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Please note the items you are about to read consist largely of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation.
As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked. Its informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully thought through.

July 31. Superb news! Rock legend Pete Way has been given the all-clear after his long battle with prostate cancer. We send the great man all our best wishes. Does this mean the even longer wait for the solo album Pete recorded with Nacho Jase might now soon be over?

No news from Stief A’Billy who is thought to be “on the run” after his unfortunate brush with the law last weekend. We hope this doesn’t mean the FrankenSkin will miss Monday’s secret show (like he did the two rehearsals). “We’re trying to line up a replacement just in case,” says Fat Col. “But we might not be able to get the parts... ”. Divas, can’t live with ’em...

July 30. Happy birthday, Max Splogde! We trust you’ll all join us in a rousing rendition of the Cornish Lummock Woggling Song in his honour.

July 29. Breaking news: we’re hearing reports that the Cockney Rejects nearly didn’t make their Scottish gig after their disreputable driver – our man, Stief – spent a night in police cells. Sadly/mercifully the cops then they let him out again (proving, according to Fat Col, that they’d never seen the Noxious Toys live). Seems Stief is becoming the FrankenSkin off stage as well as on. More news when we get it, i.e. when the great steaming diva answers his phone.

Blink’s Tom DeLonge is flogging a set-list from the band's first ever gig through a new app created by his missus Jennifer. Her Reissued iPhone app allows users to trade collectables. To get it started, Tom has contributed flyers, old guitars he’s painted, hand-drawn posters for that same 1992 gig in Soma, San Diego, and the handwritten lyrics to ‘Carousel’ (a snip at £294). PS For £294 we’ll handwrite the lyrics to ‘Shona & The Spaceman’ and throw in ‘The Great Sidcup Salami Scandal’ for free. Actually, make that £2.94.

Prankster update: for Cardiff, hoodwinks are now compulsory.

July 28. Happy b-oi-fday wishes to WATFORD JON and LEAH McCAFFREY for today, and to our good pal SANDRA LANE for yesterday. And all our best wishes to the Yeti after her terrible accident – apparently a hot rivet dropped down her cleavage on Friday and she fell off the oil rig. Get well soon, liebchen.

Random news: Tickets for Motorhead’s three date November mini tour with the Damned and The BossHog are now on sale, taking in Manchester, Brum and Wembley... new from our pals at Contra: limited edition seven inch eps from Hawkins Thugs and Midnight Tattoo, and the Hateful album Reasons To Be Hateful... popular punk jesters Donkey Laugh are looking to record their debut ep, ‘Hacienda Slur’, although they tell us they wouldn’t rule out making it a split e.p.

Prankster Notice: there will be an mass initiation ceremony in Cardiff on 23 August, all West Country and South Wales brethren are welcome. Hoodwinks optional.

July 27. Gal’s new podcast is now up and running at Litopia with studio guests the Pukes and the shock truth behind ‘The Ballad of Micky Fitz’...

Avast ye bastards! Pirates Press have just reissued a shed-load of Sparrer albums on vinyl, and also cassette. These are: Guilty As Charged (remixed and re-mastered), Here We Stand, Running Riot In ’84, Shock Troops, True Grit Outtakes (remixed and re-mastered; previously released as Rarities) and Two Monkeys (remixed, re-mastered; still plastered... ).

Prankster News: the fun-loving brethren will meet again in That East Sussex Place over the August Bank Holiday weekend, with a full mix of activities ranging from a Union Jack scooter ride to a Ska and Trojan disco, via a chilli-eating contest, a Beki Bondage inspired bouncy castle, three-card brag, a stand-up tent and live performances by Donkey Laugh and Jenny Wow (the Jenny Woo tribute act who brings a little less to the stage, mostly fewer clothes). Special guests are promised. Highlights of last year’s event are now available on DVD; parental guidance: includes Fat Col’s festive board ‘comedy’ routine and the PM’s speech. See your Tyler for details.

July 26. Quick reminder, we play a secret London gig on Monday 4th August. For details, get in touch...

Album update. Tasty tracks confirmed for the Gonads’ Greater Hits Vol III – The Complete Cobblers include: a brand new version of ‘Lager Top’, our next single ‘Temazepam’, ‘Anal Intruder (Part 2)’ and a cover version of an early Iron Maiden song possibly featuring “a special Maiden guest”... it will be “by far the best of the three Greater Hits collections,” says music expert Fat Col. Work has also started on the SkaNads debut platter...

Record news: The Bad Brains’ classic self-titled debut album is once again available on an old-fashioned cassette courtesy Reachout International; it’s absolutely packed with blinding tracks including ‘Right Brigade’, ‘Banned In DC’, ‘Pay To Cum’ and ‘I Luv I Jah’... Talking cassette-only releases, we would really, really love to hear from any of the old Charlton crowd who has still got our ‘Ripper’s Delight’ on tape.

July 25. Our new song ‘Shona & The Spaceman’ is progressing nicely; the only complication is that no-one has run the words past Wattsie yet. Said tight-lipped Gonads manager Martin Sporrell (aggressive Gooner): “It’s highly unlikely that any sane and rational woman could possibly object to Fat Col’s sensitive lyrics. The ‘re-entry’ line is clearly a reference to a rocket and it’s definitely Venus that she loves going down on... ”

Talking of sane and rational women, those ukulele-handed funsters the Pukes launch their debut album Too Drunk To Pluck at the New Cross Inn a week on Sunday, with supports Choking Susan from Detroit, the marvellous Monkish and Skurvi from Brighton.

Legendary rocker Chubby Checker has settled out of court in the USA with the makers of a penis measuring app called “The Chubby Checker”. Chubs, best known for popularising The Twist way back in the 50s, sued Hewlett-Packard subsidiary Palm, Inc. for “irreversible damage and harm.” His lawyers issued a cease and desist order taking the app, which (ludicrously) estimated cock length based on men’s shoe size, offline back in 2012 and had demanded a whopping £294million in damages. We reckon the firm should have just shut down and re-launched the app as the “Woody Girth-rie.” A confused Fit Bird adds: “I don’ get it. I went out with a clown once and he ’ad really big shoes, but when I got ’is strides off he ’ad a cock like an acorn resting on two crab apples... ” (continued women’s bogs, Anchor & Hope)

Assorted guff: plans are afoot for a documentary about Nick Welsh’s life in Ska to be released on DVD in 2015... Madball’s Hardcore Lives album is out now on CD featuring seventeen lughole-lacerating ditties (BNB)... meanwhile Death In June’s 1983 album The Guilty Have No Pride has been re-released on coloured vinyl by Drastic Plastic. A controversial bunch, Death In June grew out of Marxist punk band Crisis but were suspected by many of having gone full circle politically (confusing times back then). The suspicions were confirmed when Tony Wakefield grew a moustache and annexed Czechoslovakia. Or was that a dream? A German grey zone expert writes: ‘I am thinking zat zey like the Strasserites had becomen... on track drei Douglas P coughs in a vay zat says ve must our shirts braun be dyeing’ (continued for 15,000 words); the record itself is closer to Bauhaus and Joy Division than punk.

July 23. We are not sure what has happened to the Cockney Rejects website. It seems to have sunk without trace like a punk rock version of Sir Walter Raleigh’s Flying Joan. However we can confirm that the Rejects big 35th anniversary London show is on, at the O2 Academy in Islington on 15th November, with Argy Bargy as special guests. Talking of Argy, The Bitch contacted us to query yesterday's 'Corgi' reference adding tartly "I heard that Jon was more of a Dinky man." What can she mean?

Hey, any of our pals in Malay World who fancy getting their hands on some official Gonads tees should visit these people - they are our official suppliers in the region. Cheers!

Here are Gal and Bev Elliott at a "pre-launch-party party" for his Riff-Raff book. Said Bev: "Finally I get the eight inches of pleasure he's been promising me since 1978."

The Gonads Website

Oh and while we’re here, the Muffs are streaming their latest album, Whoop Dee Doo here - so treat yourself, relax and enjoy a good old session buried deep in Muffs. There is no better way to end the day.

July 22. Here we are at last night's four-hour rehearsal session down in Croydon. Once again it was sweltering in the studio - 98 and clammy, like Hugh Hefner with a hard-on, but we did manage to perfect the extended Wat Tyler version of 'England's Glory' which will be played in full at Farmer Phil's Festival, along with a heartfelt anthem about the British fishing crisis entitled, The Beautiful Sole.

The Gonads Website
Pic by Phil; Ms Wattsie was outside having a fag. Tsk.
Health warning: smoking can seriously shorten your cigarette.

Much confusion abounds concerning Watford Jon's birthday. Was it last Saturday or next Monday? Turns out that like the Queen, Watford has two official birthdays; this is because like Her Maj Jon has a loyal following, is proud of his crown jewels, drinks beer for breakfast and likes to do it corgi-style...

Proper news: Sick Of It All release a new studio album on 30th September...

July 21. Blackmail Corner: Attention the boy Cherry! We have seen the pictures from your stag weekend in Cambridge, and unless payment is received within 24 hours so will the rest of the world. Nuff said.

July 20. Gal recorded a Rebellion-themed special edition of his The Hungry & The Hunted podcast today. He was joined by those big-fun mostly-female punk ukulele-pluckers the Pukes, who have risen from enthusiastic amateur strumming in London pubs to become festival stalwarts. The women refute Gal’s claims that ukuleles and punk go together “like strawberries and vindaloo” and explain the true story behind ‘The Ballad of Micky Fitz’. There are brand new songs from the Old Firm Casuals and The Boys, the new single from Louise Distras, and quality tracks from Operation Two Fold, Infa-Riot, Madball, Section 60, Speakeasy and the Skoisters. Of course no show would be complete without a snatch of Pauline Black, and a side order of Gonads... We’ll let you know when it’s up, missus.

July 19. Debbie Harry has paid a personal tribute to Tommy Ramone in US magazine, Billboard. Talking about his drumming style, Debs said: “Tommy seemed to me so understated compared to the rest of The Ramones, but I loved the way he played, and this light, very accessible style made those early songs loved by everyone. He added so much to their recording style and origination that I will mourn them even more now that he's gone, too.” Blondie guitarist Chris Stein added: “I met Tommy early on. He had a band called Butch that played at Mercer Arts Centre maybe in 1972. Later, after the Mercer literally collapsed and I’d started working with Debbie, I ran into him and he told me he had a new band called The Ramones. I probably was at their first show at CBs and remember how awesome they were in spite of their rawness. Tommy was an amazing asset to the group, and I was always taken by his light drumming technique that somehow drove their very powerful, ferocious sound. He was a gentle and super-smart guy and a mover and shaper of the New York underground music scene, and we all will remember him fondly.”

Oi! The Boat are marketing their own pint glass. They tell us “no longer will you be forced to spill half your drink through the cracks between your fingers or unknowingly drink from a horn containing all the world’s seas.” The visionary bastards!

July 18. Lee Wilson’s recent performance at the Punk Rock Curry Club has rocketed him straight into the All-Time Top Three UK Round-Dodgers. One ashen-faced onlooker reports: “Lee was sensational, he swerved rounds for more than two hours. Even when he was right up there at the bar, he managed to magically shift sideways and let someone else pick up the tab. He didn’t even buy any crisps. Several times he was heard to say ‘Right, my shout’ but not a single groat was forthcoming from the scrote’s wallet. It was a stunning performance from a genuine master of the dark art; the Chelsea boys were left traumatised.” The Infa-Riot singer – known as Lovejoy to his friends – has some way to go before he can displace the reigning tightwads - at Number 1) Spizz; at 2) Eddie Piller - but he has now officially pushed poor Scoops into fourth place. Meanwhile fans of ex-champ Frankie ‘Boy’ Flame have had their hopes of a Flame revival dampened by this shock picture which shows the great Herbert at a bar with the clear intention of actually paying. Said a shell-shocked insider: “It’s a sad day for South London dodgers.” Sobering in fact.

The Gonads Website
FLAME on! Frankie prepares to pay...

The Gonads Website
CHELSEA Boys Geno Blue, Dom and JK “traumatised” by Lovejoy’s display.

In record news, Menace launched their new album at the 100 Club on Thursday, the new Old Firm Casuals LP is now available for pre-order from Randale in Europe and Oi! The Boat in the States, and Anti-Flag have released a ‘best of’ double album somewhat pompously called, Anti-Flag A Document Of Dissent: 1993-2013. The 26 tracks are drawn from their nine albums over the past two decades. It’s on Fat Wreck Chords and the vinyl version includes a digital download.

July 16. The Punk Rock Curry Club hit Euston last night, and attracted Mark Little (pictured below with Gal and Lee “I like poppadoms, me” Wilson) into its magnificent orbit. Mark Wyeth of Symarip and respected author John King joined the party, along with the esteemed organiser Chelsea Dom. And what a night it was! We learnt that Mr Little – or Joe Mangel as no-one called him, honest - is itching to return to stand-up with a blistering anti-Establishment stand-up routine, that Gal is bringing his own one-man show to the south London stage later this year, and that John doesn't read his emails... the great man (representing the Beer Monster Elite faction) turned up at the wrong pub and flew solo for the first ninety minutes. He couldn’t have been grumpier if we’d slipped him a keema naan. Apologies for absence were received from Steve Whale (busy), Fatty Lol and Tony Feedback ('in France'), Paul Hallam ('working'), Wattsie Watts (twerking), Buster Bloodvessel (in Bulgaria), Eugene Butcher ('on a bus'), Jeniera Blade and the White Russian (both 'incapacitated'), and Manic Esso (genuine private problems - we send our best, mate). Animal and the ANL squad are believed to have got disorientated north of the river. No apologies were forthcoming from Millwall Roi largely because some dipstick forgot to invite him... Lee Wilson’s final score: rounds bought – nil, poppadoms ordered – 97. PS. We were particularly amused by the sexy blonde mama who had her pic taken with Gal at Euston station but then told him: "The only problem with this is my kids won't know who you are... ” The Gonads: strictly for the over-40s...

The Gonads Website

July 15. Okay, we know we’re on a break but we just heard something hilarious – an Aussie TV company is making a documentary about Ross Halfin, the lewd Sounds photographer formerly known as Gross Halfwit. Ross is very full of himself now but we remember him as a rude and abusive drunken oaf with wart-encrusted privates. ’Ere, cobbers: wouldn’t it make a better doc if you brought in some old chums – Mick Geggus, Phil Mogg, Pete Way, Bobby Rondinelli etc – as, ahem, character witnesses? And maybe a few female press officers to share their fond memories too...

While we’re here, a chat with Gal about why he put poetry on the Oi albums is up on Tim Wells’s Stand-up & Spit website.

July 12. Gutting news of two sad deaths this morning. The Ramones have tweeted that drummer Tommy, the last surviving original band member, passed away yesterday, and our great friend, the cage-fighter turned actor Dave Legeno has been found dead in California. Tommy Ramone, born Erelyi Tamas in Budapest, Hungary, died at home in Queens, New York. He’d been in a hospice following treatment for bile duct cancer. Tommy was 65. Dave, 50, who found fame as Fenrir Greyback in the Harry Potter films, had been hiking in the notorious Death Valley where temperatures can reach as high as 134 degrees Fahrenheit. His body was found last Sunday. Our thoughts are with their family and friends.

How the Ramones went: Joey (Jeff Hyman) died in 2001 of lymphatic cancer. Dee Dee (Douglas Colvin) died from a heroin overdose in 2002. Johnny (John Cummings) died in 2004 of prostate cancer. Their legacy lives on.

In Gonads news, this week’s rehearsal was “shit-hot” and “absolutely sizzling” – largely because the heater in the studio was jammed on full. Bastard thing. Gal sweated away half a stone (two more and we might notice it). Any hoo, the upshot is ‘Lager Top’ is in the set for Rebellion, and the extended version of ‘England’s Glory’, with an extra verse about Wat Tyler, will be unveiled at Farmer Phil’s Fest... ’Citing!

Music news: Infa-Riot ‘Kids Of The 80s’ has been released by Pirates Press as a bizarrely shaped 7inch picture disc. It could almost be a copy of the 2012 Olympics symbol (which looked like Lisa Simpson giving Bart a blowjob) but is actually a death’s head in profile with a Mohican, which makes it nearly as unusual as seeing Lee Wilson buying a round. Also reissued, the Newtown Neurotics single ‘Hypocrite’ b/w ‘You Said No’ on Feral Ward Records. Finally Pennywise’s album Yesterdays is out featuring a mix of new songs and never-before-recorded numbers written with original bassist Jason Thirsk. On Epitaph. Vinyl version comes with free CD.

Reading news: Maximumrocknroll number 375 is out now featuring Glue, Eiefits, Vertigo, Thee Mighty Fevers, Cool Death Records, Extreme Noise Records and more. Meanwhile Street Sounds issue 8 is said to be “87% likely to be out in time for Rebellion... ” if “various bastards” deliver their no doubt sparkling prose “on effing time.” Bastards, you know who you are. Get scribbling.

July 5: Gal’s hour-long podcast chat with Roy ‘Mr Symarip’ Ellis is up and running here.

Today’s blog should be coming at ya from Sonisphere. Gal and the PM were planning to make a weekend of it. The only problem is the PM was supposed to remind Gal, and he was supposed to remind the PM. You find better memories at a goldfish convention.

Record news: the new Old Firm Casualties 7inch single ‘Perry Boys’ was released yesterday by Randale Records and Oi! the Boat. The single, limited to 500 copies, is a taster for the band’s new album which is out this Summer. Check it out here.

Random bollo: Chelsea Dom is cracking the whip for the next Punk Rock Curry Club. Brethren should be advised that he has moved the meet to Euston station; presumably Heathrow airport is too busy... The Blades are heading back into the studio to record a Christmas track but rumours abound that a rift between band members who want the song to be about the homeless and a faction who want to “keep it historical” may scupper the project.