick blast of The Rotted.

The Gonads song ‘Billy McFadzean (The Somme)’ will feature on a forthcoming compilation album which will raise money for forces’ charities. Other bands involved include The Buzzcocks, and possibly The Farm.

April 6. Our man in the field, Chelsea Dom, has finally recovered from the weekend's excesses long enough to file this highly informative Punk & Disorderly report from Berlin: 'Attended by many from the UK, P&D 2011 was a resounding success. You will have to excuse this reporter's hazy memory, as I got more mangled than your great-grandmother's drawers. But here goes. Argy Bargy were on fine form on Friday night and even treated us to a new number: 'Burning Skies'. Although maybe a re-write of one of their older numbers would be more appropriate at this juncture - 'all those beers are coming back to haunt me' - as I can't remember much else from the evening. Rumours that I got so lashed up I ended up at the Justin Bieber concert at the neighbouring O2 arena are scurrilous and uncalled for. You can fake any picture with PhotoShop.'

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