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Please note the items you are about to read consist largely of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation.
As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked. Its informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully thought through.

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The Gonads WebsiteMay 31. It's nearly out! No, not our album, Gal and Wattsie's big screen, all-action crime movie Gatwick Gangsters! Sadly the 15 certificate means that Fat Col's part has been cut, and that footage is now only available under the counter from Spanner's sex shop. Just give Si the handshake and ask for Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Bollocks.


We're still expecting to take delivery of the new LP by the middle of June, but there are no guarantees. Some might criticise a record company for failing to release a band's album in the months (not even the month!) promised, and then failing to inform them of an accurate release date thus nobbling any attempt to organise a launch party, gigs and a promotional campaign, but Lord Waistrel is controversially backing Randale's confusing marketing strategy. "'Is Lordship says hit keeps the idle wretches on their toes," says Scrotum, Waistrel's wrinkled retainer. "Plus hit means they won't be spending none of 'is Lordship's precious champagne budget on no lavish Russell 'Arty."


Meanwhile, out next month for sure is the new Selecter album. Subculture (mixed by Prince Fatty) will be released on 15 June via DMF Records followed by the first single, 'Box Fresh' on 21 June.


The Gonads WebsiteWho dares to speak of Whitsun week? Not us. The Pranksters weekender, organised by 2-Tone lodge, was reportedly so traumatic that the PM has lost the power of speech. El Tel also needed an operation on his hand (for all possible wanking gags, see Fat Col immediately). Our picture shows some of the brethren dressed in their ceremonial garb for the arcane ritual known as "goat-rubbing". Col is first on left. Lee Wilson was due to be initiated last week but had to postpone the great honour as he was playing gigs in the States. "Our West Coast dates were a great success," Lee tells us. "We are One Direction for punk rock grannies there. They loved us. One fan told me 'Your money is no good in this bar'." That's not surprising though, is it? It's no good in any bar! The contents of Lee's wallet consist entirely of ten bob notes, white fivers, groats and moth-eaten guineas.


May 24. Quick update, our new album Greater Hits Volume 3 – The Complete Cobblers will be released "in mid-June" according to the ever reliable Randale Records, the pride of the Black Forest. Meanwhile our rehearsals for our first-ever acoustic set at Rebellion are sounding "as sweet as a nut" according to Fat Col who particularly loves the swing version of 'Grant Mitchell'. Yeah you heard that right. There's a touch of Elvis about the acoustic 'UK Sub', he says adding "and wait till you hear how Sinatra would have sung 'Anal Intruder'. I laughed my bollocks off." To which Wattsie sniffs: "I didn't know he had any."


The Cockney Rejects are doing their next album via Pledgemusic. The working title is Let's 'Ave It, it'll cost 12 sovs, and, as well as that you can pledge for signed DVDs, a Cockney Rejects Oi Oi Oi t-shirt, loads of other shirts and signed merch, bass guitar tuition from Tony Van Frater and a boxing lesson with Jeff in the ring ("Too risky" – Tucker Jnr). All details here.


In other news, Oi This Is Streetpunk! Volume Five is out now on colour vinyl from Pirates Press. The tasty collection includes tracks from the Last Resort, Infa Riot, Lion's Law, Duffy's Cut, Bishops Green, Evil Conduct, Last Seen Laughing, Geoffrey Oi!Cott and more. It was released on 15/5/15, and includes a digital download... Skippy's crew have also released a vinyl version of Lion Law's Open Your Eyes LP, which includes a digital download and a boot-shaped, promo flexi-postcard of Laced Up... Olga Toydoll has released an acoustic album on Randale Records, with artwork by the Toy Dolls bassist Tom Blyth.


May 20. Punk poetry legend Garry Johnson is to release a stinging attack on Prince Harry's call for the restoration of National Service and the Conservative government. Gal, who was the Stone Roses' first manager, has come out of retirement to record the single as "a double punch" of protest. The A-sided single features 'National Service – A Reply to Prince Harry' coupled with a dub reggae version of Garry's poem 'The Young Conservatives' composed and produced by the immortal Clyde Ward. It includes scathing lines such as 'Just like the days before the war/The Tory Party still stands for/Mass unemployment and poverty/A "Them & Us" society' and 'Silver spooned and bottle-fed, the Daily Mail is always read/By Young Conservatives born to win/Another world they're living in.' The Cockney poet and author, who found fame on the punk circuit in the early 1980s, said last night: "Cameron's Conservative Party of Bullingdon bullies have no understanding of life at the bottom of the pile. For them to try and sell themselves as the voice of the working class is an insult, a farce. Like Prince Harry, they see working class youth as just fodder for the dole queue or the army." 'National Service' has been given a new punk arrangement by Insane Society and includes the stanza: 'Soldiers wearing pin-stripe suits/Want us to wear marching boots/Army life they say is fun/Clear the streets of all the young/We want you to go to war/And kill another country's poor' Garry, 53, said: "I haven't been well but this week's news has got me out of my sick bed. I want this single to be a double punch against the class who want to grind us down. There is a new wave of angry working class poets like JB Barrington from Salford and we need to make our voices heard. We're Poets Against Austerity." He went on: "There is a new wave of protest emerging. Louise Distras has punk roots and is making the same points with her Dreams From The Factory Floor album." Barrington himself tweeted this week: "National Service doesn't work, it's too expensive to tax payers & it's an antiquated concept, a bit like #PrinceHarry then & the rest of 'em." The single will be released in July via Soitenly Records, the finest label in South London (lalala).


May 16. Here are some of the many mates and muckers who turned out for Gal's birthday bash tonight. We may have to take a few weeks off to get over it…

The Gonads Website Bev Elliott, Soho's queen of punk

The Gonads Website It's only Yvette from Allo Allo!

The Gonads Website With former flag-girl, Zoe Anderson

The Gonads Website Gal with Carrie from Buster Shuffle

The Gonads Website King DJ and Millwall Mod, Mr Paul 'Stalin' Hallam

The Gonads Website The legendary Garry Johnson...

The Gonads Website One Cass Pennant, there's only one Cass Pennant...

The Gonads Website Gal Johnson, Gal Gonad, Skully and Mick Geggus

A great turn-out for Gal's birthday party. Living legend Garry Johnson was the first to arrive, followed by the ever dashing round-phobic Lee 'Daktari' Wilson, Chelsea Dom, Richie Rocker from the Crows and DJ Paul 'Stalin' Hallam who played a mighty fine mix of classic Ska, soul, punk, Northern Soul and sixties r&b – the authentic sounds of English Mod and original skinhead, apart from the punk. And of course it only took the Clash, Sham and The Jam to lure the likes of John King (Beer Monster Elite), Mandy (The Crows) and Shona Wattsie Watts onto the dance floor. Though it has to be noted that certain veteran pogoers could barely last the entire distance of 'White Riot' and it ain't a very long song. Mick Geggus arrived with Skully, Cass Pennant talked about the success of his 2-Tone inspired short film Beverly (showing in Cannes next week), Vicki Michelle posed patiently with an army of admirers, and Zoe Anderson recalled past flag-girl duties. Also in attendance, Mark Wyeth (Symarip), Steve Whale, Mr & Mrs Barnet Mark, a platoon of Charlton's finest including Charlton Tel and Chris Weeks, the radiant Carrie from Buster Shuffle, Si Spanner, Helen Keating from London's Burning, tireless promotions wizard Emma Rule and of course Gonads past and present. Leah McCaffrey and Phil Badoes treated the throng to a country arrangement of 'SE7 Dole Day', joined on the final choruses by Shona Wattsie Watts, Paul SkaNad, Miss Management, and newlyweds Mick and Allyson Maverick. In an impromptu speech Gal thanked his guests, largely for not inviting Freddie Starr, and later led a small firm back to Nads HQ where the "after-party" lasted until daybreak. It would be tedious to list the 100+ friends and family guests by name, and tiresome to recall the apologies for absence, some of which might even have been genuine. It was a great and magical night, with a simple message: Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think!


This website returns in a month or so. We'll let you know when the new album is out. In the meantime, life goes on within us and without us.


May 13. Happy b-oi-thday to Sir Gal of Gonad who hit a BIG event today. Sixty. Yeah 6-0. Please join us in channelling the spirit of Cock Sparrer to ask the caring question: Oi, Gal, What's It Like To Be Old?


*Bit of a set-back on the 35th anniversary Oi e.p. front. Seems a couple of over-enthusiastic bods had mistakenly pledged many times over, so the true total is currently back down at a feeble 58% of the target. Have a look at the pledgemusic site and see if anything floats your (Oi! The) boat. Cheers.


The Gonads WebsiteMay 10. Issue eleven of Street Sounds is out on Wednesday, featuring Kevin Rowland, Christine Sugary Staple, Twenty Things You Didn't Know about Crashed Out, the Amphetameanies, Reverend Horton Heat, Rebellion news, Justice For Henry, Besserbitch, a Punk & Disorderly report, more poets, part two of Chelsea Dom's mammooooth chat with Matt Kelly of the Dropkick Murphys, the latest Superyob cartoon strip and much more. PLUS a definitive Top Ten of rock'n'roll round dodgers supplied by this blog. Some of you reading this might well be in it, Lee... Why not pre-order it here, right now?


Meanwhile we have seen the finished artwork for our new album, The Gonads – Greater Hits Volume 3, The Complete Cobblers. Like Fat Col at a lap-dancing club it really is soon-come, kids. Volume 3 will be initially available on CD and vinyl, it boasts 25 songs including three bonus tracks and one 'punishment track'. Watch this space for a definitive UK release date...


Calling all Pranksters! 2-Tone Lodge have taken over the organisation of the Whitsun Weekend event in That Essex Place and have decreed that the dress code is "Morris", the drink code is "Sailor Jerry" and they add "Bring cheese for the ferrets". Gulp. So mote it be.


May 9. Actual news shock! The new streetpunk compilation, Oi Still Fighting is due out this Summer. Compiled by Gal and Oi The Boat Records on behalf of Street Sounds, the LP includes hot tracks from Hard Evidence, Victory, Lion's Law, Blind Pigs, Drug Shock, Justice Blocc, NOi!se, Anger Flares, Harrington Saints, Die Trying!, Duffy's Cut, Brick Assassin and The Clichés. Watch the Street Sounds facebook page for a release date.


We have a limited number of Gal's Riff-Raff, Rebels & Rock Gods book back in stock, so if you want a signed copy now is the time to order it, chaps and chapesses.


Random news: The Slits have launched a Kickstarter campaign to fund their official documentary. Here To Be Heard: The Story Of The Slits will include unseen film footage of the veteran punk band, and let's hope plenty of credit to Dennis 'Blackbeard' Bovell who made them listenable... Our Mod mates The Spitfires release their debut album Response on 21 August 21 through Catch 22 Records. The 13-track CD include the singles 'Stand Down' and the forthcoming 'When I Call Out Your Name'... Alternative TV release their new LP, Opposing Forces, in July – their first studio album in 14 years... Coldside's album Outcasts, Thugs And Outsiders is now out as a limited pressing vinyl LP; it's a proper butt-kicking, ball-busting bonanza of brain-boiling hardcore with guest appearances by Roger Miret and Freddy Madball on the title track, a cover of Darkbuster's 'Skinhead', and a live version of the Iron Cross anthem 'Crucified'. (Strength Records). .


The Gonads WebsiteMay 7. Britain goes to the polls today but there is another burning question hanging over the nation – did Lee Wilson really describe himself as a living legend? Many reliable and in some cases sober witnesses have testified that the story is true but Lovejoy continues to deny it. “I actually told Jenny Woo to ‘kiss my bell-end’,” he says, in the misguided belief that such foul sexism is a) funny or b) acceptable from an elderly gentleman in a cheap safari jacket. We’d like to apologise unreservedly to Ms Woo for the foul oaf and suggest with respect that if there is any bell-end kissing going down, ours taste much sweeter and give generously... unlike Brother Wilson - pictured here showing his sensitive side.


May 5. Thank you! With 97% of the financing pledged, we are now just a few bob short of making our All-Star 35th anniversary of Oi e.p. a reality. The e.p., to be recorded later this year, will feature members and ex-members of the Cockney Rejects, The Business, The Gonads, The Badoes, Infa Riot and a few more proper faces. There’s still time to reserve your copy, or bag a tasty exclusive here.


*Talking Infa Riot, a few years back Jenny Woo asked Lee ‘Daktari’ Wilson how it felt to be back on the scene after so long. Lee told her, straight-faced: “It’s not easy being a living legend.” He’s tried to deny it, of course, but more people heard the exchange than have ever seen him buy a round...


*The new Ruts book, Love In Vain, is officially published on 29th June, but this Saturday, Segs and Dave Ruffy do their exclusive Pledgers only gig for it at The Islington, with an acoustic and an electric set, an audience Q & A and a book signing. It’s 35 sovs a ticket. Details here.


Record news: out again on vinyl, the Bouncing Souls’ four-track ‘Neurotic’ seven-incher (Chunksaah Records)... Pirates Press have just released Louise Distras’s debut album Dreams From The Factory Floor on vinyl... and Brass Tacks’ Just The Facts is out on vinyl for the first time from Beer City Records. You get the original album plus songs from the US Oi band’s The Good Life single, and the only recorded version of the Wisconsin band’s ‘Just The Facts’ song.


May 2. Okay dig this, you crazy kids. We’re only playing The Boot-boys’ Christmas Knees-Up at the 100 Club. You get The Business, us, Infa-Riot and Skurvi... all for a score. It’s Friday 18th December. Tickets on sale here.


May 1. Happy May Day. Our 35th anniversary Oi project is more than three-quarters there. You can help us get to the total, if you like by pledging for some goodies here.


The Gonads WebsiteMods will return to Margate half a century on from the big 1965 Whitsun bank holiday bust-up. The New Untouchables are holding a Mod & Sixties festival at the Westcoast and Black Cat venues over Whitsun bank holiday (22nd – 25th May). Acts over the three day event include the JAMES TAYLOR QUARTET, GRAHAM DAY & THE FOREFATHERS and THE SMALL FAKERS. Saturday afternoon will see a ‘battle of the bands’ (not in a Cockney Rejects sense), open decks DJ sessions, and a scooter show and comp. For the full program and tickets go here. For details of the Pranksters weekend event, see your Tyler.


April 29. Grosse Neuigkeiten! Or big news, chaps: Diana from Randale emails us to say that our new album will “100%” be delivered by “the middle of May”. Hurrah! But hold up, is that just when the records reach the Black Forest? If so, when will they arrive in beautiful downtown Charlton, Diana? Diana? DIANA?!? Nope, she’s gone. Donner und kebab. Unser Hovercraft ist voller Aal.


Congratulations to Mick Maverick who marries our former flag-girl and MK Dons fanatic Allyson on Saturday. In true Gonads style, Mick will no doubt consummate the marriage by slipping as many past her defences on the big night as the Dons did against Leyton Orient. (Cue the distant sobs of Tim Wells, Ska & bar).


Random guff: the original line-up of Eddie & The Hot Rods play London’s 229 Club on 19th June. The Crunch and The Pukes are at the Borderline tonight. Our mate Louise Distras has announced US dates. And our own Wattsie Watts has been officially named “the Debbie Harry of Oi’ in a specially commissioned poll of niche music lovers to be published next month. No cheap jokes please. The visually impaired have great taste too.


April 28. Is it right that Vicious Rumours play the Red Lion, Gravesend tomorrow... although that could just be a vicious rumour. The Badoes are supporting.


Five cracking tracks from Christine ‘Sugary’ Staple and her Original Rude Girl Sound on sale here. Read all about her in StreetSounds issue 11, due out on the 12th May (probably).


April 24. More photos from the St. George's Day shenanigans at the Lamb & Flag.


The Gonads Website

Watford, Tottenham and Charlton


The Gonads Website

A desperate Lee Wilson contemplates the awful reality
of having to buy a round for a dozen people


The Gonads WebsiteApril 23. Happy St George's Day! There wasn't much about it on TV, but Londoners turned out all over the capital to drink to England. The West End Oi firm joining Gal in the Lamb & Flag today included Watford Jon, Tottenham Sean, Lee Wilson of Infa R...ound-dodging, John King, and a jolly crowd of stout Englishmen. Cheers!


April 22. Stalin comes on the phone demanding that we “drum up” advertising for the next issue of Street Sounds. “Why can’t you do it?” we ask the world’s leading Millwall Mod. “I’m in Venice on a gondola,” he sniffs, a reply so unexpected we’ll let the cheeky bastard get away with it. So here goes: issue eleven of Street Sounds will be on sale on Tuesday 12th May. To book ad space or discuss rates, contact Stalin via, asap. Quarter page ads start at a very affordable £35 (it says here). Street Sounds is also looking for more cartoonists so if you’d like your artwork to be considered send a sample to the same email address with ‘Attention: Toes’ in the subject line. Cheers.


April 21. Fat Col and Wattsie have failed to deliver a review of the Rejects’ jam-packed London gig last Friday, so thank you to Jolly for sending his: The Cockney Rejects headlined another sold-out event for Human Punk at the 100 Club on Friday night gone with Jeff and the band swaggering their way through all their greatest hits. The atmosphere was electric throughout their set with Jeff leading from the front with his energetic gym like work outs. Mick’s facial contortions could have easily won him a gurning crown and the rhythm section of Tony and Andrew all came together to put on a great show that had the audience with them all the way from ‘Flares n Slippers’ to ‘East End Babylon’. They done the lot and took ’em all (with them)! Also on the bill were The East End Badoes who seemed more at home in the 100 Club than the recent New Cross Inn gig with a healthy support from Poplar Boys. They blasted their way through most of their popular songs at a frenetic space interjected with some words of wisdom from Terry Hayes (PM) to keep the pressure up, although a Terry-led chant of “We’re shit and we know we are” seemed to go down a bit too well for their liking. I’m not saying anything about the other support bands cos Morgellon played out of tune for all of their set, apart from the first number, and I only caught the last two songs by 16 guns, one was about child-killers and the other one was about paedophiles. – Jolly.


The Gonads WebsiteApril 20. Poetry Corner: Gal’s new podcast on ranting poets is now online here, with studio guests Tim ‘Teething’ Wells and Emily Harrison, with Salford’s own JB Barrington joining them via Skype. Tim and Emily will be performing with Attila the Stockbroker this Thursday (St George’s Day) at Vout O Renees in Prescot Street, London E1, from 7pm, in what is billed as an evening of ‘lost’ Ranting poems ahead of a new Stand Up & Spit series. Janine Booth, Chip Grim and Joshua Idehen are also on the bill.


Here on the left: Emily, Gal and Timmy Wells, a bloody great Ska DJ by the way...


We have now raised half the money for the 35th anniversary Oi e.p.. Thank you. To add your backing check out the blinding offers on here.


The Gonads WebsiteApril 19. History corner: here’s a reminder of our 1998 US tour... a magnificent adventure that went down so well with the septics they have never invited us back. The full story, including the knocking shop motel, the chalk out-line in Newark, “If you hear a gunshot”, our lost drummer, and the world’s most unusual tattoo will take up a full chapter in the first great Gonads annual (whichever year it comes out... )


April 18. Random news update: Bad Manners, Splodge and the Pukes play their Christmas special at Under The Bridge on 18th December... Tim Armstrong will narrate a new three-part TV series called Under the Influence tracing the roots of New York Hardcore, UK 2-Tone, and German Krautrock... The Briggs are streaming three brand new song on soundcloud – ‘Broken Bones’, ‘Gridlock’ and ‘Seriously, How Old Are You?’ which is believed to have been inspired by a chance encounter with Fat Col. The CD can be pre-ordered here. (Talking Fat Col he is supposed to review the Rejects/Badoes show at the 100 Club last night, but don’t hold yer breath. Oh, but hang on, Wattsie was there, maybe she’ll review it. On second thoughts, as Street Sounds is still waiting for her Beat review from over a year ago we’re probably better off waiting for Col.)


April 15. Last night we ran through our acoustic set for the first time – and it was sensational. So sensational in fact that we might record it and release it as a Rebellion special. Stand-out tracks were 'Buy Me A Drink You Bastard' and the new Bo Diddley-style arrangement of 'Yeti'... more details and possibly pictures to follow... The Gonads: sometimes unplugged, never undrugged.


The Gonads Website
Here's Wattsie Watts: putting the "ooo" in acoustic


The Gonads Website

Phil Badoe: that ain't a harmonica, he's just sucked the chocolate off the barmaid's Crunchie.


The Gonads Website

Gentleman John sitting down on the job


The Gonads Website

Wattsie braces herself for a Fat Col “surprise”


The Gonads Website

Yeti-billy rebel Paul SkaNad


April 13. Gal recorded his latest podcast yesterday – a street poetry special with studio guests Tim Wells and Emily Harrison, and via Skype contributions from JB Barrington and Elise Hadgraft. We'll let you know when it's up, missus. In the meantime, Tim Wells has penned a fine tribute to Cockney comedy legend Jimmy Fagg over on his stand up and spit blog. Jimmy was a regular at the Imperial Crown in Bromley-by-Bow, an Oi pub famed for having the great Terry Adams as DJ.


This week we will be running through our acoustic set for the very first time. We're all up for it, but only Phil Badoe has gone out and bought a clavichord, two lutes and an alpine zither. Check back for news on how it went...


The Coast Town Ska & Mod Extravaganza will be held at Blackpool Winter Gardens on 19th September, with The Selecter headlining plus Ska Face, Mod band Heavy Sol from Leicester, Scotland¹s Big Fat Panda and Jeramiah Ferrari from Manchester. There are 500 Early Bird tickets available at just £15 a pop – pick 'em up from here. The gig will also be raising money for the Alzheimer's Society. For who? asks Fat Col. We've forgotten, we say. Shameless as ever...


BOOK NEWS! Flexipop – the book is out any day now - see here. The early eighties pop magazine edited by Barry Cain and Tim Lott famously smuggled the lairiest of OiOi herberts into its sparkling teenybop pages. We'll never forget the Cockney Rejects dressed as 18th Century dandies, or Lee Wilson and Mensi done up Sound Of Music styleee. The hills were alive with the sound of something that day... and it sure as hell weren't music. (Round-dodging? – Ed)... Meanwhile out now: Ben Nadler Punk In NYC's Lower East Side 1981-1991 mini-book chock-full of bands like the Bad Brains, Agnostic Front, the Cro-Mags, False Prophets, Urgent Fury, No Thanks and Reagan Youth (Microcosm Publishing)... also just published Kevin Prested's Punk USA: The Rise And Fall Of Lookout! Records - the label that launched California's East Bay punk sound, with bands such as Operation Ivy, Crimpshine, The Mr. T Experience and more. (Microcosm)


April 8. Our 35th Anniversary Oi! e.p. has raised 40% of its target in the first four days! Thank you! To join the bandwagon and sign up for juicy exclusives hop over to here.


April 7. Much controversy at the Pranksters' great Easter weekender. It started well on Friday afternoon, with Waistrel's colourful entry in a 1922 Bentley 3 Litre swathed in lap-dancers. The great man was greeted by a brass band playing The Lark Ascending, which segued seamlessly into a choral rendition of Thomas Tallis's Spem In Alium followed by Max Romeo's Wet Dream. Sadly the supreme serenity of the moment was shattered by a loud demo organised by Fat Col on behalf of his so-called Punks For UKIP project. The thirty-strong yob chorus was swelled by the pro-Clarkson Motorists Liberation Front (a spin-off from the old Anti-Swampy League). An ashen-faced Effete El tells us "For a while it looked like the weekend was doomed, most of the protestors weren't even Pranksters. Mercifully our security officer General Sir Teddy "Tiger" Arsch (Army Catering Corps retired) saw them off with a platoon of Waistrel's Ruckers". (Politics and religion are banned from Prankster events and lodges, of course "now and forever"). El continues: "Waistrel's majestic eminence quickly restored calm and for the next 24hours merriment and euphoria reigned. There were scooter runs, display teams, the tug-of-war, extreme variety, a comedy hut... all the normal Prankster activity. The retro gaming tent, devoted to Ludo, dominoes, three card brag and cribbage, was particularly well received". But then? "Chaos! The PM fucked orf to the New Cross Inn having neglected to organise Saturday night's festive board. The happy ranks of brethren began to turn extremely nasty – and believe me the sight of a hundred hungry Pranksters would cause battle-hardened Ghurkhas to evacuate their bowels. But as luck would have it, Old Eric and Barry of the East Sussex Pranksters rose to the occasion, reaching into their multi-pocketed army surplus great coats and producing three rabbits, a swan, and a dozen brace of pheasants – the fruits of an afternoon's poaching. Throw in Scrumpy's home-made cider and that was one very festive board I can tell you!" Waistrel then addressed the joyous band of brothers, reminding them that as English patriots we must continue to resist the "dread encroachment" of Europe, the Nanny State and so-called "sensible drinking" and fight back "at a cultural level" by preserving cherished traditions and standards. "In us and through us, England Lives!" he concluded. "Well the place was in uproar," El tells us. "The brethren were on their feet cheering and a-clapping and a-stomping of their ceremonial cherry red DMs." How did you follow that, we ask? "We brought on the Pissing Sisters... " Very cultural. P.S. The weekend ended with the ceremonial burning of the EU flag and everyone went home happy, except for one disgruntled brother who tells us "Our caravan was so damp if you had the lower bunk you had to wear shark repellent. Typical PM!" Indeed.


R.I.P. Heidi Kochwurst, original bassist with Donkey Laugh, who has passed away following a tragic bassoon-related accident. She was 37. More details may follow.


April 6. Richie Rocker of The Crows contacts us on the subject of The Badoes being "the Bay City Rollers of Oi!" He tells us: "I can't quite see Terence Hayes (PM) as a Les McKeown figure – a McKeowns export figure yes. But Cherry in half mast white jeans and striped socks is something that needs to be seen! I propose he dresses like that for the duration of the two-dayer in France in December, a charity could benefit big time from this." Richie goes on to ask "What would Badoe tartan look like?" We're not sure, but if the band leave it to Tel to organise we might find out by 2027.


April 5. Official! The Top Five best rated tracks on Facebook's Idiot-Proof Oi page this year so far are 1) The Business – Do They Owe Us A Living 2) The Gonads – Punk Rock Till I Die 3) The Business – Harry May 4) Cock Sparrer – Out On An Island 5) The Cockney Rejects – East End. The best rated tracks EVER on this page, according to the administrators, are 1) Cock Sparrer – Take 'Em All 2) The Gonads – The Greatest Cockney Christmas 3) Blitz – Razors In The Night 4) The Business – Suburban Rebels 5) The Gonads – Ian Tomlinson 6) The Cockney Rejects - Police Car 7) Infa Riot – Each Dawn I Die... all of which were heard by at least five times more than the average take up. However the most consistently popular band over time are Cock Sparrer. (We'll tell you the least popular one for a pie and a pint.)


The East End Badoes were "brilliant" at last night's big New Cross Inn Oi gig, we're told. They even managed to keep a line-up together long enough to perform an entire set... Impartial witness T. Hayes (no relation) reports that the new band surpasses any previous version and that "Badoes fever" is currently sweeping the nursing homes and pop-in parlours of south London. El Tel and the boys support the Cockney Rejects at the 100 Club (17th) and Vicious Rumours at the Red Lion, Northfleet (29th) before heading on to Sweden and international acclaim. "They're the Bay City Rollers of Oi, pulling in the young," sniffs Fat Col. "Why some of the women they attract are only in their forties."


April 4. More info on the 35th anniversary of Oi e.p. The fundraising drive includes a chance for you to pledge for a signed CD, your name in the liner notes, signed drumsticks, handwritten lyric sheets and even a chance to be mentioned in the lyrics of one of the songs. All the details are here.


April 3. Ahead of another riotous Jolly Pranksters' weekender, here are seven hitherto unknown "facts" about the secretive brotherhood: 1) Their motto Corripe Cervissiam is Latin for "Seize the beer!"; 2) Unlike the made-up spiritual mumbo-jumbo of scientology, invented by L. Ron Hubbard, the Pranksters' deep spiritual truths came "mystically" to L. Ron 'Chopper' Harris after an all-night session. 3) Gods worshipped by the brethren include Loki, Mars, Bacchus, and Angelique Houston, late of the Generation Game. 4) The popular festive board chant 'Vedi, Futui, Veni' is far ruder than it sounds. 5) Sacred sites in Prankster mythology include the Bridge House, Canning Town, Awkwright's Bar, Rainham, and a house of ill-repute in Upper Dicker. 6) Smoking at Prankster events is not so much tolerated as mandatory "in conscious defiance of the EU Nanny State" 7) There are only two ways to leave the Jolly Pranksters – death, or by giving a month's notice in writing. A bit like a gym.


Record news: the sixth album from Teenage Bottlerocket, Tales From Wyoming, is now out on coloured vinyl from Rise Records... Evil Conduct’s latest offering Live At Wild At Heart has just escaped from Randale Records... also out – vinyl re-issues of Agnostic Front’s The American Dream Died LP (Nuclear Blast)... the new album from The Real McKenzies, Rats In The Burlap, released by Fat Wreck Chords (vinyl version includes digital download)... and from Randale a mini-CD featuring tracks from Control, Angry Agenda, Mouthguard and Oslo’s own Riots.


STOP PRESS. Here it is! Help us celebrate the 35th anniversary of Oi by backing this pledge music campaign. There are a whole load of ways you can be part of this... including singing on the chorus.


April 1st. Wattsie Watts is officially engaged to Jeff Turner... Stief has been signed up for the first ever manned Mars space passenger voyage (one way only, sadly)... and Lord Waistrel this morning announced the formation of the first ever female fighting unit of Tucker's Ruckers called Tucker's Ruckettes. A clearly emotional peer describes the Ruckettes as "dangerous yet beautiful creatures trained to lure sailors with their enchanting music and voices to shipwreck on the rocky coast of our island... or was that the sirens? Jivell! Top up, woman! Lively... " All big news we're sure you'll agree, and undermined only slightly by today's date.


Real news: Slaughter & The Dogs will play one 40th anniversary show this year if fans cough up a modest £17,000 (you read that right). Moz Murray tells the world: "I have managed to get all four original members of Manchester Punk Legends Slaughter & the Dogs to agree to stage a one off concert in Manchester around Autumn time to celebrate 40 years since they first formed in 1975. Wayne Barrett, Mick Rossi, Howard Bates and Brian Grantham all be back on stage together for the first time in over 35 years playing the classic album Do It Dog Style. Well it's as simple as this, I need to secure the promise of funds of £17,000 from you the fans as a minimum to get the show up and running. This can be done by purchasing a ticket for the gig or buying a CD or DVD of the gig which will be posted out afterwards. There will also be several other VIP packages listed. With Mick living in LA and Wayne in France studio time will have to be booked in advance to give the band time to rehearse with flights hotels etc. I'm working on a basic budget to ensure this project is viable for all concerned. This will be a gig for the real Slaughter and the Dogs fans put on and arranged by the very same fans. My promise to you is that once the minimum budget figure is reached then a suitable venue in Manchester will be booked, flights and hotels booked, studio time booked and the date will be set in stone. We the fans of Slaughter & the Dogs can make this happen, it's all in our hands, cheers Moz." Sounds good, but we'll top it – for a mere £30K we can get the Orgasm Guerrillas and the Postmen to play in your back garden! Slaughter fans can check it out over at kickstarter.




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