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Please note the items you are about to read consist largely of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation.
As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked. Its informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully thought through.

March 25: Vegas baby! Gal is off to Nevada first thing tomorrow for a series of high-level meetings about film projects, book projects, and the proposed Gonads tour dates on the West Coast. In the meantime this news page is shutting up shop for a short break on the South Coast. How the other half live...

Viva... Viva... Los Gonads.

*Our Bournemouth gig (May 21st) has been postponed by the venue, after the owner expressed concern that our following of hardcore punks, skins, Page 3 girls and Charlton Boys might “clash with the pissed-up chavs staying at the hotel.” A disappointed Beast responded: “Don’t they realise pissed-up chavs are our target market?”

March 24. An email arrives from a fella describing himself as a ‘Trad fan’. “It’s all very well reading about the new Euro-Gonads line-up,” he says. “But what will become of the old line-up of Scoops, Gentleman John, Backhand Fee Tone and that fat bloke? Whither The Beast? And why is there so little news of the delectable Wattsie Watts?” No need to panic, chap. The much-loved British Gonads are now being managed by Dodgy Dave Long and in time-honoured fashion are simply “holding back until the time is right.” Tone meanwhile is recording a punky new Long Tall Shorty album. The Beast is managing the global Gonads and DMG. And ravishing Wattsie is slowly recovering from her gastric complications, although she still “has trouble swallowing”, she says. Make up your own jokes here. Poor cow. We don’t know how she copes. It’s enough to make you spit.

March 22. Is Oi about to be engulfed by a fresh scandal? Secret filming by Channel 4 has apparently revealed Gal Gonad promising an undercover reporter that for £3,000 a day he could use his considerable influence to introduce her to Terence Hayes, WM, and even facilitate a duet with Garrie Lammin at BH2 in front of Bermonsdey Joyriders fans - both of them. The possibility of clandestine meetings with Stinky Turner and Tottenham Sean were also hinted at. Gal only came unstuck when he suggested that for a further £500 he could arrange for Scoops to buy her a drink – a claim dismissed as “pure fantasy” by Peter Mandelson. PS Lord Adonis? Isn’t that Waistrel’s alias?

*The European line-up of the Gonads make their live debut on April 25th at the Frag Fest, Milton Keynes. This gig is for the Headway brain injury charity. No cheap jokes please.

March 21. Out now on Born & Bred records, the Dropkick Murphys ‘Live On Lansdowne, Boston MA’ – a CD+DVD package retailing for eighteen bucks. Recorded over six nights in March 2009, the live album includes ‘I'm Shipping Up To Boston’, ‘The State Of Massachusetts’, the Red Sox anthem ‘Tessie’, ‘Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced’ and ‘Forever’. The premium double-disc package comes with a full-length companion DVD of the live recording in HD.

*Word filters through about the LDs at the BH2 who are described by an impartial observer as being “tighter than a nun’s chuff” even if a certain vocalist forgot the words to ‘Organise’ – should someone as disorganised as the WM sing a song called ‘Organise’? Isn’t it like Mark Owen singing ‘Fidelity’ or Lemmy crooning about unblemished skin? Support band Booze & Glory (aka 3 Poles & No Piano) were magnificent – Tottenham Sean says “It’s hard to believe it was only their third gig and the ladies who follow them are worth turning up for if nothing else.” The Bermondsey Joyriders headlined and delighted their fans, Sid and Doris Barking. “Dodgy trousers, but as tight as, well, Garrie Lammin at the bar,” says one eye-witness who sadly constituted one fifth of the audience. Rather more people made it to 50 Cent’s after-show party at RS Lounge in Woodford last night, along with the likes of Danny Dyer, Tamar Hassan and Lisa Wright from the Orgasm Guerrillas, but the music was cack.

March 20. A piece on Oi appeared in yesterday’s Guardian. Although fairer than many mainstream media reports much of it was ridiculous. It claimed for example that Oi bands became synonymous with arson after the Hamborough Tavern, Southall, was burnt to the ground. As the pub contained only Oi fans, this suggests that the Guardian believes the kids inside were throwing petrol bombs at themselves. The Guardian dismissed Oi music out of hand, although we would have thought songs like ‘Stark Raving Normal’, ‘Fighting In The Streets’ and ‘England Belongs To Me’ were up there with anything middle class punks ever came up with. They also seemed unaware that the world did not end in 1981 and that bands such as Cock Sparrer and the Cockney Rejects remain the top draw at Rebellion, Punk & Disorderly and other large punk weekenders to this day. The paper was keen to quote the titles of jokey Test-tube Babies songs but made no mention of songs like ‘National Employers’ Blacklist’, ‘Jobs Not Jails’ and ‘Last Night Another Soldier’ which would have challenged their readers’ prejudices about what Oi was about.

It quoted Stuart Maconie’s view of Oi, neglecting to add that the number of Oi shows he’s attended could be counted on the fingers of an unlucky lumberjack’s stump. Jeff Turner says he was misquoted over a sentence ascribed to him where he is claimed to have said he wanted nothing to do with Oi. No mention was made either of the long and documented associations between Oi bands and causes such as the Right To Work Campaign, Rock Against Racism and Oi Against Racism. Despite the thousands of Oi concerts that have taken place around the world, the hundreds of CDs released, the million-plus albums sold and the multitude of Oi bands on every continent, the middle class UK media can’t see past one gig in a godforsaken West London suburb that happened 29 years ago. It’s the equivalent of clouding every Stones article with references to Altamont or refusing to write about Hip-Hop without detailing every poor sod who has died because of it. (Hip-Hop stars actually killed people as opposed to simply playing a gig in their home city).

For our part, we agree with the Last Resort, none of us will ever answer another question about Southall again. There is nothing new to say about it and even if film footage of What Actually Happened there was readily available the likes of Guardian would still write that all Oi fans were skinheads and all skinheads were Nazis because that is what they want to believe. Fuck the lot of them. For the definitive story of Oi click HERE.

*Our Garage gig is definitely cancelled. The next Gonads shows will now be in May, featuring the new European line-up. Meanwhile, following much record company interest, the Gonads' dirty metal spin-off group DMG will start demoing new songs for their debut album next month. The band consists of The Colonel (vox), Nacho Jase (gtr), Mick Maverick (bass) and RD (drums). Their website is and they are heavier than you will ever be - even if you're Buster Bloodvessel wearing lead-lined pants.

*NO word yet on how the London Diehards BH2 gig went last night, but our mate Stu reports that the Stranglers were "fucking brilliant" at Hammersmith Apollo. He says "Highlights for me were 'Sleazy', 'Down In The Sewer', 'Grip', 'Heroes' and 'Hanging Around' but some of the new stuff from Retro Rockets is really good." PS Booze & Glory - consisting of "Liam and three Polish fellas" - are well worth seeing, according to our spies. Having nicked all the plastering jobs, the Poles are now after the Oi gigs, and "showing us how it should be done."

March 18. Sad to report that Charlie Gillett died yesterday morning. Among many things, Charlie wrote the seminal rock history The Sound of the City, co-managed Ian Dury's Kilburn & The High Roads and founded Oval Records. Our sympathies to Charlie's wife Buffy and their children Suzy, Jody, and Ivan.

*RIP too Carol Clerk, the former Melody Maker drinker and occasional writer who died in her sleep on Saturday after a battle with cancer. We liked Carol, even if the Blood didn’t. Our condolences to her nearest and dearest. Tsk. All these great rock writers popping their clogs... anyone seen Deaf Barton lately? We had him in a treble. Someone get hold of Garry Johnson and tell him not to go out today.

*Congrats to Gonads fan Natalie Malone from Lewisham who’s expecting her first baby. No-one tell her that an anagram of Pregnant Natalie is Anal Penetrating. Other top anagrams, Jeffrey Geggus is Jersey Egg Guff. Garry Johnson is Ran John’s Orgy, Dale Beeson is A Nose Bleed while, best of all, Avril Lavigne is “I’ll rev vagina.”

March 17. There is a strong rumour going round that the April 10th gig at the Garage in Islington will be postponed. Apparently the Upstarts are saying that Mensi cannot make the date as he has to go back to Thailand to count his money... and wives... and children. The promoters also tell us that several complaints have been received from Gonads fans shocked at the possibility that Terry Hayes (WM) would have been singing on the night instead of Gal as part of their bizarre band swap agreement. One angry chap denounced El Tel as “a monkey Millwall bastard”. (Now now, no need for that lads, we quite like monkeys. And bastards.) Anyway, cursing Mensi we await confirmation of the cancellation.

*Are we doing anything ‘special’ tonight, asks our American friend Connie. Is today a special day, then? No. This is England. Happy Wednesday.

*VARIOUS pals of ours are in Alex Reid’s debut movie, Killer Bitch released on April 5th. There’s Cass Pennant, Carlton Leach, Dave Courtney and Roy ‘Pretty Boy’ Shaw. We don’t know how good the film is but if you think we’re slagging off that little firm you’re off your nut.

*Fears grow for the health of Badoes bass player Chelsea Dom who has obviously taken up ballooning recently as he’s piled on about two stone since we last saw him. Coupled with his new “semi-afro” haircut, this does not make for an attractive look. Indeed, we’re told, but can’t confirm, that on his way to Boston last week Dom was mistaken for Keith Harris of ‘Keith Harris and Orville’ fame by BA staff and given an upgrade. They didn’t ask where Orville was because judging by the size of ‘Keith’ they clearly assumed he’d cooked and eaten the bloody thing.

*The first copy of the new Cock Sparrer book, The Best Seat In The House, has just dropped and looks the business. Apparently the paperback version of Cockney Reject is selling on amazon now. We’ll let you know when it’s in stock here.

March 14. A good friend tells us that an anagram of Mark Owen is Wank More (which maybe he should've done...). While we're on the subject, an anagram of Terry Hayes is "Eye 'er snatch"; while Wattsie Watts is "E, saw twat tits". Without comment, we report that Anthony Feedback becomes Backhand Fee

* Jim Piddlington? Jilt Nodding Imp.

* The London Diehards play BH2 this Friday with the Bermondsey Joyriders, but will Tel be playing his new song 'Noble Ox'?

March 13. We fear for the brain-cells of our dear pal Pete Way, who is currently working on a brand new solo album. One of the keen young musicians involved excitedly played us one of Pete’s “new songs” which sounded suspiciously familiar. It’s called ‘The Hole’, it’s about drug and alcohol dependency and is extremely powerful. The only problem is he’s recorded it at least twice before...

*Punk label MFS are re-releasing the pleasantly titled ‘Oi – Fuck You’, followed by a second volume which we hope will be called ‘Fuck You Some More’. We had ‘Hey You’ on the first and will put ‘Gob 2010’ on the new one.

*The Cockney Rejects planned ‘Wild Ones’ rock concert, pencilled in for BH2 this Easter, has been postponed for now.

* March 12. Shock news from tonight’s Pranksters fund-raising quiz in Sidcup where the drunken Gonads team trailed in a not too shabby third out of ten. Winners were Sandra Lane’s Orgasm Guerrillas team who had the good sense to pack their squad with ‘ringers’ – geography teachers and other low scum. The Beast tells us “The Gonads could have won if we’d stayed off the Buckfast. Half way through round six Gal screwed up the answer sheet and started singing the Zamora song.” Fat Col’s team came last. The organisers were pretty pissed off when a drunken Catrina jumped on stage and attempted to strip at the end - and some idiot stopped her.

* LA hardcore legends Circle One are re-releasing their 1983 album ‘Patterns Of Force’ on vinyl (Puke N Vomit Records.) It’s been re-mastered from the original quarter inch tapes and includes “the original mix not found on the CD re-issues” blah-blah-sales hype-blah-blah-blah.

*Here is Ecke from Contra Records’ verdict on the tracks submitted for the 30th anniversary comp: “the best new Oi songs are by the London Diehards and the Gonads.” And the surprise is? BTW, The Diehards have recorded their half of the split album they’re doing with the Tattooed Motherfuckers. TMF have recorded their tracks but have yet to mix them. Working titles include: ‘Deadset’, ‘Heart Full Of Hate’, ‘I Am The Doctor’, ‘Who?’, and ‘Tough Man’.

March 10. The 30th anniversary Oi album will now be released at the end of May; any bands who have not yet uploaded their songs should do it pronto or risk getting the bum’s rush.

*Steve Bruce’s Cock Sparrer book, The Best Seat In The House, will be published by Cherry Red Books on 27th March. (In our opinion, the best seat in the house belonged to Sandra Bigg, but hey ho).

* ‘Glorious Bastards’ will be released as a digital download on April 19th.

*A treacherous and not so little bird whispers in our ear about the WM, saying “while commenting on the drinking capabilities of other parties, he neglects to mention his own woeful boozing prowess - you may recall him passing out with the tramps in a Brussels park, or the time he was found loitering outside the hotel in Berlin, oblivious to the fact it was -10 (no exaggeration either, it really was that cold). He is a lightweight, a bar room zero, not to mention a master of misinformation.” This has been a party political broadcast on behalf of the Beano Boys, the feared break-away provisional wing of the Jolly Pranksters.

March 9. Steward’s inquiry! The legitimacy of the International Oi Oi BuckFast Drinking world championship has been officially challenged by lawyers representing Belfast champ Colin McQuillen. It seems that not for the first time the facts have been distorted by a devious party from Poplar who on this occasion had a vested interest in a French victory (a large side-bet placed with bookie Charlton Tel) and who used the cover of extreme drunkenness on all sides to attempt to ‘fix’ the result. Slo-mo studies of the final drink-off actually reveal that challenger Vanessa’s head hit the concrete some seconds ahead of Mr McQuillen’s. A grim faced Beast tells us: “Someone has been ‘runnin riot’ with the truth. After a full inquiry, the contest has been declared null and void. The rival parties will now have to face each other in a properly supervised replay. All bets are off.” This is believed to be the biggest scandal to hit the Buckfast drinking world since a Benedictine monk shat in a wine vat back in 1382.

*Cock Sparrer have entered the World Cup England anthem race by re-recording England Belongs To Me. The nifty new version features British UFC fighter Dan ‘The Outlaw’ Hardy providing backing vocals and “oi-oi”s. (Dan uses the song as his intro music into the octagon). The track can be downloaded now.

March 7. Shock news from the International Oi Buckfast Drinking Contest, held last night in Glasgow, when the British champion – Colin from Runnin’ Riot – was roundly defeated by a French outsider. The event, held in the shadow of Hampden Park, was a magnet for some of the world’s most staggering drunks. (And if they weren’t staggering before, they were afterwards... ) Colin was widely fancied as a shoe-in for the title as the Ulsterman breakfasts on the fortified tonic wine which is made by Benedictine Monks in Devon. In the quarter-finals last month he dispatched the Spanish challenger in under an hour. But Col met his match in the final head to head battle with the dishy but diminutive Vanessa from Parisian band Les Misogynes. We would tell you more but the event judges – local Pranksters Lauren and Craig – were stretchered off an hour before the close of play. Poor show. Next year we’ll be fielding our champion, the indestructible Pavel from Moscow.

* Our sympathies to Wattsie still suffering from a gastric ulcer. She says “I tried half a cucumber yesterday and the pain was horrendous.” Next time, ease yourself in with a gherkin, says Sandra Lane, who knows about these things. And use plenty of lube.

March 6. Supporting 999 at BH2 tonight – the Snipes from Glasgow, featuring Shug O’Neill formerly of Cock Sparrer and now looking old enough to be Franky Flame’s Dad.

*New DMG songs up at the Dirty Metal Gonads myspace page.

March 5. Terry Hayes has put himself forward to replace Gal as Gonads vocalist “to show how good the band could be”. The WM will audition before a panel of leading oi authorities including Waistrel, Fatty Lol, The Beast and Stinky Turner at BH2. Tel is confident that he’s a shoe-in for the job, saying “I’m good looking and Gal is an ugly fucker”. We’re not so sure. The X Factor-style panel is looking for someone who can sing like “Bruce Dickinson or Rod Stewart.” The WM sings like a cross between David Dickinson and Moira Stewart. He can’t remember his own lyrics, let alone ours. His appeal is largely confined to Bulgarian women and homosexualists. And how will he feel about renouncing Millwall?

March 4. Gal, who is busy writing his memoirs, has appealed to various people to come forward to help fill in the blanks. He is particularly keen on hearing from Heavy Metal Heather, Steph the Mod, Steve Kent, and Charlotte “the Vet”. If you’re out there, get in touch!

March 2. Breaking news: the May gigs may be the last ever shows by the Gonads as we know them as Gal is considering replacing yet another band number - himself. It seems that our glorious leader is secretly planning to audition new young vocalists, beards optional. The decision has been inspired partly by ill-health and partly by an increased work-load. According to Fit-Bird the plan is "hush-hush". If it goes ahead Gal would fall back into a management role. But he WILL be appearing at the May gigs, he WILL be recording the 'Greater Hits' album and he IS working on the songs even as we speak. The Gonads-Badoes world cup single (Go-Bads?) is still a possibility. The alternative option is for the Gonads to take a year off from touring. More developments as they happen.

Feb 28. We have added a date in Cheltenham, Gloucester, in May. On May Day - 1st May - we headline The Night Owl in the High Street. ALL May gigs, including Germany and Poland, will be played by the Gonads Mark II: Gal, Nacho Jase, RD and Mick Gonad.

Feb 27. Plans for an unofficial oi oi World Cup anthem featuring Gal, the Badoes and Tony Barker from Angela Rippon's Bum have hit the bumpers as Gal and the WM are temporarily potless (Gal is reeling from an unexpected tax demand, Tel from the escalating costs of Liberty's weekly wine in-take). "What are they, some kind of tight c***s?" fumed Barker, who at no time has offered to contribute to the costs himself. Still the Beast is confident that with the WM organising the recording it will happen in time for the World Cup opening game... in 2014.

* The WM has been on. The London Diehards have a new drummer and a new guitarist. Great. But who, Tel, who? "Some bloke called Steve and another bloke called Steve." Yeah, great. Thanks for that.

* Cherry ain't too sad about being outed from the Diehards and the Badoes. He's got himself a new gig - as Tweedledum and Tweedledee in Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland flick.

* Gal's podcast is up here:

* New this week: Flogging Molly's 'Live At The Greek Theatre' - a DVD plus 2 CD set featuring their titanic performance at the Greek Theatre, LA, on September 12, 2009. The DVD is shot in HD using ten cameras. A little bit more professional than Rude Boy Sounds, know what I mean?

Feb 26. Gal recorded his latest pod-cast today with guests Gary Lammin and Martin Stacey from the Bermondsey Joyriders and Alison from Bubblegum Slut. Although blitzed by a mystery virus (Was it gin agin? - Ed), Gal gamely struggled to keep awake and the typically shambolic show features some absolutely blinding tracks from Darkbuster, The Blades, King Kool, Raising Sand, The Simmertones, Underclass, the Oi-Oi All-Stars and many more. We'll let you know when it's up and running. (Gary Hodges was due to be on the pod too, but was held up in traffic, finally arriving at the 12 Bar 25 minutes after the show started). Our Gal, dosed up on pills and powders, was feeling rough. He said: "My head was pounding, I felt old, and my breath stank like an anchovy's chuff... so it was pretty much condition normal." Gal blamed the Night Nurse for him being knackered and disorientated. Sandy, her name was... Apologies to Gary H for the mix up. Bev Elliott did wait in the bar for twenty minutes on the off-chance you turned up late. Not that she's complaining about having to wait in a bar.

" Songs arising from Hodges arriving too late for the show: 'ACAB' - all clocks are bastards; 'Chaos' - chaos in the 12 Bar, pod-cast's starting now; 'Sorry' - shout it out, shout it out, I know it's a pain, I should have come by train...

*Bad news from RD MacGonad. The intrepid drummer has been injured in a motorbike accident. Early reports indicate that it's not too serious but he may need an operation on his tendons. Good luck with that mate. In a related story, an operation to remove a five pound note from Jim's wallet has proved unsuccessful.

*The paperback version of Cockney Reject will be published on March 25th.

*Our old pal Charley Anderson from The Selecter has been in touch to tell us that the band (who have reformed without Pauline) have released a new version of 'James Bond'. Top man.

*Long Tall Shorty took a box of Gonads album to Germany. Here's an interesting response to the question, how did the sales go? Wattsie: "Great, they did loads of merch." Tony: "We sold nothing, the kids weren't buying a thing." Hmm. Clearly a communications breakdown. But we're sure it'll all make sense once we see the accounts...

Feb 25. Lord Waistrel has blocked special guest Jimmy Edwards from joining us on stage at The Garage. Seems that when his Lordship gave the go-ahead he was thinking of the late comic actor with the handlebar moustache and a life-long love of spanking...and not Jimmy Edwards from 1970s punk band Masterswitch. Jim will jump up and join us for a version of 'Action Replay' on another night.


* The Gonads mark II warm-up gigs include a headliner at Bournemouth Champions on May 21st - Glen Matlock is no longer on the bill...Meanwhile The Gonads mark I will have a special guest when we support the Upstarts on April 10th at the Garage. What was that about schiz-oi-phrenia?

*Gal is putting together a 'Funny Old Bastards' comedy tour with great neglected working class comics who couldn't give a stuff about PC. We'll let you know when it happens.

Feb 23. Some of Gal's books will be available on Kindle via Comet Press in the US this summer. Cake-based books, who knew it was even possible?

*Despite the Oi-Oi All Stars, Gal and the WM are also attempting to release their own World Cup song, England In Our Blood. All they need is some mug, sorry, a discerning invester with 300 sovs to spare.

Legal note: In a previous blog entry we may have given an unfair impression of Mssrs Mickey Fitz, Slim Jim, Paul Devine and others. The words we used could have led some readers to believe that the aforementioned upstanding citizens were mean-spirited, round-dodging tightwads of the worst kind, when clearly (some lawyer twat reckons) they are radical idealists living Tolstoy's dream of 'freedom through frugality'. We stand corrected... but at least we stand our round.

Feb 22. This year's Punk Rowl Bowling & Music Fest in Las Vegas will be the biggest ever. Confirmed bands include Flogging Molly, NOFX, Me First & The Gimme Gimmes, Youth Brigade, Teenage Bottlerockets, Cobra Skulls, TSOL and many more. Early bird tickets are available at a special discount rate of all three days for 70 bucks. There are discounts on hotel rooms too, and a Punk Rock Texas Hold'em tournament. The event runs between May 6th and May 9th. More details at:

*Steve Whale calls, it seems the Oi-Oi All-Stars have changed the name of 'Spirit Of England' to 'Spirit of England World Cup 2010'. Listen out for it on Gal's next pod-cast.

* Our mates Long Tall Shorty had their Saturday night gig in Cologne rudely interrupted by the local Old Bill (the Aged Wilhelm?). Gentleman John tells us, "We were so loud the police came to the club and made them turn down the PA." John reckons the German plod also banned Shorty from doing encores (That old one! - Cynical Ed.) No word on whether the police were followed by a visit from HM Revenue & Customs looking in to a series of falsified diesel receipts...

*Mark Brezezicki, the former Big Country drummer with a name like a Countdown Conundrum, has now joined Thunderclap Newman! Here are a couple of digi-clips of their debut gig last Friday in Lewes, East Sussex:

*Flustered Gonads mark II guitar ace Nacho Jase, currently moving house, mistakenly belled Lord Waistrel today instead of his new landlord. Not missing a beat, Waistrel told him he expected six month's rent upfront and in cash by Wednesday...

Feb 20. Big trouble in Little Hornchurch: the drummer formerly known as 'Cherry', now known as 'On Yer Bike Pike' has been formally sacked from both the London Diehards and the East End Badoes for "taking a liberty with Liberty". We don't know if he's still in the Fuckwit Fridays, and neither do we care.

*As Cherry goes a new oaf lumbers in to view: step forward Top Cat of Tottenham who has been making a nuisance of himself trying to join the Central London branch of the Jolly Pranksters. You can't request to join the Pranksters, you have to be asked; so local lodge master, the Bishop of Soho, decided to teach TC a lesson. He told him that the girls in a certain Soho massage parlour "finish you off" for £60. Top Cat paid up front for a rather feeble massage and when he demanded "satisfaction" the girl asked for a further £190. Says the Bish: "TC was standing there wearing just his socks and a boner accusing her of robbing him. The bird turned round and said, 'What you going to do about it, call the Old Bill?' Classic." The next night TC turned up in the Pranksters' Dean Street bar and bought himself a drink, not getting a round in. Outraged, the Brethren told the barmaid that Top Cat was in the chair and piled into two taxis, leaving TC to pick up an £80 bar tab. Effete El tells us: "We think he's got the message."

*Gal is in talks with a German label about recording the Gonads Greater Hits album this summer. It will be produced by Steve Whale.

Feb 19. Steve Whale finished the mix of 'Spirit Of England' last night, and it's blinding. Hand on heart this is the best patriotic streetpunk song for 25 years.

Feb 18. The Gonads Mark II will open for Glen Matlock in Bournemouth in May as part of our warm-up gigs for Europe. But in a move certain to wind up the Beast, RD MacGonad has already ousted Fat Col and taken over as tour manager. Is he also planning a management coup?

*Gonads albums are now for sale in the excellent punk store All Ages Records of Camden.

Feb 16. The project known for now as the Oi-Oi All-Stars were in the studio yesterday and the resulting song 'Spirit Of England' sounds the dog's cobs. Legends joining the chorus included Millwall Roi, Steve Whale, Terence Hayes (WM), Gal Gonad, JJ from the Last Resort, Jeniera Blade and Robin Guy (Kemical Chaos, ex-Business). All profits from the track, which will be released as a download, will go to the Help 4 Heroes charity.

*Millwall Roi tells us there were "no incidents" on the Resort's recent Euro tour, "except someone dropped dead at the venue in Rome." This was pretty much the quote of the day.

*Disturbing stories reach our ears concerning a certain fat ginger drummer (now known as Pike cos he's a stupid boy.) It seems he used the occasion of some US dates to persuade a young Yank fan into an act of "backdoor love". Unfortunately, at the moment of truth the lumbering great oaf realised he hadn't packed any KY Jelly and was forced to use his own spot cream as a lubricant. We don't know how effective it was, but by all accounts her anal warts have cleared up lovely.

Feb 15. The Gonads mark II line-up is now complete with Nacho Jase on guitar, RD MacGonad on drums and Mick Gonad on bass. This is our new band for the USA, Asia and Europe. The lads will undertake a series of low-key warm-up UK dates through-out May. The mark I line-up will play the Garage with the mighty Angelic Upstarts on April 10th. By all accounts Mensi could fill the gaff with his kids alone...

* Fatty Lol calls, scotching rumours that he'd died in a tragic black bin-liner jogging incident. The Ska-let Pimpernel of Oi has had the either mad or visionary idea that Gal should do his Ska solo project under the name of the Skanads. Hmm. Many claim the veggie-hoolie dodgepot formerly known as Ron Rouman has become aloof since he got loved up but we still stand by the great man. His own pet project the excellent Dub City Rockers release their debut album in April.

* Vanessa from French oi band Les Misogynes tells us she is in the UK to improve her English. Great, except she's living in Glasgow! Isn't that like moving to Knightsbridge to improve your street-cred?

*Steve Whale has produced two tracks by his new protégées the Blades. He reckons they turned out "the business."

Feb 14. Senior Pranksters gathered in The Usual Place tonight to hear an impassioned plea for the order to throw its might behind John King's new street-socialist party. Sadly the motion was roundly defeated, with Old Eric of the East Sussex Pranksters furiously denouncing the scheme as an "attempt to undermine the apolitical nature of our frivolous brotherhood." Brother Barry dubbed it "farcical" adding "the Pranksters are above such mundane nonsense." Mr King's representative was sent away with a flea in his ear after being made to pick up the tab by the WM. However, the Pranksters are endorsing the Oi-Oi All-Stars charity project.

*Stories about Mick Fitz lifted the post-meeting "festive board" (held at Chinese Tim's). It seems that since he has given up the bottle, Fitzy has become a total shopping bore, ringing up mates from supermarkets and DIY stores to ask their advice on retail prices. He was also seen in Blackpool nipping out of a pound shop with a bag full of mobile phone covers that he attempted to flog on at an inflated price. He is a man after Dodgy Dave Long's own heart. (All 'Mick Fitz mean bastard' stories appreciated) We'd like to see him, Scoops, Dave Cairns and Franky in a round-dodging contest with Paul Devine. It wouldn't exactly be a photo-finish. They'd all die of thirst before they put their hands in their pockets. A fly fell in Devine's beer once and he wouldn't let it go until it had spat out every last drop.

Feb 12. Manic Esso's exciting new musical project is lumbering to fruition with the all the natural grace of a prototype Cylon on low battery in lead-lined boots. As you may recall, Manic has been writing and rehearsing with former Lurkers Pete Stride and Nigel Moore. They are now calling themselves GLM (God's Lonely Men) and reckon on having a website set up and a download song available by the end of April. No year is specified.(Let the first song be 'Bad Charlotte' lads...)

*We hear whispers of a planned Oi mini-concert on the Saturday afternoon in Blackpool at the same time as Rebellion...more to follow.

Feb 11. Wattsie is rapidly becoming the most popular Gonadette since Annie Auldiron. She is also the only fully-fledged Gonadette since Annie but never mind. Wattsie has everyone from German toyboys to aging Welshmen (wotcha Roddy) via randy Italians eating out of her hands. But can she ever find it in her heart to forgive one particular mean, moody and misunderstood Scotsman? Aye. MacGonad. As the song goes: 'He wiped his bogies on her flag, MacGonad, the man is fucking bad...' But he's back, baby...

*The poor choice on offer at the forthcoming General Election has spurred even the non-political Jolly Pranksters to consider whether or not to endorse John King's planned new working class alternative street-socialist party. Well-placed sources say that it is "unlikely" that the Pranksters can be coaxed from their position of bemused neutrality but a high-level meeting will be held in The Usual Place this coming Sunday nevertheless. When better than Valentine's Day to take a stab at a steamy new (political) union?

Feb 10. Looks like the This Is Oi website won't be coming back. It was shut down a couple of weeks ago amid hysterical but unproven claims that it had been hacked by Millwall's F Troop. (Judging by some of the appalling rants on there, we'd assumed it was being hacked by Alf Garnett). As ever, this web page remains the one semi-reliable source of oi-oi information.

*The Help 4 Heroes oi show, originally planned for Swindon, will now go ahead in Wootton Bassett with the London Diehards, Control, the Crack, Charred Hearts, Code 1 and Long Tall Shorty among others. Venue: Riffs. Date: June 5. Tickets: £15.

*We're more than a bit pissed off about St George's Day. First that clown of a promoter ruined the big do at the Tavern (but has yet to cancel the event with Ticketmaster). Then we were approached to do an alternative show with the 4 Skins and the Badoes at BH2, only to hear second-hand that it was off and the show would now feature the Anti-Nowhere League and the London Diehards. Which leaves us with just under ten weeks to try and set something up from scratch...or go down the pub instead. Poor show all round. And just wait till the Badoes singer finds out what that dirty rotten Diehards vocalist has been up to. Oh, hang on...

Feb 9. Our pal Vanessa from French oi band the Misogynes tells us that Contra Records have been in touch. She says: "The lads from Contra offer us later in the year to make a 7", which is GREAT." Yeah? Listen love, don't get yer hopes up. We've seen them in the shower and you'd be lucky to get 5".

Feb 8. The Beast reckons he has a solution to our on-going band crisis. He's advocating the formation of TWO Gonads: one for the UK, one for the rest of the world. Gonads Mark II would handle the long-haul gigs and overseas mini-tours - this line-up, disturbingly, is likely to include the legendary RD MacGonad on drums. Gonads Mark I would carry on as normal with maybe one or two line-up changes. It's a possible short-term fix, with a couple of minor complications that we're working on. The Beast is "hopeful" that we'll be back on track for the Garage gig in April, in one form or another.

Feb 7. The Oppressed were on top form last night, according to Wattsie. Apparently the audience for the North London anti-fascist Oi fest was a mixture of skins, hooligans, and "the great unwashed", with plenty of Continental crusties in attendance. There were skirmishes all night and one big one punch-up while Roddy and the lads were on stage - with ten geezers piling in to one poor bloke, but no-one seems to know why. Meanwhile in Bedford the 4-Skins show was sold out and trouble free...

* Gal finally surfaced in Paris today, presumably after taking a "trip up the WM's ladder". (This may or may not be an arcane reference to the extremely advanced 32nd degree of Pranksterism). He claimed to be out there in the hope that la belle Vanessa Perroncel has a sister.

Feb 6. Internet rumours that the Gonads have split spurred Lord Waistrel into action last night. When he couldn’t get hold of Gal, Waistrel dispatched the Beast to scour the pubs of North West Kent to no avail. According to Fit Bird, Gal has quit the band. All Gonads gigs are cancelled pending confirmation. Said the Beast: “It’s an unfortunate situation. I’d been in negotiations with Asian and US promoters which would have necessitated line-up changes anyway. For the moment, the band is disbanded. The Gonads are on a break. Whether they return is a matter for Gal alone.” Watch the news page for official confirmation.

* Coming this summer, new book: Why Be Something That You're Not - Detroit Hardcore '79 to '85 by Tony Rettman; an oral history full of in-depth interviews with scene veterans, photos and flyers.

Feb 5. Mad Marc’s line-up for this year’s Punk & Disorderly in Berlin is like a punk rock wet dream. Bands confirmed are: the BUZZCOCKS - STIFF LITTLE FINGERS - THE OPPRESSED - STOMPER 98 - COCKNEY REJECTS - THE PARTISANS - STREET DOGS - ARGY BARGY – DISCIPLINE - THE BUSINESS - BAD CO. PROJECT - ANGELIC UPSTARTS - IRON CROSS – TOXPACK – SKARFACE – OHL - THE WARRIORS - THE CRUSHING CASPARS - THE RABBLE - MOPED LADS – NECK - OI THE ARRASE – OBTRUSIVE - COWBOY PROSTITUTES - LEFT ALONE - HAT TRICKERS – BERSERKER – TOWERBLOCKS - HARD TIMES - MELANIE AND THE SECRET ARMY - STAGE BOTTLES - PRODUZENTEN DER FROIDE - THE ZERO POINT - DIE TORNADOS. Oh, and the Bay Shitty Rollers. Plus Marc’s got a deal going for anyone coming with at least four mates. If you order five tickets from you don't have to pay the pre-sale fee. Five tickets cost E255 (about £222) + postage. It’s the bank holiday weekend 2nd – 4th April. The location is KABELWERKE, Gartenfelderstraße 14 – 28, 13955 Berlin. It’s the same venue as last year, but Marc is promising more beer stalls and bogs. We would have been on the bill of course but Gal and Leah are effing off to Vegas that weekend.

Feb 4. Rumours are rife of an oi-oi Help 4 Heroes concert this summer in Wootton Bassett... we’ll let you know if it materialises. At the moment it's going ahead in Swindon with the London Diehards, Control and Long Tall Shorty. (Are these bastards stealing our shows now as well as our beer? Or just craftily trying to reposition themselves in the gig market after the Mod Renewal revival fizzled out? - Ed) One day they might even learn how to spell Heroes.

Feb 3. Calling all US readers: If you want to get your mitts on the punky magnificence of ‘Glorious Bastards’ but don’t fancy paying the airmail prices, you can now get the album direct from Go on, treat yerself, you’re worth it.

Feb 2. Should the Gonads play political benefits, asks Fat Col? Probably not. Lord Wasitrel is advocating a tour that is “anti-fascist, anti-Communist and anti-capitalist but pro-feudal reaction” but there are few takers for that. Rock Against Gordon sounds good, but is too vague. Rock Against Nuisances would be better. We’d do a St George’s Day show, but that isn’t political. We’d do strike benefits and anti-unemployment shows, depending on who was organising them. Anti-EU too. We’d all do a ‘Help The Heroes’ event, which is political with a small p (like Two Jags, according to the unfortunate woman he slept with), although we’d prefer to play for the lads in Afghanistan itself. Trouble is, it’s hard to trust any politician and harder still to agree on a cause worth backing. ‘Anti-fascist’ dos are generally organised by Marxists, ‘anti-Communist’ ones by Nazis...both sides thoroughly discredited. So until John King's oi-the-party materialises, in the spirit of f*** art, let’s dance, we say f*** politics, let’s drink. Oh, and live free, die free.

Feb 1. The latest shambolic podcast is up and running at Total Rock. Tracks from Pama, Buster Shuffle, Last Resort, Contol, Rebelation, Middle Finger Salute, Long Tall Shorty and many more... studio guests Steve and Ciaran from the London Diehards.

* There’s a big bike run in support of Wootton Bassett on Mothers’ Day, Sunday 14th March, to support the fallen and their families, as well as the indomitable spirit of the town itself. So far over 4000 bikes have registered for the group ride which will go through Wootton Bassett and on to RAF Lyneham. More details at or on facebook...

* Our pals Klasse Kriminale are coming over for next Saturday’s big anti-fascist Oi show at the Dome in Tufnell Park - but only to watch. The Oppressed headline, with the Blaggers AKA, Stage Bottles, Bull Brigade, Runnin’ Riot, Bottlejob, S-Molest, Tear Me Down and the wonderfully named Hobophobic. No sign here of Condemned 84. Surely some mistake?