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Please note the items you are about to read consist largely of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation.
As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked. Its informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully thought through.

May 28. The Gonads are live in London this Saturday with Snork, Seek/Destroy and a mystery guest band – please note, there is no truth at all in the rumour that it is a) Green Day b) Adele or c) Shep's Banjo Boys... Sadly the Featherz have pulled, due to Danie’s accident. (Fat Col’s attempt to slip in a cheap “knock me down with a Feather” gag here has been blocked by the management). We wish her well.

The Gonads Website

Mod DJ Tony Class was buried in Chiswick yesterday. About 500 turned up to give him a good send-off and then party at the wake up by Mortlake Bridge. Our man in the pew tells is: “It turned into a celebration of Tony’s life, with a soundtrack of soul, Ska and music from the Mod revival bands.” Class to the end. R.I.P. Tony.

Random good stuff: congratulations to Chelsea Dom who married Mandy from The Crows in Las Vegas over the weekend... Ruts D.C. play the Garage, North London, on Saturday 25th October... new Led Zep video for ‘Whole Lotta Love’ up now on Youtube.

May 25. Big love to Danie Cox of The Featherz who got run over on London’s Warren Street on Thursday and was left with a broken kneecap. The glam goddess tells us “I was in the road for two hours before an ambulance took me to hospital. At midday, I was told I'd have surgery at 5pm and I wasn't allowed to eat or drink. Then 5pm came and they cancelled and told me it would be 9am the next day. 9am came and they told me 11am... I finally had my operation at 4pm on Friday 23rd... after a whole day and night of absolute torture and agony.” The wonders of the NHS... Danie has been dosed up on Morphine, Ketamine and Codeine ever since (or as Pete Way calls it “breakfast.”) She’s still in pain. “I can't move my leg in any position without it burning,” she says. “I try to sleep but the morphine makes visions only crazy men could imagine and my wild dreams chill through my body like a fever until I come awake all damp in sweat and agony. Hot sticky fluids are all around the burning area” - no smart remarks Col – “I'm 23 and never in my life have I felt such discomfort.” Despite that, and despite Featherz bassist Molly flocking off just over a week ago, Danie insists “I should be rocking for Saturday’s gig at 12Bar!” So at least Gal won’t be the only one hobbling around that stage. Rock on! Get well quick, Danie.

Hawkins & Joseph are properly up and running now with a full range of street fashion certain to appeal to anyone who grew up loving Ben Sherman, Fred Perry and Brutus Trimfit. Watford Jon is running the operation and it’s class. Check out their website.

In record news, the new Masked Intruders album, M.I., is out now on Fat Wreck Chords full of thirteen catchier-than-herpes pop-punk tunes; the vinyl version includes digital download... Captain Oi has re-released The Selecter’s seminal Two Much Pressure album as a deluxe CD package as a book to celebrate the record’s 35th anniversary; it comes with full lyrics, sleeve notes by Pauline Black and pix of all the relevant single sleeves – all for £12.99. Bargain!!!... And if you like it harder, Dead City have just re-issued the first two albums from Ludichrist, Immaculate Deception and Powertrip as a two CD set with a full-colour booklet crammed with lyrics, photos, flyers and more. Noisy bastards.

May 24. Wattsie and Gal were joined by Leah McCaffrey on their final day’s shoot for Gatwick Gangsters tonight down at Sittingbourne dog track in Kent. We can’t give away too much of the plot except to say East End George gets the result Fat Col can only dream of... The movie also features comedian Micky Pugh as hard-boiled gangster Dave, Jeff Turner, Willie Thorne (from the snooker) and self-styled former gangster David Courtney, OBE (Old Bald ’Ead). Stief A’Billy quit due to “artistic differences” and is currently co-producing a big budget horror film based on the Creepy Gnome legend of Argentina. Working title: Goblin Dawn, allegedly.

May 20. Okay, we're off line for a few days. We'll be back when there's something worth saying. Big love and see you at the 12 Bar on 31st May. Cheers.

The Gonads Website

Quick news round-up: Gal's 2-Tone book Dance Craze is back in stock on our shop page... Paul Weller chewed out a boisterous heckler at his Bush Hall gig last night, telling him "Shut the fuck up, mate"; Fat Col has apologised... Led Zeppelin are being sued by lawyers acting for sixties band Spirit who claim that 'Stairway To Heaven' is half-inched from their song 'Taurus'. In a related story, no-one play 'Skinhead Girl' to Twisted Sister...

May 19. Warriors, come out to play-ay... It’s 83 days and counting till we retire, but it’s only 81 days until Rebellion... see you on Friday 8th August, you crazy kids.

The Gonads Website

Genuine comment from a 15-year-old Gonads fan: “Your vocalist sounds like he’s really drunk and drugged up and someone is forcing him to sing against his will.” Out of the mouths of babes comes truth and wisdom... She adds: “I really like it.”

May 18. High drama at Wembley today as our man Stief A’Billy turned up at the head of Gateshead FC’s infamous Heed Army. The Heed were out to make history in the Skrill Premiership play-off against Cambridge. But as the second half kicked off, Cambridge scored and after a “foul-mouthed and abusive” outburst Stief was ejected from the stadium. In the process, he accused the steward of being a “soft Southern Jessie” (fact: Mr Billy comes from London and lives in Essex). He comments: “I was very drunk – that’s not a defence, just an occupational hazard.” He promises to be back with wittier abuse next season. Our friends in the Amber Army whisper: “He’s on the list.”

Best album out this week: Dirty Rice by California’s Ska-punk herberts the Mad Caddies on Fat Wreck Chords. It’s their first new platter for seven years mixes Ska, reggae and even a snatch of Dixieland jazz; vinyl version comes with free download...

May 17. Okay, the countdown has begun. It’s now just 84 days until we stop playing live shows... use us before you lose us! Meanwhile, our next album, Greater Hits Volume Three: The Complete Cobblers, will feature an “awesome” new version of old favourite ‘Punk City Rockers’, the freakishly heavy ‘Son Of FrankenSkin’ and the full-length version of ‘England’s Glory’. We were hoping to get Vol 3 out for August, but Martin Sporrell (aggressive Gooner, on his way to Wembley) reckons that is now “fifty/fifty because of hold-ups in the factory – plus we ain’t recorded it yet.” There’s organised. The release of The SkaNads/Girls Next Door ‘Rude Boys/Rude Girls’ ep has been put back until July, however, as part of the build-up to our long goodbye. New Gonads songs ‘Let Us Rise’ and ‘Ben Tillett’, both co-written with Tim W. Jones of The Noxious Toys, are now likely to be part of the Garry Bushell Experience project, but ‘Throbber’ is “unlikely to ever see the light of day”, which is probably for the best.

Here we come, walking down the street... and then posing in a low-rent Kent rehearsal studio... here are three-quarters of the new Gonads line-up who make their live debut at the 12 Bar on 31st May. Surely the most handsome band in streetpunk?

The Gonads Website
Gentleman John, Phil McDermott and Paul SkaNad... hunky, eh girls?

May 16. Gal’s RIFF-RAFF, REBELS & ROCK GODS is now available as an e-book as well as a six hour audio book... the physical book version is just days away too. Based on the golden years of Sounds (1979 – 83), Riff-Raff covers everyone from Ozzy to the Specials via UFO, the Cockney Rejects, Rose Tattoo, Judge Dread, Rainbow, Twisted Sister, Hanoi Rocks, The Exploited, The Angelic Upstarts, Iron Maiden, The Selecter, ZZ Top and Max Splodge... The audio book can be found here: The e-book is here: They’re also available as a bundle... According to Fit Bird, Gal has already started volume two which is likely to include “Phil Lynott, The Clash, Blondie, The Ruts, Ian Dury, Gary Moore, The Jam, Def Leppard, Motörhead, Crass, Slade, Conflict, The Skids, The Eurhythmics, Bad Manners, the Business, Status Quo, Jennie Bellestar, Squeeze, the great Butlin’s festival of the 60s and, um Engelbert Humperdinck.” (Wot? No Gonads? – Ed)

A terrible war of words is threatening to tear our entourage apart. It started when Wattsie Watts took Fat Col to task for not attending Gonads gigs, claiming he is still wearing a tag from his time in the Ville. “We could do a gig in your bedsit,” she sniped. “But there ain’t enough room for Gal to even swing his microphone... ” (Let alone his stage cock – Ed). Col hit back asking “How do you know what my bedsit looks like? I'll have to make the blindfold tighter next time!” A shocked Sandra Lane called him “a sick puppy” and Wattsie dubbed him “a fantasist.” Ouch! Never knowing when to stop Gannon went on to list his fantasies, and the parts Wattsie and Sandy play in them, in lurid detail. Mercifully his posts have been deleted.

Vancouver’s White Lung have posted a video for their addictive new song ‘Face Down’ on YouTube:– it is not thought to be related to Gal’s book of the same name. Their third studio album, Deep Fantasy, is out next month. And there we are back with Gannon...

From the Nell Gwynne piss-up, here is Bev Elliott showing Matt Worley how she gets in shape for Punk Rock Bowling – beer in one hand, bloke in the other.

The Gonads Website
Bev Elliott shows Matt Worley how she trains for Punk Rock Beering

And here’s Hoxton Tom, Lee Wilson and Gal. Note that either Tom is now eight feet tall or Gal is standing in quicksand... Sadly the shots of Hallam discussing Putin with the mysterious White Russian have been seized by MI6.

The Gonads Website

May 16. Your last chance to catch the Gonads live in London town this year, and possibly ever... with The Featherz, Snork and a mystery guest band...

The Gonads Website

It’s MAY MADNESS on our shop pages! For two weeks only, our mates in the UK can buy any three of six available Gonads albums for just £15 (plus £3 p&p). Choose any combination of the following quality CDs: Built For Destruction, Greater Hits Volume Two, Glorious Bastards, Live Free Die Free, Just The Filth or Old Boots No Panties and they will be sent by Recorded Delivery within 24 hours of your order! Available HERE. Rates vary for overseas customers.

We’re also offering two Bushell Book Bundles! Bundle A: You can buy the whole Harry Tyler trilogy - The Face, Two Faced and Facedown - for just £15 (including p&p). Bundle B: Dance Craze (on the rise of 2-Tone) & Time For Action (on New Mod) for just £18 including p&p. Available from Rates vary for overseas customers.

May 12. Big news! Fabulous Carrie Griffiths of Buster Shuffle will be joining the Gonads for our final live shows. Carrie, who first sang backing vocals with us at Punk & Disorderly in 2012, will become a full member of the band as part of our determination to bow out in style. You’ll see her first at Rebellion.

The Gonads Website
Carrie with Charlie... if she were our love, we know who we’d lose her to!

RIP Mod DJ Tony Class. Tony was hugely influential DJ who helped keep the Mod Revival alive ay the Shepherds Bush nightclub Sneakers, where he worked with such young upstart DJs as Paul ‘Toes’ Hallam (AKA the Stalin of Style) and Richard ‘Shirley’ Early, and later Club MOD at The Bush Hotel. Our condolences to his family.

May 11. Quick announcement. Lord Waistrel today promises FREE admission to our 12 Bar gig for anyone who turns up dressed like a cartoon Frenchman, or a Viking; anyone who can eat fire or adequately impersonate Kenneth Williams, anyone on stilts, anyone wearing an ELP Tarkus t-shirt, anyone called Skull Cracker... and Casey Batchelor.

Our coming break from live shows has led to intense debate as to what the Gonads’ greatest ever gigs have been to date. A quick poll of experts has delivered this definitive Top Ten. In reverse order: 10, Weimar, Germany 2010. 9, TNT, Hartford CT 2011. 8, The Garage, North London 2010. 7, The Circus Tavern, Purfleet, Essex 2005. 6, 100 Club, London 2011. 5) Randale Fish Farm, the Black Forest 2012 4) Arkwright’s, Rainham, Essex 2013. 3) Berlin Punk & Disorderly 2012. 2) Club Cocodrie, San Francisco 1998. 1) Lads Of The Village, Charlton 1977. Let us know if we’ve missed out any classics!

May 10. A new Gonads project is rising like Garuda from the ashes... The Garry Bushell Experience! This bold and exciting enterprise will include familiar faces, past and present, top flight guests and a spectacular array of rhythms. Official spokesman FB whispers “Musically, the new adventure is the logical continuation of earlier Gal and Clyde collaborations with more lateral thinking.” This unexpected development has completely wrong-footed Nads watchers, but FB added “it has the complete and unqualified backing” of Lord Waistrel and his nefarious associates (Ward, Rouman, Sporrell and Schlesinger). Recordings begin in Cyprus this summer. A steely Martin Sporrell tells us: “All previously announced plans are now on hold; all available resources will be diverted to this project.”

Out this month, o our brothers and only friends, the new album from Me First And The Gimme Gimmes: Are We Not Men? We Are Diva!, which kicks new life into old tat from such flouncing pop divas as Celine, Cher, Madonna, Christina and Boy George; on Fat Wreck Chords, vinyl version includes digital download. Also coming soon the Generators’ album, Life Gives – Life Takes (Randale)... and the Brigades debut 12-inch ep, Crocodile Tears (Pure Noise Entertainment) which marries skate punk riffs with pop-punk tunes...

May 9. Gal’s pre-birthday celebrations began today at the Crown & Two Chairmen, before moving on to the Nell Gwynne via That Dean Street Place and The Crobar. Punk rock luminaries including Hoxton Tom in slanderous mood, slippery Lee Wilson, Matt Worley, and the mysterious White Russian, joined Gal and Cockney queen of the scene Bev Elliott, with Stalin turning up late to deliver a bumper issue of Street Sounds – and enjoy a puzzling conversation with Lee about vintage boxes which Fat Col would no doubt make some ham-fisted bad taste gags about. (Tsk. The Nosher assures us there’s nothing worse than someone ramming their great hairy ham fist into your vintage box.) Soho is still crazy. En route we bumped into Pranksters, psychics, PR weasels, card sharps, alien autopsy experts, Malcolm Dome fans and most absurd of all, an aloof Robert Elms.

Blondie play the O2 Shepherd's Bush Empire venue on 30th June, after their already announced Sheffield gig on 29th. Their new album Ghosts Of Download is released on Monday. They’re playing Glastonbury too – along with Metallica.

May 8. As well as us retiring from UK live shows from 10th August, we can today confirm that the SkaNads are also “extremely unlikely” to play gigs this year. Both bands will be on an indefinite break. More developments to follow.

Mod News: the Buckingham Palace scooter run is back this Whitsun, 24th May: meet at 2pm sharp on Carnaby Street, drive to Buck House and then on to TIMEBOX for a FREE all-dayer at the Strongrooms, with entertainment from 3pm–3am, including DJs and a live show from LEN PRICE 3 plus hot BBQ and the scooter competition, with FREE off-street parking. On Sunday the PHEONIX GOT SOUL club night will take you through to bank holiday Monday with the best in Northern Soul on 100% chunky old vintage vinyl. Host DJs Yann Vatiste are joined by special guests Adam Torel (100 Club), Rob Messer (Almost Grown) and Chris Dale (Scenesville). Sunday night tickets: £6 before 10pm, £8 after. Meanwhile up in Scarborough, Whitsun weekend goes like this: Friday Welcome Party - THE MELTING POT 8pm-1am at The Westover Club, 3 Westover Road, YO125AA. Adm: £3; Saturday 9pm-4am at VIVAZ, Huntriss Row, Town Centre, YO11 2EF. NUTs DJs & guest club TAILOR MADE (Glasgow) Adm: £10; Sunday 9pm-4am at VIVAZ with NUTs DJs & guest club THE POW WOW with DJs Gav Arno & Mik Parry + Pete Feely (Perfumed Garden) Adm: £10. (NUTs DJs: Lee Miller, Pid & Rob Bailey.) Sat & Sun afternoon: GET SMARTER & DOUBLE HIP CLUB + Market 1-5pm at The Cask Inn, Cambridge Terrace, YO11 2LQ Scooter comp + ride out outside The Cask 3pm Sunday. Free entry!

May 7. BREAKING NEWS: our Shropshire gig in August will be our last UK show of the year, we can announce. A short statement released this morning says simply ‘After Farmer Phil’s festival, The Gonads will enjoy an indefinite hiatus from live performances on the UK punk rock circuit.’ This makes the 12 Bar gig this month with the Featherz our last London show for the foreseeable future, although others may be announced for June and July “pending exchange of contracts”. The unexpected bombshell has prompted commentators to speculate that Farmer Phil’s will now become the band’s equivalent of Bowie at Hammersmith Odeon on 3rd July 1973”. Le Morte d’Gonad? Waiting ‘like a witch at night’? Asked for clarification, Fit Bird said simply: “Gal wants to concentrate on writing new material both for the band and his solo album, dun’e?” Those new songs are known to include ‘Better Land’, ‘Let Us Rise’ and ‘What’s Happening Now’. No further information is available.

May 6. Our pals The Bermondsey Joyriders are at the 100 Club this Friday playing the launch party for their latest album Flamboyant Thugs. The punk-blues trio will be joined onstage by special guest John Sinclair, former manager of the MC5, performance poet and what hippy types call an all-round counterculture icon. Support acts are The Witchdoktors, The Phobics and The Action Men, with DJ Jeff Munday. Flamboyant Thugs is released on May 26th via Fuel Injection Records, as a download, CD, and LP.

May 5. The latest issue of Street Sounds is available to order now from here, packed with features on The English Beat, Booze & Glory, The Templars, Nine Below Zero, the Singapore scene, Riaz Khan meets the Tennysons, John King goes to Brussels, Club Ska and much more. All for £2. Bargain!! It’ll be on sale in Camden’s Oi Oi The Shop and All Ages, Groucho’s in Dundee, The Mod Shop, Beatniks and Soundclash in Norwich... and at our gig at the 12 Bar on the 31st of course.

The Gonads Website

May 4. Finnish rockabilly legend Janne Kotila visited the Sidney Arms in Chislehurst tonight to have his picture taken “at the scene where the video was filmed for ‘The Revenge of World Cup Willie’, surely the greatest English world cup anthem since ‘Three Lions’.” The dashing duke of the double bass was moved to tears as he posed with Gal and Stief by the video’s historic and much-admired tree trunk. A passing barmaid was heard to remark “What a gnarled old beauty” which is no way to talk about Gal. Several pints later Janne insisted “The Gonads must now play our country. Finland is crying out for the Nads.” Thank you, mate, but you’ll have to join the queue, we’re still waiting to play India. (Although of course if you can get Vera Jordanova and Sabina Särkkä to be our flag girls, we’re free any day this week).

May 3. Gal’s latest podcast is up and running now with very feisty studio guests the Featherz and street-punk veteran Lee Wilson of Infa Riot, plus hot new songs from The Brompton Mix, former Specials frontman Neville Staple, Madball, The Q, the City Saints, The Business, Admiral Sir Cloudsley Shovell, The Bermondsey Joyriders, The Senton Bombs, Chris Pope, The Oath, the Mutha Loving Chimps and King Hammond himself Nick Welsh. Find it here.

May 2. STOP PRESS: R.I.P. Joe Young of ANTiSEEN who has died aged 54. Libertarian Joe’s grinding buzz saw guitar made the band’s ‘destructo-rock’ sound as unique as it was awesome. A memorial service will be held a fortnight Sunday (May 18th) at the Tremont Music Hall in Charlotte, North Carolina.

Happy birthday Steve Whale! Wife Nicole threw a surprise party for the great sage of streetpunk at “that other Chislehurst place” tonight, attended by such luminaries as Robin Guy, David Courtney and, briefly, Gal, whose latest podcast is finally up tomorrow. Meantime, the new Street Sounds is out next week. “The besht yet”, slurs a stalling Stalin. Exciting. Watch this space for details.

Bonehead reckons he’d play in a reformed Oasis for nothing. Hey mate, if you’re that desperate pop along to the 12 Bar on the 31st and you can jump up with us for nothing too – as long as you get the beers in.

May 1. Happy May Day! To celebrate International Workers’ Day, Tom Morello is giving away his Union Town ep, featuring covers of Woody Guthrie’s ‘This Land is Your Land’, Merle Travis’s brilliant ‘16 Tons’, and a live version of his own ‘Union Song’. Tom dedicates the free download to “working people of every nationality, age, colour, and religion who have the courage to stand up for justice and dignity in the workplace... and beyond. Enjoy the tunes and fight the power!” Here here. Get it from Maybe a tad less inspirational is the message from Fat Col who rings to say “Happy May Day - the one day of the year when you don’t want to break down on the high seas. ‘May Day, May Day’ ‘Yes we fucking know’... ” (We get it Col.) Pranksters are advised to lubricate their Maypoles, gird their loins and stand firm in solidarity...

Out now: Oxley’s Midnight Runners’ debut ep on Randale and Oi The Boat, featuring ‘We Are Legion’, ‘Nation Of Hate’ and ‘Spear Of Destiny’...