Please note the items you are about to read consist largely of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation. As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked. Its informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully thought through.
May 31. Record noos: THE SLACKERS’ album Peculiar has been repressed by Pirates Press and comes with a bonus 7" featuring two tracks that were not part of the original release. There are three different versions now on sale, all come in a matte-finish gatefold jacket with matching embossing and spot gloss... also out now MOTORCYCHO!, the latest album was punk rock bikers The Vicious Cycles (PP)... and Guerra Total from Barcelona’s La Inquisition – 2 x 7" EP & LVX 12" LP re-press from Contra.
Check out the Forever Oi page on Facebook – great songs every day, and not a hint of dodgy politics.
May 28. Following the shock news of Gal’s near-fatal encounter with an irate spider (a false widow, it transpires) we have been flooded with health enquiries... about the poor traumatised spider. It is understood that the angry arachnid survived but friends fear the creature will never be the same again. Meanwhile a furious Fat Col is still out looking for “this black widow bird...” (D’oh!). We told him it was actually a false widow, but he replied “Birds mate, they’re all false ain’t they?” (Double d’oh!). “Let her take a bite out of me” were his hopeful and rather too enthusiastic parting words...
May 27. Carefree wherever we may be, we are the famous CAFC , and we don’t give a fuck whoever you may be, cos we all follow the Charlton!
More good news – Gal’s new book is out today! All Or Nothing, £6.99 in paperback plus p&p from here. What’s more, Fit Bird tells us that the novel is the first in a “dynastic trilogy” and it “won’t be the only Garry Bushell novel published in 2019.” Blimey.
RECORD Noos: Phil McDermott’s other band, Blackmayne, release their second album Spat Out Of Hell next week. You can pre-order now as a download.
STOP PRESS. Gal is out of hospital after spending several hours in urgent care yesterday. He was bitten by a black widow spider causing an immediate swelling (insert your own gag here). More news when we have it...
May 26. The can-do Gonads USA are really raising their game. The lads have recruited Jake Bell from the Barroom Heroes on vocals and are lining up talented singer Alyssa (pictured) as “the American Wattsie”.
The all-Septic line-up are “getting loads of interest” and are busy setting up gigs on the east coast of the USA. Their set will be slightly different from the one currently played by the real Gonads as it includes the psychotic fury of Gob and the belligerent blast of These Are Our Streets. But which version of the Gonads will be better? We asked Harry Hill who after due consideration told us that there’s only one way to find out... FIGHT!
Gal’s new novel All Or Nothing is on sale tomorrow. You can buy the paperback for £6.99 plus £2.00 P&P direct from Caffeine Nights.
May 25. Record Noos: Lee Scratch Perry’s new album Rainford is out now, recorded with Adrian Sherwood who previously produced the Jamaican legend’s Time Boom X De Devil Dead... the Interrupters have released an acoustic version of Gave You Everything... and the Barren Marys have just released their lairy new album Wired Wrong.
May 24. Gal has been working harder than Nigel Farage’s dry-cleaners of late and all that hard labour is beginning to pay off. Gal’s latest crime novel All Or Nothing is out on Kindle from Monday and the paperback version will follow shortly. Here’s the blurb: ALL OR NOTHING. London 1966. The Swinging City, awash with youthful creativity, music and fashion, excitement and opportunity. And beneath Soho’s glittering promise lurk the shadowy men who cynically exploit it, the gangsters supplying the drugs, the women, the knocked-off booze and whatever else you need to get you through the night... if the price is right. Men like Steve Knight an East End Mod with a small gang and a big dream. Steve is smart enough but is he hard enough to see it through? With the Richardsons banged up and the shadow of the law starting to fall on the Kray Twins, smaller firms are jockeying for position. And as the violence escalates, and the police start to take notice, the Knight brothers have one of their own to worry about... In this brash, exotic, disturbing new London, only one thing is certain: not all of them will make it through alive. ALL OR NOTHING by Garry Bushell with Craig Brackenridge. Kindle edition available from Monday. Physical book coming any day now...
And talking books, LIFE AFTER LLOYD – A Rock ’n’ Roll Tale by Mick Geggus is out at the end of June... and Tim Wells’s crowd-funded skinhead werewolf saga Moonstomp has just gorn to print.
Our traditional Gonads Curry Night earlier this evening was a riot of ice-cold micro-pub brews and red-hot rubies. The Nads, minus Clyde and JC, were joined by Millwall Dan (Son of Oi) which meant for the first time in recorded history there were more Lions in attendance than any other supporters... until an emergency supply of Charlton Girls rescued the situation. There were two main items on the agenda: 1) Our Brighton gig next month and 2) the wedding of Miss Management (aka Millwall Sarah) and Paul SkaNad (non-aggressive Gooner). While semi-sober, it was decided that we will play SATURDAY NIGHT BENEATH THE PLASTIC PALM TREES live for the first time at the Great Skinhead Reunion as it is “the perfect celebration of the skinhead subculture first time around”. If you remember, the song was the first single released by our spin-off band GBX. Elsewhere alpha-female Miss Management complicated the wedding debate by referring to her groom-to-be as “the bride” throughout, while Paul’s reasonable plans to have the ceremony in the Old Neptune pub in Whitstable were outvoted and over-turned by the band who opted instead for Las Vegas next May (although what it’s got to do with the rest of us is anyone’s guess). Wattsie Watts will be Matron of Honour, Steve Whale (the Business, the Masons) will be Mason of Honour, Jay the Tripod and Trotsky will be page boys and the best man is of course Fat Col who will escort the beautiful Sarah down the aisle wearing only a thong. Col’s plans to then consummate his own fractured relationship with Wattsie “on a craps table in New York, New York” have yet to be put to a vote. Sarah will be given away by Gal (not for the first time) and according to her wishes they will both be dressed as punk rock meringues. (No word of a lie – gobsmacked Ed)
Other business: new Gonads merch “should be with us” in the first week of June in time for Brighton... and the prototype Gonads curry is “officially in development”... but sadly new Gonads releases “aren’t now likely to happen until 2020”. PS. A motion from Phil McDermott advocating that “two hot lesbians” should be added to our rider was rejected and led to Phil being branded “an agent of Fat Col” by furious feminist Wattsie. Col’s own motion, to launch an official public appeal for “a better class of groupies” to swell the ranks of our female followers (commonly known as the Grumpies) was removed from the agenda in his absence.
May 23. The latest Highway To Hell is now on Spreaker https://www.spreaker.com/episode/18020506 with gems from UFO, Van Halen, Mott, Hendrix, Rose Tattoo, Sabbath and more. According to Fat Col it’s “as hot and heavy as Gemma Collins in a shower of dragon’s piss”
RECORD NOOS: the Aggrolites’ latest album Reggae Now is out on Friday on vinyl from Pirates Press, they’ll be touring the US for the next three months... quick reminder, the Harrington Saints’ third album 1,000 Pounds Of Oi is out now and the vinyl album comes with a digital download. Fat Col praises the album saying “not only is the music a proper punch up the trousers, the title stands as a glorious celebration of imperial measurements against the foul metric tide...”
STOP PRESS: Lord Waistrel today appealed directly to the “Grand Sword Bearer” of the Jolly Pranksters (Big Billy Bolin) to convince the most noble order to lift their “draconian” ban on this blog in advance of their big bank holiday meet this coming weekend. We await the result with baited bears...
May 21. New country sensation Leah McCaffrey coached the celebrity eleven who took on Welling United pros at Welling’s Park View Road ground yesterday. Granted they lost 5-0, but in the process the motley crew of soap stars and reality TV herberts raised loads of dough for Mind in Bexley. Around 1500 watched the match which was compered by a certain Gal Gonad in full whistle mode. Gal told the crowd that at least the lads didn’t do as badly as Watford, adding that when the wife of Hornets goalie Gomes asked when he’d be back he had replied “Shortly after six...”
May 20. Que sera, sera, whatever will be will be, we’re going to Wembley, que sera, sera...
May 18. Eurovision news: our pure punk version of Save Your Kisses For Me will go ahead, an ashen-faced Beast revealed at a high-level press conference earlier today. He told the assembled throng (Effete El and Babs Maloney) that the record might even be recorded in collaboration with Brotherhood Of Man themselves. Although, in anticipation of the expected sales figures, we will be changing the title to Kiss Your Savings Goodbye...
P.S. A move to record an alternative version on the b-side, a love song to The Golden Shot re-named Keep On Pissing On Me, has been abandoned after we realised we couldn’t find any self-respecting woman prepared to sing it.
Odd. We’ve been sitting by the phone for over a week now waiting to hear from that unnamed LA promoter who allegedly wants to book us for a “big West Coast Oi! weekender” later this year. Either they’re very shy or very busy. It would be outrageous to suggest that someone “out West” entirely made them up...
There is news however on Bed, Board & Boned in Berlin. A treatment for the self-styled “saucy adult sex comedy” has been written and Waistrel rings from Monte Carlo to say that he has put his best man on the case to raise the necessary seed money. Hurrah! Granted our spirits sag when we learn the best man is one Colin Gannon but who knows, maybe he’ll, umm, pull it off.
May 17. We start today with just one though: Come on you Reds!
There’s a slight delay on the Marylebone Martyrs reformation as Paul tells us that “our guitarist is currently roofing in France but we’ll definitely start rehearsing when he comes back”. He goes on: “There is an amazing amount of interest in the suedehead style in Europe considering that the late 70s/early 80s revival consisted of me, Oxo Tom, Gal Gonad and a handful of others. But it’s still for me the ultimate look.” Us too – tank tops, loafers, Sta-Prest strides, Prince Of Wales check suits, Crombies, button-down shirts with back pleats, short but comb-able hair, early 70s Trojan (Lion’s Den by the Kingstonians!), tonic whistles and the occasional addition of a sword-stick! Does it get any better than that?
MOD News: the Grand Mod Experience will take place at The Grand Hotel, Brighton on Friday 23rd August. The centrepiece will be the All Or Nothing – The Experience concert show by Carol Harrison with music and lyrics by the Small Faces. Carol tells us “This is a classic rock and roll story of four charismatic young kids from East London with humour, attitude, passion and, above all, talent. The All or Nothing Band will perform an extended set of 60s covers followed by Zoot Money’s Big Roll Band and DJs Andy Hill & Sean Chapman. All proceeds will go to the Teenage Cancer Trust. Carol is also promising “special celebrity guests” from the worlds of TV, film and music, a photographic exhibition, book signings, vintage pieces and memorabilia. Tickets cost £49.50 from www.rocknrollproductions.co.uk. How much? Strewth. Fat Col naturally was on hand to suggest what he would expect from an “All or Nothing” experience for nigh on £50 with Carol Harrison in a Brighton hotel. But there’s no room for that kind of filth on this blog. We’re not the Gang Of Four.
May 13. Happy bOi!thday to Gal!! We were going to manufacture a special Oi sausage as a present for him but those cheeky bastards at Peperami got there first...
PS. Girls, if Fat Col offers you a “special Oi sausage” do not, repeat, do not take him up on his offer of “a quick lick in the dark just to appreciate the flavour”. Besides the cheesy after-taste ruins it...
While we were away... the Berlin promoters finally paid up – just a month late – after a friendly visit from Martin Sporrell (aggressive gooner)... Sandie West (Hollywood Pest) claimed a California promoter wants us to headline a big three-day Oi weekender on the West Coast but so far the promoter – if he or she exists – has failed to contact us... and most surprising of all, Gal bumped into Brotherhood Of Man who knew all about the Gonads and begged him to have us record and release a punk rock version of Save Your Kisses For Me. The idea has had a mixed reception at Nads HQ now permanently relocated in beautiful downtown Seasalter. “We could boot the cheese out it,” says the Beast. “But only if we could represent the UK at Eurovision 2020... let’s face it, we couldn’t do any worse than this year’s mob.”
Remember Wattsie getting the hump about being sent “sexist” interview questions? Well since we ran the item we have been inundated with other questions for her ranging from the childish – Would you risk it for a biscuit? (Fat Col) to serious inquiries about her musical influences and vocal techniques. Others include: How did you go from occasional flag girl to full-time band member? As an ex-punk from the Mod scene, what differences do you find between these audiences? Which songs have you inspired? When did you fall out of love with 1980s relic and former public schoolboy Jeremy Corbyn? Why have you stopped doing the funny middle-8 dance in Oi Mate? What’s your favourite Gonads song and are there any you hate? Why do you like to put nail varnish on grown men?
And on they go... One reader asks: I understand Wattsie has a special diet and keeps herself fit. Is there any chance we could see a picture of her at her physical peak to inspire others who are keen on health and efficiency? We are happy to oblige.
RECORD NOOS: New York hardcore legends Maximum Penalty have released Demo 89 on blue vinyl. The Reaper Records LP, which includes the band’s earliest songs, is limited to a pressing of 1,000 (600 blue, 400 black) and comes with unseen photos, artwork and flyers. The LP includes digital download and a poster... Meanwhile The Chariot’s 2012 album One Wing has been re-issued on vinyl by Good Fight Music, a glorious cacophony of punk-infused metal and hardcore.
May 5. We’re putting our boots up by the seaside for a week so this blog is closed. Back in time for Gal’s birthday hopefully. Cheerio!
Shock news: the Gonads USA are planning to launch as a full-time project. Jay the Tripod and Rodger “Trotsky” Shosa will be joined by Geoffrey C. Palmer on lead guitar and backing vocals. The lads are looking for a “young and dynamic singer” to replace Gal but in a shock move they are also keen to recruit Wattsie Watts. Jay tells us: “Wattsie should fly over so we can meet her and rehearse together, we would treat her much better than you guys do. Fat Col is not welcome. What a klutz! I hear Col’s father spent the first years of his life throwing rocks at the stork.” Rodger says: “There will be no animosity between us and the UK Gonads. In fact if any of us can’t make a show, the English guys can be our stand-ins.” We can confirm that Sandie West is NOT behind this surprising development – like all right-thinking people the Gonads USA are thoroughly “Sandie-sceptic”. The real culprit is Fat Col who suggested it after a night on the Paulaner. But Lord Waistrel has apparently given the new off-shoot his blessing (as a potential revenue stream) and big-hearted Jay has even found somewhere for Wattsie to stay – his place. But how would she get a green card? Waistrel’s American legal advisor Ivor B. Loophole reckons “A green card may not be needed. If Ms Watts were to marry a US citizen and become say Mrs Tripod she would be able to live and work here unhindered.” Blimey.
That other great legal eagle, The Beast is managing Prole and is currently negotiating with a well-known label about the street-socialist band’s debut album. He tells us “Not everyone realises that there are six Prole songs already in existence – Generation Landslide, Chasing Rainbows, We’ll Never Say Die, Destination Room 101 and Working were all written and recorded in the 80s. Fire Down Under was also written by Gal and Steve Kent as a Prole number but Steve recorded it with the Business instead. Gal wrote the lyrics and came up with the feel of the song while he was on the road with Rose Tattoo in the USA in 1982.”
May 4. The PM has dramatically cancelled this month’s planned Badoes Awards night in order to concentrate on “urgent Prankster business” which we are not privy too. Shame. We asked one brother who has to remain anonymous (Effete El) what was going on and he muttered something along the lines of “that other mob... it’s kicking off a bit... Tel wants to keep it on a chummy one... know what I mean?” Not really, mate but thanks for the insight.
May 3. Big news! The Marylebone Martyrs are reforming. Britain's only suedehead band are set to start rehearsing with the aim of gigging again. A spokesdude tells us “This is due to considerable interest in us from Eastern Europe.” He goes on “The beer-guts may be bigger, but the spirit’s still there. Hold on though, can you get a curry in the former Eastern Bloc? This may be a sticking point!” Worry not, pals. We know of several curryhouses in Prague and recommend the Namaste in Warsaw.
May 2. Wattsie Watts is up in arms after receiving what she perceives as “sexist” questions from a US fanzine. “Why am I only asked about Fat Col?” she moans. “It’s demeaning.” Quite right, says Col who adds “If anyone has any non-sexist questions for Shona, please send them through.” Then he spoils it by saying “In the meantime calm down dear, it ain’t exactly Panorama.”
Record Noos: the new Harrington Saints album 1000 Pounds Of Oi! is released on 10th May by our mates at Pirates Press, featuring ten “pulse-pounding” ditties.
May 1. Happy International Workers’ Day. All together: “Free, free beer for all the workers when the Oi! revolution comes.”
All has gone quiet on the Sandie West front. This worries Fat Col. “It’s the calm before the storm,” he tells us. “Just like the slow hours before the Battle of Winterfell. Evil Sandie is massing her undead hordes on our borders even as we speak.” Colin, we love ya mate but you’re watching way too much telly.