Oct 20th. This blog is now closed until further notice. Please address complaints to anyone who gives a fuck. Yours charmlessly Fat Col ‘Charlton till I die’ Gannon.

*NOW available: The Gonads ‘Glorious Bastards’ 18-track CD (£10+ p&p), the last five copies of the classic ‘Live Free, Die Free’ CD (also a cockle), Gonads Back & Barking t-shirts and ‘Hoolies’ Gal’s ultimate guide to British youth cults – all on sale now from shop page on this site. Hoolies covers skins, punks, Casual, Glory Boys, Mods, anarcho-punks and the rest. It has been called as “the best book on youth cults ever written” by Garry Johnson and “the definitive book on Youth culture” by Watford Jon. Deliveries guaranteed by mid-November.

* The Cockney Rejects documentary film East End Babylon is coming on apace, with more than 80 hours of footage in the can. The doc will tell the story of the band and also chart the sad decline of the old East End.

*Advance notice if you live in the Notts area; our old mates Cass Pennant and Carlton Leach are starring in an Evening With show at the Home Lounge Bar on 19th November. Tickets here.

* Don’t forget to watch Never Mind The Buzzcocks this series – there will be a couple of BIG surprises in the spot-the-star round.

Oct 19. Furious members of apolitical charity FONG last year rallied to defend the “good name” of the Gravesend Goosesteppers. “It is disturbing that a band can be stigmatized simply for exercising their freedom of speech in a totally traditional English way,” said spokesman Ron Ribbentrop of the Chingford Ku Klux Klan. “They are artists whose songs will last for a thousand years.” FONG (the Friends of Nick Griffin) has pledged to turn out in force at all future Goosesteppers gigs. “It’s no hardship,” said Ron. “We’re there anyway.” However all future shows will also be picketed by POOF, the Peoples’ Organisation Opposing Fascism. “The working class cannot tolerate a resurgence of Nazism in any form,” said spokesman Tarquin Che Downton-Abbey, a leading anti-fascist who spent ten years in postgraduate research dedicated to detecting institutional racism in road traffic signs, service station cutlery and board-games. Speaking from his family estate in Hampstead, Tarquin, known as Red Tarko, went on: “The common folk must unite against the Goosesteppers, their very existence is a threat to everything that made Britain great, such as travelling communities, squatters, EU membership and widespread immigration from Somalia.” The growing row has even had an impact in Germany, where the all-powerful Grey-Watch website is offering 24 hour rolling coverage. Herr Josef Stasi-Smallhausen of OCT – the Organisation for Correct Thinking – said “Clearly anyone who isn’t an active Marxist, or a non-white transgender vegan is automatically suspect.” What any of this has to do with us is anyone’s guess.

Oct 18. The Gonads Greater Hits Volume One album will now be officially available from January 11th 2011, with a launch party later that month. Global tour dates to follow.

*Some rascal has played a cruel joke on Mick Maverick, sending our rock-hard bass ace a message purportedly from Kiria’s management telling him that the beauty wants him to be washed and taken to her dressing room after her album launch on Thursday. A stunned Mick’s only comment was “Fuck” to which FB replied “You will be.” Allyson Maverick’s thoughts on the matter have not yet been recorded.

* Self-styled apolitical band the Gravesend Goosesteppers yesterday denied that they were associated with the far-Right. Singer Laurence Hilter tells us “It’s all an unfortunate coincidence. We took our name from watching a beautiful flock of geese emerge from a pond on an idyllic Kentish farm. There’s nothing dodgy about that. Why must people try and read political innuendo into it? It makes me spit. OK, it’s true that we released an album on a label run by the well-known Irish extremist Mush O’Lini, but that was a complete accident.” Asked about the worrying runes on the album sleeve, Laurence said “We thought they were from Led Zeppelin IV.” And the large picture of Hitler on the disc itself? “Isn’t that Charlie Chaplin?” Asked why the band agreed to play an ultra-rightwing rally in Scandinavia, he explained “It only happened because our tour manager Herr Otto Flick can’t speak Swedish and the promoter told him the big event would be a load of jolly old herberts having a laugh.” Tousle-haired cheeky-chappie Laurence then insisted that he was “just a normal geezer, my life” and begged the watching punk world to “give us a second chance” and “don’t judge a book by its cover” adding “If this rumour gets out I’ll lose my job as a Guardian editorial writer.” The Goosesteppers’ new album, Tamara Belongs To Me, is released next year on April 20th on the Seagull label. Entirely innocent tracks include: ‘My Old Man’s A Brown Shirt’, ‘Knees Up Eva Braun’, ‘I’m Forever Blowing Goebbels’, ‘If You Vant To Know The Time Ask The Gestapo (Or We’ll Shoot You)’, ‘Wish Me Luck As You Wave Me Sieg Heil’, ’50 Ways To Lose Your Fuehrer’ and ‘One State, One People, One Apolitical Lead Singer’. Their world tour begins in Austria, followed by the Czech Republic, Poland, Belgium, Luxembourg, the Netherlands, France, Denmark and Norway before entering Russia in June and conking out somewhere on the outskirts of Volgograd (formerly known as Stalingrad). Band spokesman Siegfried Line said that English dates were extremely unlikely. Please note: the story above is work of fiction. Any resemblance to anyone alive, dead or worryingly naive is entirely coincidental.

Oct 17. Bad news for East End Badoes fans (Sid and Doris Poplar). Word on the streets, man, is that Tel Hayes has broken up the band – he just hasn’t told the others yet. We confidently expect two rival versions of the Badoes to emerge next year.

Oct 16. Curvy Gonadette dancer (and actress/model) Angelica Fenny certainly made an impression on Friday night. We were contacted yesterday by a porn baron who happened to be in the audience and wants our girl to star in one of his filthy flicks. We’re shocked. There is no way a Gonadette could be involved in something so degrading. Well, not unless she passes our own intensive ‘baby oil’ test first.

* The lovely Kiria tells us she is smitten with our sterling bass ace Mick Maverick. Must be his well-hung Gonads backdrop...

The new Maximumrocknroll is out now featuring an Irish scene report, plus interviews with Blake Schwarzenbach's the Forgetters, Acephalix, Hank IV and more.

Heavy news: A man was allegedly beaten to death in Washington DC on Friday after an Agnostic Front show at the DC9 Nightclub. He is said to have thrown a brick through the club's front window, club employees then chased him down the block and inflicted a fatal pasting. Five men have been arrested. Our man in Washington tells us the tragic incident had nothing to do with Agnostic Front and everything to do with the guy failing to get served after-hours.

Oct 15. Oh what a night! The Garage gig was a sensation with the Cockney Rejects on top form, a fine opening slot from Long Tall Shorty and a 45 minute Gonads set which witnessed the coming of the Frankenskin, with his carers – catwalk model Harriet and the 36HH model/actress and dancer Angelica. Herberts in attendance included Cass Pennant, Kiria, Frankie ‘Boy’ Flame, Big Badoe Dom, Kidder, Monti, Vanessa from the Misogynes, Gary Scott from the Emerald Dogs and ravishing Wattsie Watts who dubbed it “the gig of the year.” Allyson Maverick organised a fearsome fifteen-strong away firm from Milton Keynes. There were probably more faces in too, but we’re still too hypnotised by the vision of beauty that is six foot brunette Harriet to recall them. Even Tony Feedback reckoned “that girl could turn Julian Clary straight”. Thanks to Dave for handling the merch, to FB for his sterling services, to our security consultant Gary ‘ICF’ Thompson, and Kev The Hammer for having the vision to make it all happen. Apologies for absence were received from the Beast, Steve Whale and the Charlton Boys – sadly the entire barmy Gonads Army were laid low by Chris Weeks’s wisdom tooth. Onwards and upwards, oh our brothers and only friends, onwards and upwards.

Tonight’s set list: Punk Rock Till I Die, The Growler, Alconaut, Franken-Skin, Grant Mitchell, Gob, Oi Mate, British Steel, SE7 Dole Day, Big Balls, I Lost My Love To A UK Subs, Tattooed Love Girl and Tuckers. PS. The WM was said to be in the audience but he came incognito. According to one source he has “grown his hair like a girlie”. But rumours that Tel has “gorn transvestite” were angrily denied by the barman in his local Essex pub, The Cock And Frock.

Oct 14. Vive Le Rock launched tonight at Horatio’s, North London, attracting a host of rock ’n’ roll personalities and Garrie Lammin. The Grit were due to play but pulled out after breaking two guitar strings (Amateurs – FB). This excellent new mag from Big Cheese guru Eugene Butcher is addicted to punk, new wave, glam, garage, mod, and all rock’n’roll bad boys. Issue one, devoted to the Ramones and their remains, is out now and is available from WH Smiths and all major newsagents. You can order it on line here.

Oct 13. This new ITV2 show The Only Way Is Essex is shocking – where is the WM? Surely El Tel is Essex Man personified? He’s even got the vajazzle. Trivia fans might care to note that the Wright family are related to the Murphys who used to run the Bridgehouse in Canning Town. Mark’s unseen dad Jason is Glen Murphy’s cousin, a car dealer who once dated Page 3 stunner Maria Whittaker. (Continued KO! Magazine)

Oct 12. OK, slight change of plans, old fruits, the Friday gig is now ending at 11pm so the show times have changed. It’s doors: 7.00PM. 7:45 – 8:15pm Shorty; 8.30 – 9.15: Us; 9.45 – 11pm The Cockney Rejects.

Oct 11. Friday’s gig with the Rejects is an early start because the Garage closes at 10pm. We’ll be on at about 7.45pm for a 45 minute set. The Franken-Skin will be joining us in style. Please Note: First Wave are no longer the opening act; Long Tall Shorty are! (What? No Postmen? – The ghost of John Peel)

* Our pal Nina-C has teamed up with Steve ‘The Baron’ Gill, both pictured below, to record a charity single for injured British veterans. Nina’s great reggae track, Let’s Rock, is released on November 15th. It needs just 15,000 downloads to chart and profits will be split between BLESMA (British Limbless Ex Service Men's Association) and Help For Heroes. Hear it here. Let’s have it!

10/10/10. It’s the luckiest day in the calendar – unless you’re Gal and the Heavy Metal Kids. Blame gremlins, the taste police or the ghost of Gary Holton, but we’re told that after the first minute all of the sound on the podcast they recorded on Friday “becomes completely garbled and unintelligible” (pretty much like Gal after eighteen pints of Stella and a vindaloo.) See this is what happens when you hire Mr Tickle from the 12 Bar as an engineer. To spare the old boys’ blushes we’ll just change the subject and ask the lovely Mrs Tickle this vital question: clowns, are they funny fuckers?

To add insult to injury, Southend Waterstones has now cancelled the book signing session for Gal’s Bushell On The Rampage book of memoirs. The store had initially agreed to stage the event, but it seems they were worried that the session might attract former Mods, skinheads, punks, Glory Boys and other "unsavory" characters who don’t read the Guardian. We’re told that Mr Courtney's appearance at the Bromley shop along with a few faces from various terraces and punk bands, was the catalyst. They obviously don’t want real people upsetting any genteel literary types. They don’t mind taking our money though... Acting as Mr Bushell’s literary agent, a furious Garry Johnson has now cancelled all future Waterstones signing sessions for the book.

.*Our nefarious New York associate André Schlesinger has composed a spooky trailer for Comet Press’s new book Deadcore – featuring four new and terrifying zombie novellas. Gal’s own gripping tale of zombie skinheads, called Brutal Assault, features in the Comet horror collection, Deadlines. He is currently working on a graphic novel about the Franken-Skin.

Oct 8. Gal recorded his latest podcast with the legendary Heavy Metal Kids today. The lads, now including Nasty Nick Cotton star John Altman, were in plugging their ace new single, Uncontrollable – inspired, Gal claimed, by his bladder - and their impending UK tour. Somehow John, Cosmo, Keith Boyce and Justin McConville squeezed into the deluxe studio, said by Gal to be “no bigger than a fat bird’s coffin.” The resulting show was a riot of indiscretions, most of which will have to be censored before the pod is made available. Even Batttttty got a mention. Later the party reconvened at the 12 Bar Club where in time-honoured fashion other characters were drawn to their magnetic personalities like flies to a fresh turd, including Bev Elliott and Barnet Mark (but of course), veteran DJ Dave Cash, passing PR Zoie Wainwright (we’re pretty sure donkeys only evolved so that Zoie could talk their hind legs off) and Tommy Tickle, the psychotic clown featured on BBC2’s Clowns documentary who now runs the 12 Bar caff, with his lovely wife. Apparently their wedding night was virgin on the ridiculous. Anyway the podcast also featured Redtrack, Deadline, First Wave, The Big, The Black Angels and many more – but not the Badoes because the studio system refused to play it. Tsk. Everyone’s a critic. We’ll let you know when it’s up.

Oct 7. Our mates Argy Bargy are off to Germany on Saturday to play Diana Schuler’s Black Forest venue, which we like to think of as the House of Pain. The lads are keeping busy. They’ve recorded a song called ‘Thirty Years’ for the new Oi comp, and two tracks for a split single with the mighty T.H.U.G. from Down Under (Kingy from Rose Tattoo is their bassist). Argy are back in the studio next month too to record songs for a split album with the magnificent Stomper 98. BTW we hear that Diana owns a trout farm. No tackle jokes by request. And don’t remind us of the time Fat Col went fishing with a dyslexic angler who caught a crap.

*Can this be true? Gal and Nick Welsh are rumoured to be writing a single for Barbara Windsor...

* Me First & The Gimme Gimmes have been in the studio recording a cover of an INXS song.

* Calling all skins! The Big40 Events in association with BigShot sound system proudly present the second skinhead uprising – next May in Taff Land. Where? Dempsey's, 15 Castle Street, Cardiff, Wales, Look You, United Kingdom. When? Saturday, May 28, 2011 and Sunday, May 29, 2011. How much? Tickets £6.00 in advance only. Details to follow.

Oct 5. Random news compiled by Sandra: Rancid have posted a new video for their 2000 song ‘I Am Forever’ on youtube - here.

Killjoy bastards working for Johnny Marr have scuppered Harry Hill’s plans to spoof Smiths songs on his new comedy album, Funny Times. Shame. We like Harry, although heaven knows he’s miserable now...

Oct 4. FB has resurfaced after his mysterious absence with an explanation that we should all have seen coming. It seems that our trusty Associate Comrade Manager hasn’t been AWOL at all; he has merely been on a covert mission authorised by Lord Waistrel himself – a mission that has seen the great man travelling throughout Eastern Europe, and even meeting one promoter (vulgar Olga) in the shadow of the Kremlin. You’ll understand more when next year’s tour dates are officially announced. We are relieved but also slightly miffed that Waistrel didn’t bother letting any of us know. Bloody aristos! FB’s return means that Chris Weeks can stand down as tour manager; but Chris remains as Nads stand-by tour manager and security co-ordinator.

Six signs your associate manager is secretly working with the KGB: 6) You ask where he’s been for the last three weeks and he mutters: “That’s classified information, dude.” 5) He tries to pay the band’s bar bill with roubles. 4) During sound-check, he leans into the bass bin and whispers: “Red sky in Bournemouth... do you copy, Comrade?” 3) You catch him in the 12 Bar sharing a bottle of vodka with Paul Hallam 2) Your new drum tech is the embalmed corpse of V.I. Lenin 1) The Beast is suddenly admitted to hospital suffering from acute polonium poisoning (with apologies to Letterman).

Oct 2. Gal finished the signing sessions for his Bushell On The Rampage book in Wigan today. He’s asked us to pass on his thanks to all the ex-skins, punks and Nads fans who brightened up the journey, not least Mad Girl Allie who bought him a fine Wigan pie, Dave from the flute band, and Tommy from Wales. Former Sounds punk writer Jai Hadgraft turned up at the Manchester signing and reminded Gal of the time he was stalked by a Northern punkette cruelly nicknamed “Megan the Man”. Apparently Megan ended up going man-on-man with one of the Steves from the Business. Mr. Whale denies it was him and claims it was Steve Kent. Jai, who was there, begs to differ...

Anyway if you missed the signings you can get a signed copy from the Gonads shop. We’d also recommend Gal’s book Hoolies which according to Garry Johnson is “the best book on youth cults ever written.” To all who asked, yes we will play Wigan – just ask a promoter to get in touch.

*And while we’re talking great works of punk literature, Dewar MacLeod’s Kids Of The Black Hole has just come out. Subtitled ‘Punk Rock In Post-suburban California’, it tells the story of how the L.A. scene half-inched ideas from London and New York to become a distinct and inspirational subculture in its own right. It’s published by the University Of Oklahoma Press for about £13.

* André Schlesinger, ex of New York’s pioneering Oi band The Press, tells us he is now beginning post production on the vinyl release of The Complete Press, a cooperative effort between Contra and Insurgence. It will come with a pull-out newspaper which will include interviews, stories, pictures and hopefully a brand new Garry Johnson poem.

Oct 1st. Given FB’s mysterious on-going disappearance, mighty Mick Maverick yesterday appointed Chris ‘The Dust’ Weeks as our new acting tour manager. Ex-squaddie Chris will mastermind band transportation and gig security for the foreseeable future until FB is found. Gal tells us: “We are very concerned about FB, it’s not like him. Wherever he is and whatever his problems, we stand by him. But at the same time, the Nads must march on and as January Jones is not available we are very pleased to welcome Charlton top boy Chris Weeks to the helm.” All gig enquiries should now be made direct to waistrel@the-gonads.co.uk. No time-wasters.  

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