June 28. Occasionally we pop back to reassure
you that we’re not yet dead. Sometimes we have good things to
say. But not this week. This week it’s just bad news. Shockingly
bad news, in fact. Listen to this, folks: in the lamentable absence
of our tour manager FB, Gal asked Wattsie Watts to secure band
lodgings for Blackpool. He even supplied her with the direct phone
number of a hotel owner who runs a discreet establishment with
an all-night bar that caters exclusively for turns, off-duty lap
dancers and proper people. Two days later Wattsie texted to say
that she had booked a hotel WITHOUT A BAR. When we asked why,
she replied “because it was close to the shops.” She then listed
various clothing, shoe and handbag retailers in walking distance:
H&M, Topshop, Clarks etc. Now the Gonads, as you well know, abhor
sexism in all its oppressive forms, but Fat Col is his own man
and he argues forcibly that this is the reason a woman CAN NEVER,
EVER be tour manager. “They just don’t think the same way we do,
guv,” he opined. Long story short, the only people spending the
weekend in Wattsie’s shopper-friendly shit-hole are Wattsie and
Stief. The rest of us will be kipping on the beach under the North
Pier just down from the Merrie England bar, unless Col gets lucky
in Funny Girls... (What’s that Col? Oh, they’re called that because
they’re all comediennes. Yes, some of them are lookers too, strikingly
handsome you might say. Are they rich? Well they’ve got a little
bit tucked away for a rainy day... )
PS. See what you’ve done, FB, you bastard!
Here is what else we can tell you today: 1) we will be on stage
at Rebellion at about 9.30pm on Friday 8th August. 2) We will
be trying out two new songs at our secret pre-Rebellion gig, ‘Lager
Top’ and Gentleman John’s ‘Temazepam’ (neither of which have ever
been played live by the Gonads before). 3) Farmer Phil’s Festival
on 9th August is still officially our last ever UK show. Here
is what we can’t tell you: MAJOR gossip which we know to be true,
and the reason we can’t tell you is that as we now need to keep
it from Stief. Confused? You would be if you spent a day in our
steel-capped ballet shoes, John. (For details of your nearest
steel-capped ballet shoes retailer, contact Wattsie Watts Shopping
OUT Now: from Boston’s own Who Killed Spikey Jacket? The ‘Beerstorm
Trooper’ 7-inch on the Headcount label. Scorchio. Rudimentary
Peni’s 1983 album, Death Church, is back out on vinyl too, if
you need to buy a present for someone you really hate.
PLEASE NOTE 1: male band members who drunkenly invite our female
associates to skinny-dip with them run the risk of exposure and
ridicule on this blog. Enough said. PLEASE NOTE 2: Glastonbury
has started and we don’t give a fuck.
STOP PRESS: Chas n Dave headline the Bermondsey Carnival in Southwark
Park today. Admission is free, FREE, FREEEE!
FAT Col’s crap joke of the day: “Luis Suarez’s favourite food?
A raw, open sub.” He’s here all week, folks. Sadly...
June 22. We interrupt our self-imposed exile to announce a secret
gig inside the M25 a few days ahead of Rebellion. We won’t be
making this warm-up show public so if want to see it get in touch.
In the meantime the SkaNads’ sizzling split single with Girls
Next Door will be released by Randale next month.
Cover illustration by Steven Friel
In other news the East End Badoes will be supporting the Old
Firm Casuals at the 100 Club on August 15th, along with Control,
Runnin’ Riot and Stomping Ground. Booze & Glory’s As Bold As Brass
album has been released on vinyl by Sailors Grave in the States.
Sonic Youth’s Daydream Nation and the second and third Circle
Jerks albums have been re-released on vinyl. And Diana Schuler
tells us: “Today the 2nd pressing of the NOI!SE/STREET DOGS 10-Inch
arrived, featuring three new songs from each band. It contains
a lyric sheet and it is white/blue speckled vinyl. We will also
doing the new NOI!SE album The Scars We Hide later this summer.”
Might Fat Col actually be coming to Rebellion? Our suspicions
were aroused when the chunky clown put a message on his Facebook
account seeking “Two sisters, preferably twins, in the Blackpool
area from August 8th, must do all-day breakfast and have own bar.”
Oaf. We hear it’s a toss-up for the great tosser: Rebellion with
us, or being a roadie for Babymetal on Lady Gaga’s US tour. What
possible attraction might three cute Japanese teenagers playing
metal in Las Vegas have for an Oi-loving, middle-aged reactionary
pervert from the arse-end of Charlton? Answers on a postcard to
BLOG SILENCE IS NOW RESUMED.
Friday 13th June. This blog is closing down. We’ll be back after
the end of the World Cup, or the start of World War III... whatever
comes sooner. In the meantime, for all the hot news on the PM,
Wattsie Watts, the Jolly Pranksters, Maninblack, Fat Col, Fitbird,
Goblin Dawn, Chelsea Dom’s love life and maybe even what’s happening
in the world of vital modern street music you’ll just have to
follow Donkey Laugh on tumblr.
June 12. Team Gonad – Gal, Stief and rock photographer Antonia
Moore (more, more) hit Neville Staple’s album launch last night
at Rough Trade East. Nev was in pain but came good on stage and
the album, Ska Crazy, is a must for any Specials fan – Gal played
a couple of tasty tracks on his last but one podcast. And if you
want to submit songs for the pod, here's
the new link.
Rough Trade on tour? Wasn’t that Bronski Beat’s slogan?
Out this week: the Bum City Saints 7inch ep ‘Ride The Storm’
on Pirates Press – six songs... and Lechorous Glaze’s album ‘Zeta
Reticuli Blues’ on Tee Pee Records; the California band are inspired
by “Chuck Berry, The Damned and most stuff that came in between...
” and it sounds like it. They play ‘nasty music for fiendish people’.
Oh, and not out yet, but worth hearing Neill Innes’s cover of
‘Madness’ recorded for the latest Specialised album. The ex-Bonzo,
ex-Rutle etc has also recorded ‘Rio’
with Sir Horace Gentleman.
June 10. Exciting – the Garry Bushell Experience will launch
with live shows in the North East of England next Easter. You
lucky people! Sniffs Fit Bird: “They’ve ’ad the Jarrow March,
they’ve grown up with Mensi, they’re used to suffering.”
Here is an exclusive glimpse into how this great band is actually
run. This is the Gonads management team hard at work in one of
their regular brain-storming sessions – our very own three wise
monkeys, Wattsie, Sarah and Janice Battersby off of Coronation
Street. Hold up, apologies, that’s Ronnie Walsh...
Random bollo: Billy Idol tells us his autobiography, Dancing
With Myself, is published this October – wonder if it mentions
the time Stinky kicked him up the arse... h/c band Ignite are
currently recording their fourth studio album with producer Cameron
Webb... new Less Than Jake single out now on Fat Wreck Chords,
‘Do The Math’ b/w ‘Connect The Dots’; limited pressing.
Ska News: King Prawn and Dirty Revolution play the Jazz Café,
Camden on 12th July, along with Rotten Hill Gang, The Defekters
+ Smiley & The Underclass; 6pm-10.30pm... Buster Shuffle launch
their latest album Naked on 20th September, also at the Jazz Café,
with support bands The Kubricks and Paperboy... Pama International
release their new album in November, not sure where yet but suspect
there’s a theme going on.
Live at the 12 Bar: the unfortunate camera angle makes it look
the gig was slightly more racy than it actually was...
June 8. Please note there is NO truth in the rumour that we are
playing New Hampshire next month. We would like to be but we’re
not... largely due to lethargy, the pressing demands of local
pool contests and/or the general uselessness of the US promoters
who contact us. That said, if our New Hampshire fans feel like
coming to us we’ll put on a free show in Charlton just for the
pair of you.
Rick Buckler says The Jam split up two albums too early in Gal’s
latest podcast, which also features the Brompton Mix and songs
from Electric River, Stiff Little Fingers, the Rival Sons, King
Hammond, The Q, Blue Pills, Operation Two Fold, the SkaNads, The
Bermondsey Joyriders, Immoral Discipline, The Selecter and more;
hear it here.
Ray Davies says he and his long estranged brother Dave have
agreed to talk about playing new Kinks gigs performing brand new
numbers. Ray told today’s Sunday Times: “I met Dave only last
week to talk about getting back together again. We’ve also spoken
a few times on the phone and emailed. He’s been composing his
own songs, but I’d really like to write with him again. We both
agree we don’t want to do old stuff or tour with past hits. It’s
got to be something new.”
A shifty rumour-monger emails to ask: ‘Separated at birth: Terry
Hayes and... Sid Little???’ The likeness is uncanny.
June 7. Here’s Gal with Roy Ellis, AKA Mr Symarip earlier today...
will Roy add his dulcet vocals to The SkaNads album or hang back
for the GB Experience? Only time will tell. He plays Club Ska
at the 100 Club with the mighty Moonstompers tonight.
In other Ska news, the Melbourne Ska Orchestra play their debut
UK show at The Forge Music & Arts Venue in Camden on 26th June.
(They were going to play the 12 Bar but they’ve got 25 band members
– comfortably enough to fill Barnet’s stage, balcony, and the
entire dance floor.) The orchestra play two nights at Glazzztonbury
before heading on to North America... there are only 34 early
bird tickets left for London Ska Int Fest, set for 2-5 April next
year - tickets for both available now from here.
June 1st. And lo, the Gonads last ever London show came to pass
last night. The vibe at the 12 Bar was upbeat, and the mood one
of raucous fun, as new guitarist Phil McDermott led us through
a fast-paced set packed with bona fide Nads classics: Punk Rock
Till I Die, Jobs Not Jails, Alconaut, Oi Mate, Valhallaballoo,
Gob, The Growler, Grant Mitchell, Dance Fat Boy Dance, SE7 Dole
Day, Rob A Bank, Tucker’s Ruckers, Charlton Boys, and I Lost My
Love To A UK Sub, with an encore of Hey You. Our special surprise
guests, the East End Badoes kicked off the night with a strong,
upfront package (ooh matron) including The Way It’s Got To Be
and the anthemic Poplar Boys. Then came transvestite-fronted Seek/Destroy,
before DJ Tottenham Sean keyed up our intro music, Liquidator.
Notables in attendance for this monumental event included John
King, Manic Esso, slippery Lee Wilson, Si Spanner, The Beast,
Sarah Black (who came on crutches – Danie Cox it can be done!),
and Wendie Mitchell (Lorraine Ska Mama managed to turn up two
minutes after we came off stage.) There was only one unsavoury
incident – when the boy Cherry got his testicles out at the front
of the stage only to be heckled “Get your cock out too! You have?
Where is it?” by lairy skin birds. A traumatised Fat Col moaned:
“When I come north of the river to see live Gonads I don’t expect
to watch some fat oaf getting his bollocks out. If this is what
this poxy scene has come too then regrettably you are right to
call it a day.” Apologies for absence were received from Hoxton
Tom (in Greece), Chris Weeks (domestic), Watford Jon (on the lash),
Chelsea Dom (jetlagged) and Sandra Lane (“I’ll come to your next
farewell show” – what a cynic) but not from Stief who apparently
got pilled up at Hackney and went on the missing list (well, that
ginseng is strong gear). Big love and thanks to Wattsie for backing
vocals, riding shot-gun on a vital Camden meet, and finding the
last kebab shop open in SE9 in the early hours. Friendly service,
clean premises, pleasantries... nope, none of that. But who cares
when you’re paralytic? To order, brethren, and onwards to the
Garry Bushell Experience...
Work on the Garry Bushell Experience begins...
The Badoes make a surprise appearance
Dalb channels the spirit of Bernard Bresslaw
Cherry with his genitals mercifully hidden
John King and Manic Esso excitedly anticipate Gonads farewell
Rumours and mysteries: is it right that Long Tall Shorty are
reforming? Has Stief been abducted by Wattsie’s aliens? Was Brian
Jones murdered? Is Elvis really dead? What is the significance
of Gal’s new song ‘Black Swallow, Jaguar Down (Old Kent Road mix)’?
And does Barnet ever get the 12 Bar khazis cleaned? These are
the questions. Tune back next week for more of them...
Gal recorded his latest podcast today with Rick Buckler and
his promising Woking protégés the Brompton Mix. The lively show
includes terrific tracks from Operation Two Fold, the Bermondsey
Joyriders, Electric River, the Rival Sons, Blue Pills, King Hammond,
The Q, The Selecter, Stiff Little Fingers, Immoral Discipline,
the Anti-Nowhere League and the Skanads. It should be up and running
in about a week...