Jan 31. BADOES’ BACKO: The East End Badoes last night announced
their come-back with a nearly new line-up. There’s Steve Timcke
on rhythm guitar, Dalb from Argy Bargy on bass, Tim Stevens on
guitar, Terry Hayes (PM) on vocals, and “last, but definitely
not least, the man, the myth, the legend” that is Cherry on drums.
Gigs to follow...
In other news, Watford Jon has formed a break-away hardcore band
called Wrecking Ball with Herve Rose Laurent from Deadline and
Mike Jones from The Filaments. He describes them as being “like
Social Distortion meets Madball”. And The English Beat are back
for their first UK tour for seven years in March, culminating
CRUMPET VOLUNTARY: We are on a break, as you know, but the Gonads
have always been suckers for good causes, so when some skinhead
women told us about their charity calendar we agreed to give it
a plug. A dozen veteran skin-birds and rude girls have taken part
in a saucy 15-page Skinhead Girls The Calendar to raise much-needed
cash for the charity Cure Retts. It costs just £11 quid, including
p&p, and you can get one direct from firstname.lastname@example.org.
Here's a picture below of April's cheeky minx Lynda 'Frothy' Scarpellini.
February's Kate Fox and Miss November, Beki Slater, are just as
alluring. The calendar has gone down so well that the girls are
planning a 'Geezers of Oi' calendar for next year, featuring such
luminaries as Lee 'The Water-bomber' Wilson and our Gal, naked
save for a well-placed DM, which should put a few of you off your
tea. No doubt the PM will get his kit off for the cause as well,
if only to show the women of the world what they're missing.
STOP PRESS! We are now officially confirmed to play Rebellion
Festival Blackpool on Friday 8th August 2014, and Farmer Phil's
Festival in Shropshire on Saturday 9th August. Watch this space,
bigger news coming...
Jan 20. Okay, we’re closing down for a while. We may be back
next month with MAJOR NEWS (Or we might bottle out of it like
we did on New Year’s Eve – Cynical Ed). Meanwhile here’s a quick
round-up of film-related cobblers: 1) Over on Gatwick Gangsters,
RHODA DAKAR has filmed her scenes as a Haitian witch doctor –
we’re not making this up. But Wattsie Watts has shamefully thrown
her toys out of the pram and has made the producers agree to change
her character name from Ida Banger to ‘Miss Linfield'... (Wot?
No Kenye Swallow? – Ed) 2) CASS PENNANT is producing Beverley,
a short film about a mixed race teenager growing up in Leicester
in 1980 with a 2-Tone soundtrack; his co-producer Ian ‘Butch’
Stuttard made the acclaimed 1985 ITV documentary Hooligans (when
we say acclaimed, we mean the ICF liked it). 3) DAVID COURTNEY
has asked if we’ll plug his new movie FULL ENGLISH BREAKFAST which
he describes perhaps over-ambitiously as “Goodfellas set in Kent”;
it’s due out around Easter time.
A sombre meeting of all grand rank Pranksters, held at the weekend,
has voted to suspend the PM and his ‘Brit Pack’ from membership
of the secretive fellowship pending a full inquiry. A motion was
also passed condemning the “deplorable spread of American swing
into our fraternal order”. In a passionate address, acting WM
Effete El wiped a tear from his glass eye and told the brethren:
“The Jolly Pranksters are nothing if not an English brotherhood.
Our roots hark back to the jester who pranced around the village
green, his great hairy Morris bells a-clanking. That fine foole
would pause only to sock a passing toff around the chops with
an inflated pig’s bladder. We are a continuation of the Horn Dance,
the Mop Fair and the blessing of the salmon nets at Berwick-on-Tweed.
Our forefathers resisted the Puritans and restored the maypoles.
We watched our Scottish brothers burn Health and Safe regulations
at the Nordic fire fest in Shetland just as we torch the EU flag
at every major event. We stand with Jack-in-the-Green, Captain
Blood, Ned Ludd and Rambling Syd Rumpo. We shall have no truck
with Sinatra.” By Max and Splodge, so mote it be.
Jan 19. Red, red whine: there’s now a second version of UB40
around. Three of the original band members - Ali Campbell, Astro
and Mickey Virtue - are currently recording new songs and lining
up dates. They claim to be bringing the world ‘the true sound
of UB40.’ Singer Ali quit the band in 2008; Mickey followed shortly
after and Astro left last November. UB40 continued to tour with
Ali's brother Duncan on vocals. Legal action is likely to follow.
Jan 18. No actual Gonads news today but there are developments
with the Gatwick Gangsters movie. We can announce that GAL will
be playing the character of SIR GEORGE BOURNE, the Waistrel-like
chairman of Sahara Industries PLC owned by the nefarious King
Jamil Abdulah el Sahara... And WATTSIE WATTS will playing his
cheeky secretary IDA BANGER - stop giggling at the back.
Prankster insiders have been spilling light on the mystery picture
we ran a few days ago, and the furious row behind it. According
to our high-placed source “The PM and his cronies were slamming
back tequilas like the Rat Pack” on the night. They are said to
have “whooped it up with barmaids” and to have “forcibly ejected
a Ska DJ to play their own Sinatra shite.” The four also allegedly
“booked entertainment for the festive board that was entirely
unsuitable.” Our grass, who has asked to remain anonymous but
is naturally Whispering Sid Wilmott, added: “because of the activities
of this low-rent Brit Pack, the line of demarcation between old
Jolly Prankster meetings and raunchy stag nights has been narrowing
for months; ultimate erosion can only be a matter of time.” Poor
show. It’s appalling... that we haven’t been invited.
The latest Maximumrocknroll is out with interviews with Stoic
Violence, the Arctic Flowers, Voight-Kampff, Strange Factory and
Dezerter among others. Far more importantly, the next Street Sounds
should be out in three weeks time... if Stalin gets his finger
In record news our pals Pirates Press have just made three tasty
Tim Timebomb singles available again on vinyl. They are: ‘30 Pieces
Of Silver’, ‘Change That Song, Mr. DJ’ and ‘She’s Drunk All The
Jan 16. Hold the front page! Punk legend Bev Elliott has volunteered
to join this great band on guitar - to replace Nacho Jase when
he's off fiddling with his little ukulele. Fat Col tells us: "This
was brilliant news. Bev Elliott is one of London's foremost street-punks.
She has been part of the scene since day one, has more tattoos
than the Royal Fleet Auxiliary, and more credibility than virtually
anyone else you could mention. Bev stands her round, is known
everywhere from Hamburg to Vegas and would make an absolutely
blinding addition to the Gonads." Sounds terrific. Col goes on:
"I was just lining up a photo session to launch the news properly
when I asked how well she could play the guitar. She said, 'Oh,
I didn't know you wanted someone who can actually play.'." So
there's still a vacancy then... Luckily the plan to replace South
Coast Steve with a semi-house-trained Indonesian gibbon is progressing
without a hitch.
ACTUAL NEWS: Clyde has finally found the original recording
of 'Too Late' by Ska duo Girls Next Door (featuring Sam Bailey).
He describes it as "raw and alive, it sounds like The Selecter
doing a Madness track." Watch this space for further developments.
Jan 15. We've been sent this picture featuring Mod legend Eddie
Piller, Kev the Hammer, the PM and Simon 'Sex Shop Si' Spanner
in 'relaxed' pose. As there is no covering note we can only speculate
that the shot was taken on a Jolly Pranksters beano and great
mischief was afoot. More details to come when our grass, Whispering
Sid, slinks back from Dorset (now officially designated wetlands).
Jan 14. Total Rock Radio is returning! The iconic radio station
is back on air next Monday (January 20), broadcasting 24/7 from
its new home in Central London. And Gal's 'Puke Box Jury' round-up
of the best of 2013, with a team of entirely sober experts (Max
Splodge, Bev Elliott) will follow a week or so later. Malcolm
Dome tells us they're also launching a new TotalRockTV channel.
Jan 13. Calling all readers in the Big Orange: Tim Armstrong
is doing his first ever solo art show, called Avenues & Alleyways,
on Friday week (24th - 8pm - 11pm). It features never before seen
artwork and a special live performance by Tim Timebomb & Friends.
All at Subliminal Projects, 1331 W. Sunset Blvd, Los Angeles,
CA. And if you look in the alley out the back you'll find our
mate Gerard having a gypsy's.
Jan 12. A row has broken out which threatens our entire Year
of Seriousness. Seems we’ve had to turn down an offer to support
the Cockney Rejects in Yorkshire next month because one member
is off “dicking about with another band” and another thinks “the
money isn’t enough.” We tried to hush the story up, but when word
reached Lord Waistrel in Barbados he went – and we use a technical
term here – “absolutely fuckin’ Garrity.” Long story short, Waistrel
has ordered the immediate creation of a “second eleven” Gonads
line-up “who don’t think they’re flaming Green Day” to stand in
for (“and possibly replace”) anyone who, in his Lordship’s words
“isn’t completely committed to this band, isn’t reliable and isn’t
Oi Oi and more Oi at heart.” Scrotum, Waistrel’s wrinkled retainer,
whispers: “I ’aven’t seen ’is Lordship this furious since the
day Anthony Blair habolished ’ereditary peers.” We cannot say
at the moment whether this unfortunate set-back will delay the
recording of ‘The Dying Of The Light’ e.p., but sources close
to the band caution that a two-tier line-up is untenable and will
“cause no end of problems down the line.”
Jan 10. Our next e.p., ‘The Dying Of The Light’ is on course
for an April release. Fit Bird tells us that Gal Gonad and Steve
Whale are “working on a whole batch of songs which will be whittled
down to three or four angry anthems”. The indiscrete PA also let
slip that Gal is working on a second solo album called Just More
Filth which, she whispers, will feature more original material
than the first. There is no release date yet but “it should be
out by 2015,” she says. Just More Filth will be sponsored by Pistonhead
Kustom Lager of Sweden (although when we say ‘sponsored’ we actually
mean that a crate of it fell off the back of a lorry into Fat
Col’s eager hands.) PS. The CD version of Just The Filth has all
but sold out, but you can still get hold of it as a download from
Jan 8. We’re happy to be playing Farmer Phil’s Festival
in Shropshire on August 9th – which is either the day before
or the day after we play Rebellion. Fat Col is particularly excited.
He’s never been on a farm before but he says he’s
happy to plough his seeds freely and spread his muck on any needy
bush. Also confirmed for the weekend bill are The Blockheads,
Merry Hell and Beki Bondage. We’ll be doing a 90 minute
Random News: The Traditionals’ album, Steel Town Anthems is
released on vinyl on 17th January... early bird bargain tickets
are already on sale for the Madness weekender at Butlin’s in November...
our FrankenSkin Stief has joined German Ska-rock band The Crooners
from Hamburg, with European dates to be announced for the Spring.
Good luck mate!
Jan 7. We are sad to report that Professor Stanley Unwin’s son
John died on Sunday after a short battle with cancer. Those who
attended the 2004 Ronnie Lane Memorial Show at the Royal Albert
Hall will remember John introducing some of the acts in authentic
Unwinese. Organiser John Hellier recalls: “John was every bit
as good as his Dad with the unique language and was rewarded with
a standing ovation.” More recently, John revived the gloribold
memories of his father’s comedy lingo on stage with the Small
Fakers when they performed Ogden’s Nut Gone Flake live on tour,
included a fine performance at the 2009 Small Faces Convention.
R.I.P. John. You were, like your Dad, an aficionadole of musicold
in all its manifestashy and the deep joy of your worms of wisdy
surpassed all expectashy. We’ll miss you. Oh yes.
Jan 6. Louise Distras will be playing songs from her brilliant
Dreams From The Factory Floor album live in All Ages records shop
in Camden from 6pm on 23rd January – she’ll also be signing copies
of Street Sounds issue 5. All of her English tour dates came be
A small hiccup on the Gatwick Gangsters film – Gal and Wattsie
have both demanded body doubles for their on-screen shagathon
scene; Gal asked for Kiria to replace her, and Wattsie asked for
Kiria to replace him!
Random: the Pussy Riot documentary film 'Pussy Riot: A Punk Prayer'
has been shortlisted for this year's Oscars... Bruce Springsteen’s
new album High Hopes is being streamed on line now - nine days
ahead of its official release date, the full 12-song LP was made
available by CBS at about midnight our time as part of a promo
tie-in with CBS TV’s legal drama The Good Wife. The album features
Rage Against the Machine guitarist Tom Morello on eight tracks.
Jan 5. Congratulations to our friend and Skarette Christine
‘Surgery’ Coffey who married the great Neville Staple yesterday.
Big love, Christine, and all our best for the future.
Gal’s bedroom scene with Wattsie Watts is on! The two crooners
will act out “a midnight encounter of tremendous passion” in new
film Gatwick Gangsters, according to our source. The scene to
be shot this March is said to be “integral” to the script, and
will require “rehearsals, run-throughs and re-enactments from
different camera angles” as well as the use of whips, spurs, love
beads, hot wax, spanking paddles, rubber chickens and the Gonads’
own stage dildo. Rumours that money has changed hands to keep
the scene in the film have been dismissed as “base an’ unnecessary”
by Gal’s PA Fit Bird. We just hope ‘Infected’ and ‘Anal Intruder’
aren’t on the soundtrack. Gatwick Gangsters is an action adventure
heist movie being shot in Surrey and Kent. The cast includes Shampagne,
David Courtney, Jeff Turner, Stief and Dave Manning.
Jan 3. What did the revellers do after Steve Whale’s wedding
knees-up? Well at least three of them, including Dave Courtney,
turned up at Ronnie Biggs’s funeral in Golders Green earlier today,
in the company of Freddie ‘Brown Bread Fred’ Foreman,
artist Nick Reynolds (son of great train robbery mastermind Bruce),
Steven Berkoff, Howard Marks, a Dixieland jazz band and a chapter
of Hell’s Angels. Ronnie’s Brazilian-born son, Michael, paid a
tearful tribute to his Dad, saying: “He met Bruce Reynolds in
borstal and it all went uphill and downhill from there... They
both agreed that they wanted to write, travel the world and have
a son called Nicholas...” He went on to reveal that while in Brazil
Ronnie “loved his puff, three times a day, if he could. He spoke
the lingo and he danced the samba and he always had a soft spot
for the underdog.” Nick Reynolds read a letter from Biggs’s former
fellow inmate Charles Bronson: “I do hope the royal family shows
its respects with a train wreath. Without villains like Ronnie,
what a boring world it would be.” And Nick’s band, The Alabama
3, played the old Seekers’ song ‘The Carnival Is Over’. Chris
Pickard, Ronnie’s ghost writer, said it was best that Biggs had
gone with Arsenal at the top of the premiership: “Even Ron knew
there was no point in hanging around waiting for them to win the
The Oppressed’s album Dead & Buried is out on vinyl again c/o
Radiation Reissues, who have also re-released the first two 4-Skins
albums. We do hope the right people will be getting the royalties.
Well done to our pals Control whose Ballad Of The Working Man
has just been voted ‘Album of the Year 2013’ by Uber Rock.
Jan 1, 2014. Happy New Year – and big love to Steve Whale
who married Nicole Darcy Foley on New Year’s Eve at the
Selsdon Park Hotel in what was definitely the punk rock wedding
of the year. Congratulations chaps! Steve had two best men, Lars
Frederiksen and Dave Courtney; Louise Distras was a not so blushing
bridesmaid and P45 provided the live sounds. Wedding guests included
Charlie Harper and Jamie Oliver from the UK Subs, Cock Sparrer’s
Daryl Smith, Watford Jon from Argy-Bargy, some Gonads (of course),
Animal from the Anti-Nowhere League, Cass Pennant, Jeniera Blade,
Sham 69 drummer Robin Guy, Millwall Roi Pearce, leading Herbert
author John King and various gentlemen who wouldn’t have
looked out of place in a police line-up – see below...
Steve and Lars
David Courtney and Pit-Bull
The happy couple