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Please note the items you are about to read consist largely of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation.
As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked. Its informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully thought through.

The Gonads Website

 

This blog is now closed until August. In the meantime, here are a few pix from our big album launch party to remind you what you're missing! See you at Rebellion! Cheers & beers...

 

The Gonads WebsiteTattooed love girl Steph

The Gonads WebsiteGirlschool's Kim McAuliffe

The Gonads WebsiteGonads tour manager FB and James

The Gonads WebsiteUrry up Arianna

The Gonads WebsiteSoho's Queen of Punk, Bev Elliot

The Gonads WebsiteGonads and curry, going together like rock n roll

The Gonads WebsiteAnd at the post launch ruby, Miss Management

The Gonads WebsiteGentleman John, decidedly sober

The Gonads WebsitePaul SkaNad

The Gonads WebsiteShona Wattsie Watts as seen through Fat Col's drunken lens

The Gonads WebsiteRebellion PR Emma with Gonads security man Martin Rule

The Gonads WebsiteMr & Mrs Sav Campbell from The Son...

The Gonads WebsiteTerence Hayes, PM, and pal

 

June 28. Charlie Harper is only in today’s Daily Star Sunday. We know a song about him, don’t we kids? Charlie is billed as an Old Age Punk just to remind us depressingly that Tomorrow’s Girls are now Today’s Grannies. Nice Rebellion plug at the end, though.

 

June 27. Our big invitation-only launch party for the Complete Cobblers is on Monday. If you haven’t had your invite, it’s probably because you’re not invited. Watch this space for pictures!

 

June 26. Yank geezer comes on the dog tonight, reckons he’s Glenn Danzig and starts rabbiting on about this covers album he’s doing. Turns out he’s recorded a version of ZZ Top’s ‘Rough Boy’, Sabbath’s ‘N.I.B.’, The Troggs’ ‘A Girl Like You’ and loads more, and can he do a cover of ‘UK Sub’? No, we say. How about ‘Getting Pissed’?, he pleads. No way. It’s flattering, we say, but it ain’t happening because a) it sounds like a bit of a Misfit (geddit?) b) when the Business said they’d do “really good covers” of our old stuff they naused it right up and c) we want Rihanna to have first dibs. So this Danzig fella slams the phone down and that’s that we think. But then Waistrel hears about it and goes absolutely doolally tap. Long story short, if sufficient funds are deposited in his Lordship’s Coutts account by Wednesday, Glenn will be able to get his lips around ‘Sandra Bigg (Really Big)’ and we’ll say no more about it.

 

In record news the Rancid single ‘Turn In Your Badge’ b/w ‘Something To Believe In A World Gone Mad’ which was originally the bonus 7-inch for their Honor Is All We Know has now been released as a standalone chunk of coloured vinyl by Hellcat. And by the way, it’s honour you illiterate Septic gits.

 

June 22. We put our best guys in LA onto the strange case of our tracks appearing on a new US compilation called Never Mind The Sex Pistols, Here's The Bollocks (along with ditties by lesser bands like Squeeze and Sham). Over a few fingers of red eye in greasy diners, cheap bars and narrow alleys, the pieces of the puzzle started falling into place... and they all led back to one man. Here's what our private dicks uncovered: 1) The album includes the following tracks: 'Insane Society' by Menace, 'Borstal Breakout' – Sham 69, 'Monkey' – Squeeze, 'Reality' – Chron Gen, 'Ain't That A Shame' – Brian James, 'Man Of The Year' – The Models, 'Defiant Pose' – the Cortinas, 'Loud Proud & Punk' – The Business, 'Tough & Tasty' – The Gonads, 'Snappy Times' – Mark Perry, 'Mr Nobody' – Major Accident, 'Wild Boys' – Vermillion, and 'Francine' which is wrongly credited to us. 2) The mystery comp has been released by Mac 3 Artists Inc of Los Angeles; catalogue number: 941 690 126 2. 3) All of the tracks can be traced back to labels connected with Miles Copeland III of IRS (closed in 1996), Illegal Records, Faulty Records, Step Forward, Deptford Fun City etc fame. 4) Copeland was also president of the original Mac 3 Artists Inc which was wrapped up in 1984... 5) None of the bands featured on the comp appear to have been asked (or paid). If our experience is anything to go by, they won't have seen a sniff of a royalty statement either. 6) Copeland's labels have a habit of resurrecting themselves – there's currently an IRS Nashville. 7) With such a complex back history, and with no copies of the original contracts to hand, our chances of receiving royalties seem as remote now as they did in the 80s, however would it hurt the bastards to send us a copy of the bloody album? PS. Our 'Tough & Tasty', The Business's 'Loud Proud & Punk' and 'Francine' by Dead Generation all featured on the first Total Noise ep along with a Blitz track they haven't used. Dead Generation were actually the Cockney Rejects playing a ZZ Top song.

 

June 21. So it's us versus the Boomtown Rats at Rebellion. We're on stage at the same time as Sir Bob. "This gives punters a clear choice," thunders Fat Col. "Do they go with New Wave men in pyjamas or the 'pure punk for row people' alternative that is the glorious Gonads? It is nobs versus yobs! The music biz upper crust versus the common as muck." Indeed. So which band would he be watching?, we ask "Me?" Col replies indignantly. "Don't talk soft, Blackpool is bleedin' miles away."

 

Banned In DC is back in print. This historical collection of photos & anecdotes from the DC punk underground (79-85) by Cynthia Connolly, Leslie Clague and Sharon Cheslow was originally published in 1988 and has been out of print for almost a decade. Crammed with pix and flyers, this new edition comes with an eight-page afterword by Connolly.

 

The Gonads WebsiteJune 20. The air is still crackling with heady excitement about the long-awaited release of our own Greater Hits Volume 3 on CD (vinyl pending) which is here, now and wonderful but there is no time to stop and celebrate, kids, cos in about one week's time THIS is out...

 

More details to follow. But what of our other projects you ask? Well, we have written a brand new three track ep which will be recorded next January, featuring 'Son Of Frankenskin', 'Critical Mass' and 'The GB Experience'; a new Best Of comp will be released on vinyl in the US in 2016 and Gal and Clyde are still writing songs for Gal's solo album, a long-awaited rock 'n' droll carnival which will be recorded in Cyprus next Spring and which Fit Bird tell us "trawls the same waters as Ian Dury, Ray Davies, Madness and Squeeze" (!). Exciting.

 

June 19. In the unlikely event that you're in Gateshead tonight, the East End Badoes support Vice Squad at the Teams Club (so drive on to Newcastle – Ed)…In other news our Welsh pals Foreign Legion have released a new vinyl 7inch split single with Tulsa punk veterans The Shame on Rebel Sound Music... and Slaughter & The Dogs' single 'Situations' b/w 'Quick Joey Small' is now out on vinyl courtesy Brass City Boss Sounds.

 

June 18. Today's big news: our Rebellion punk set will be strictly retro – consisting of ALL the old favourites from 1981 onwards. Think of a Nads song you loved from the eighties and it'll be there (unless the song you love is 'The Drinking Song' because we can't find any recordings of that).

 

June 17. Well the new album is here, and already on sale via our super-efficient shop page. Greater Hits Volume 3 packs in 25 stunning tracks: a totally new, harder-hitting version of 'Lager Top', brand new John Woodward-penned anthem 'Temazepam', a blisteringly fresh Phil McDermott arrangement of 'Beano', 'Backstreet Army' with the PM on guest vocals, a heavier version of the mighty 'Valhallaballoo', 'Love Song' which may sound a tad familiar to more, ahem, anal Gonadians, new Oi-Tone reggae number 'What's Happening Now?' written by Gal and the great Clyde Ward, the awesome 'Indestructible Wolves', the full length version of '(What's The Story?) England's Glory' including the Chartists/Levellers third verse for the first time ever, the mind-boggling 'The Beautiful Sole (Die Schöne Sike)', 'Made In London' our scorching tribute to Iron Maiden featuring ex-Maiden axe-man Dennis Stratton playing a full-pelt and the legendary Blue Rat, a heavier take on 'Oblivion', a re-energised version of 'Sandra', 'Attack Of The Zombie Skinheads' - another classic, 'Tesco Lorry', 'Soap Trilogy' (a hunka-hunka burning love song to Michelle Keegan), Wattsie shining on the unheard clean (!) Del-Boy mix of 'Badly Done', the immortal 'Dance, Fat-Boy Dance', the classic long-unavailable 'Lager Louts', the Judas-like 'Barnet Betrayed' (sorry Mark!) and a rip-roaring, hardest-ever version of 'Gonads Anthem' powered by Paul Mummery's dynamic drums & the ghost of Carry Ons past. The three bonus tracks are 'Free The Stone' (previously released under the name of The Cause), 'Dr Punk' our rocked-up take on the Dr Who theme (released as DMG), and 'The Revenge of World Cup Willie' (great song by Tim Jones, shame about the team) sung by Gal and Stief with the Skarettes and the England United hooligans choir. The final number is billed correctly as a punishment track. It's 'Och Aye The Nads (MacGonads' Anthem – Live & Ropey!)'. And by the way, that weren't nicked from Led Zep, it was nicked from the people Led Zep nicked it from. We're dead proud of this album, the third in the trilogy (jokingly dubbed "the turd in the thrillogy" by website dominatrix Batttttty). It's more packed than a drag queen's bra with quality punk, Oi and party tunes. And it brings our run of resurrecting the past to a close. At least for now. Our next releases will all be brand spanking new. The Gonads: officially the gift that keeps on giving! ENJOY!

 

The Gonads WebsiteJune 16. It's here! Our glorious new album has just been unloaded from a 300 ton haul truck in Charlton Church Lane! So whichever idiot was offering odds of 100-1 that it wouldn't get here before 22/6 is in proper deep shit... isn't he, Col? Col? Where's he gone?! Watch our shop page for details...

 

The good news? The Gonads Greater Hits Volume 3 – The Complete Cobblers completes our acclaimed retro trilogy, which has been praised in both Vive Le Rock and Street Sounds. And volume three is arguably the best yet. The bad news? Lord Waistrel has pulled the plugs on our proposed 35th anniversary of Oi ep arrogantly claiming "No-one wants to hear another version of 'Oi Oi Oi'." (He may have a point – Ed).

 

In more surprising news two rare Gonads tracks are said to have surfaced on a new US album called Never Mind The Sex Pistols, Here's The Bollocks. We're trying to get to the bottom of this. No-one asked us!

 

STOP PRESS! Gal's latest Hungry & The Hunted podcast is now up here, with Electric River playing live in the studio and quality tracks from the likes of Loaded 44, the Mutha Lovin Chimps, Ska Vengers, Headlong, Rats >From A Sinking Ship, The Deckchairs, The Cathode Ray and many more. Including us.

 

June 12. ALBUM UPDATE! Copies of The Gonads: Greater Hits Vol 3 - The Complete Cobblers were shipped from Germany to beautiful, downtown Charlton Village TODAY. It's coming, kids, it's coming…

 

STOP PRESS Pussy Riot's Nadya Tolokonnikova has been nicked again in Russia during a protest rally in support of female prisoners under the Putin regime.

 

In other random news: Van Morrison has been knighted…NOFX release Backstage Passport 2 on DVD in August following their touring adventures… the latest Napalm Reloaded zine is out now featuring Psychic Youth, the Pissflaps, "The Real Story Of The Slits", anarcho upstarts Proudhon Shrugged, Rancid Piles, the 100 best "Gig rucks", a Donkey Laugh retrospective and a Honey Bane photo spread that looks suspiciously photo-shopped. Cover art by GG & Col.

 

June 10. Here's some Rebellion info. We will be on stage at ten past midnight in the Arena on the evening of Saturday 8th August, and our unplugged set will be at 8.30pm on Sunday 9th on the Almost Acoustic stage. Strong-willed and incorruptible volunteers are now needed to keep all band members away from the bar until both shows have ended. Says Fat Col: "These prime slots are further proof that the Gonads are finally getting the respect we deserve. The only downside is Gal's bedtime cocoa might get cold."

 

The Gonads WebsiteJune 9. Hot news culture lovers! Gatwick Gangsters, the brutal big screen crime drama co-starring Gal, Bobby George, Wattsie Watts, Willie Thorne and some dodge-pot called Courtney is ready for a release and is a "must-see all-action extravaganza" according to Tarantino himself (that's Fred Tarantino who runs our local dry-cleaning shop). We'll be back with screening details over the summer butt expect the shocking behind the scenes stories – the rows, the tears, the heaving backseat passion! – to be revealed even sooner. Possibly by The Bitch herself...

 

June 8. R.I.P. Lurkers roadie and occasional harmonica player Pete Edwards AKA Plug, who was also the Middlesex band's first singer. Our thoughts are with his family.

 

Random news: Charles 'Aitch' Bembridge (ex of the Selecter) is back with his new band Ruder Than You. Their debut ep 'Phat Cat' is launched on 26th June in Coventry... The Jam exhibition, About The Young Idea, runs at Somerset House from 26th June to 31st August... Garry Johnson's original punk poetry collection, The Boys Of The Empire, to be republished in full by Countdown Books...

 

June 7. Fat Col has opened a book on when our new album will finally reach Charlton Village. The flabby fool is offering 100-1 on any date between June 15-22; 30-1 June 23-30; 10-1, any time in July; 9-1 August (before Rebellion); 2-1on August (after Rebellion). We think we'll stick to more sensible wagers, like Joey Essex winning Mastermind...

 

There are only three weeks left to make the Oi 35th anniversary ep happen, have a gander at our pledgemusic page for a chance to pre-order CDs, reserve exclusive t-shirts, getting your name in the lyrics and much more. This is not just a Gonads project, it's a super-group involving other big name Oi herberts... if you want it.

 

A hard rock/HM audience is wanted for a TV show filming in London on Monday 29th June. Headbangers, male, female and other, should contact lipupproductions@gmail.com

 

Penny Rimbaud's The Last Of The Hippies: An Hysterical Romance has been republished. The book first came out in 1982 as part of Crass's Christ: The Album, and tells the story of Wally Hope (Phil Russell) who Rimbaud claims was "murdered by the State" while banged up in a mental institution for possession of LSD. Wally was a key figure in UK counterculture, including various free festivals. His mysterious "suicide" originally inspired Rimbaud to form Crass.

 

June 5. Randale Records have released a massive sampler album featuring 36 different bands of guttersnipes including us, Cock Sparrer, Stomper, Evil Conduct, the Resort, the Old Firm Casuals and Jenny Woo (woo-hoo - sexist Ed). Randale Records Sampler Volume One is a deluxe double CD in a digipack which comes with a giant poster, hopefully of La Belle Woo. Which is all well and good, but what about our effing album? Fear not, chums, for Diana assures us that "es wird mit ihr in zehn Tagen sein", which means it arrives in the Black Forest on 15th June, and will be despatched "auf einmal" to Charlton Village. What could possibly go wrong?

 

While you're waiting here is Gal being grilled by Kylie Olsson about his Riff-Raff Rebels & Rock Gods book and much more besides.

 

In other news, the Twisted Sister documentary film We Are Twisted F***ing Sister has been snapped up by Music Box Films (the studio that released 2015 Oscar winner Ida). Andrew Horn's film traces the time before the band owned 80s rock, when our old mate Dee Snider was forced to testify before the U.S. Senate for allegedly "offensive" lyrics. It also recalls Gal's part in getting the twisted muvvas signed in the first place. The doc should be released in August distribution. Next year, TFS are planning a farewell tour next year to mark their 40th anniversary called, naturally enough, 'Forty & Fuck It'. (Not to be confused with Gal's name for our next tour, 'Sixty & Suck It'.

 

June 3. Last night's rehearsals came up with another magical but unexpected classic for our long-awaited first-ever acoustic set at Rebellion. Gird your loins, kids, because we're talking a full-on country-fried version of 'Alconaut'. Yee-haw! Make sure you get along early for the Gonads Unplugged (shouldn't that be Unsullied - Thrones-loving Ed), and also make sure that you're very pissed. It will be: "The unexpected highlight of Rebellion," according to some discerning/sozzled rock critic we slipped a pony to.

 

Confirmed Gonads gigs for this year are: Rebellion (Aug 8), Rebellion acoustic stage (Aug 9), Teams Club Gateshead (Oct 10), Streetpunk Party Bretagne (Dec 5), Bootboys Xmas Knees Up, 100 Club (Dec 18). We are hoping to announce a second October gig shortly. Unless Gateshead is cancelled. Yes, controversy surrounds the Teams Club show with Fat Col agitating for us to PULL OUT on "grounds of principle", to wit, he says "That gig is supposed to be a double-headliner with Infa-Riot, an inferior band of chancers trading on their dim and distant past, who are sneakily trying to make themselves look like the main attraction." Furthermore, Col invokes the Gonadian Magna Carta that firmly states that we should NEVER play with any band involved in round-dodging. "It goes against everything we hold as sacred," the agitated fat man storms. "Wilson is a known and proven round-swerver who revels in that fact. Why even at Gal's Todd Carty he was at it." Indeed he was. One eye-witness reports: "I saw Lee Wilson approach a woman he didn't know at the bar while she was buying herself a beer and ask her to buy him one, which she politely did. Ten minutes later, when he noticed her glass was empty, Lee turned to Chelsea Dom and said 'Can you buy this lady a drink please Dom. Un-fucken-believable." We know. Chelsea Dom was at the party? Shocking.

 

The Gonads WebsiteHow exactly are us and the Badoes meant to get to Bretagne in December by the way? It's a seven bleedin' hour road trip. It's okay for Waistrel and the PM, they'll borrow Jim Davidson's yacht, but being banged up in a minibus with the boy Cherry for half a bloody day sounds like purgatory on wheels for the rest of us.

 

On a happier note, Symarip featuring the immortal Roy Ellis play Club Ska at the 100 Club on August 1st. And if you're at a loose end in London on Friday, this is happening - see poster >>>

 

 

 

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