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Please note the items you are about to read consist largely of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation.
As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked. Its informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully thought through.

Sept 28. This blog is shutting down. We may be away for a few weeks. Don’t take it personally, we’ve just got things on.

Before we go, some good news: The SkaNads and Skaville UK will be recording a four-track e.p. together early next year; this will be released by ‘SkaNads UK’ and is said to be “more near the knuckle than a nose-picker’s nostril, a Frankie Boyle monologue or the Yeti’s lady parts on a Friday night in Benidorm”.

In other news, Rust and Keyside Strike have released an Olde Worlde/New World split seven inch single on Black Hole Records... Placeholder’s new album I Don't Need Forgiveness is out now on Black Numbers Records... and Ska charity weekender The Big One 2 takes part at Parkdean, Sandford, Dorset between the 8th and 10th November, featuring The Beat, Lee Thompson’s Ska Orchestra, King Hammond, Dirty Revolution, the great Dennis Bovell and many, many more...

Hear Gal’s chat with Louise Distras here.

The Gonads Mission Statement on Politics in full:

The Gonads Website
The Gonads Website

Fat Col is proposing the creation of an Amnesty Division “for bands who used to be dodgy but are okay now.” Says the sage of SE7: “A lot of bands are judged by stupid things they did in the dim and distant past. We should create an Amnesty Division for them to play in for a year or two. If they are as good as their word and don’t do or say anything dodgy they could then get promotion into the Champions League of bands who don’t raise an eyebrow. If they fuck up, they can get permanently relegated to the Bargepole Division of untouchable cranks and swivel-eyed, carpet-chewing bigots. That way we would all know where we stand. We all know bands with bad reputations who are basically okay. Maybe they did a gig with the Gravesend Goosesteppers in 1989 or whenever. Stupid and wrong, yeah, but even murderers get a second chance after 20 years. These divisions should be overseen by the Oi Organising Committee. They would avoid confusion and help wronged bands clear their name.”

Yeah but never mind all the tedious political bollocks – here’s some good news. Chas n Dave have been back in the recording studio after 27 years and release a brand new album at the end of next month. Called That’s What Happens, the album sees the Tottenham boys get back to their roots on a collection of r&b, skiffle and rock’n’roll classics. Guest musicians include Albert Lee, Jools Holland and Buddy Holly’s old drummer J.I. Allison.

Sept 27. With regret, we will NOT now be playing Burslem tomorrow night. Apologies to all who were planning to come and see us. We hope to play the Potteries at some point in 2014.

Big love to our old mates UFO who embark on their latest US tour next week under the watchful eye of our own webmistress and hot air ballooning enthusiast Battttty. Sadly legless legend Pete Way is no longer in the band as modern audiences perversely seem to prefer musicians who can stand up for the duration of the set, but we recall the time when the Waysted One first heard our classic ‘Lights Out In Charlton’ song back in the 80s. “Oi,” said Pete indignantly. “You’ve nicked that from our number ‘Lights Out’!” “No,” we replied. “We nicked it from Led Zeppelin’s ‘Archilles Last Stand’... ” At which point Pete went quiet and slowly sidled away... UFO kick off in Poughkeepsie next Friday, pace-makers permitting.

Random news: The Selecter are planning a 35th anniversary UK tour for March 2014 to celebrate three and a half decades since the release of their first single ‘On My Radio’; the band will be playing their 1980 album Too Much Pressure in its entirety... Joan Jett is now streaming her new Blackhearts album, it’s released Monday... Lion’s Law from Paris and Italy’s FAVL have a split single out on Contra called ‘Ant Viam Inveniam Ant Faciam’ which may or may not mean ‘I will find a way to farm ants’, our Latin is a bit rusty. In an unrelated twist, Fat Col calls to tell us: “Just seen a nice offer on Amazon - if you buy all Adam & The Ants sheet music, they'll throw in a stand & deliver... ” Rim shot!

OUT NOW: Reggae Soundsystem – a handsome 200-page deluxe hardback book devoted to reggae album cover art. Compiled by Steve Barrow, the £30 tome covers sixty years of artwork, including hundreds of full-size record cover designs from Mento to Dancehall via Ska, Rocksteadym Roots and Dub. (Soul Jazz Books)

Sept 24. This just in!! Saturday’s venue has changed yet again. It’s now happening at the Red Lion in Burslem because the landlord of the previous gaff has apparently “done a runner”... (This bodes really well – Cynical Ed). This gig has changed more times than Jordan’s cleavage. But no problem, promoter Chip Shop John (fishier and fishier – Pun-Loving Ed) assures us it’ll all be all right on the night. Still, we can cope, we’re professionals... we’re sure this sort of thing happens to Social Distortion all the time. Lord Waistrel’s firm instruction “no pub gigs after 31st December” is suddenly making a lot more sense.

Speaking of Waistrel, the great man apparently hit the roof when he received the bill for Sunday’s DMG recording session. Denouncing all of us accurately as “a bolshy, undisciplined, piss-taking rabble” he has persuaded his “iron chancellor” FB to return next year as all purpose tour manager and whip cracker. (Wot? No Beki? – Ed) Other changes may follow...

32 years ago the great pathetique visionary Max Splodge tried to kick start Cow Punk and was laughed out of Texas. Now Street Dogs legend Johnny Rioux is going down a bomb in the lone star state performing Oi songs in a country-stylee – here’s his travelling cowboi show live on YouTube: Leah McCaffrey’s time has surely come.

Serious moment: The Wasps of London Scooter Club are inviting all scooterist clubs and solo riders to join their respectful Ride Of Remembrance in London on Remembrance Sunday. Scooterists will gather at Regent's Park at 10.30am on 10th November. A poem will be read out before the two minute silence at 11am, followed by the Last Post. They ride off at noon. The Wasps aim to have 1,000 scooters on parade, beating last year’s record of 850.

The Gonads Website

Boss night alert: Urang Matang play the 2-Tone Village in Coventry next Saturday... other random news: Liberty Hayes is to record two unheard Prole songs... Leah McCaffrey album to be recorded in 2014... The Kinks re-issue their 1971 Muswell Hillbilles album on 7th October with five unreleased songs, plus a few alternative mixes and John Peel radio session tracks... GBH bass-player’s Ross Lomas’s autobiography City Baby is published on Monday, with tales of chips, booze, substance abuse, the odd handgun, Neil Sedaka (!) and on-stage punch-ups...

Sept 23. Wow! Sorry to tease but the DMG debut single is AWESOME!!! All will be revealed in due course...

Gal recorded a new podcast last night with Louise Distras, who speaks at length about her beliefs, her influences and her debut album Dreams From The Factory Floor (*note to younger readers: factories were something Britain used to have when we had a manufacturing industry). The pod should be on-line by the weekend.

The Pranksters boot sale was a roaring success. The PM tells us “I had the privilege of buying Scoops’s micro wallet and it works perfectly. I was in the boozer last night, someone shouted “It’s your round” and it snapped shut and nearly had my fingers off.” Other well-received items were the Mick Maverick alarm clock – guaranteed to get you anywhere 90 minutes late – and the South Coast Steve mumbling pocket calculator which make 3+3=7... or 5 depending on the time of day. The only ag was at the second-hand book stall. The PM reports: “I witnessed a terrible punch-up when a collection of the Bromley beer-bellied bard’s hand-written gig reviews went up for sale. Well, I say sale, they were paying you to take it away. The stall-holder tried to off-load it on an unsuspecting passer-by with the added incentive of a handful of tenners, but the bloke said it was nowhere near enough and demanded more. That’s when it properly kicked off.”

Sept 21. We’re back in the studio this weekend working on the first taste of next year’s project. More news on this to come, but expect an unusual ‘timely’ single release sometime next month...

Out now: the new album from LA’s Generacion Suicida; called Con La Muerte A Tu Lado this is raw, back to basics punk red in tooth and claw.

This just in: items available in tomorrow’s big Pranksters’ boot sale in Lambeth will include: a unique PM’s Deluxe Electronic Memory Jogger (defective)... the ‘Grumpy Rhoda’ blow-up doll, slogan “You shag, she nags” (one browbeaten owner)... the handy pocket-sized Scoops Wallet that completely seals itself upon hearing any combination of the words “It’s”, “Your” and “Round”... a solid steel Growler nut-cracker... two Yeti-themed novelty fright masks... a ‘Watch Your Back’ talking toilet paper dispenser that quotes 27 lines of your favourite Cock Sparrer song lyrics... four Gonads-themed Rob A Bank balaclavas... a line of Buster Bloodvessel emergency replacement underpants for those ‘woops, missed the khazi’ moments... a year’s supply of Lee Wilson water bombs (water not included)... a Crystal Palace shirt signed by the whole team except the goalkeeper although we hear he got his fingers to it (reserve price: two bob)... and unlimited agreeably priced shares in Lord Waistrel’s d-i-y inflatable off-shore tax havens company. Important Update: tomorrow night’s Elvis impersonator, Sheik A-Legolas is actually an Elvish impersonator. Sniffed a spokesman: “The clue is in the name.” No need to get sarky, is there?

Sep 20. To order brethren! It’s conference season, and the Jolly Pranksters won’t be left out. Here is today’s Lambeth itinerary. 9am. Breakfast in the Max Miller suite. Please note: teetotallers are still banned but this year there is a vegetarian option – that option being you fuck right off and eat your pathetic bowl of alfalfa in the car park. 9.45am – Opening address by Brother Gannon (if released on time by Woolwich constabulary) who will deliver a talk on the inequities of the divorce courts and the general vexation of women, illustrated by a slide show provided by Sex Shop Si. 10.30am - Drinks. 11am. The Glory of The Goons – a celebration, with video footage, hosted by Effete El. 12am – drinks. 12.30 pm – Pie, mash and stewed eels shall be served in the Andy Fordham ‘Viking’ suite. Vegetarian option: mash. Please remember to bring your own oats for your goats. 1.30 pm – Drinks. 2.30pm – keynote speech by Lord Waistrel entitled ‘Forever Fahrenheit’. 3pm. Musical interlude provided by P45. 4pm – drinks. 4.30pm – the PM’s address, followed at 4.32pm by the Yeti’s undressing. 4.35pm – Resuscitation ceremony performed by the St John’s Ambulance Brigade. 5pm – drinks. 6pm – the foul and offensive comedy of Dirty Rob. 7pm – cocktails. 7.30pm – Punk Rock Curry Club. 9.30pm. Live performance by the Orgasm Guerrillas and Donkey Laugh. 12pm. Time gentlemen please! Tomorrow’s action-packed agenda includes talks on Postmodernism & The Lyrics Of The Postmen, Frequently Asked Questions about Goats, What Is Tory Anarchism?, The Legend of Springheel’d Jack, and Judge Dread Remembered, with afternoon workshops on Barmaids Through The Ages, The Perfect Sausage, The Philosophy of Les Dawson, Round-Dodgers & How To Avoid Them, The Art Of Cider and a mysterious invitations-only ‘exhibition of tomorrow’ staged by the Ministry Of Delusion. Eve: A Night Of Lewd Rugby Songs performed by Fat Col (if at liberty) with Ska dancers Pussy Galore. Sunday: all-day screening of Up The Elephant & Round The Castle in the Garden Museum at Lambeth Palace; plus boot sale. Eve: Sheik A-Legolas – an Arabian Elvis impersonator. If you haven’t got a ticket, see your tyler immediately.

Random news: Brilliant Liberty Hayes is set to record a brand new e.p. which we hope will launch her on the path to the success and recognition she deserves... don’t miss Rewind The Tube tonight, it includes clips of The Toydolls and The Redskins... The Misfits are releasing a new 12” single called ‘Descending Angel’ for Halloween on their own Misfits Records... out now from Fat Wreck Chords, the new Flatliners album Dead Language...

Sept 19. Never mind the Cossacks, here’s the Oi… The Last Resort play St Petersburg, Russia on 5th October, while the Cockney Rejects hit Moscow on 9th November. Our own Russian gigs have been postponed, but we’re still negotiating with the promoter Yukanal Fukrytov…

Talking Rejects, the lads report experiencing a “serious malfunction” in their technical department, and are asking all paid-up members of the Rejects Army to contact them via with the following information: Date joined/Membership Number/Full Name/Address/Email address. In a related story, we are also experiencing a serious malfunction in our technical department (Fat Col), and are therefore asking all paid-up members of the Gonads Navy to contact us via with the following information: The Name of Your Sister, Wife or Daughter (if over 16)/Her mobile phone number/The chances of her offering aging oi-oi legends ‘a kindness’ around the back of the Charlton Liberal Club, rated 1-10. To order, matelots! Splice the main brace and all hands on dick (Stop this, too silly – Waistrel).

Sept 18. Today we remember James Marshall Hendrix, a true rock genius and visionary who died 43 years ago. "When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace," said Jimi. But then again, power is one hell of an aphrodisiac. How else do you think John Prescott ever got laid?

Random news: Join The Rejects - the original script for the Cockney Rejects movie (not the documentary) – is now available to buy as an e-book here. It’s written by Gal and Mick Geggus... King Hammond and Skaville UK have announced a special Christmas show in London, with special guest Roddy Radiation. It’s at The Islington in Tolpuddle St, NI, on Saturday 14th December... all eight of Evil Conduct’s singles are now available as ‘Oi! Scorchers - The Singles Box’, featuring 16 re-mastered songs with a 24 photo booklet. But never mind that, when are they going to release footage of the band kicking shit out of each other??

This is how the cover of Built For Destruction nearly looked... until Martin Sporrell (aggressive Gooner) was over-ruled and we opted for Steve Friel’s brilliant anarcho-skinhead artwork instead.

The Gonads Website

Tony Van Frater has hit out at an extremist thug who threatened his daughter over the phone. In a Facebook statement, Tone, who is non-political, says: ‘When people who I’ve never met start threatening me I’m cool with this, but when some scum fuck-cunt Nazi wank-stain crack-head does this over the fucking phone to me daughter I will come and stab you in the eye.’ An understandably aggrieved guitar star adds: ‘Do I make meself clear you fuckin’ jerk-off cunt? I will recommend you never ever fuck with me again. One on one, I will kick the cunt out of you.’ We don’t doubt it. Good on ya, Tone. And if The Thick Of It ever need a replacement for Malcolm Tucker, they know where to come.

Sept 16. Big love to our Gooner pal Lorraine Ska-Mama currently recuperating in an NHS hellhole after an operation on her knee last week. Lorraine reports that her leg "is a Gonad at the moment, all stapled and metal looking", although if it were a Gonad it would of course be very pissed and full of rancid pus. Big love also to Jeniera from the excellent but under-achieving Blades whose botched op has prevented her from recording the planned Blades' Xmas song, co-written by our guru Steve Whale. Next year then, Jen.

We're getting good reports from the Selecter's stonking US shows, which kicked off in Minneapolis last Friday. On Saturday, they went down like the Lusitania at Riot Fest in Chicago. Tomorrow - Toronto. Then Waterloo (Canada), with NYC, Boston, Philly and Falls Church, Virginia to come. Pauline and co are back in the UK next month supporting PiL on their seven date tour.

The Gonads Website

Lord Waistrel asks us to point out that our jocular item about potential Communist Oi songs was not meant to endorse Soviet repression or the unspeakable crimes of Joseph Stalin (Lighten up, Lordy - Ed). He suggests that the Oi numbers a Stalinist band should actually record would include: Two Million Voices (Silenced In The Siberian Salt Mines), The Murder Of Liddle Under 390,000 Kulaks, The Purges & The Glory, Five More Years of Central Planning, Flares & Famines, Last Night Another Ballot-Rigging Scandal (Yeah, we'll do the jokes, Waistrel - Ed). (Wot? No Hitler-Stalin pact references? - Dominic Sandbrook)

Sticking with Mother Russia, authorities there are considering prosecuting Bloodhound Gang members 'Evil' Jared Hasselhoff (real name Jared Hennegan) and singer James Franks over an incident at their concert in the Ukraine in late July. 'Evil' is said to have stuffed a Russian flag down the front of his strides, pulled it out the back, and then chucked it at the audience. No-one has been nicked, but they could well be charged with "inciting enmity and humiliating human dignity" which can result in five years porridge. Evil has form for this kind of thing - last month, he was banned from visiting the Ukraine after a video was posted of him pissing on their flag (Must know RD - Ed). What a rebel, eh kids?

Sept 15. Street Sounds contributor Matt Worley spreads a rumour that the secretary of the Young Communist League is "an Oi-loving skinhead called James Rodie, who also writes for the Morning Star". Matt says: "Wonder if he knows the Stalin of Style?" Two Stalins? Yikes. One more and they could form a band. Imagine the songs they'd sing: 'ACAB' (all capitalists are bastards), 'England Belongs To The Bourgeoisie', 'I Lost My Love To Nikita Khrushchev', '(What's His Name?) Harry Pollitt', 'The Greatest Privatisation Rip-Off' (continued after the revolution, comrades.)

RIP Prince Jazzbo who has died at the age of 62. The reggae musician, producer and DJ (real name Linval Roy Carter) pegged it in Jamaica four days ago. Jazzbo, who worked at the Studio One reggae studio, appeared on Lee 'Scratch' Perry's 1976 dub album Super Ape, on the song 'Croaking Lizard'. He also ran Ujama Records. A new Prince Jazzbo number, 'What A Tribulation', was released yesterday.

Punk news: Steve Ignorant is releasing a new album with Paranoid Visions. It's called When... ? and is due out on Monday November 11, 2013 on Overground Records. There will also be an album release gig two days earlier at The Dome in Tufnell Park, North London, with supports Zounds, the Cravats and Craig Temple.

Sept 14. The launch party for Gal’s explosive new Harry Tyler novel will be in London in just over a month’s time – invitations are “in the post”. In other book news, Gal is “doing a J.K. Rowling” for his next project, and writing it under a pseudonym. Apparently it is “nothing like anything he has written before.” Intriguing. We can also report that the incredibly detailed and scrupulously detailed Oi The Book is “coming on well” and is on schedule for publication in 2014, the 35th year of Oi. Incidentally, Lars Frederiksen tells us that Oi! The Album is “the record that changed my life” and remains his “all-time favourite album.”

Well done to Louise Distras who is getting Radio One play. The new face of socialist protest punk will be wowing the crowds in Canada next month. Knock ’em dead, Lou!

There’s a new clear vinyl pressing of the NOi!se album ‘Pushing On’ - a compilation of all their previous vinyl-only releases, including their sold-out debut ep ‘Walk Beside Us’. Available in coloured vinyl too from Pirates Press.

The latest issue of Maximumrocknroll is out now with features on Udas Krust, Kontrasekt, Doomed Society Radio, Big Black Cloud, Hero Dishonest, Donkey Laugh, Violent Party and more.

Today’s blog is brought to you by Sir Herbert Trance, an absolute titan of seriousness, so unfortunately there is no room in it to report that our pal Joey Blower, the Northern comic and noted vulgarian, is launching a search for Britain’s finest Elvis impersonator in Blackpool. The prize is £1,000 and a twelve week contract to perform on the North Pier (“Can’t I just take the cash?” – Fat Col). It all happens in the Merrie England bar in November.

Friday 13th Sept. Our old mates Cock Sparrer have just confirmed three gigs in Germany in December to round off the year. They’ll be playing Nuremberg, Cologne and Hamburg on the 6, 7th and 8th of December. Before that, a week today they play Helsinki, Finland; 21/9 - Oslo, Norway; 26/10 - Girona, Catalonia, Spain; and 23/11 Antwerp, Belgium.

Meanwhile the Cockney Rejects are planning some special events for 2014 to celebrate their 35th anniversary. There is still a possibility of a one-off, strictly rock concert which would see them play the entire The Wild Ones album, track by track, plus a few of their other rock anthems. If all goes to plan Vince Riordan would join them on bass for the night with mighty Mong Tony Van Frater moving to rhythm guitar...

We are back in the studio next weekend for a special project of our own, which will be released on our own Soitainly label. All will be revealed next month.

The Business have announced a mini US tour in November supported by Boston’s own Welch Boys. They’ll play New York, Hartford CT, Reading PA and Cambridge MA.

Oi fan Morrissey has pulled his own autobiography, after the singer fell out with the publisher Penguin Books. It was due out on Monday but a statement issue today says that a last-minute content disagreement between Penguin and Morrissey has caused the venture to collapse. It concludes: ‘No review copies were printed, and Morrissey is now in search of a new publisher.’ Those hungry for gripping reads are advised that Jeff Turner’s Cockney Reject (with a foreword by Morrissey) and Gal’s On The Rampage (foreword by Billy Murray off The Bill) are both available on our shop page.

In Ska News, Randale Records of Germany have just released a Bad Manners double album on vinyl (CD version to follow in a week or two). The 18-track beauty includes Doug’s take on ‘Al Capone’, ‘Turning Japanese’, ‘Shaft’, ‘Black Night’ and, ahem, ‘Do The Funky Chicken.’

Trivial footnote: days after Fat Col set up his pathetic ‘rival blog’ with the PM, we note that his Facebook account was hacked and the so-called blog was frozen by forces unknown. You mess with Waistrel at your peril, Gannon!

Sept 8. Here we come! The Gonads are on manoeuvres, the fight-back starts now. This is the next show...

The Gonads Website

And after that, on Friday 18th October it’s SKAMOUTH...

The Gonads Website

The Cockney Rejects have cancelled their October European shows. Jeff yesterday announced that this was “due to pending legal issues in the U.K which forbid me to leave the country during this period. I cannot give any details due to the legal situation. I would like to apologise to any fans and promoters who feel let down but this recent setback has unfortunately left me without any choice but to pull out. hopefully we might be able to reschedule next year. Very sorry, Jeff Turner.”

STOP PRESS: Lord Waistrel this morning condemned a move by dissidents to create a rival Gonads blog. Fat Col and the PM (for it was they) have launched their own rebel blog devoted to “Pranksters, pathetique-punk, puns, palindromes, pints, pies, Python, Palace-baiting, punishment beatings and impish playfulness.” A furious Waistrel used his final hours in England to write off the plotters as “clueless clowns living in the past.” He particularly complained about the rebels’ claim to reveal the REAL reason why the Rejects pulled their European tour. A grim-faced Scrotum (his Lordship’s wrinkled retainer) said: “This his exactly the sort of treachery and hinsubordination that we his attempting to stamp aht.” It’s festering pile of crap, and here’s the link so you know exactly what to avoid.

STOP PRESS Violence marred The Crack's gig at the Boston Arms last night. Different reports reach us which, as we can't verify, we won't repeat, but it seems the fight was prolonged and serious enough to involve the police. Serious enough also to make the venue reconsider future bookings for bands with a skinhead following...

Sept 7. This blog entered the new Age Of Seriousness five days ago. All has changed, changed utterly. Updates will be rarer but more sensible. The purity of our vision, our music and our mission is all that matters. A terrible beauty is born.

We politely request that you read the following information in the sombre inner voice of old MOD spokesman Ian McDonald: The next Gonads live performance will be at the Green Star in Smallthorne, Stoke On Trent on the 28th of this month. We are also in talks about joining the bill for the SKAMOUTH festival in October. Please watch the news page for confirmation. Please also note: the SkaNads will be back next year with new songs and additional members, as a separate project quite distinct from the main band’s activities – drinking, gambling and shagging (Stop that! – Serious Ed).

Small quantities of these essential Gonads albums remain in store; most are available on vinyl as well as on CD: 1) Live Free Die Free – the 2009 double album featuring Cockney Reject Tony Van Frater on guitar and the legend that is Waysted’s RD on drums; stand-out tracks include the blistering trio of punk anthems ‘Cemetery Of Lost Souls’, ‘Conquest’, and ‘Valhallaballoo’; we’re quite taken with ‘Drink Till I’m Skint’ too. (Just TEN CDs and vinyl double albums left in stock)


2) ‘Old Boots No Panties’ - criticised by some po-faced purists for being “a party album”, this was the last full collection from the Gal Gonad/Clyde Ward writing team and features ‘Oi Mate’, ‘Infected’ and ‘Rose & Crown’ as well as the stirringly beautiful hidden bonus track ‘England My Land’; Mick Geggus guests on guitar on the borderline psychotic ‘Things I Hate’, and vocally on ‘New Boots, No Panties’. (Six CDs left in stock, this album has not yet been released on vinyl.)

Also available: 2012’s packed and punchy Greater Hits Volume Two (eight CDs and five vinyl albums left in stock), 2010’s raw and angry Glorious Bastards (four and six left respectively) and of course the brand new official bootleg Built for Destruction featuring ‘Dogging In Dartford’, ‘Diana Schuler’, ‘Oblivion’, ‘We Are The Boys’ and more. All other Gonads albums are completely sold out.

The three surviving members of The Clash are interviewed by Cerys Matthews in a radio show broadcast on 6 Music on Sunday 6 October at 10am. The chat took place at the BBC’s Maida Vale Studios, within earshot of the Westway... and features revelations about ‘I Fought The Law’ and the time Joe Strummer jumped into a canal to save a drowning man. Topper Headon reckons he should have been in Baywatch.

In unrelated news, Gal Gonad and Clyde Ward have completed the first two songs for their 2014 spin-off album project. Clyde calls ‘What’s Happening Now’ “the best song we’ve written since ‘Oi Mate’”... Our Italian brother band Klasse Kriminale go back into the studio this month to record a new 15-track album, encompassing Oi, punk, reggae and Ska... Motorhead’s new album, Aftershock, is released on 21st October... Bishop Green’s self-titled e.p. is out as a 12inch from those lovely people at Pirates Press and comes with a digital download... the Ducky Boys’ nifty album Dead End Streets is also now available on vinyl (State Line Records)...

Finally and most seriously of all, good luck to veteran rock writer Malcolm Dome who is currently in hospital, being treated for fluid on his left lung. He is not thought to be in any danger but has lost a lot of weight and become very weak. We’re wishing you all the best Malcy!

Sept 2. Lord Waistrel flew into town last night from Barbados and promptly closed down this blog. His Lordship called for the Gonads to enter an “Age of Seriousness”, which means “no more time-wasting or trivia”. In a lengthy and stinging diatribe, the furious Waistrel tore us off a strip for many, many things including, in no specific order our “abject failure to organise regular, decent concert performances in 2013” which he dubbed “the wasted year.” He described our Bletchley and Croydon shows as “piss-poor, badly organised, shambolic disasters”. He monstered us for authorising the release of the “backwards-looking” bootleg album instead of concentrating on new band recordings. Finally he condemned the blog for being “preoccupied with nonsense – gossip, graveyards, birthdays, Fat Col, the PM, Wattsie Watts and other balderdash” involving “made-up or puffed-up” characters “with little relevance to the real world.” It was time, he decreed, for the Gonads to “face the future as a serious unit.” Then he went off to cull some badgers. It appears we can only return when we have something of importance to say. So maybe never. In the meantime, cheerio, ta-ta, toodle-pip, arrivederci and Up the Addicks.

In our defence, we would like to say that the Gonads track record since our proper gigging return in 1997 has been pretty impressive with EIGHT new albums of which Back & Barking, Schitz-Oi-phrenia and Greatest Hits Volume One are completely sold out. (Just a few copies of Volume 2 left in stock). We’ve done split singles with some great bands, and played serious festivals including Rebellion, Punk & Disorderly, and the Darlington Punk Fest. We’ve supported the Rejects, the Heavy Metal Kids and the UK Subs, toured the US, and gigged in Scandinavia, France and Germany (many times). Although we take Waistrel’s stinging criticisms on board re 2013, we don’t think we’ve done too badly, and we pledge that next year we’ll be back bigger and better than ever.

Before we go, here’s one for the ‘readers enjoying Street Sounds’ collection. This is the magical moment when Maninblack vocalist André Schlesinger realized that the name of his band had been misspelt by Paul Hallam (Millwall and bar) in the HEADLINE of their otherwise highly enjoyable two-page spread. André is a Satanist; Hallam is doomed...

The Gonads Website

Sept 1. Oi Oi street rock seized Camden last night as the cataclysmic Crashed Out, the groovy Geoffrey Oi-Cott and the brilliant Blood stormed the Underworld. Normally a proper detailed review would follow but as our diligent reporter Chelsea Dom has been busy on his cemetery tour of the US West Coast (Evergreen Washelli Memorial Park, Seattle is a great place to die, apparently) we only have Fat Col's word for it...

The Gonads Website

An unusual delegation of Cardiff and Welsh Millwall fans descended on Charlton Village yesterday, after Charlton's heroic demolition of Leicester (sorry Daz) to demand that the Gonads play South Wales next year. It's a deal, chaps, but please don't expect to pay us in sheep. (We apologise for that foul and borderline xenophobic slur, however we'd argue that it's permissible given that at least two of the band have a large portion of Welsh in them... much like Tom Jones's girlfriends... and half the flocks in Aberystwyth).

The Gonads Website

Aug 31. Mensi’s next album cover confirmed...

The Gonads Website