July 31. Hush now Rude Boizze!!!! Last night’s King Hammond show
at The Gaff was a sell-out success. New songs like ‘The Rudest Girl
In Town’ and ‘Riot In London Town’ went down a storm – there are
just a few copies of the new ‘The King & I’ album left if you’re
quick. The King is back! Long live the King!
July 30. The Gonads Greater Hits album will go ahead next month
– whether we hear from the record label or not. Band trouble-shooter
FB last night confirmed that our studio dates are still in place
and the CD will be available before Christmas. “The forces of
Professionalism will not be stopped,” he said. “Nor our progress
derailed by Continental inefficiency.”
Street Dogs new album, called simply ‘Street Dogs’, is out on
Hellcat on the 31st August. Songs include ‘Up The Union’, ‘Hang
Em High’ (about the Bernie Madoff scandal), ‘Wild In Portland’
(about the economic depression) and new anthem ‘Rattle & Roll’
which is up on Johnny and the boys’ myspace page as a taster.
Fat Col is trying to find a co-investor to open an Oi-Oi tattoo
parlour in Charlton. Apparently he’s serious about this. He got
the idea when Lars opened one called Skunx in Shibuya, Japan,
with Tokyo Hiro a few months back. Col tells us he’s planning
on getting his Mickey Dolenz tatt removed. Good. It’s about time
he got that Monkee off his back.
July 29. The Gonads Operation McChrystal faces its first hurdle
due to the flakiness of our German allies. Randale, the record
company who agreed to fund the Greater Hits album, have gone off
the radar, leaving next month’s recording sessions in doubt. We’re
told they have problems with phone reception because they are
based in the Black Forest. Is there no internet connection in
Baden-Württemberg? Are there no land lines? It’s not exactly the
Tora Bora caves is it? Even Bin Laden finds time to communicate
with the world periodically. Our old mates Contra records aren’t
much better. We still have no clear release date for the 30th
anniversary Oi album and no sign of ‘Glorious Bastards’ – recorded
nearly a year ago - ever arriving in CD form. Gal is said to be
somewhere between disappointed and furious. Quoth the Beast: “The
Teutonic reputation for ruthless efficiency seems to be a thing
of the past.” Yeah. On the subject of Contra, he adds: “Maybe
years of living under Stalinism has imbued East Germans with a
culture of secrecy and inefficiency.”
* WATTSIE Watts has put our protest song ‘Ian Tomlinson’ up on
She suggests we make it available for download and give all profits
to the Ian
Tomlinson Campaign Fighting Fund.
* FIT-Bird tells us that Gal’s solo album will hold more surprises
than a transvestite’s drawers. It will apparently be influenced
as much by the Goons, the Bonzos and the Small Faces as Ska and
the Blockheads. Taking a break from admiring Corin’s nails, she
adds: “It’ll probably be out next year. Gal’s in no rush. He’s
working with pukka moosos and some big label is bang up for it,
know what I mean?” We hope that Gal will update ‘Things I Hate’
to include the Brokeback Coalition, the Milibands, the god-awful
new A-Team film, Nazi bands who pretend they’re not Nazis, Deborah
Meaden, Men’s Hour on Radio 5, twats who get sentimental about
urban foxes and Jonathan Harvey episodes of Coronation Street.
(Cont the Sidney Arms.)
NEXT month’s Jolly Pranksters’ summer gathering is on. Brethren
know where and when. No-one knows why.
July 28. Happy birthday to Leah McCaffrey! A report from her party
this Saturday will surely follow.
The League of Labour Skins is planning a reunion social in Chelsea
next month. The League, which was formed by Battersea-based Joe
Mcavoy in or around 1980, disbanded in the late eighties. According
to our source there will be no attempt to revive it as a functioning
organisation as "the Labour Party is no longer for the working
class." However we understand that some former members are planning
to back John King's mooted street-socialist party if he ever gets
around to launching it.
* Calling all lovers of 'reggae of the 69 kind' - don't forget,
the great King Hammond plays Club Ska at The Gaff in Holloway
Road on Friday night, 30th July.
July 27. Shock news from Chenille Steele. The self-styled “glamour
girl who likes it up the bum” finds herself unexpectedly pregnant.
Her friend Georgea tells us “She has hung up her Perspex platforms,
put her Christmas single recording session on hold, and she’s
taking it easy.” We’d suggest that “taking it easy” is what got
her in this condition in the first place. Apparently Chenille
is suffering dreadfully from morning sickness and nothing is helping
– not even Babycham and ginger. However Georgea assures us that
“as soon as she has had the DNA test and sold her story I am sure
she will recover.” We’re pleased to hear it. But why are Gal and
King Hammond looking so worried?
SERIOUS Stop Press: we’re hearing disturbing reports about the
arrest of Discipline singer Joost De Graaf in Holland on an alleged
murder charge – details when we get them.
July 26. Maninblack are planning a Christmas single including
re-arrangements of two traditional festive songs. André tells
us he's "not really a Xmas kinda guy" and asks for suggestions
for yuletide standards he can "re-imagine" to “reflect a dark
proletariat/atheist feel.” How about ‘Frosty the Hit-Man’ or ‘Away
With A Minger’? By coincidence Gal says he has written a “joyous
new Xmas anthem” called ‘Miracle In My Trousers.’ Very tasteful.
Fat Col had sex with a plump large-breasted bird last December.
Apparently it ruined the Christmas dinner completely.
* A good turn-out for the Badoes at BH2 last night, and an excellent
set from Booze & Glory who are hotly tipped to “rise through the
*UFO's Phil Mogg, 107, provided one of the many highlights of
yesterday's High Voltage knees-up in Vicky Park. There were huge
technobollogical problems with Vin's amp, which meant the Moggster
had to ad-lib like a
rock'n'roll bastard. The crowd loved it - the funniest UFO have
been on stage since Pete Way's trousers split.
July 24. Gonads flag girl Vikki Thomas is on John Bishop’s Britain
tonight. Voluptuous Vikki tells how her fiancé “stumbled across
me on the internet.” Never heard it called that before. Her fella
is a lucky bastard. The last glamour girl Fat Col chatted up over
the Net turned out to be an 18-stone road-digger with halitosis.
*OUR protest song ‘Ian Tomlinson’ is now up on myspace.
* History lesson time. Remember when Jimmy Pursey broke up Sham,
and briefly teamed up with Cook and Jones as the Sham Pistols?
Well Dave Parsons didn’t just shrug and give up. He replaced Pursey
with Jimmy Edwards from Masterswitch. Their partnership lasted
for less than a month, but they wrote a song together called ‘Dare
To Win’. Then JP returned with his tail between his legs, weaselled
his way back in with Dave, changed the words and released it as
‘Unite & Win’. Three decades on, Jimmy Edwards and Dave have been
in the studio with Sham leg-ends Rick Goldstein and Kermit and
they’ve recorded the song as it should have been – a first taste
of the Pursey-free Sham 69 of 1979. It’s co-produced by John Summerton
from Flintlock and should be out as a single in September.
*HC album of the week: ‘Lock & Key’ by Cruel Hand on Bridge Nine;
out now on colour vinyl and CD. Their best yet if you like that
sort of shit.
July 22. Our old mate Wattie Buchan made the risky mistake of
turning up late to a Jerry Sadowitz gig recently in Jockland.
The outrageous comedian proceeded to rip the Exploited front-man
a new arse, even telling his girlfriend that she could do so much
better. Wattie told pals: “I went as pink as my hair.”
*Monday’s PiL gig at the Shepherd’s Bush Empire was a strange
affair. Sandra Lane reports that Lydon turned on a section of
the crowd branding them “the enemy” because they wouldn’t stand
up when he told them to. John also denounced people who had questioned
his plans to tour Israel as “ignorant fuckers.” There was no Jah
Wobble but Sandy says guitarist Lu Edmonds and bassist Scott Firth
were “as hot as ghost chilli”.
July 21. The Oi Organising Committee last night condemned the
“McCarthy-like blacklist operating on continental Europe.” The
Committee said it was “disturbed by the culture of suspicion and
finger-pointing generated by the far-Left which seeks to associate
innocent bands with the far-Right.” It went on: “A climate of
fear exists where people are worried about playing European festivals
just in case another band’s drummer once played with a dodgy outfit,
wore the wrong t-shirt or stood next to some random idiot they
didn’t know from Harry for a photograph. It’s not right that they
should get tarred with the same brush. In fact it’s absurd, dictatorial
and farcical.” A spokesman for the OOC said, “Everyone knows that
we have fought against bigotry and fascism since our formation
in 1981. If any Nazi or racist bands were trying to infiltrate
our scene we would denounce them. Our worry is the so-called ‘Grey
Area’ list that exists in Europe; all it takes is for some arsy-Stasi
numpty to put your name up and you become tainted, without a shred
of evidence. It’s all based on lies, suspicion and that most untrustworthy
of sources, the internet rumour. In its most extreme form, showing
any sign of patriotism is seen as evidence of ‘miss-thinking’.
It’s time to stop this nonsense. Most Oi fans have no time for
any extremists of any kind, left or right; why should we let middle
class Marxists dictate who we can or can’t play with? We should
either Rock Against Fascism, Communism and the Blacklist or more
positively Rock for Freedom and against Political Correctness
and thought control.”
July 20. Gal’s Funny Old Cockney Bastards comedy tour is now
set to launch next February. Watch this space for details.
July 19. Nothing more will be said here until it needs to be
said, by order of the committee.
July 18. Last night's Yobstock attracted a capacity crowd to
BH2. Our spy tells us: "Superyob were great and Evil Conduct were
on very good form. The place was rammo, there were people in from
all over Europe and the USA and there wasn't a hint of ag all
night." Sad to say Brucie and other mooted star guests failed
to show up, but, says our spy: "We didn't need them. It was a
terrific night, well done Frankie."
*The split personality of Terry 'Two Bands' Hayes faces a reality
check in Blackpool next month. It seems he's playing Rebellion
with the Badoes just 24 hours before headlining the anti-Rebellion
protest show with the London Diehards...Let's just hope he doesn't
fall out with himself about it. We hear Tel's shrink diagnosed
a split personality and charged the WM £200. Quick as a flash,
Tel gave him a bulls-eye and said: "Get the rest of the money
off the other bloke.".
July 17. Operation McChrystal begins. We play our first gig with
new drummer South Coast Steve at The Talbot, Bournemouth on 7th
August... Our mates King Hammond are playing the Fordham Festival
the next night (Aug 8th)
*AN email arrives from Diana of Germany's Randale Records inviting
us to go "dringing" with her tonight in Canning Town. We'd like
to, but we're not sure what dringing entails or whether our backs
could take it.
*Liberty has been in the studio recording seven nifty new numbers,
we await the CD with trembling anticipation.
*GOOD news for fans of brilliant hardcore pioneers the Bad Brains.
‘Live At CBGB 1982’ has just come out on colour vinyl. Confusingly,
the songs are all different from their CD of the same name.
July 15. We will play two London gigs with the Cockney Rejects
in October. The shows, at the Garage, will be on Saturday Oct
9th and Friday Oct 15th.
July 14. RIP reggae legend Barrington ‘Sugar’ Minott. The great
Jamaican toaster, producer and sound system operator died last
Saturday aged 54. He had a good thing going.
July 13. Frankie ‘Boy’ Flame calls. He’s expecting big name
special guests at Yobfest this Saturday, but who? The crafty Cockney
rascal won’t say. We don’t want to spoil the surprise, but the
word on the streets is that Frank went to school with Bruce Forsyth.
Obviously he’s a few years older than Brucie but the connection
is there. And imagine that duet! Frankie singing ‘Eighteen’, with
Brucie yelling “Higher! Higher!” Never mind ‘The Day They Tore
The Ritzy Down’ – Bruce was there the day they built it. It’d
be Superyob meets Super-yawn. Anyway, confirmed bands for the
BH2 do include Evil Conduct, Skinfull and just for a change the
* Most odd. Pete Way calls at about 1.30pm and sounds almost
sober. Seems things are going well with the great man’s latest
solo album and Michael Schenker will be guesting on a couple of
tracks. Let’s hope he’s still nuts. When he moved to Palmers Green
in ’74, Schenker nicked his next door neighbours’ pet bunny. He
then told Phil Mogg (adopts German accent): “I have stolen ze
rabbit, I have him inz my flat, he is shitting everywhere.” The
distinctly odd guitar god then fattened it up and eventually ate
it. His whole place was covered in rabbit crap for months.
* FB has been given his toughest assignment to date –
he’s taken over the great Gonads Curry merchandising venture.
This product is going to be hot. How hot, you ask as one? Let’s
just say Xbox 360s won’t be the only things with a red ring
of death... Less importantly FB, Mick Maverick and Nacho Jase
have all now been formally admitted to membership of Pranksters.
The ceremony took place in “a wooded sanctuary” a
couple of days ago. Terence Hayes, WM, would have over-seen proceedings
but he had his Mum over for tea.
* Our old mate, the renowned philanthropist and big-spender
Mickey Fitz is in a state of panic because Tosh has quit the Business
ahead of their big Canadian tour next month. If only there were
another guitarist he could call in as a last minute replacement.
Say a big bald fella who is down to earth, easy to get on with
and an all-round good egg. Someone who knows all the songs and
who’d have a whale of a time on tour. Nope, can’t
think of anyone.
The Chords, Deptford’s own 1979 mod-rockers, are back and
gigging for the first time in 30 years. Their tour kicks off in
Glasgow (Ivory Black’s) on 19th August and they’re
releasing a new single, ‘Another Thing Coming’ –
their first since 1981. It’s the original line-up: Billy
Hassett (vcls/gtr), Chris Pope (gtr/vcls), Martin Mason (bass/vcls)
and Brett "Buddy" Ascott (drums). Hmm. First the Purple
Hearts, then the Selecter, now the Chords. Who next? Case? Crisis?
The Violators? Toad The Wet Sprocket? (They never went away, unfortunately
– Metal ’Ead Ed). What is it that drives these old
codgers to try to relive their largely imagined past glories like
bored mutts returning to sniff their own turds? (We’ll ask
Gal and Terry H when we see them, but we suspect a mixture of
nostalgia, misanthropy and falling testosterone levels). Surely
it can only be a matter of time before the legendary Bert &
Col bury the hatchet.
July 12th. A serious news announcement. In a shock move Gal
yesterday called for a Gonads surge to re-establish the band as
Britain’s leading street rock combo. Operation McChrystal will
see the band “break out of the straitjacket of low expectations”,
he said, adding “No longer will ‘This’ll do’ do.” Gal spelt out
a detailed six month plan including intensive rehearsals (July
and August), low-key semi-secret gigs on the South Coast, and
the recording of the new three-track ‘British Steel’ ep (probably
featuring the “seriously intense” new number ‘Beer Can’, the saucy
‘Becky’s Bucket’ and a new improved version of ‘British Steel’.)
This will be released in September in advance of the ‘Gonads Greater
Hits Volume One’ (early Nov) which will come with a Gonads live
DVD. A series of “bold” dates will follow as “we move off the
expected circuit and take our music into new territories around
the globe.” These gigs will be announced once they have been confirmed.
Gal went on: “We will be choosier about what shows we do, but
we shall take more risks as well. The aim is to become the poison
in the machine again, not snipers firing blanks in a cul-de-sac
outside waiting for Gazza to turn up with lager, chicken and a
fishing rod.” Operation McChrystal comes with the full backing
of our newly formed management company, Waistrel & Associates.
Said Waistrel: “If we succeed we shall set a new agenda for hooligan
rock ’n’ roll. In the unlikely event that we fail, we shall fail
gloriously and retire from the global stage with our heads held
* RIP Myrtle.
July 11. A completely unofficial bootleg CD version of our legendary
‘Live & Loud’ double album is said to be available on the black
market. We’re very pleased to hear it, seeing as how that long
streak of piss over at Captain Oi has been sitting on the rights
for over ten years without ever making it available (says a spokesman
for our legal team). It’s believed that Mark Brennan refused to
release the album because he hated the drunk side (home of ‘Stop
That Drumming’). ‘Live & Loud’ also includes the original ‘Hitler
Was An ’Omo’, the Herbert version of ‘Chaos’ and such hard-rockin’
delights as ‘Charlton Warrior’ and ‘Lights Out in Charlton.’ Our
message to the bootleggers: Any chance of a copy?
July 10. Detroit punks Choking Susan are on a Rebellion warm-up
all-dayer at BH2 on July 31, along with Drongos For Europe, Noise
Agents, The Blame, Blitzkrieg and London. We particularly like
singer Colleen Caffeine. ‘Cum Like A Man’ she implores, which
we guess means from behind with a pint in one hand, a pie in the
other and January Jones tackled up on freeze-frame on the DVD
player. Apparently the band “overlook Colleen’s lack of talent
cos they’re too busy working on their own addictions.”
*We hear that Harley Flanagan from the Cro-Mags appeared as a
biker in a TV ad for avocadoes in the States – here he is handing
fruit to a fellow-biker: http://www.belefant.com/Hass.html.
The Gonads call this man a despicable sell-out and will continue
to do so until we get the call from Bombardier Bitter... Kin avocadoes.
At least he could have held out for a kumquat.
July 9. Some confusion seems to have greeted the release of
our ‘Franken-Skin’ sawblade, specifically no-one seems to know
what a bleepin’ saw-blade is. Put simply, it’s a 7-inch vinyl
single shaped like a circular saw. Those crazy Germans, eh? All
are limited editions; we’re told that they’re highly collectible
and that Paul the psychic octopus is a big fan.
*Music news. Tim and Matt from Rancid have been busy with their
psychobilly side project, Devil’s Brigade. Their debut album is
released on Aug 31st by Hellcat... Joey Briggs from the Briggs
is bringing out a limited edition 7" (just 500 pressed) called
‘Politics, Touring and Self-Loathing’ next month on Northeast
Records...The London Diehards are busy recording their next release.
Titles include ‘We Salute You’, ‘London Can Take It’, ‘Anthems
For A Fighting Nation’, ‘Don't Let Me Down’, ‘One Way Of Life’,
‘Organise’ and ‘Wake Up’... meanwhile the WM’s other band, the
East End Badoes bring out their debut ep this weekend – it’s only
taken them 29 years. Expect the Badoes’ debut album some time
July 8. A message arrives from our old buddy Thomas Mensforth,
singing the praises of Mad Dog 357 Magnum. The lethal sauce is
said to be 2000 times hotter than Tabasco measuring a tongue-torching
160,000 on the heat scale. “It’s unbelievable,” Mensi raves. And
apparently if you gargle with it every morning for a month you
too could get a voice like Millwall Roi’s. The Upstarts London
gig is back on for September, but it’s unlikely that we’ll be
supporting them. I mean, would you want to follow Mad Dog Tom
into the back-stage khazi?
*AT least two popular oi-oi combos are thinking of calling it
a day – and one of them is us. Don’t forget to check back here
on the glorious twelfth (Monday) for MAJOR revelations.
*Wattsie and her twin sister Shona have been moaning that we
have so far failed to market ‘Mistress Material’ knickers. Meet
us half way girls, the least you could do is supply a pair. Worn
and warm would be nice.
July 7. Gal has written “an album’s worth of new
material,” according to his PA, Fit-Bird. The new songs
include ‘Anti-Panties’, ‘They Died Heroes’,
‘Secretions & Lies’, ‘Dog Fight’,
‘Beer Can!’, ‘Taliban Batty-Man’, ‘Hose
Down’, ‘Bertie Bingo’ and ‘Becky’s
Bucket’. When we asked if they were for the Gonads or his
solo album, Fit-Bird replied: “I dunno, I had to leave to
watch Big Brother, din’ I?” Well, Corin has got such
* The East End Badoes are back! Yeah! The combo were rehearsing
last night for a gig “dahn the Bridge” on July 25th.
It’s a free gig, naturally, because (an insider whispers)
if they charged no-one would come.
6. It’s the official London Rude Boy Festival on July 30 at the
Gaff, featuring King Hammond, Swagga, and Semi-Skinned plus DJs.
Tickets are a cockle in advance or twelve sovs on the door. But
move fast, there’s only 250 for sale at www.wegottickets.com or
www.stargreen.com. King Hammond aficionados should check out Nick
Welsh’s facebook page for gems such as ‘Chicken & Chips’ and ‘Big
Organ’ (featuring the late great Judge Dread).
pal and theoretical North American member André Schlesinger is
having a birthday booze-up this Thursday July 8th at the Double
Down Saloon (14 Avenue A at Houston Street, 10009 in Manhattan).
If you’re in New York, why not buy the old bugger a drink before
Sarri Hand gets him smashed and fixes him up on another ‘date’
with the Saloon’s coin-operated horse ride.
was told she “looks like Morrissey” at a photo-shoot yesterday.
That’s charming, man. Morrissey songs that make us think of Kiria:
1) Angel, Angel, Down We Go Together 2) I Know It’s Gonna Happen
Some Day 3) Such A Little Thing Makes A Big Difference. 4) Big
Tits Strikes Again (Cut! – PC Ed). Ignore the knockers, Kiria,
and we’ll try to do the same. You’re the one for me, fatty.
Liverpool Oisters Clockwork Destruction (from the ‘Son of Oi’
album) reformed for a one-off gig at a mate's party on Saturday.
More gigs are now likely, we’re told.