July 14th. In exactly seventeen days, we will have our new
album Built For Destruction here at Gonads HQ. If you want to
pre-order the controversial CD, just go to the Shop
page. Built For Destruction features fifteen great tracks including
our incredibly rare first-ever single ‘Stroke My Beachcomber Baby’
as bonus. Here is a song by song break-down:
1) C’mon Motherfucker – a shorter, sharper version of the track
which kick-starts ‘Oi This Is Street-Punk Vol 3’, ‘Motherfucker’
takes rock’n’roll back to Joey Ramone's garage, yowling and scuttling
along to an addictive sing-along chorus. This is Gal Gonad/Mark
McMighty anthem is about “getting back to boots."
2) Oblivion – pure, unadulterated backstreet rock celebrating
sex and drugs and rock'n'roll and exploding in the gritty gap
between punk and Motorhead.
3) Punch, Punch (Your Fuckwit Head) – a bad-tempered diatribe
that takes the piss out of clichéd bands who keep trotting out
the same old tired bollocks. This number is a dark rhythmic soup
with a satirical spine and an angry mob chorus.
4) Ugly Town (tribute to Nabat). Politicians get it in the neck
on this unconventional but oddly infectious sing-along inspired
by the great Italian Oi band Nabat.
5) Glorious – a monster terrace anthem from the legendary Gal
Bushell/Clyde Ward song-writing team; Oi meets Slade in the East
Stand with beautiful melodic lead from Nacho.
6) Dogging In Dartford also known as 'Not Cheryl Baker', this
is a bad taste bonanza of filth with an unforgettable chorus that
hooks right under your skin. Cheryl may never forgive us...
7) Diana Schuler – a dirty souped-up blues tribute to Randale’s
Diana Schuler, "in honour of her love of streetpunk, her commitment
and her fish farm."
8) Harry May’s Revenge – the revamp of an early crowd pleaser
only previously available on our live double album from the early
80s. If you can decipher the lyrics you'll see whose side we were
on when the Business fell out with Harry's mate, their former
manager Fatty Lol.
9) Still Coming Blood – this is part vampire nightmare, part
celebration of our Charlton brothers The Blood.
10) Dying For A Pint – a modern re-interpretation of our old
reggae number; a protest against nightclub bouncer brutality in
North London. Very much a demo, but maybe a pointer to how the
SkaNads might develop.
11) Cunt Tease – true story of a Millwall supporting wretch
who flew to Munich to shag a fraulein, started stallin' and then
completely bottled out. He is rightly denounced.
12) My Cousin’s Niece – also known as Savile’s Lament, this
is as bad taste as you can get; its only redeeming features is
the Clash reminiscent feel and the fact that the "dirty nonce"
meets an awful fate.
13) Charlton Warriors – roll over Scott Gorham and tell Phil
Lynott the news; the new Gonads go Lizzy on your arse.
14) We Are The Boys – the second brand new Bushell/Ward number.
Today's Gonads are joined by McMighty unleashing blistering lead
guitar. This one is heavier than The Hulk in concrete boots. A
portent of things to come?
BONUS TRACK 15) Stroke My Beachcomber, Baby (original version)
– exactly what it says on the tin, the original version of our
first ever single. It's a lot lighter than the more recent recording
but, hey, we were poppier and drunker then!
Pirates Press have produced a limited 250 run of Cock Sparrer's
vinyl box set 'Essentials', which includes all six studio albums
in case-wrapped sleeves, four full live albums and half a ton
of singles, picture discs and goodies. It weighs in at 32 sides
of remixed, re-mastered, or previously unreleased vinyl, plus
a book, two posters, a limited edition metal lapel pin and more...
all for the knock-down bargain price of $325 - about £215 without
postage. 'Ow much? Strewth! Also out this week: a ten track ep
from new hardcore heavyweights Sex Prisoner, it's the bollocks,
it's on Bad Teeth Records and it's a lot cheaper.
GENUINE GONADS CLUB OFFER! We are launching Club 77 - see the
Shop page for details. It's not a joke,
or a rip-off, it's actually a decent idea.
Lee Wilson calls. The Infas' lightening tour of the US and Canada
- 13 gigs in 13 days - were "a blast, great fun." But Lee, known
as Slippery to his friends, adds: "The first five shows were with
Evil Conduct, who ended up fighting each other! We'd do it all
again in a flash."
By the way, that Mod exhibition at Northampton Museum & Art
Gallery opened yesterday.
Right this blog is now shut until August when we'll be back
with relatively big news about the Gonads, the Cockney Rejects
and the SkaNads. See ya at Rebellion.
July 7. Following yesterday’s extraordinary entries this blog
is closing for a short period of reflection. To clarify matters,
there is no ‘Gonadiers’ club, and we do not encourage women to
send us revealing pictures of themselves (unless they really want
to). The writer is seeking psychiatric help. We apologise for
any confusion caused.
Weekend round-up. 6th July. Okay, some bands have ‘armies’, some
of them ‘barmy’, but today we’re launching something more exclusive.
Just for you, we present the GONADIERS CLUB – a cross between
the Grenadier Guards and the Jolly Boys. Membership is FREE except
for a small annual fee of £25, for which modest sum you get: a
unique membership number, £1 off all purchases in the Gonads Shop,
occasional curry recipes, a delivery of Gonuts (Gonads Doughnuts),
advance notice of secret gigs and selected Curry Club events,
£3 off ticket prices for our shows, and a FREE Live Free Die Free
t-shirt. For membership details contact email@example.com
(Why do bands have armies, why not navies or air forces? The navy
is traditionally the Senior Service and we feel it should be represented.
If enough people sign up to become Gonadiers we’ll be severely
tempted to launch a Nads Navy with a grand cider and chips ceremony
this Autumn on the Woolwich ferry. All hands on dick.)
If you want to be flag-girl at our gig in Burslem in September
or Charlton in November contact the noble Lord Waistrel by email
or by manhandling Scrotum, his wrinkled retainer. As you know
this band frowns on sexism of any kind, so please don’t repeat
the shocking rumour that any woman who sends his Lordship pictures
of her naked breasts is guaranteed to get the job unless trumped
by a blow-job from Skanky Lil.
Plenty of good stuff happening this Summer, folks. Not least
our pals P45 playing the Hop Farm in Tonbridge over the weekend
Don’t forget this is happening. Cass Pennant is now confirmed
for the literary stage too.
Before that, pathetique standard bearers Monkish headline the
Dublin Castle, Camden on 27 July with support from youthful Ska
band The Great Big Bargain, the ever-busy P45 and PLMB who are
described as sounding as if the Cramps teamed up with Voodoo Glow
Skulls and put Joey Jordison on vocals... Plus fire eating and
a promise of “other wicked waywardness!” Tickets £5 advance or
with flyer, or £7 on the door.
Random news: the Cockney Rejects will be signing copies of the
East End Babylon DVD (and anything else) at All Ages Records in
Camden from 6pm on Tuesday 6 August... the New Badoes ep will
include a mash up of two Clash songs, ‘The Prisoner’ and ‘Jail
Guitar Doors’ in honour of original bassist Skully... Concrete’s
Deadlock album is now available on vinyl...GBH bass-player Ross
Lomas has just published his autobiography City Boy (Ignite Books);
GBH headline a charity night for Macmillan nurses at the Hairy
Dog, Derby, next Saturday 13th with the Restarts, Drongos For
Europe and loads more. Tickets £14 in advance, £16 o.t.d.
John King’s so-called Beer Monster Elite has come under heavy
fire from a break-away Curry Club group identifying itself as
the Galloping Gosht Gourmets (no need to ask why they gallop...).
A spokesman complains: “Under King’s regime, there was no planning
and we ended up in a bog-standard curry-house serving bland dishes
and warm lager.” Harsh but true. He went on: “All JK and his tanked-up
cronies care about is getting rat-arsed. We demand a return to
quality grub as this club’s over-riding priority.”
Meanwhile, in an unexpected move the PM (aka The Lad Himself,
the gurus’ guru) is teaming up with Tony Feedback to open an oi-friendly
curry-house in midi France. Colin 'I'm too sexy for my beergut'
Gannon will be their financial adviser... which is a bit like
getting acting lessons from the Hoff. Is the Terry Hayes Fan Club
for real, asks a dubious reader? But of course. For membership
details see your Tyler at the next Pranksters lodge meeting.
In a related non-story, a new JP lodge was ‘raised’ or opened
last night on the Isle Of Dogs, said by certain sages to be “the
omphalos of the order”, although other sources locate the sacred
Prankster omphalos above the launderette in the parade of shops
opposite the junction of Indus Road and Shooters Hill. The moving
ceremony, again conducted by the powerful Scrotes, involved the
Burghers downing the sacred goblet of Fleurie several times while
chanting the free and accepted words "Oh-ah Freddie Starr, say
oh-ah Freddie Starr" and the Mivvy maidens stimulated their mivvies.
Thus are the sacred traditions of olde England upheld.
The Erskine Hospital Appeal launched by a couple of Rangers
fans a while back, has now raised more than £500,000 - an amazing
achievement. There is news on the related Buster’s Ska Battalion
charity e.p. in the next issue of Street Sounds apparently.
Chelsea Dom has acted swiftly to suppress the “semi-naked” blackmail
picture of his fellow CFC supporter John King. Dom’s loyal Bed-hunter
Firm have intercepted and destroyed the shot before it could be
published on this or any other public forum. Said a Shed insider:
“The photo showed John shirtless, looking puny and pale through
lack of good animal protein.” Another Stamford Bridge source commented:
“This picture could have set the vegetarian movement back a decade.”
(Good! – Fat Col) However some Bromley-based conspiracy theorists
question its existence and claim it was actually a shot of Didier
Wampass (who looks like an uncanny mix of John Robb and slippery
Lee Wilson) which would render this blog thread even more of a
waste of everyone's time than it normally is and WHY DON'T YOU
DO A PROPER JOB THAT BRINGS IN DECENT MONEY YOU PATHETIC FOOL.
Out now from Epitaph: new Transplants album In A Warzone, featuring
Tim Armstrong (Operation Ivy, Rancid), Travis Barker (Blink-182,
The Aquabats) and singer ‘Skinhead Rob’ Aston. It apparently "kicks
July 3. Midweek Madness: last night saw the Punk Rock Curry Club
return to its booze and balti roots under the stern gaze of power-crazed
John King and his Beer Monster Elite. Hoxton Tom, Gal, Manic Esso,
Mark Wyeth, Tony Feedback, Wattsie Watts, Terence Hayes (PM),
Paul ‘Stalin’ Hallam, Chelsea Dom and Joe Perfect kicked off the
night in the Pride of Spitalfields where apologies for absence
were heard from Steve Whale (on location), Peter Hook (in Majorca),
and Stinky Turner (at home). Little of the night can be remembered
except Wattsie caused a split in the ranks by insisting on going
to eat after a mere two hours of drinking (“Never involve women
in our club again” – Peter Haynes). But we can reveal that Hooky
is now planning on launching a Northern division (onwards to the
Curry Mile!) and Stalin is forming a Terry Hayes Fan Club (Dom
gets life-time membership free!). John King laughed off blackmail
threats from militant meat-eaters (see earlier blog entry) saying
“Publish and be damned”; he also chided ‘lightweight defectors’
who shot off early to get their last trains and is now insisting
on Southall for the October nosh up – “to test your mettle.” The
next official club meet will be in August however, for the traditional
Rebellion Ruby in Blackpool.
Many of you have been asking about various aspects of our plans,
so it seems only polite to present... Your Questions Answered:
Q. Will the Gonads be retiring at Christmas or is this a wind-up?
A. Yes, we’re jacking it in at Xmas, but in the words of Bob Dylan,
Ian Rankin and most of the world’s major religions “Death is not
the end”. Not always at any rate...
Q. Will Built For Destruction be the last ever Gonads album?
A. No decision has been made, but a farewell Greater Hits Volume
3: The Complete Cobblers is a “medium to strong” possibility for
late 2014. Q. Any other recording plans? A. We have been noodling
(a technical term) away at the idea of a new single, to be recorded
early in August if we’re happy with it and everyone is available.
At this stage, any new recordings will have to be very special
to get the green light.
Q. What about the SkaNads? A. They will record another ep just
as soon as they get a permanent keyboard player. It’s unlikely
to be this year. There is no rush. Again, any future SkaNads releases
will have to be extra special to see the light of day.
Q. Any plans to release rare archive material? A. Not really
but there are a few unreleased songs by Gal and Clyde from the
1990s including ‘Mystic Meg’ and ‘Give Her A Dog’, and we would
like to appeal to anyone in the Charlton area who might have a
copy of ‘Ripper’s Delight’ or live recordings of any of the old
songs like ‘Darling Harold’ and ‘The Legend of Sam Bartram’..
Q. What news on the book front? A. Gal is 15,000 words away
from finishing the new Harry Tyler novel. Oi – The Book is still
a work in progress, but “rapid progress is being made”. The publisher
still want your pictures, ticket stubs, fanzine covers and any
other illustrations you can supply to make the book as good as
it can be.
Q. Are there any plans to assemble all of your fittest flag
girls for a farewell performance? A. Only in our dreams.
Q. Will there really be a Gonads film? A. There is a script.
There is a casting director. There is a producer, a director and
a soundtrack. All that’s missing is the dosh! These things take
a long time but we would love to see it happen.
If you have any other questions you’d like answered, serious
or otherwise, please send them to firstname.lastname@example.org.
In the meantime Lord Waistrel is looking to recruit a “young,
rock/metal vocalist with a great rock voice and performance skills
for a major new venture”. If that’s you, get in touch.
Hello, Buddy Ascott presents....