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Please note the items you are about to read consist largely of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation.
As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked. Its informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully thought through.

June 28. Occasionally we pop back to reassure you that we’re not yet dead. Sometimes we have good things to say. But not this week. This week it’s just bad news. Shockingly bad news, in fact. Listen to this, folks: in the lamentable absence of our tour manager FB, Gal asked Wattsie Watts to secure band lodgings for Blackpool. He even supplied her with the direct phone number of a hotel owner who runs a discreet establishment with an all-night bar that caters exclusively for turns, off-duty lap dancers and proper people. Two days later Wattsie texted to say that she had booked a hotel WITHOUT A BAR. When we asked why, she replied “because it was close to the shops.” She then listed various clothing, shoe and handbag retailers in walking distance: H&M, Topshop, Clarks etc. Now the Gonads, as you well know, abhor sexism in all its oppressive forms, but Fat Col is his own man and he argues forcibly that this is the reason a woman CAN NEVER, EVER be tour manager. “They just don’t think the same way we do, guv,” he opined. Long story short, the only people spending the weekend in Wattsie’s shopper-friendly shit-hole are Wattsie and Stief. The rest of us will be kipping on the beach under the North Pier just down from the Merrie England bar, unless Col gets lucky in Funny Girls... (What’s that Col? Oh, they’re called that because they’re all comediennes. Yes, some of them are lookers too, strikingly handsome you might say. Are they rich? Well they’ve got a little bit tucked away for a rainy day... )

PS. See what you’ve done, FB, you bastard!

Here is what else we can tell you today: 1) we will be on stage at Rebellion at about 9.30pm on Friday 8th August. 2) We will be trying out two new songs at our secret pre-Rebellion gig, ‘Lager Top’ and Gentleman John’s ‘Temazepam’ (neither of which have ever been played live by the Gonads before). 3) Farmer Phil’s Festival on 9th August is still officially our last ever UK show. Here is what we can’t tell you: MAJOR gossip which we know to be true, and the reason we can’t tell you is that as we now need to keep it from Stief. Confused? You would be if you spent a day in our steel-capped ballet shoes, John. (For details of your nearest steel-capped ballet shoes retailer, contact Wattsie Watts Shopping Breaks PLC.)

OUT Now: from Boston’s own Who Killed Spikey Jacket? The ‘Beerstorm Trooper’ 7-inch on the Headcount label. Scorchio. Rudimentary Peni’s 1983 album, Death Church, is back out on vinyl too, if you need to buy a present for someone you really hate.

PLEASE NOTE 1: male band members who drunkenly invite our female associates to skinny-dip with them run the risk of exposure and ridicule on this blog. Enough said. PLEASE NOTE 2: Glastonbury has started and we don’t give a fuck.

STOP PRESS: Chas n Dave headline the Bermondsey Carnival in Southwark Park today. Admission is free, FREE, FREEEE!

FAT Col’s crap joke of the day: “Luis Suarez’s favourite food? A raw, open sub.” He’s here all week, folks. Sadly...

June 22. We interrupt our self-imposed exile to announce a secret gig inside the M25 a few days ahead of Rebellion. We won’t be making this warm-up show public so if want to see it get in touch.

In the meantime the SkaNads’ sizzling split single with Girls Next Door will be released by Randale next month.

The Gonads Website
Cover illustration by Steven Friel

In other news the East End Badoes will be supporting the Old Firm Casuals at the 100 Club on August 15th, along with Control, Runnin’ Riot and Stomping Ground. Booze & Glory’s As Bold As Brass album has been released on vinyl by Sailors Grave in the States. Sonic Youth’s Daydream Nation and the second and third Circle Jerks albums have been re-released on vinyl. And Diana Schuler tells us: “Today the 2nd pressing of the NOI!SE/STREET DOGS 10-Inch arrived, featuring three new songs from each band. It contains a lyric sheet and it is white/blue speckled vinyl. We will also doing the new NOI!SE album The Scars We Hide later this summer.” Danke, Di.

Might Fat Col actually be coming to Rebellion? Our suspicions were aroused when the chunky clown put a message on his Facebook account seeking “Two sisters, preferably twins, in the Blackpool area from August 8th, must do all-day breakfast and have own bar.” Oaf. We hear it’s a toss-up for the great tosser: Rebellion with us, or being a roadie for Babymetal on Lady Gaga’s US tour. What possible attraction might three cute Japanese teenagers playing metal in Las Vegas have for an Oi-loving, middle-aged reactionary pervert from the arse-end of Charlton? Answers on a postcard to Operation Yewtree...


Friday 13th June. This blog is closing down. We’ll be back after the end of the World Cup, or the start of World War III... whatever comes sooner. In the meantime, for all the hot news on the PM, Wattsie Watts, the Jolly Pranksters, Maninblack, Fat Col, Fitbird, Goblin Dawn, Chelsea Dom’s love life and maybe even what’s happening in the world of vital modern street music you’ll just have to follow Donkey Laugh on tumblr.

June 12. Team Gonad – Gal, Stief and rock photographer Antonia Moore (more, more) hit Neville Staple’s album launch last night at Rough Trade East. Nev was in pain but came good on stage and the album, Ska Crazy, is a must for any Specials fan – Gal played a couple of tasty tracks on his last but one podcast. And if you want to submit songs for the pod, here's the new link.

The Gonads Website
Rough Trade on tour? Wasn’t that Bronski Beat’s slogan?

Out this week: the Bum City Saints 7inch ep ‘Ride The Storm’ on Pirates Press – six songs... and Lechorous Glaze’s album ‘Zeta Reticuli Blues’ on Tee Pee Records; the California band are inspired by “Chuck Berry, The Damned and most stuff that came in between... ” and it sounds like it. They play ‘nasty music for fiendish people’. That’ll do!

Oh, and not out yet, but worth hearing Neill Innes’s cover of ‘Madness’ recorded for the latest Specialised album. The ex-Bonzo, ex-Rutle etc has also recorded ‘Rio’ with Sir Horace Gentleman.

June 10. Exciting – the Garry Bushell Experience will launch with live shows in the North East of England next Easter. You lucky people! Sniffs Fit Bird: “They’ve ’ad the Jarrow March, they’ve grown up with Mensi, they’re used to suffering.”

Here is an exclusive glimpse into how this great band is actually run. This is the Gonads management team hard at work in one of their regular brain-storming sessions – our very own three wise monkeys, Wattsie, Sarah and Janice Battersby off of Coronation Street. Hold up, apologies, that’s Ronnie Walsh...

The Gonads Website

Random bollo: Billy Idol tells us his autobiography, Dancing With Myself, is published this October – wonder if it mentions the time Stinky kicked him up the arse... h/c band Ignite are currently recording their fourth studio album with producer Cameron Webb... new Less Than Jake single out now on Fat Wreck Chords, ‘Do The Math’ b/w ‘Connect The Dots’; limited pressing.

Ska News: King Prawn and Dirty Revolution play the Jazz Café, Camden on 12th July, along with Rotten Hill Gang, The Defekters + Smiley & The Underclass; 6pm-10.30pm... Buster Shuffle launch their latest album Naked on 20th September, also at the Jazz Café, with support bands The Kubricks and Paperboy... Pama International release their new album in November, not sure where yet but suspect there’s a theme going on.

The Gonads Website
Live at the 12 Bar: the unfortunate camera angle makes it look as though
the gig was slightly more racy than it actually was...

June 8. Please note there is NO truth in the rumour that we are playing New Hampshire next month. We would like to be but we’re not... largely due to lethargy, the pressing demands of local pool contests and/or the general uselessness of the US promoters who contact us. That said, if our New Hampshire fans feel like coming to us we’ll put on a free show in Charlton just for the pair of you.

Rick Buckler says The Jam split up two albums too early in Gal’s latest podcast, which also features the Brompton Mix and songs from Electric River, Stiff Little Fingers, the Rival Sons, King Hammond, The Q, Blue Pills, Operation Two Fold, the SkaNads, The Bermondsey Joyriders, Immoral Discipline, The Selecter and more; hear it here.

Ray Davies says he and his long estranged brother Dave have agreed to talk about playing new Kinks gigs performing brand new numbers. Ray told today’s Sunday Times: “I met Dave only last week to talk about getting back together again. We’ve also spoken a few times on the phone and emailed. He’s been composing his own songs, but I’d really like to write with him again. We both agree we don’t want to do old stuff or tour with past hits. It’s got to be something new.”

A shifty rumour-monger emails to ask: ‘Separated at birth: Terry Hayes and... Sid Little???’ The likeness is uncanny.

June 7. Here’s Gal with Roy Ellis, AKA Mr Symarip earlier today... will Roy add his dulcet vocals to The SkaNads album or hang back for the GB Experience? Only time will tell. He plays Club Ska at the 100 Club with the mighty Moonstompers tonight.

The Gonads Website

In other Ska news, the Melbourne Ska Orchestra play their debut UK show at The Forge Music & Arts Venue in Camden on 26th June. (They were going to play the 12 Bar but they’ve got 25 band members – comfortably enough to fill Barnet’s stage, balcony, and the entire dance floor.) The orchestra play two nights at Glazzztonbury before heading on to North America... there are only 34 early bird tickets left for London Ska Int Fest, set for 2-5 April next year - tickets for both available now from here.

June 1st. And lo, the Gonads last ever London show came to pass last night. The vibe at the 12 Bar was upbeat, and the mood one of raucous fun, as new guitarist Phil McDermott led us through a fast-paced set packed with bona fide Nads classics: Punk Rock Till I Die, Jobs Not Jails, Alconaut, Oi Mate, Valhallaballoo, Gob, The Growler, Grant Mitchell, Dance Fat Boy Dance, SE7 Dole Day, Rob A Bank, Tucker’s Ruckers, Charlton Boys, and I Lost My Love To A UK Sub, with an encore of Hey You. Our special surprise guests, the East End Badoes kicked off the night with a strong, upfront package (ooh matron) including The Way It’s Got To Be and the anthemic Poplar Boys. Then came transvestite-fronted Seek/Destroy, before DJ Tottenham Sean keyed up our intro music, Liquidator. Notables in attendance for this monumental event included John King, Manic Esso, slippery Lee Wilson, Si Spanner, The Beast, Sarah Black (who came on crutches – Danie Cox it can be done!), and Wendie Mitchell (Lorraine Ska Mama managed to turn up two minutes after we came off stage.) There was only one unsavoury incident – when the boy Cherry got his testicles out at the front of the stage only to be heckled “Get your cock out too! You have? Where is it?” by lairy skin birds. A traumatised Fat Col moaned: “When I come north of the river to see live Gonads I don’t expect to watch some fat oaf getting his bollocks out. If this is what this poxy scene has come too then regrettably you are right to call it a day.” Apologies for absence were received from Hoxton Tom (in Greece), Chris Weeks (domestic), Watford Jon (on the lash), Chelsea Dom (jetlagged) and Sandra Lane (“I’ll come to your next farewell show” – what a cynic) but not from Stief who apparently got pilled up at Hackney and went on the missing list (well, that ginseng is strong gear). Big love and thanks to Wattsie for backing vocals, riding shot-gun on a vital Camden meet, and finding the last kebab shop open in SE9 in the early hours. Friendly service, clean premises, pleasantries... nope, none of that. But who cares when you’re paralytic? To order, brethren, and onwards to the Garry Bushell Experience...

The Gonads Website
Work on the Garry Bushell Experience begins...

The Gonads Website
The Badoes make a surprise appearance

The Gonads Website
Dalb channels the spirit of Bernard Bresslaw

The Gonads Website
Cherry with his genitals mercifully hidden

The Gonads Website
John King and Manic Esso excitedly anticipate Gonads farewell show

Rumours and mysteries: is it right that Long Tall Shorty are reforming? Has Stief been abducted by Wattsie’s aliens? Was Brian Jones murdered? Is Elvis really dead? What is the significance of Gal’s new song ‘Black Swallow, Jaguar Down (Old Kent Road mix)’? And does Barnet ever get the 12 Bar khazis cleaned? These are the questions. Tune back next week for more of them...

Gal recorded his latest podcast today with Rick Buckler and his promising Woking protégés the Brompton Mix. The lively show includes terrific tracks from Operation Two Fold, the Bermondsey Joyriders, Electric River, the Rival Sons, Blue Pills, King Hammond, The Q, The Selecter, Stiff Little Fingers, Immoral Discipline, the Anti-Nowhere League and the Skanads. It should be up and running in about a week...