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Please note the items you are about to read consist largely of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation.
As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked. Its informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully thought through.

March 30. Before shutting down for the weekend, we’re chuffed to announce that the first three Oi compilations are back on sale from the Gonads shop page. They are ‘Oi The Album’ (where it all began), ‘Strength Thru Oi’ and ‘Carry On Oi’. All were compiled by Gal. ‘Oi The Album’ originally came out on EMI in 1980, ‘Strength Thru’ (which was on Decca) and ‘Carry On’ (Secret) were released in 1981. They have been re-issued on CD by our old mate, Captain Oi, who tells us he is planning two new releases this summer – the UK Subs’ ‘Complete Singles Collection’, and ‘True Grit Outtakes’ from Cock Sparrer.

The great Neville Staple is back on the road starting this Friday with The Beat at the Tivoli nightclub, Buckley. Other dates are April 16: Alban Arena, St Albans, with The Beat and Pauline Black. 22nd: The Underground, Stoke On Trent, 23rd The Corn Exchange, Bedford; 24: Koko Gorillaz, Cardiff, 29th: Concorde 2, Brighton; May 7th: Oakengates Theatre, Telford; 13th The Winding Wheel Chesterfield, 14th TJs, Leeds, 28th The Club 85, Herts, June 4th: the Wychwood Music Fest. Here is today’s Unreliable Fact from Snoozy Suzy, who assures us straight-faced that “George Formby died after eating his banjo.” (“Nonsense,” says Fat Col, who adds “If he ate anything it would have been his ukulele.”)

And on a semi-serious note The Bermondsey Joyriders release their second album called ‘Noise & Revolution’ with a launch at London’s 100 Club on May 8th. Like the record this one-off show will feature spoken word segments from ’60s counter culture icon/celebrity pot-head John Sinclair, the 70-year-old former manager of the MC5.

e haven’t heard from our official band photographer Antonia Moore for a while, and now we know why... she’s blown us out to hang around with so-called proper rock stars. Can this old fella really take her up a stairway to heaven? What a heartbreaker. We’re dazed and confused. But trust Fat Col to blame it on Gal’s Moby Dick...

Distraught, we consulted our resident Agony Aunt, Batttttty who says: "It could be his Big Log I suppose. But ya think she'd have told ya "Babe I'm Gonna Leave You" before she shinned up his Gallows Pole." A typical
Communications Breakdown, we reckon. Baby come on home!

March 29. We’re pleased to unveil the first in our new line of Suzy Porter’s Unreliable Facts. Ms Porter assured us that she’d met David Essex at our 100 Club gig and that he’d told her he has started knocking out his own line of sex toys and accessories. A startling exclusive, and a puzzling one as David Essex wasn’t at the 100 Club... Upon investigation, it emerged that Suzy had confused the chirpy Cockney star with UK porn legend Ben Dover! (Ben looks more like Tony Feedback to us, although his ‘Long Tall Shorty’ doesn’t bear thinking about...). So David Essex has not gone David Sessex on us. A shame really because he could have had the ‘Cock-On’ dildo attachment for lesbians, the ‘Hold Me Close’ micro-vibrator, the ‘Gonna Make You Go Ahhh’ mega-rabbit and all three together as a special ‘That’ll Be The Day, This’ll Be The Night’ discount package. More Snoozy Suzy Unreliable Facts soon...

Meantime, here’s an absolutely reliable hot exclusive: Matthew Newman has just agreed to join the re-formed Case as lead singer. The full line-up is confirmed as the three original members Matt (vocals), Rob (guitar) and Martin (drums), plus our pal Mark Wyeth on bass and John O'Neil from Bad Manners on sax. But never mind that, where’s Baby Greensleeves?

Gal’s podcast is up now here, featuring a twenty minute Dave Barker chat, three 335 acoustic songs, and the usual red hot tracks (see yesterday’s entry for details.)

Maninblack need a bass player – fast! Must be over 30, have pro gear, be into geezer-punk and live in New York City. Have a look.

MORE potential David Sessex products: David Essex's Silver Dream Machine (operates on a standard car battery), the Imperial Wizard ('perfect under the sheets') and the deluxe, multi-grip 'Myfanwy' as recommended by Batttttty...

March 28: Gal recorded his latest podcast at the weekend with reggae legend Dave “I am the magnificent” Barker, and hot blues band the 335. Dave, of Dave & Ansell Collins fame, plugged the superb International Ska Festival that’s coming to the Clapham Grand next month (April 22nd – 24th) and spoke movingly about his career. This wonderfully talented, humble guy never made a brass farthing from his classic mega hits ‘Double Barrel’ and ‘Monkey Spanner’ – it really is shocking. He’ll be performing with Ansell in Clapham for the first time in forty years. Also on the show, Dave and Foxy from the 335 knocked out a blinding acoustic mini-set, while Gal played stonkin’ tracks from the Phobics, the De Rellas, the Cundeez, Boss Beat, Evil Conduct and many more. Special mention to 335 manager Snoozy Suzy whose unreliable facts are surely destined to become a show staple.

Saturday saw a visit to Nads HQ both of FB and more surprisingly McMighty, a mysterious figure from the Gonads’ past said by experts to have been one of the greatest guitarists (if not the greatest) ever to have coming within gobbing distance of the band. Gal produced his trusty old Tanglewood (careful!) and over Stella & a Chinese take-away an impromptu jamming session ensued which has resulted in two head-rattlingly awesome new Nads classics, ‘Backstreet Army’ and ‘Dirty Girl’, being put to bed as niftily as Charlie Sheen in a hotel room full of porn stars.

Now confirmed, Booze & Glory and The Warriors will be supporting us at The Maiden’s Head gig in Canterbury on June 11th. It’s a 6.30pm kick off.

Stop Press: Fat Col was arrested at the big TUC march on Saturday. He wasn’t on it, he’d gone along to mount a solo counter-demo waving a placard demanding ‘Cut more! Slash The State! Sack all social workers! Have A Wash, You Soapy Bastards! Long Live the Conservative Revolution!’ and was detained for his own safety.

Nip over to to see a trailer for Symarips’ new DVD and Club Ska’s opening night at the 100 Club on 18th June.

You can place an advance order for the Old Firm Casuals’ debut single here.

A decent review of our gig with the HM Kids at the 100 Club from Mark Taylor at Uber Rock: ‘Dangling his Gonads one more time was Garry Bushell who first fronted this band back in 1977. Singing his battle cries of Oi, Bushell and his band rattled out some punk delights. Also in his band was guitarist Nacho Jase last seen getting wasted in Pete Way's Waysted. Even the bolt headed Frankenskin put in an appearance. Bushell certainly brought Oi back and barking tonight.’ It’s all here.

March 27. Stop Press: strong rumours reach us that Vince Riordan will be rejoining the Cockney Rejects on bass sometime this year, with Tony Van Frater moving on to rhythm guitar... that’s gonna be unmissable.

Spare a moment please to remember the great Ian Dury, the true Poet Laureate of London town, who died eleven years ago today. All together: ‘There are jewels in the crown of England's glory/Too numerous to mention, but a few/And every one could tell a different story/And show old England's glory something new... (Cont tonight at the Sydney Arms)

Trivial trivia aside: the Gonads pub quiz team yomped to victory last night, making us the reigning punk pub quiz champions for the South East of England (and the undefeated Punk Quasar Champions of the UK). “From Brentwood to Sevenoaks, from Burwash to Whitehall, we took the lot, we done ’em all”, quoth The Beast.

March 26. Okay, this is official; we’re playing the Maiden’s Head in Wincheap, Canterbury, on Sat 11th June. And, says Fat Col, any maidens who wish to provide head should see him for a place on the guest-list. This guy ought to be on the stage... in a burning theatre.

There’s been an incredible international reaction to the idea of a pukka new Oi album, compiled by Gal, with mega bands from Spain, Sweden, Germany, France, the UK and the USA queuing up to get involved. It now looks likely that a label bigger and more prestigious/reliable than Soitenly will be releasing it later this year. Fat Col moans that he has been “dropped like a hot Gaddafi” but as Waistrel explains “big boys’ rules” now apply. “We have to be in it to win it,” quoth his Lordship, channelling the spirit of the great punk guru Dale ‘Creosote Boat’ Winton.

*Gal records a new podcast today with reggae legend Dave Barker, of Dave & Ansell Collins fame, and blues boys the 335. We’ll let you know when it’s up and running.

Random bollo: Mighty Max Splodge is set to record his first album since The Artful Splodger in a deal set up by Beast Enterprises... the excellent Pennycocks from Barcelona are currently recording their first album... and the Members have a new ep out next week. They’re also playing/desecrating some church in Brentford, round the corner from Rat Scabies’s house on Friday. In other gigs news, Roddy Radiation & The Skabilly Rebels play Grumpy’s in Runcorn on St George’s Day, plus support The Amnesiacs and DJ Dave ‘Rudeboy’ Achillies; tickets £10, doors open 6PM-2AM, Bar till 1AM... The Snipes play a comeback gig at the Art School, Glasgow on April 16... there’s a two day punk fest at the Witchwood, Ashton-under-Lyne on May 1st and 2nd for Jason Carroll’s stag weekend, with GBH, Drongos for Europe, Gimp Fist and many more. Two-day tickets are £18 advance or a score on the door... and finally our pal Jo77 is involved in a big punk charity gig in Newcastle on the 5th June for Sara's Hope Foundation. More details to follow.

Our girl Batttttty reports on last night's HMK gig in Sutton-In-Ashfield. Apparently the Kids, with Johnny 'Nasty Nick' Altman giving it large on vocals, were on daz'zling form, and there was a great party atmosphere both on and off stage. In her excitement at describing their energetic performance it slipped out that Bats would like to know what brand of arse-dissolving cream HMK's snake-hipped guitarist Justin McConville has been using, and please could he rub some on hers. (Update from Bats "Oi you, I never said that!")

March 24. Not that this blog is back or anything, but we’ve just heard Madness are playing Meltdown in June. Ray Davies, who is curating this year’s event at the Royal Festival Hall, has also signed up Wire, The Fugs, The Sonics and The Crazy World Of Arthur Brown for the do, which takes places between June 10th and 19th. Ray will play sets on two nights, with the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra, and various Pythons will be having a chat.

Random news and whispers: Little Stevie reckons Bruce Springsteen will release a solo album next year – his first since 2006. Almost as immense, a source close to the WM tells us that he is planning a solo ep, the working title of which is ‘Lions’... Monkish have just recorded their debut album... Agnostic Front have got all the tracks from their new album up on their myspace page... Government Warning’s album ‘No Moderation’ is out again on vinyl... Fat Mike from NOFX is writing a musical... Paramour are recording a new album... and the new Maximumrocknroll (issue 335) is out now packed with interviews with the likes of Devour, Icon Gallery, Siege, 1981, Crazy Spirit, and Attention Span. There’s a Michigan scene report too... more updates on Sunday.

March 23. A horrific incident today has jolted us out of our silence. Police were called after an offensive package was delivered to Gonads HQ in Charlton. A shocked Fit Bird, who opened the jiffy-bag, fainted on the spot and is now receiving medical attention. An ashen-faced Fat Col reports: “I removed the package from the premises and examined the contents with the help of a uniformed officer.” The parcel, he adds was found to contain “a CD of recorded material, claiming to be from a sinister outfit calling themselves only the ‘Red Dogs’.” A forensic team wearing ear-plugs and visors discovered that the CD was full of ten so-called ‘songs’ such as ‘We’re Nottingham’, ‘We Are Nottingham Forest’, ‘Ain’t Nothin’ But A Red Dog’, ‘Sir Brian’, and ‘Forest On 45’. The disc was taken to a secure location and destroyed in a controlled explosion. Col told local reporters: “We have received hate mail before, but nothing prepared us for the deeply offensive nature of this incident.” Police are investigating alleged links between the attack and the suspected terrorist group Resistance 77.

March 22. We interrupt our blog silence to tell ya that Bruce Springsteen joined the Dropkick Murphys on stage in Boston on Friday and it’s up on YouTube. And while we’re here, Insurgence Records in the US have just released the definitive Redskins retrospective CD. Called ‘Epilogue’, it features all four songs from the band’s first two singles, plus demos of ‘It Can Be Done’ and ‘Keep On Keeping On’, a live version of ‘Don’t Talk To Me About Whether’, an unreleased session track and three numbers recorded by them in their earlier group, No Swastikas (‘Strike’, ‘Unarmed’ and ‘Sickies’). The York-based trio always said they wanted “to walk like the Clash, and sing like the Supremes”. That they also wrote lyrics like (and about) Trotsky might put some off, but their punky soul-enthused tunes were mighty fine. What became of the band? They released one album (‘Neither Washington Nor Moscow’) and split up in 1986. X. Moore (aka Chris Dean) disappeared to Paris two years later and hasn’t been seen since.

March 21. Oi album news update: Okay, brace yourself people, Oi - The Race is now officially on! The battle of the Oi compilation albums has started, but which will come out first, and which will be best? The clear favourite is the official 30th anniversary Oi! album, ‘Oi Never Surrender’ which may be released by Germany’s mighty Contra Records sometime this year and which will definitely feature tracks from the greatest Oi-Punk bands the world has ever seen (Cockney Rejects, Cock Sparrer, us, the Business, and associated bands around the globe) along with magnificent artwork by French skin legend Alteau Salvation. Up against this mega-platter, the David to Contra’s Oi-Oi Goliath, is ‘Oi Things Come’, which is set for release on the tiny Soitenly label of Charlton SE7 with amateur artwork by a teenage punkette commissioned by Colin ‘Fat Col’ Gannon. Most experts agree that the eagerly awaited ‘Oi Never Surrender’ comp is likely to be “the definitive release”, but, says music critic and punk poet Garry Johnson “In many ways, ‘Oi Things Come’ is more in tune with the rebel spirit of our movement.” He goes on poetically: “It may have started as a wind-up, but this maverick platter is the voice of the underdog, the song of the street, the spirit of the herbert, the true punk rock beat.” Indeed. And listen up, the Oi Organising Committee has now stepped in to insist that “all songs on the album have got to be original and all bands on the album have got to be real” – which may delay the release but should improve the quality no end. Says Col “We don’t want no joke bands, or cack bands. It’s gotta be new and it’s gotta be good.” It goes without saying that no bigots or bores should bother applying.

March 19. We’re still on a break, but here’s a quick news update to keep you in the loop. The Nads management team hope to announce a series of low-key UK gigs soon. We’re still working on setting up a major July show in the Midlands, which, if confirmed, will be very special indeed. Meanwhile work has begun on a new Gonads studio album, scheduled for release next year ahead of Greater Hits Vol II. Completed songs include ‘These Are Our Streets’, ‘We Are The Boys’, ‘Beer Can’, ‘England In My Blood’ and ‘Son Of Franken-Skin’.

As the entire punk world waits with baited breath to see if the 30th anniversary Oi compilation album ‘Oi Never Surrender’ is actually released this May as promised, the Oi Organising Committee has given its blessing to Gal’s ‘Oi Things Come...’ piss-take project. The tongue-in-cheek compilation album will be “a gently mocking celebration” of the on-going late release of ‘Never Surrender’ (now 14 months behind schedule and counting.) The WM himself has volunteered to organise bands who wish to donate tracks, and Fat Col is masterminding the artwork. So far, we have been promised songs by the Badoes, Foreign Legion and of course, the Misogynes. Booze & Glory could be on board, and we are quietly confident that the Orgasm Guerrillas will weigh in with a quality ditty too. Anyone who wants to be considered should contact toot-toot-Charlie suite. New songs, unreleased gems or rare mixes, have a better chance of inclusion, the rawer and more raucous the better. But be warned, with Fat Col, Gal and the WM at the helm there’s a good chance Contra could beat us to the punch...

Meanwhile, Sean at Northwest Memorabilia tells us that he is hoping to celebrate ‘Never Surrender’s eventual release by producing a limited edition run of montages of the first four Oi albums with nifty gold plectrums. There will be just twenty-five made, and they will, he says “look the dog’s...”

The new Cockney Rejects album may now be put back until February 2012 to tie in with the release of their documentary East End Babylon.

Gig news: Section Five have the following dates: The Red Lion, Burslem, Stoke (31st March), Bedford Esquires (April 1st), De Rocks, Antwerp (2nd April), Wild At Heart, Berlin (April 3rd)... The Angelic Upstarts + Cartoon Violence + Hooligan play Redemption, Derby on Labour Day, May 1st... Pennywise, NOFX, the Descendents, Teenage Bottlerocket and more will play the 2011 Petite-Nation Rockfest in Quebec in June.

This year’s Punk Rock Bowling tourney in Las Vegas has a legendary line-up of bands, ranging from Cock Sparrer to the Dropkick Murphys via Killing Joke, the Bouncing Souls, Me First & The Gimme Gimmes, Stiff Little Fingers and many more over the three-dayer. The bowling teams are all sorted now (they’ll be announced on April 1st) but the poker tourney (on May 27) is still open. If you’re a bowler and you want to play poker it’s a $100 buy in and a 20 bucks registration fee. The Gonads say as one: if Waistrel, the Beast and FB can’t get us on this next year, they’re all bleedin’ sacked.

We’ll be back next Saturday, probably...

March 12. Okay, this blog page is closing down for a bit. But here’s some news before we go. We’ve just heard from Contra that the 30th anniversary Oi! album (‘Oi! Never Surrender’) has now been put back until May, and consequently won’t be on sale at Punk & Disorderly. Fit Bird tells us that Gal is “unsurprised” but adds that he is seriously thinking of contacting a few bands to put together a second compilation album to “mark the anniversary of when the first one should have been released... last bleedin’ April!” It will be tentatively entitled, ‘Oi! Things Come To ’Im ’Oo Waits.’

Living legend Sandra Bigg (Really Big) contacts us from Cyprus. She tells us she is “bed ridden” (insert your own smart-arse remark here) but is planning to trek up the Himalayas in September 2012 to raise money for the Genesis Research Trust which concerns itself with what Fat Col oafishly refers to as “women’s shit” (medical research into the prevention, diagnosis and treatment of miscarriages, infertility, ovarian cancer and the like). Sandra wants us to help her raise £3,200 so we’re putting our thinking caps on. It’s worth it for a good cause, and also for the opportunity to make frequent entirely innocent references to scaling her twin peaks... more details to follow.

Former Iron Maiden singer Paul Di'Anno has been banged up for nine months for fraud (see earlier story). Di’Anno, real name Paul Andrews, pleaded guilty to eight counts of benefit fiddling amounting to more than £45K and will serve at least four and a half months behind bars before he’s eligible for parole. During his sentencing in Salisbury Crown Court yesterday, the Barnaby Rudge, Jane Miller told him: “Your greed has cost this country a lot of money. The claims were for a long time and for a large cost.” She went on: “It must be a custodial sentence. I do not accept you only got expenses. I give you credit for your guilty pleas and reduce the sentence from the guideline 12 months to that of nine months.” Rock on! Except can we be sure that this Jane bird is no relation to former Sounds writer Robbi Millar, who once begged Di’Anno to beat her with his bullet belt using the words: “Do you know how to use this? Do you know how to use it on me?” Our legal team, The Beast, tells us: “If a connection can be established, ab initio, then this could well be an abuse of process.” He goes on “Ms Millar invited the defendant to perform an act of Actual Bodily Harm with the aforementioned bullet belt. This is clearly an actus reus. It could even be a case of vicarious liability. In this event, there is no doubt that Mr. Di’Anno has grounds for an appellate jurisdiction and a certiorari. Thank you very much, that’ll be £2000.” Remarkibold.

Random news: The Old Firm Casuals release their self-titled debut 7” single on April 22 (Oi! The Boat Records)... Out this week, new albums from Rise Against (‘Endgame’, Geffen) and Screeching Weasel (‘First World Manifesto’, Fat Wreck Chords)... Our Ska-Hop buddies Swagga have just launched a new website and tell us they’re flogging a “fantastic six track ep for only £3” as well as tee-shirts and hoodies.

This is what we want! Gal’s Funny Old Bastards, coming to a town near you very soon... if you live anywhere close to Gravesend, that is...

Funny Old Bastards

March 11. Quick reminder, Matt Freeman’s band Devil’s Brigade play the Tunbridge Wells Forum tonight with Stu Turner & The Flat Earth Society, Houston Has A Problem and Sworn Red. Tomorrow they’re at the Borderline.

Another 100 Club picture: Rula Lenska laughs as the Franken-Skin clears the dance floor. That’s BO for yer. The idiot Fat Col wanted to ask if she’s called Rula “cos she can take twelve inches” but Frankie decked him. Back left is Watford Jon. Front in cap is Zurich skin Fu.

100 Club

Our New York brother band Maninblack’s debut single ‘New York New York USA’ (Black Dalek Records) can be bought for a mere 99cents orff of Amazon or @ iTunes.

Henceforth, the Herbert formerly known as Sir Terence of Hayes (WM), shall be renamed the Worshipful Mo, in recognition of his visit to Specsavers and emergence as the new Maurice Micklewhite (aka Michael Caine) of punk. All together, ‘What's it all about... Terry?’. So mote it be.

The new Bad Brains album is due out this summer on Megaforce.

Steve Ignorant & Friends have postponed their upcoming tour of the US and Canada due to Visa problems, they say, ruining the plans of a crack squad of Jersey skins who wanted to disrupt their shows by playing volley-ball in the audience with bags of offal and lardons...

NEW from Northwest Memorabilia: handsome mounted oi-oi collectibles, like this fine Argy-Bargy offering featuring a CD and plectrum set. Other sets include Cock Sparrer, the Rejects and the Last Resort. All plectrums are made with the bands’ permission; the CDs are legit too. They cost £15 apiece. All details at

March 9th. A message to you, Rudy: the first Klub Skank of 2011 happens this Saturday, March 12, at the Cellar Bar in Chatham. A quality evening of Ska, reggae and rocksteady sounds brought to you by boss DJs. 8pm – 2am. Full address: Cellar Bar, Command House, Dock Road, Chatham, Kent. Have it!

Random goss: Paul Weller is supporting the Kings of Leon at Hyde Park on 22 and 23 June... Gallows are back in the studio recording a new Dropkicks’ album their “best for years”, according to WM... Madness play Whitehaven Fest in Cumbria on 18th June...

March 8. Veteran rock scribe Pippa Lang has reviewed our 100 Club gig on Metal Talk. She writes: ‘Garry is looking good for his age’ (Cheeky!) ‘When he rants the chorus to opening number ‘Punk Rock Till I Die’ it isn’t hard to believe he will... the pogo-pit at a Ska/Oi gig is obviously much bouncier than your average mosh pit and the Gonads have a particularly colourful assortment of sproinking bootboys here tonight including, I swear, Herman Munster... After ‘Yeti’ the jolly Ska of old classic ‘Oi Mate’ and no-frills ‘Gob’, Garry self-effacingly announces: “We’re like the punk rock equivalent of Gaddafi, no-one likes us but we’re carrying on anyway”’... Pippa concludes: ‘Oi never became commercial or mainstream or anything but what it set out to be – anti-everything. This is where it all happens, down here beneath street level, and this is where it all stays.’ Read it all here.

Shop news from Fit Bird: please note we’re running low on stock on a couple of items. There are just five copies left of ‘Plums’ on CD, and one vinyl copy of ‘Glorious Bastards’, so get in quick if you want either because the re-orders take a while to come through. We have just had a new batch of ‘Live Free Die Free’ come in on CD and on vinyl, but ‘Barking’ and ‘Schiz-oi’ are completely sold-out and will not be re-ordered. Cheers.

The mighty Agnostic Front have posted two new tracks from their new album My Life My Way (out March 22) on their facebook page. Check out "My Life My Way" and "That's Life" here. In unrelated news, Flogging Molly’s new twelve-track album Speed Of Darkness will be out at the end of May.

*Infa Riot have reformed – and they’re playing Rebellion on 5th August (tickets here. No word yet on the Orgasm Guerrillas.

March 7. Gal’s Funny Old Bastards comedy show launches officially at the Woodville Halls, Gravesend, Kent on May 25th. Starring Mickey Pugh, Dave Cook and Willie Thompson, with Gal hosting. Tickets £16. Box office: 01474 337 774. Address: Woodville Halls, Woodville Place, Gravesend, Kent DA12 1DD. “We’re flying the flag for blue collar comedy, with a night of mirth and mayhem!” he tells us.

The Franken-Skin continues to attract celebrity worshippers into his evil orbit, as this picture with Frankie and Mark Wingett from The Bill at the 100 Club mega-bash illustrates. Mark made his big screen debut in Quadrophenia, and remains a connoisseur of quality rock. The Franken-Skin’s own screen debut is fast approaching... (PS The lady with the closed eyes, centre, is suffering from a condition known by medical experts as ‘post-Nads syndrome’; says a doctor: “Such feelings of ecstasy are generated among women by a Gonads performance that they may enter a trance-like state for an hour or longer; once in this state just a sniff of Mick Maverick’s after-shave is likely to induce orgasm.”)


Nads update: We are in talks about a proper UK tour later this year, and hope to be able to announce details of that, a major benefit gig for BLESMA (British Limbless Ex-Servicemen’s Association) and a July single release before too long. Meanwhile, the next Heavy Metal Kids gig is at the Half Moon Putney on April 9, with LAMF and the 335. On balance it has been decided that the Jolly Pranksters’ ‘Weekend of Carnage’ remains largely unreported, for the good of the brotherhood’s international reputation. The three-dayer coincided with Dan (Son of Oi)’s stag night, and we’d like to thank Nacho Jase for sorting out the passes for Peaches, a charming feminist institute dedicated to the liberation of women cunningly disguised as a lap-dancing emporium. We should also thank Brother Goon of the Cardiff Pranksters for diligently finding and booking for our delight the very worst hotel not only in Bournemouth but arguably on the entire south coast of England. It made the youth hostel we stayed in for the last Berlin gig look like Trump Towers. Defying all known laws of physics, it somehow managed to be colder inside the hotel rooms than it was outside in the street. Breakfast consisted of manky bread, processed cheese (probably processed via a mangle) and what looked like supermarket economy ham that had seen better days. The funniest thing was they made us sleep in bunk beds – not a good idea after 27 pints and a shot-athon; at least two of the brethrens plummeted five feet to the floor over night, where they remained until they were found in the morning covered by a thin layer of frost. The place was run by a man so miserable and charmless he made Basil Fawlty seem like a Butlin’s Redcoat. But nothing could dampen the party spirit. We were joined by Oi Oi veteran Si Spanner (aka Sex Shop Simon) and comedian Bill Outstanding for a Friday night of boozing, when English Pranksters learnt about their Welsh brethren’s unusual rituals (who could forget the ‘shirts off after sixteen shots’ look?) A Nads away team of Nacho, Mick, South Coast Steve and Flag-Girl Allyson came along to join the fun on Saturday but unfortunately by then Gal had made his excuses and left (“My guts exploded like Krakatoa,” he moaned. “Lightweight!” we replied). But Vice Squad’s gig at Champions was “shit hot”, according to Jase. And Dan (Son Of Oi) got off lightly, merely being made to go boozing while dressed as a giant carrot (don’t ask) and go clubbing as Elvis. It was a cracking weekend, although our livers have yet to agree. Let’s just say that the scooter pranksters who stayed behind for Sister Tracy’s Ska-n-Northern Soul knees-up on Saturday night in Kent are looking a damn sight healthier this morning than we are.

Good news for South East London bands: the Angerstein on the Woolwich Road in Greenwich, SE10, are now offering free rehearsal time on weekday afternoons. They're also launching a comedy open night every Thursday starting this week

March 6. The reviews are still coming in for our 100 Club debut. Allyson Maverick says: “God damn, you boys were hotter than a pile of dung!’ Stu James, seeing us for the first time, reckons ‘It was great fun, I really enjoyed it and well worth a tenner. Tonight the 100 Club, tomorrow the Hollywood Bowl.’ While Lotte Daley writes ‘Gal’s an azzzzzzome singer and the band is swell!’. Heavy Metal Kids fan Steve Abbott messages to say ‘The Gonads put in a stonkin’ set!’ And even Chelsea Dom enthused ‘Another top night. You guys were on form again.’ Only Peter Carbery strikes a more cynical note: ‘The Gonads at the 100 Club?’ he jibes. ‘I thought they were trying to save the place, not wreck it.’ Yeah, thanks for that! Thanks too to Sally Newhouse for filming ‘Gob’ in HD. The Kids were on tremendous form, improving by leaps and bounds with every outing. Thanks for the invite, fellas. We’ll happily do it again.

S. The 335 were pretty good as well; a three piece r&b fuelled bluesy rock band from West London, well worth a gander. 

Please note a full-ish report on the weekend’s forty-handed Pranksters beano may follow if any of the brethren manages to sober up, which at the moment seems unlikely.

Gig noos. The New York Dolls are back in the UK later this month, plugging their latest album 'Dancing Backwards In High Heels' (out Monday week), with Earl Slick on guitar. They’re playing two nights at the historic Old Vic Tunnels, an underground network of Victorian red brick tunnels situated beneath Waterloo Station (30th and 31st) as well as Newcastle 02 Academy (March 27) and Manchester Club Academy (29)... There are still tickets available for the Specials October tour. The full dates are 11 & 12 Wolverhampton Civic Hall, 14&15 Manchester Apollo 16 Hull Arena. 18 Glasgow SECC, 21 Nottingham Capital FM Arena 23 Plymouth Pavillions 24 Cheltenham Racecourse, 25 Brighton Centre, 27 Bournemouth BUC 28 Cardiff CIA 29 Coventry Ricon Arena and 3rd November: Ally Pally... The Cockney Rejects, Evil Conduct, Superyob, Jenny Woo, Raufhandel and. Gewohnheiten are lined up for this year’s Oi The Meeting (6th - 8th May).

arch 4. Oh what a night! A legendary gig at a packed 100 Club yesterday. Famous faces including such monsters of rock as Deaf Barton, Gross Halfwit and Zoie Wainwright (Who? - Ed) rubbed shoulders with showbiz legends Vicki Michelle and Rula Lenska, and Oi-Oi heroes like Watford Jon, Tottenham Sean and Big Badoe Dom as we shared a stage with the Heavy Metal Kids. Porn star Ben Dover was there too, but we don't know what he was rubbing. Pete Way's brother was also in, as was Big Brother legend Susie Verrico, and so were skins from Switzerland and punks from Sweden, Charlton and even Hertfordshire. There was even a party from the Daily Star! The Kids were on top form, while our set was genuinely described as our “best ever” by impartial observers (Sid & Doris Gonad.) Gal got a few titters by describing Mick Maverick as “the man who makes Charlie Sheen look like an amateur” and by saying “It’s a pleasure to play at the 100 Club. I haven’t spent a night inside such a venerable rock ‘n’ roll institution since Heavy Metal Heather...” (He wishes! – Ed). No doubt there will be more stories remembered later, but whether we’ll have time to tell you is in doubt as we’re all off to Bournemouth tomorrow for a major Jolly Pranksters weekender. You may hear more about it on Monday, but definitely not before! Oi, Oi! (Special thanks to flag-girl Allyson, merch man Dave, FB and of course the Franken-Skin!)

Record noos: the UK Subs album ‘Work In Progress’ is now out on vinyl from Captain Oi, for a meagre £10.99. And out on Monday, the Maroon Town album Urban Myths (Rockers Revolt). ‘A totally infectious vibe,’ says Springline Jamaica, and quite frankly they should know.

HC legends Agnostic Front play the Black N Blue Bowl in New York City on May 28, along with Gorilla Biscuits, Terror and more...

Send us your St George’s Day gigs, parties and events via and we’ll plug the bugger out of them!

New vid from the Smoking Popes here.

March 3. Here we go! A lively ‘impressionistic’ shot of Charlton Boy Chris Weeks with us for ‘Tucker’s Ruckers’ on the beer crate that passes for a stage at the 12 Bar on Saturday; (pic by Jel). See you up the 100 Club tonight.

Gonads with Tucker's Ruckers

Our old pal Paul Di’Anno is up in court for benefit fraud a week tomorrow. Di’Anno, real name Paul Andrews, faces jail time for having £45grand away in fraudulent claims – he’d been nicking incapacity benefits since 2002, while still performing. We’re not sure when Paul’s money problems started but doing a book deal with John Blake is traditionally the route to bankruptcy. Opinion is split as to whether to say “Good luck” or “Hanging’s too good for him.” It’s probably too late to Run To The Hills, but the next ‘Jobs Not Jails’ is for you, mate...

An internal inquiry has narrowly cleared Nacho Jase and South Coast Steve of round-dodging charges on grounds of insufficient evidence, but Lord Waistrel has given both a caution saying that such low activities will never be tolerated in this band, as the roll-call of sorry round-dodgers no longer with us clearly demonstrates.

The Dirty Metal Gonads may be coming out of retirement for a military benefit festival later this year; watch this space.

More from Georgette C’s review of ‘Greater Hits Vol 1 Plums’: ‘The new sound is dependent on the band chemistry between the hard-charging rhythm section of Mick Maverick on bass and South Coast Steve on drums, and the explosive guitar work of Nacho Jase (Jason Poole from Waysted); all of which conspire to lift singer Gal Gonad (life-long maverick Garry Bushell)’s raw growl to another level. The lyrics remain closer in feel to Benny Hill than George Carlin’. We can live with that. Meanwhile Canadian fan Gill emails to ask: ‘I would presume that ‘The Joys Of Oi’ and ‘Punk Rock Will Never Die’ have been saved for the second volume?’ Almost certainly, Gill. We’ll publish a list of songs for the next album ahead of going back into the studio.

March 2. We interrupt this blog with reports of a dire development. Both Nacho Jase and South Coast Steve are suspected of the most heinous crime imaginable in our circle: round-dodging. Fat Col, in a pathetic attempt to ingratiate himself with us again, has undertaken to investigate the allegations that at the 12 Bar on Saturday Nacho and SCS did ‘receive liquid refreshment and gratefully imbibed thereof whilst making no effort to return the favour.’ Lord Waistrel comments: “Any man who breaks the sacred moral code developed by drinking men over the ages by dodging his round is nothing but a cockroach in human form, a poltroon, a parasite, a lowly being with the hygiene of an overly active dung beetle, the heart of a louse and the morals of a schizophrenic baboon. There is no place for such a wretch in the company of herberts.” Wise words indeed. If found guilty, Nacho and Steve may be fined twenty pints a piece by order of the committee.

March 1. Morning team. Here is the running order for the 100 Club gig on Thursday. Doors: 7:30pm. Stage times: The 335, 8:00-8.30; The magnificent Gonads, 8:45-9:30; the Heavy Metal Kids: 9:45-11pm. It’s gonna ROCK!

An incredible revelation. After our little dig at our double gorgeous web-mistress Batttttty yesterday it turns out that she actually did go to the same school as Anne Robinson - Farnborough Hill Convent - although a few years later, obviously. Who would have thought it? One is waspish, witty and a strict disciplinarian... and so is the other one!

Here’s the full running order for the London International Ska Festival at the Clapham Grand next month. Thursday April 21: KEN BOOTHE (Jamaica), JAMES HUNTER, GIULIANO PALMA & THE BLUEBEATERS (Italy), MAROON TOWN plus DJs CLIVE CHIN (Randys), RHODA DAKAR (Bodysnatchers/Special AKA), TOMMY ROCK-A-SHACKA (Japan) and TAKESHI OKAWA (Japan-The Ska Flames/Sun Shot). Friday 22 April 2011, 6pm-3am: DAVE & ANSELL COLLINS (Jamaica), THE TROJANS, THE LOAFERS (one-off reformation), the HOTKNIVES (original line up), THE CAROLOREGIANS (Belgium), SKAOS (Germany), LES EJECTES (France) plus DJS: GAZ MAYALL (Gaz’s Rockin Blues), JIM COX and GREEDY G. Saturday 23 April 2011, 6pm-3am: THE ENGLISH BEAT with DAVE WAKELING, DUB PISTOLS, INTENSIFIED, NAPOLEON SOLO (Denmark), THE AMPHETAMEANIES (Scotland), JIMMY THE SQUIRREL plus DJS LYNVAL GOLDING (The Specials), WRONGTOM and FELIX HALL. Sunday 24 April 2011, 6pm-2am: BOB ANDY & MARCIA GRIFFITHS (Jamaica), THE SKA FLAMES (Japan), BIM SKALA BIM (USA), THE SIDEWALK DOCTORS, CARTOON VIOLENCE (Wales) plus DJS MARK LAMARR, the DUB VENDOR ALL-STARS, and the TIGHTEN UP CREW ft. CHAMPIAN MC. Full details and tickets here.

Brilliant Poly Styrene has cancelled touring for the foreseeable future after being diagnosed with cancer. We wish her a full and speedy recovery. Poly’s new album ‘Generation Indigo’ is released on April 26th.

If you’re in Bournemouth on Saturday, Vice Squad are playing Champions...

We note that the London Diehards’ song ‘Suicide Bomber’ has been removed from YouTube; click on links to it from other sites and you get the message: ‘This video has been removed as a violation of YouTube's policy on shocking and disgusting content.' It is not certain whether this is a reference to the graphic close-ups of self-exploded ‘martyrs’ contained therein or just the singing.

Florida punk band Asshole Parade have just announced a seven-date Japanese tour. To see Asshole Parade in this country, get down to the House of Commons any weekday.