*We are launching a new initiative to utilise the psychic abilities of Frankie 'Boy' Flame with a view to extending the empire of Oi into the after-life. Trials are taking place at a secure location on the Isle Of Dogs (the omphalos of our order). No further reports will be issued.
The MOD is expected to announce a new initiative any time soon. R-A-R: Rock Against Reality, developed with our sister band the Orgasm Guerrillas, will be dedicated to "prising opens cracks in perception". A spokesman says: "We seek to turn the relationship between human consciousness and the material world inside out. In the current meta-paradigm, consciousness is assumed to emerge from the four dimensions of space-time. In the new meta-paradigm, everything we know, including space, time and matter, manifests from consciousness." And you can't say fairer than that.
The Ministry Of Delusion is a new Gonads project developed in conjunction with the Oi Organising Committee. For now the details of the project must remain cloaked in mystery. However we can reveal that one of the many things that the Ministry is planning is the launch of Oi The Party sometime next year under the slogans 'Oi for England, England for the workers' and 'Hoxton Tom for President.'
An insider says: "Policies are likely to include the removal of all tax and duty from beer and cider, the decriminalisation of brothels, the restoration of the Music Hall, and constant appeals for CALM (Coarse Angry Loud Music). All City bankers will be made to dress as pirates. Ska will be available free on the NHS. Football season ticket prices will be restored to 1975 levels. Garry Johnson will be appointed poet laureate, and all road signs will be holographic."
He goes on: "Expanding liberty and limiting government are our pressing concerns, along with reviving the public house and renewing working class culture in its many rich and varied forms. We are in principle opposed to the EU, bureaucracy, bigotry, taxation and the Big Brother state. We will withdraw from all foreign wars that are not in our national interest. And former servicemen who have fallen on hard times will be provided for as an urgent priority."
He concludes: "We are discussing ways to purge national culture of bourgeois sickness, the modern art racket, size zero models and placebo comedians. Our ultimate intent is to liberate the human spirit and save the world." Watch this space for Ministry updates.
A vision of the future, as seen through the M.O.D.'s Eye of Providence (and the Mahaparinibbana Sutta)... It's a snapshot of one possible eventuality if you DO THE RIGHT THING... Vote Oi! Vote us! Vote Hoxton Tom For President!
* STOP PRESS: 1) The M.O.D. has decreed that 2014 will be the final year that the Gonads will perform traditional live shows in the United Kingdom. Said a spokesman: "The Gonads will continue to exist, however the band will operate only within the dimensions of art and science fiction. Actual gigs will thenceforth be superseded by videos, cinematic releases, performance art and animation."
* STOP PRESS: 2) The M.O.D. has upgraded its status to one of Permanent Resistance with immediate effect. Stand down.