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Please note the items you are about to read consist largely of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation.
As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked. Its informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully thought through.

Nov 30. Brilliant artist Joe Wise has rustled up a punk-tastic cover design for our new album, The Gonads Greater Hits Vol 1 – all we’ll say is “Eddie eat yer heart out!” Terence Hayes WM came round for an exclusive play-back of the tracks at the weekend and was “bowled over” by them”. Tel went on: “This moves the Gonads into another league. Don’t wear socks when you listen to this album because it will blow them clean off.”

Our mate Nina C’s single ‘Let’s Rock’ is out NOW! Have a listen on YouTube and please buy here. All profits will go to BLESMA and Help4Heroes. 30,000 sales will put it into the Top Ten. Come on!

Gal continues to reach out in the spirit of punk camaraderie to Mark P, reminding the great ATV frontman of his 1977 quote in ZigZag: "I stand by what Zappa said. The worst audience is one that mildly claps and shows nothing each way. I'd have to walk off then. If they boo it's the same as a cheer... they're listening and feeling." Gal says: “I listened to your solo stuff Mark, and I felt, mate, honestly I did. I felt sick mostly, but I felt. ATV were blinding, though.”

*This year’s punk rock panto is at the 100 Club on 29th December, starring Eddie Tudorpole, the Members and more.

Nov 27. Thursday’s big 100 Club benefit gig was a mega-success, but good as the bands were it was our own Wattsie Watts who was the talking point of the night. Looking like a cross between Paloma Faith and Bonnie Parker from Bonnie & Clyde, La belle Watts breezed through the crowd in long gloves and matching beret turning heads left right and centre. When Chas Hodges came off stage he made a beeline for her to kiss her hand, while Roddy Radiation sent his manager over with a card saying “Any time you want to see the Specials...” (Yeah, that old chestnut!) She tells us: “Gloves must do something to a bloke cos three separate strangers came up and kissed my hand.” Rumours that Prince William saw the pictures and had second thoughts about Kate can’t be confirmed. We even had a little Barclay’s over them ourselves. Tsk. And to think all she ever wore for us were Marigolds.

*Gal’s invitation to Sniffin Glue pioneer Mark Perry to join him on his next podcast has not been well received. Apparently Gal gave the ATV front-man a rather unkind review for his solo work back in the Sounds days. A ‘disgrace to Deptford’ were his exact words – and thirty years on they still sting. Although as Kev the Hammer observed, “Be fair, Mark, it was pretty shite.” Gal, who never remembers who he slags off from one week to the next, protests that “I loved ATV though.” Nonetheless we’re assured by Fit Bird that the new Rancid Sounds will be up before Xmas followed early in the New Year by a reprise of Puke Box Jury featuring Max Splodge and Bev Elliott.

RIP Throbbing Gristle’s Peter ‘Sleazy’ Christopherson who died at home in Bangkok, Thailand on Wednesday.

Advance notice: Viva Las Vegas play the exotic Charlton Conservative Club next February. Barnet has agreed to learn ‘Into The Valley’ as a sop to the Charlton Boys who will be there in force. Please note: in SE7, blue is not the colour.

Nov 26. Fat Col has received death threats since threatening to organise a pro-fox hunting benefit concert. But the defiant ginger gut-bucket simply says: “Good. Bring it on. Punk is supposed to challenge the establishment and PC thinking is the new orthodoxy.” His future gigs will, he says, include one for PETA (that’s People For The Edible Treatment of Animals), Stuff The Taleban (with bacon), Stop Global Whining, and Hurrah For The Royal Wedding. He’ll be getting t-shirts done next: What would Bernard Manning say?

*The great Vince Riordan turned up on the Buzzcocks last night! He was described as “working for the government” in a secret location and looked like that meant breaking rocks on Dartmoor. Even more surprisingly the other four people in the line-up are the new Badoes (gag!) No Vinnie looked great. The early clip of the Rejects was terrific. Keep watching cos there is one more big surprise for lovers of early brickwall punk to come...

* Kiria’s fetish club gig is on for Saturday week. She just rang us up saying “I need a giant penis.” We’ve given her a number for Brian Cowen.

Nov 25. More details of Tuesday night are coming to light. Dave Courtney turned up driving a souped-up hearse and teased Manic Esso with fat jibes for most of the night, demanding “cuddles!” Manic responded by branding the infamous sleb gangster “camper than I am.” A world class wind-up merchant, Manic even unsettled Lars who’d kindly offered him some chocolate orange at the end. The beefy ex-Lurker snapped: “Why are you offering me that? Is it because I’m fat? Who are you anyway? What do you do?” It was like the “You think I’m funny?” moment in Goodfellas. The riotous evening saw Animal exposed as “a tightwad” by his Anti-Nowhere League members (who then left without paying for their own beer), aging juveniles Gal and the WM berating Eugene for the “tiny type face” used in Vive Le Rock, and Buster refusing to leave the pub until way after closing time when he was finally lured out with the promise of more booze. The drunken fool then ordered beer for everyone (even the non-drinkers) just as we were all leaving the curry-house. Gal, who was “legless enough to be on Coppers” was subsequently seen staggering down the High Street with three huge open bottles of Bangla in his jacket pockets. The WM had to steer him home. His feeble excuse for getting as pissed as a hundred sailors? “The pub ran out of Abbot Ale so I switched to Stella.” Oh and DC’s dodgy party turned out to involve footballers and female porn stars, which is all that needs to be said. Lars has now flown home. Can you blame him?

An emergency meeting of the punk rock curry club has now ‘blacklisted’ the Indian for taking too long to serve the food. Attempts by Messrs Wyeth and Esso to relocate the club to West London have been immediately over-ruled.

* We’ve been asked to mention that the West Yorkshire Hunt Sabs Ball Fundraising Gig is on Saturday – an all-dayer for £4 at the Gasworks, Bradford, with bands playing from 3pm to midnight. Headliners: the Sewer Suckers. Food: ‘a veggie cake stall’ (!) Unfortunately this event has been condemned as “a fuckin’ crustie circus” and “dip-shit drippy hippy bollo” by an enraged Fat Col who says he is going to organise a pro-fox hunting event to help “eradicate vermin”. Any bands who wish to join his cause should contact Mr Gannon immediately. The Beast sabotaged a hunt once. He got up early and shot the fox.

Xmas Book Sale! Gal’s big Christmas book sale is now on! Special offers include: Hoolies (“the definitive guide to UK youth cults” - £8.99 including UK p&p), his memoirs Bushell On The Rampage for just £13.60 (incl UK p&p), The World According To Garry Bushell - £8 (plus p&p), 1001 Reasons Why EastEnders Is ‘Pony’ - £6 (plus p&p), and pulp fiction crime novels The Face and Two-Faced at a special price of £5 each (plus p&p). All direct from here. Get in quick while stock lasts!

Nov 24. Where to begin? Great night last night. We only wish we could remember all of it. Long story short, after the OOC meeting the Committee and the North West Kent Pranksters threw together a magnificent ruby in honour of a visiting Lars Frederiksen. In attendance were Gal, Steve Whale, Millwall Roi, the WM, a very thirsty Buster Blooodvessel, Animal plus two other Anti-Nowhere League stalwarts, John King, Mark Wyeth (Symarip), David Courtney, Robin Guy, Eugene Butcher (Viva La Rock), Manic Esso (GLM, ex Lurkers, ex Gonads), and half a dozen others whose names have evaporated into the ether. So what can we tell you? Well, Lars has spent the last two days tattooing in Chapel Market, JK’s veggie nonsense, sorry, novel is still unfinished, DC invited us somewhere dodgy, the WM’s new recordings are said to be “a wizard wheeze” and poor old Roi is wrestling with Bell’s Palsy, but apart from that...nothing. Sorry. It may take some days for our brain cells to recover. Apologies for absence were received from Stinky Turner (babysitting), Oxo Tom (at an awards do) and Fatty Lol (on Kent radio).

*Don’t miss Buzzcocks tomorrow night, they said cryptically...

Nov 23. The WM made a surprise visit to Oi HQ last night. Even more surprising was his magnificent, majestic mane of grey hair. Terry is currently sporting the type of long, flowing locks usually seen on a Cavalier, a renaissance poet or a unicorn. This has sparked rumours that he may be forming a new ‘wrock’ (Harry Potter-inspired wizard rock) band. Tel would not be drawn on the subject. He did however mention something about maybe going back to the old Badoes line-up after all but we can’t tell you more because unfortunately at that point we dropped off.

Nov 22. The Specials have lined up a big old European tour for 2011. It kicks off in Amsterdam (Paradiso) on 15th September and ends at Ally Pally on 3rd November. The 2-Tone troopers will do 13 UK dates including Coventry, Hull, Bournemouth, Glasgow, Cardiff and Wolverhampton (possibly in honour of Neville whose own hampton generally features enthusiastically in the after-show r&r). Tickets go on sale on Friday week (3rd December) at 9am.

*New Gonads interview up on the net, here.

Nov 21. Random stuff: the Cockney Rejects are back in the studio next month working on their new album... Gal has written two new songs ‘Devil Skin’ and ‘Die Heroes’ said to be “belters” by Sandy Lane...the Oi Organising Committee meeting is on for Tuesday... The Agitators play the Maiden’s Head, Canterbury tonight. Entrance free.

Nov 20. Allies of the old Badoes are attempting to rally against the new line-up recruited by the WM. One embittered South London punk veteran tells us “Mr. Hayes has gone round the Oliver Twist. All this talk of a ‘Stockbroker Belt influence’ are wide of the mark. He has conveniently forgotten his own affluence (and flatulence) as he sits around his suburban Essex chateau sipping fine red wine, watching old episodes of Only Fools And Horses, breaking wind and scheming take-overs. So much for birds of a feather.” The source goes on: “Terry Hayes is the Fagin of Oi with a bit of Mary Poppins’s gor-blimey chimney sweep thrown in. He only had so many kids cos he was planning to send ’em all up the chimneys of East London – a scheme that failed to pay off as he seems to have forgotten that most normal people have moved on to gas or electricity. By the sound of it his so-called ‘new Cockney Badoes’ will consist of soap-dodging street urchins, Chas & Dave’s roadie, a redundant coalman, a bewildered Pearly King and the school dinner lady.” Strong stuff indeed. But is it too little too late? We hear that the Jolly Pranksters have already booked the new Badoes for next month’s Festivus – and there is no higher honour. We can also reveal that Tel has just become a Prior in the Knights Of Avalon, a secretive organisation open only to Pranksters who have painstakingly attained the fourth degree of enlightenment (most Pranksters never progress beyond the third). This we are told will link the WM to a “higher power” whose teachings go back to the founding fathers of the movement. What larks! Memo to the Badoes (whatever line-up): there are only 762 days until the Mayan calendar ends, do try and get that debut album finished before the apocalypse. It only took you thirty bleedin’ years to record a debut ep.

Nov 18. A belated happy birthday to punk goddess Bev Elliott. A great friend of the band and Gal’s very own tattoo twin, Bevvy celebrated her 51st in Brighton this week with Captain Sensible, Charlie Harper and their Japanese wives (wot? no Peter Test-tube?). Good luck at hospital today, darlin’.

Rancid have started recording live weekly video sessions called Rancid: Live From The Living Room. They’ll be posting a new vid with no overdubs or studio touch-ups every Monday. Wrongful Suspicions is already up on YouTube. Other acoustic and electric renditions of Rancid classics will follow, along with the occasional tasty cover.

The new twelve song Evil Conduct album is out on Randale at the end of this month. A limited edition 100 copies will be pressed on red vinyl.

Nads ad: For sale. Wedding dress, worn once by mistake. Contact Janette Gannon, West Kent Divorcee Club.

Nov 18. John Sinclair, founder of the revolutionary White Panthers and one-time manager of the MC5, is recording a new album with the Bermondsey Joyriders. Proof if any were needed that marijuana mangles the mind, sniffs an unkind passer-by. Speaking from Bermondsey, Mr. Sinclair, 69, told us: “Who am I? Where’s my dinner? Has anyone seen matron?”

*Nads ad: Lost! The Beast. Last seen in Pat Collier’s recording studio making a 90 second personal appearance in September. If found, please do not feed, pet or sign deal with.

*Batman’s latest enemy is a dyed-in-the-wool Cockernee villain known as the Pearly King. Tsk. That bloody Terry Hayes, moonlighting again. No doubt his old mate Skully will turn up as ‘Robbin’

*STOP PRESS: the Save The 100 Club campaign is putting on a quality Ska and R&B benefit knees up next Thursday (25th), hosted by Lenny Beige, with Roddy Radiation, Chas Hodges, great DJs and special guests. Tickets £20 a pop on the door; £17.50 in advance.

Nov 17. Oi, if you’re in London this Saturday don’t forget that Sham 69 are playing the Garage with Mark Perry’s Alternative TV and supports The Anoraks and Shag Nasty. Sham also play the Westcoast bar, Margate, on Sunday, with The Warriors and Shag Nasty.

*The Mighty Mighty Bosstones have unveiled details of their three day Xmas Hometown Throwdown in Boston. The line-up, from 26th to 28th December, includes Less Than Jake, We Are The Union, The Flatliners and DYS.

*Nads small ad. Looking for a job? We’re doing one on Monday. Meet outside the Eltham branch of Nationwide, 3pm prompt. Ask for Boris The Blade. Bring your own balaclava.

*Joining the Rebellion bill: the Heavy Metal Kids, Captain Sensible, The Outcasts, the Anti-Nowhere League, Pipes & Pints and the Surfin Turnips. Tickets £80 in advance for all four days until 30th November. After that, they’re a ton.

*How sweet. There’s already a Stuff The Royal Wedding festival planned for next summer. You mean-spirited bastards. Kate Middleton (or PILF as she’ll soon be, before becoming a QILF) has just slipped a finger in Diana’s ring, making her the first person to do so since James Hewitt.

Nov 16. A French bird enquires as to whether we can support Cock Sparrer near Paris next month for beer (French beer), croissants and travel expenses. Yeah, and maybe we’ll bring our plumber mates along as well to sort out your central heating for their bus fare and a plate of frogs’ legs too, love. We’ll be certain to reply just as soon as we work out what the French is for “On yer bike and make sure the dog-catcher don’t see ya.”

*Fat Col, sorry, Mr X, has received a reply to his small ad requesting an undiscerning round-buying nymphomaniac for a weekend in Cardiff. A Miss Lusty Dusty emails to say, quite accurately: ‘With your looks we have to warn you, you have two chances, none and fuck all.’ She goes on: ‘Ask Roddy Moreno to sort you out one of his look-alike Cardiff skinhead (alleged) girls - she'll get a round in, one as big as her arse! They come in three ages: old, ‘kin’ old and ancient!’

Today’s Nads Ad: New members urgently needed by the Suicide Girls. Based Los Angeles. Must have own razor blade. (To have your small ad considered for publication please send the words plus appropriate payment. Currencies accepted include Sterling, Euros, dollars, rubles, rupees, koruna, Viagra, sulphate, lager and Codeine.)

* Kiria’s next London gig is at a fetish club and she’s asking people to come in nightwear. So Wattsie will be digging out her Winceyette nightie and pink nylon quilted house-coat. Mick Maverick comes in his nightwear just thinking about Kiria...

Nov 15. Social Distortion release their new single, ‘Machine Gun Blues’ as a download tomorrow. It’s the first taste of their new and delayed Epitaph album, Hard Times and Nursery Rhymes (due out 18 Jan)

Nads Small Ad: Nympho required for a weekend break to Cardiff; must have own wheels and all own teeth. NO MIDDLE CLASS. Must buy round. If interested contact Mr X c/o Fat Col Gannon at the usual address.

Nov 14. Random tour news: Iron Maiden play a UK arena tour next summer kicking off in Glasgow at the SECC on July 20 and ending at the London O2 on 5th August... The Levellers have added five new dates to their March tour, including Liverpool and Bournemouth...The Oppressed’s first UK show for 2011 is at Pivo Pivo Glasgow on January 22... GBH are back at BH2 for two dates in Jan (15 and 16)

Nads Small Ad: Calling all OI! POETS! Annoyed by your non-inclusions on the new, 30th anniversary Oi album? Why not send your odes where they will be used to good effect? Contact Big Billy Boy c/o The Venerable Bard Bog Paper Specialists Ltd, Arnos Grove.

Nov 14. Confusion surrounds the WM as he continues to issue a series of bizarre statements about the state of play in the Badoes camp. “Careless talk costs lives,” he texts. “You do not sack the boss” – a reference to allegations that the rest of the band had been secretly plotting to over-throw him before his pre-emptive strike. He goes on “Never put too much trust in friends, learn to use your enemies...Get others to play with the cards you deal... imagine the cyclone, a wind that cannot be seen – there is no defence, a cyclone sews terror and confusion.” The new Confucius then adds something about yards of ale that doesn’t make much sense unless you’ve downed a few of them. Rumours abound that Tel will revert to the original Badoes smart Casual look and may even bring back founder member Skully in a management capacity. Yet the axed former Badoes are confused by Tel’s big sacking announcement. A baffled Phil McDermott tells us that he can’t be sacked as he’d already quit the band on October 1st. “I guess when you reach your fifties like Tel the old memory starts to go,” he sniffs. Meanwhile Chelsea Dom is maintaining a dignified silence, but sources close to the great man are expecting him to launch a band of his own next year. We hope he calls them Stockbroker Belt.

* The Newtown Neurotics headline The Gaff in North London on Saturday November 27th. They’re planning to play the whole of their ‘Beggars Can Be Choosers’ album in the original running order, along with the first London airing of ‘Kick Out The Tories’ since the Con-Dem coalition slithered to power. (“Like Labour would be any better!” – Fat Col)

*The new UK Subs album, ‘Work In Progress’ will be out in January on Capt Oi. It’s their first since ‘Universal’ in 2002, and features fourteen tracks – twelve new Subs originals, a cover of ‘Strychnine’ by The Sonics, and a song they’ve co-written with Lars Frederiksen...

Nov 13. Phew! Gal returned to the Total Rock Radio studios with the Heavy Metal Kids and the resulting chaos is up and running here. (You may recall that the last show they recorded together was lost in the ether; according to Gal the session was “so hot, so funny and so outrageous” that it blew up the station’s antiquated equipment.) Anyway, it’s sorted now: listen out for John ‘Nasty Nick’ Altman’s Sid Vicious story and great tracks from Deadline, Crashed Out, Engrained, Redtrack, The Big, The Black Angels, First Wave, the Cockney Rejects, Pama International meet Mad Professor, the New Town Kings and more – including the first taster from the awesome Gonads Greater Hits collection. Too bad it was recorded before we discovered that Ronnie Thomas is a scurrilous round dodger...

*Shock news indeed on the Terry Hayes front. As predicted here, the WM has SACKED the rest of the East End Badoes and REPLACED them. The new Badoes line-up has been secretly assembled and are rehearsing next week for a December debut. El Tel reveals: “I have rounded up a full team of working class Cockneys. Gone are the stockbroker belt section who devalued what the band was all about.” So the Simon Le Bon of Oi is back. But will the bassist formerly known as Big Badoe Dom take this shocking treachery lying down?

* WARREN Fitzgerald of The Vandals has co-written and produced two songs on the new Aquabats digital EP ‘Radio Down!’.

Nov 12. Tony Feedback confirms our shock story of yesterday, but adds "The problems came after the gig because as modest as I am, it'd be true to say that both Kiria and Shona and the other female members of Kiria's band were gutted when all the attention landed on my doorstep with a stream of male and female admirers thronging the dressing room vying for my attention and trying to caress me. The following day brought a plethora of fan mail for my wicked witch look resulting in a Facebook page being set up in the name of Sharron Slutt." But Tone's Lily Savage look hasn't gone down too well with Shorty drummer Jim 'The Piddler' Piddington however, who wrote it off as "Rocky Horror and passé"; and even Cindy Jackson is snubbing him "because I look better than she does - without any surgery." Tone adds: "It isn't really a surprise that I should end my music career as a beautiful woman. Even back in the Upstarts, Mensi was always saying, 'If ye put a leather skirt on Toooone, I'd shag yer'." Presumably after administering some Mad Dog flavoured Rohypnol...

* Several concerned fans (Sid and Doris Maverick) have alerted us to a story headlined ‘What Next For Nads?’ in today’s Daily Mail, but after stealing a copy we note that the piece concerns Nadine Coyle and not us. We’re not happy about the Girls Alive beauty using our nickname, and The Beast has swung into action to negotiate an “out of court and into something more comfortable” settlement. Then we’ll see who’s insatiable...The only thing the Gonads have in common with Nadine are the record sales.

* Have a butcher's at the Nina C 'Let's Rock' video - our pal Francine Lewis plays a cleaner. Who'd have thought Fran would make such a good scrubber? It's out shortly, all proceeds to Help 4 Heroes and B.L.E.S.M.A.

* And while we're on the subject of other people's songs, King Hammond is releasing a nifty, free Xmas download: 'RUDIES IN JAIL FOR CHRISTMAS'. You can download it from the KH website.

Nov 11. Fears grow for our dear pal Tony Feedback who was last seen on a London stage with Kiria wearing lipstick and a blonde wig and answering to the name of Sharon Slut. Kiria was most put out as more punters were asking about his outfit than hers! We suspect the pernicious influence of Wattsie Watts is at work here. Has she worn Tony down with her constant drip-drip of “Why don’t you try some mascara?” and “Let me do your nails, it’ll look great”? We can’t be sure. But be warned Tone, that “I was only doing the New York Dolls” excuse won’t hold up forever. (Rumours that LTS now stands for Lairy Transvestite Slags can’t be discounted.)


* Mensi has almost killed Fat Col – indirectly. After the Pranksters Remembrance service today, the beefy buffoon sprinkled too much of the fearsome ‘Mad Dog’ sauce that Mens sent Gal on his ruby, took a Gregg Wallace sized bite and immediately started rolling on the floor, clutching his throat and crying out for water. He was last seen entering a Greenwich pub toilet carrying a four-pack of iced bog rolls.

*Terry Hayes is up to something. We can’t yet say what, but stay have been warned.

Nov 10. Paul Hallam, the Gonads’ official ambassador to Eastern Europe, is currently in the Czech Republic negotiating a number of Nads shows there for next summer. We hope to be able to announce details shortly, along with gigs in Moscow and other points east of Tubby Isaacs’s jellied eel stall. Meanwhile, before effing off to St Petersburg last month, Gal fixed up a chat with Chris and Glenn from Squeeze which has now been published in the rather fine new South London paper the Greenwich Visitor. The interview kicks off where their 1979 Sounds conflab finished...

Ska news: Roddy Radiation plays a solo gig at 2-Tone Central on Nov 20th. Special Brew headline their Xmas party there on Dec 18.

Nina C’s Help 4 Heroes/Blesma reggae single ‘Let’s Rock’ will now be released on Nov 28 (see earlier entries for details).

*The boy Cherry’s new band The Uppercuts play the Hoxton Underbelly on 18th Nov. He tells us: “Get down there cos they’re never gonna have us back!” But ain’t that true of anywhere the big lummox plays?

Nov 9. We’re back baby! And while we’re getting over the jetlag, here’s a few of the things that occurred while we were away... Our mates Resistance 77 had their launch party for their new album ‘$urvival Of The Richest’ last Friday at the Bell in Derby, although sadly in familiar Gonadian style the album itself failed to turn up in time. Still, 120 stoic souls braved the rain to enjoy sets from R77, Superyob and local support band Luddite Bastard (great name!). Sounds good but not quite as classy as Kiria’s recent launch for her debut album ‘Radio’ which took place in a West London launderette... In other news, the Adicts have been confirmed for Rebellion 2011, The Slackers’ next single is a cover of U2’s ‘New Year’s Day’, out next month. And a book on the great unlicensed boxer Cliffie Fields – who beat Lenny McLean twice - has just been published by New Breed. It’s called Cliff Field - A Cut Above The Rest.

Record news: out in the recent past: the new Crashed Out album, ‘Crash & Burn’, Engrained’s album ‘Deep Rooted’, the Swellers’ ‘Ups & Downsizing’ and the long-awaited vinyl version of The Stimulators’ ‘Loud Fast Rules!’ Plus Taang has reissued the Business/Dropkick Murphys ‘Mob Mentality’ split album on coloured vinyl.

RIP Jimmy "Dim Menace" Borghino, the original singer of 7 Seconds, who died yesterday, and Reggie King of mod legends the Action.