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Please note the items you are about to read consist largely of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation.
As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked. Its informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully thought through.

Sept 30. The teenage son of Jolly Pranksters guru Terence Hayes has been given a senior post amid rumours he is being anointed as successor. In shock developments mirroring recent events in North Korea, Terry's son 'Terence Junior' was last night appointed Senior Warden in a move reminiscent of his father's rise to prominence which began in the mid-1970s in Poplar, East London. Terence Junior has been elevated to high office without any lodge experience. His elder sisters appear to have been ruled out of the running for the succession. Spokesman Effete El said a "crucial" development was under way but he would give no further details. His public statement described Terry Hayes's "immortal exploits" and said they would "shine long in the history of our brotherhood". Terry - known popularly as 'The Dear Leader' - is visibly frail and sick, and often fails to remember important meetings in various pubs. This has fuelled speculation that last night's developments are designed to officially anoint his son as his chosen successor. The theory is given added weight because Tel himself was anointed in this way by his own father, Bertram, the Pearly King of Poplar who was the movement's first and now "eternal" WM, some thirty years ago. Terence, 68, is reported to be suffering from several illnesses, including early on-set Alzheimer's, dementia, and piles. Neither Lord Waistrel nor Old Eric has publicly commented on rumours surrounding the WM's health. The Press Association reported that the Prankster's Central London HQ was yesterday decorated with flags and placards announcing the emergency general meeting - the first for twenty years. Confusingly, one poster read: "Warm congratulations to the representatives meeting of the Pathetique Workers Party of England." Critics murmur that Mr Hayes has built up a personality cult around himself, while the brotherhood's economy has struggled to function and the brethren suffer from frequent shortages of fine wine and porky scratchings at the festive board. Some speculate that FB's recent disappearance may be linked to internal Prankster developments, and that he may even have been assassinated to smooth the boy king's progress. Confronted by news reporters on the steps of his Essex mansion, a confused and ashen-faced WM said "But I ain't got a son called Terence." Poor old soul.

Sept 29. Plans are afoot for a proper Central London launch party for our new Greater Hits album. Details to follow. The big knees-up is due to take place at the end of November and will feature FREE WINE, the album play-back, a book reading, hot babes, a Ska DJ, big name oi-oi guest stars and Bev Elliott on hand to intimidate any passing rock hacks. And did we mention the FREE WINE? Says The Beast: “We had planned to start the event by having Terence Hayes, WM, lead FB into the venue on Shergar with Elvis and Lord Lucan bringing up the rear, but it has been pointed out to us that we’d have little or no chance of locating FB or Terence by then.”

Philanthropist news: Tony Feedback – yeah, Backhand Fee Tone - has swung the weight of his mighty Giffer Army behind the campaign to save London’s 100 Club. Tony has launched a campaign to raise £500,000 by the end of November 2010. If all the money is stumped up, the iconic club would remain open as a non-profit organisation. The donors would be the new owners with the venue run by a democratically elected board of trustees. Pledges can be made by visiting; minimum donation £10. Frankly we can think of no-one we would trust more than Mr. Feedback to handle the accounts of such a worthy endeavour.

* Random other noos: Green Day’s Billie Joe Armstrong made his Broadway debut last night in the band’s American Idiot musical. Billie is standing in for actor Tony Vincent, playing St Jimmy – the ghostly character who leads anti-hero Johnny astray. Our man in the stalls tells us that he was “pretty cool” (Such penetrating insight – Non-sarcastic Ed) but the theatre “wasn’t exactly full” and “Billie didn’t look much spookier than he normally does.” Girlies in the audience “pissed their panties” when he first appeared. The 90 minute show is on at the St James Theatre, near Times Square... NOFX are bringing out a split ep with Seattle band The Spits. The limited edition four track 7” will be released at the end of November by Fat Wreck Chords...The Damned will headline a Bizarre Ball at London’s the Scala on 20th November...

Sept 28. Lord Waistrel last night intervened to "sort" our minor album difficulties by dispatching Scrotum (his wrinkled retainer) to Germany on his 1967 Triumph 650 Thunderbird to hand-deliver a fresh copy of the master tape to fearsome record company executive disciplinarian Diana Schuler. His Lordship also hand-drew his own version of the album sleeve L. S. Lowry stylee for a German punk rock artist to re-interpret. (It's not putting it too strongly to state that a backward four year old child could thrash his arse at Pictionary, making Waistrel's work a shoo-in for Tate Modern.) A knackered Scrotum tells us: "These so-called Professionalism types 'ave let the band down when it mattered most but 'is Lordship always comes through."

*You can buy our mate Sab Grey's skinhead novels direct from here.

Sept 27. Some small set-backs on the Greater Hits front. It seems the master tape has gone missing somewhere betwixt here and the Black Forest, the fella who was going to do the cover art – “an habitual criminal who accepts arrest as an occupational hazard” – has been unexpectedly banged up, and even more frustratingly Associate Comrade Manager FB has gone completely off radar (“It’s like he’s vanished into fat air,” observes one band member cruelly). And FB is the sole custodian of the Gonads lucrative curry operation, the Nads Fest blueprint, and the Franken-Skin back drop prototype. It’s (probably) too soon to panic though. Gal’s PA, Fit Bird sniffs: “Even the forces of Professionalism can have an off-day.”

*It’s better news for our New York associates Maninblack who are now listed on iTunes through their own home label Black Dalek Records - here.

Sept 26. Whisper it, Gal’s legendary Iron Maiden book ‘Running Free’ is likely to be available again next year – as a digital download. First published in 1985, the book has come out in four separate and distinct editions. It sold more than 40,000 copies before Zomba Books went under. Copies of the original have changed hands for more than £150 on ebay.

Sept 25. Mick Jones from the Clash says he’s backing the campaign to save London’s 100 Club which has kicked off on facebook. Save The 100 Club? Mick can’t even save his own barnet... At least two oi-oi personalities are expected to pop up in the spot-the-star round on TV’s Never Mind The Buzzcocks next series; we’re sworn to secrecy but you will be very surprised... The Cockney Rejects have started writing a new studio album due out on Randale Records next year; we hear that early planning sessions have been, um, eventful... Tiger Army are playing a special Halloween show on Oct 31st at the Grove of Anaheim in California – they will play their 2001 album II: Power Of Moonlight in full... what’s that you ask, no Gonads news? Well yeah, there’s some good stuff happening, but, we’re holding back until it’s in writing...

Sept 22. Cockney metal herberts Iron Maiden are confirmed for Denmark's Roskilde Festival. It’ll take place from June 30 to July 3, 2011. Another 180 acts to follow, HERE.

STOP PRESS: our gig with the Cockney Rejects scheduled for October 9th has been postponed on medical grounds. The October 15th gig is most definitely still ON. The Oct 9 gig will be rescheduled.
* Please note: if you bought a ticket for the October 9th show with the Rejects it will still be valid for the October 15th show.

Oi! Oi!

Sept 19. A big turn-out for Gal's Bushell On The Rampage book signing in Bromley yesterday including Steve Whale, FB, Garrie Lammin, Kev The Hammer, Charlton Boy Chris Weeks, Charlton Tel, Chelsea Paul, Dom Badoe, Sandy Lane and David Courtney, who serenaded Gal from the floor above. Quite how the mild-mannered booksellers of Waterstones took the sight of a large, bald Cockney celebrity villain (retired) and his big lumpy Welsh mate singing "You are so beautiful to me" and "We love you Garry" over a store full of shoppers is debatable, but it tickled us. Full marks for chutzpah to Mr. Lammin who sat and read the book cover to cover and then said he'd come out without cash and would buy it later. The next signing will be at Canary Wharf Waterstones on Tuesday, 12.30pm - 2pm. PS. These is a whole page about the book in today's Daily Star Sunday including details of Gal's romantic encounter with umm... Barbara Windsor! Well it did happen sixteen years ago... We reckon Gal could have saved himself a lot of trouble simply by sticking a picture of him and Katie Price on the cover. 50,000 extra sales guaranteed. Job done.

*LAST night was the Nads' end of album party at a Forest Hill curry-house - a proper laugh, even if it was haunted by the spirit of Jim Trott. We won't bang on about how great Greater Hits is going to be. Suffice to say that when you listen to it, don't wear socks because this will blow the bastards clean off. It sounds like it was mixed by Mike Tyson when he had a grudge with the world...

* BIG hairy Gonads love to former Gonadette and pocket-sized pin-up Zoe Anderson who gets married today in Brentwood. Scott, you are a lucky, lucky geezer.

Sept 18. Gal is signing copies of his autobiography Bushell On The Rampage today at Waterstones, Bromley (in the Glades); 11.30am – 1.30pm. The book includes his adventures with many legendary acts including Hanoi Rocks, Ozzy, the Specials, Sham 69, the Cockney Rejects, UFO and the Angelic Upstarts – who headline the Garage tonight. And you can hear him rabbiting about it on Stockport’s Pure FM whose other recent podcasts include the Members and Ade Edmondson. They’re all here. Paul & Brinner’s lively radio show (live at 10pm on a Thursday) plays punk, ska and Oi – next week it’s the Gonads special. That’s PURE on 107.8 FM

Tosh has started a debate on Facebook as to whether Section 5 should carry on playing or jack it all in. He says “I think it’s fucked and I take a lot of the blame for that, but what do you think?”

And while we’re talking about Facebook, our gorgeous ex-model pal Angel Sinclair has started a campaign to get our Gal in the I’m A Celebrity jungle. She’s calling it her Bushell In The Bush campaign. (Pause for Fat Col to add the inevitable wisecrack about Bushell in HER bush). So if the thought of Gal being showered in rats appeals, get behind it.

Sept 16. We interrupt our blog silence to congratulate ‘stupid boy’ Cherry for his appearance in swimming trunks on page 23 of today’s Sun. We’d also like to add our own warm welcome to the major religious leader who arrived in the UK today. Yes, Brother X, the Polish-born guru of the Church Of Oi (known as Pope Oi to the gutter press), is here to spread a message of insight and enlightenment. He will be guest of honour at a bash tomorrow thrown by pastor Paul Hallam (aka ‘The Stalin of Style’) before chairing a conference in Lambeth. Contrary to rumour, the Church of Oi is not a wind-up but a genuine spiritual movement informed by the tenets of streetpunk and Ska. One of the major debates at Lambeth will be whether or not the time is right for the Church to go public.

* Coming next month: Vive Le Rock, a nifty new mag covering decent music from the good folk behind Big Cheese. Have an advance glance here: Issue One is out Oct 14th.

Sept 12. STOP PRESS: A message from Kev the Hammer: Mensi will definitely be performing at the Garage this Sat (18th) with the Angelic Upstarts. The gig is ON and the pretty boy from the Shields will be singing (What about Mensi? – Sarcastic Ed). Supports are Splodge and the Skeets.

Sept 11. We finally finished mixing the Gonads’ greater hits album tonight. Modesty aside, it hits like David Haye. It’s ’kin’ awesome. Said FB: “After thirty years of rehearsals and fucking about, the Nads are finally ready to be taken seriously.” Indeed. We’ll let you know when we get a release date. This blog is going back to sleep now, but there’s a lot going on. New Gonadettes, a fully rigged-out Franken-Skin and Nads-Fest are coming...

*GAL’s first signing session for Bushell On The Rampage got off to a low-key start at Lakeside shopping centre earlier today. Cherry had been threatening to come along and get his “Little Chezza” out but in the event he bottled it, The Beast forgot, Sandy Lane over-slept, while Spiz went to Bluewater instead. Similar place, different county. Gal’s thanks to the thirty-odd souls who made the trek.

*OUR mate Vix plays Kerrangfest tomorrow with Fuzzbox; 1.30pm, main stage, Centenary Square, Broad Street, Brum. FREE.

*OUT this week: a new Agnostic Front t-shirt. Give Me Liberty. But is Liberty Hayes bringing out a ‘Give Me Front’ t-shirt? Or has she got enough front as it is? (Libs plays the Game Cock in November... careful where you go with that one.)

*OPENING in Coventry, Oct 2nd: 2-Tone Central – museum, cafe and venue. Neville Staple band + Pauline Black & Ranking Roger. £15. Details here.

Sept 10. An emergency meeting of the Jolly Pranksters Central Committee last night rejected all talk of FB taking over as WM as "frankly absurd". Said Lord Waistrel's wrinkled retainer Scrotum: "No disrespect to FB but he is merely an entered apprentice and is in no position to assume such an exalted mantle. As far as the JPCC are concerned Terence Hayes remains the Great Helmsman of our fraternity, and will remain so until he formally resigns or dies." In other business, the Pranksters approved a merger with the Midlands-based ale-loving Ancient Order of Froth Blowers but rejected yet again the opportunity to align with the left-wing ELF (the English Liberation Front), who are devoted to an armed revolution to install an English Parliament and break away from the EU. Spokesman Harry the Frog told us: "The Pranksters are an apolitical brotherhood. Although like all decent folk we are patriots at heart we cannot be part of this seditious revolutionary organisation." So mote it be.

* We're still closed down, but we just can't shut up. John 'Nasty Nick' Altman has joined the Heavy Metal Kids and those risqué rascals at Get Ready To Roll have gorn and interviewed him. Have a butchers here. The Kids are now so old they make Gal look like a refugee from Twilight.

* And while we're here, our mates Swagga have stuck Rude Boys on Youtube.

* STOP PRESS. The legendary Big Country will be back playing live UK shows in January – with Mike Peters from The Alarm on vocals. The band formed by the late great former Skids guitarist Stuart Adamson exploded onto the scene in 1983 with such anthems as ‘Fields Of Fire’ and ‘In A Big Country’. They released eight Top Ten studio albums before Stuart’s suicide in 2001. The new line-up is: Tony Butler – bass and vocals; Mark Brzezicki – drums and vocals; Mike Peters – guitar and vocals; Bruce Watson – guitar and vocals; Jamie Watson – guitar. The four announced dates kick off at Newcastle O2 Academy on 5th January 2011; tickets £20, except London £22.50.

Sept 8. We interrupt our blog silence with the shock news that Terence Hayes may shortly be WM no longer. The revered scholar and gentleman of Oi has advised the committee that it is currently his intention to step down from his central role at the Pranksters’ grand Festivus ceremony in December. Several leading Pranksters are trying to talk him out of it, but, in the event of them failing and Tel assuming the exalted post of IPM (Immediate Past Master), the position of WM will be filled by the Gonads acting comrade manager FB until further notice. (The existing IPM, Ronnie Rouman, has already moved on to the mysterious 18th degree or Rose CrOIx otherwise known as "The Ancient & Accepted Rite for England and Wales and its Districts and Chapters Overseas"). Said Effete El: “We will be sad to lose Terence just ten years into his tenure, but if he does step down, we can look forward to the installation of FB. This ceremony traditionally takes several weeks to complete and involves psychotic clowns, pedal-steel bands, bare-chested barmaids, representatives of the New York Knights Templars, much lager and many extremely hot curries.” So might it be.

Sept 5. Phew. We finished recording The Gonads' Greater Hits today and the mixing should be done by the weekend. Thanks again to the Charlton Boys - Chris, Jez, Frazzle and Dave - who came along to supply back vocals. And to Del-Boy's big brother FB who was doing a nice line in Gonads Rogue Crew sweat-shirts. (Oi! If these are 'official bootlegs' where's the band's cut? - Nads Legal Team). Blog silence will again be resumed until we have things that need to be said. In the meantime, here's some random bollo:

*One pal who didn’t make it down to the studio was good old Terry Hayes, WM. Tel said he would “have summa that” but in the event the great man was far too busy spreading the word of the Lord – and we don’t mean Waistrel. Have a look here.

* Our pals Long Tall Shorty had a funny old time in Chemnitz, East German last weekend. Backhand Fee Tone tells us: "The place makes Toxteth look like Kensington - derelict buildings, bomb sites, etc, etc. We went down a treat with the kids, but I think a spoon player would have done just as well as I doubt that they get too many bands there! The deal was Shorty got all the door money. It got to 9pm and we asked, "Who's taking the door money?" "Oh," they replied. "We don't charge to get in." Spinal Tap or what! We did get paid but I still can't figure out how." A passing Fat Col observes "They probably weighed 'em out to make sure they went home", but frankly we feel that remarks like that are completely uncalled for.

*The Rejects are back from their South American jaunt. Word is the clubs were modestly sized but the punters were hanging off the rafters - and they knew all the words. The Business should avoid trying to follow in their footsteps, however. One Brazilian Oi fan tells us "The Business are absolutely hated in Argentina, Mickey Fitz would not get out alive." Anyone know why?

* Boston pop punk combo A Loss For Words have just brought out an album of Tamla Motown covers. This ten-track CD called 'Motown Classics' includes them trampling all over such timeless gems as 'My Girl', 'Tears Of A Clown' and 'You Can't Hurry Love'. It's on the Paper & Plastick label. These shameless musical vandals play UK dates from 15th September. Oi oi that's yer lot...

Sept 2. Typical. Bleedin’ typical! You’re trying to maintain a dignified blog silence and lo and behold, suddenly – a mere nine months late – the CD version of ‘Glorious Bastards’ turns up from the mighty but mysterious herberts over at Contra Records. We were beginning to think we’d fallen victim to Billy Mitchell’s masterful post-theft operation, a criminal plot-line so exciting that even the EastEnders writers have forgotten abhart it. Anyway, we’re sticking the eighteen track beauty up for sale on the shop page, and then going back to hibernation.

Sept 1. RIP Chinese Tim, a good friend of the band. You will be missed Timmy. We will go to your restaurant, get one drink, and then we’ll go.