Jan 30. Here we go! Dance Craze: the 2-Tone book the 2-Tone
legends love! Selecter stars Pauline Black and Gappa Henderson
get their hands on the hottest (and rudest) read in town... Pauline’s
autobiography Black By Design is well worth a gander too.
People are asking what we played on Saturday night. It’s all
a bit of a blur, frankly, but luckily we found a set-list: Punk
Rock Till I Die, Grant Mitchell, Oi Mate, Big Balls, Yeti, Infected,
Lotto, The Growler, Beki Bondage Please, Franken-Skin, UK Sub,
Stop That Drumming. Encore: Hey You. The PM says that one of the
great highlights was the return of The Beast “busting some moves”
in the Franken-Skin role that he made his own back in Berlin in
2010. Effete El agrees, and emails the following review: ‘The
Beast executed a number of heroic jumps and nuanced lunges. His
virtuosity was delicately etched with arrogance. He was athletically
virile and exquisitely perfumed. A lesser dancer would have looked
camp, but The Beast gave it playfulness and charm... what we saw
wasn't a monster but mankind ourselves, caught in glare of our
own torment, forever torn between our spiritual aspirations and
our base animal instincts...’ Wattsie concurs, saying: “Even
Gal was moved to throw an affectionate arm around the old brute.
It was incredibly moving.” Here, here! Vive Le Beast! (And vive
Beast TV!) The only mild criticism came from wide-boy agent Paul
‘Stalin of Style’ Hallam who moaned that we didn’t play ‘Karl
Marx Supported Millwall.’ And that’s true enough but we have stuck
it up on YouTube here.
It’s all coming back to us now. Great weekend memories include
the pre-gig march past by a Prankster sub-division called the
Stamford Hill Stompers, whose distinctive garb – dark coats, chocolate
cake shaped hats and white stockings - raised the spirits of all
who saw them.
Gary Loveridge’s brilliant Blank Generation punk poster exhibition
will be displayed in Tulse Hill until March 8th, details here.
It’s Dave Lee’s funeral today. In his honour, here’s
some filth. (Dave was a clean family comic until he started
hanging about with the likes of us and Cameron...)
Random Guff: the Caroloregians party for their ‘Fat Is Back’
album release is at the Workshop, near Old St tube, on March 6th;
see ’em perform ‘Rudie Here To Stay’ here.
Hollie Moore, daughter of former Gonad Kev (now with BC Sweet
– and, er, Christie!), recommends the 787 studio in Sheffield,
currently charging a mere £175 a day... and this is cute, the
latest edition of the Japanese fanzine Pounds (in the style of
Sounds) by Hiroki Inobe is devoted to Cass Pennant, football casuals
and his Casuals DVD. Great stuff.
The Business: ‘National Insurance Blacklist’, demo
version - ‘In our country so fair and free, so say the holders
of the economy, there is a monster said not to exist, they call
it the Employer’s Blacklist...’
Jan 29. Boss Ska News: BB Seaton from the Gaylads and Dawn ‘No
No No’ Penn appear at CLUB SKA (the 100 Club) on March 31st with
top Ska DJs; MC’d by the legend that is GENO BLUE! Roy Ellis (Mr
Symarip!) plays there on May 19th.
IN-COMING: an important message from the returning FB – “Please
note, in future ALL Gonads gigs must be negotiated properly with
band management and NEVER through any band members. All gigs will
be subject to legal contract and stringent conditions will apply.
We will not be playing your mate’s wine bar, your local pub, or
anywhere without a stage. The gigs set-up in my absence will stand,
but after that only serious bookings will be considered, in the
UK and abroad. I thank you.”
Infa Riot, the Anti-Nowhere League and the Gonads are confirmed
for TNT in September – but which version? Will it be the UK Gonads
or the US line-up of the band on that fabled Connecticut stage?
There’s only one way to find out.... FIGHT!!!
Intense negotiations have begun between Wattsie Watts (manageress,
foreign affairs) and the promoters of the 14th Annual Punk Rock
Bowling festival in Las Vegas. We are extremely interested in
playing the fest in May (25th – 28th) as long as our modest requirements
are met in full; to wit: four executive suites in the Bellagio
hotel, four stretch limousines, exclusive use of a private jet,
and/or personal lap-dancers, and a modest $10,000 a-piece in stake-money
credit at the Blackjack tables. Oh, and a dartboard backstage
at the venue. Says the Beast: “We may be willing to cut back to
two stretch limos, but the rest is non-negotiable...” In the likely
event of this deal not being closed, we’ll be hosting Punk Rock
Crown Bowling in at the Eltham Bowling Club for a bag of chips
that weekend instead.
Coming soon, you lucky people....
(Design: Raoul of Luxembourg; management: Harvey Gardens.)
John King of the Chelsea Veg-Hunters contacts us urging the Gonads
to become the street-punk champions of vegetarianism. Is this
going to happen? Not while there’s any bacon in the world...
Out this week: the new album (finally) from the Ducky Boys called
‘Chasing The Ghost’... and Astrohenge "II" a madcap CD based on
a holiday to a strange planet of women, full of monumental riffs
and general mania. Hmm, sounds a lot like Skegness to us...
Jan 28. Many thanks to Terence Hayes, PM, who brought a full
contingent of London and Essex Pranksters to tonight’s bizarre
and exciting ‘Balls To The World’ mega-gig. The loyal crew, some
of whom are pictured, were privy to a Moddish set from the Legendary
Groovy Men and magnificent performances from our special guests
– Wattsie Watts (particularly sparkling on ‘Beki Bondage Please’,
we felt) and The Beast, whose dramatic and scarifying appearance
as “The Franken-Skin” recalled his previous impressive outing
in Berlin. Wattsie had planned to beat Gal with a riding crop
provided by Leah McCaffrey on stage but it seems injuries sustained
in the rather too enthusiastic two-hour rehearsal ruled that out;
besides she felt it would be more of a punishment not to hit him.
Special thanks to birthday girl Marianne (aka The Fraggle), to
Rodger for the sterling reggae DJ’ing and to wide-boy agent Paul
‘Millwall’ Hallam of Marie Celeste Promotions plc; special mention
to the Crosse Keys round the corner which has to be the plushest
Wetherspoons in the world. Addressing the massed ranks of jubilant
pranksters, Terry Hayes said: “Gentlemen in England now-a-bed,
shall think themselves accursed they were not here, and hold their
manhoods cheap whiles any speaks, that drank with us upon St Gonads
day.” Afterwards, a discreet party (Gal, Tel, Wattsie, and Shona)
retired to a private room at Waistrel’s favourite East India Club
in London’s St James’ Square to toast the future with pints of
the finest champagne top. For as Shona said: “It can only be uphill
Wattsie Watts is rumoured to be working on a rainbow-friendly
tranny-friendly version of the Gonads featuring herself and Shazza
Stiletto called the Gay-Nads, performing SkaNads songs including
Gal’s tribute to legendary drag act Mrs Shufflewick called ‘Untouched
Pussy’... although we hear the Beast may try and veto the move
as “unsuitable.” (Get her!)
Jan 27. Those of us old enough to remember the heady days of
1979 and 80 would never have expected to see this. Who would have
thought that an exciting young talent of great artistic integrity,
such as Paul Daniels, would end up sharing advertising space with
the Chords, one of the vanguard bands of the Mod renewal? You
may well think “That’s magic!” We like it. But not a lot.
A vicious war of words has erupted between the PM and Chelsea
Dom, of the feuding East End Badoes. The trigger is the new 30th
anniversary Oi album, with both of them trying to claim the entire
Badoes’ CD allowance. Various past indiscretions and grievances
have been brought up as the war of words became vicious, and Gal
attempted to apply the wisdom of Solomon (Manny Solomon, used
car dealer) to keep the peace. However his plan to split the CDs
down the middle was thwarted when a passing Fat Col half-inched
the lot. They were last seen on a barrow down at Woolwich Market.
If you’re quick boys, you might still get one...
We’ve got a special song for the fish farm gig in the Black Forest!
It’s a little sing-along number about Dover soles that was taught
to Gal by the late great Cockney comedian (and speed freak) Charlie
‘The Worker’ Drake. We’ve changed the music but the lyrics remain
intact. They go: “What beautiful fish are soles, what wonderful
fish are soles; no finer fish ever sat on a dish (all together):
are soles, are soles are soles...”
Jan 26. Important notice: Saturday night’s show costs just £5
on the door! So it’s two sovs cheaper than Argy Bargy, with better
beer and fitter women. How could you resist? PS. This poster (below)
was what we were doing twelve years ago – playing Long Beach LA
with local heroes The Authority. This was the night Gal opened
the show by saying “Never mind the earthquake, we’re the fucking
Gonads!” It was also when the club bouncer welcomed us with a
cheery “Have you got any weapons? Do you want some?” Later he
told us: “If you hear a gunshot tonight, drop to the floor.” It
was the fastest gig we ever played. Full story told in Bushell
On The Rampage...
Waistrel is looking for an Elvis Presley impersonator for a
top secret recording project. Elvises (or should that be Elvii?)
should contact firstname.lastname@example.org
Jan 25. Quick up-date: Harvey Gardens announced this morning
that Gal’s solo project will henceforth be known as the SkaNads...
Bad Manners play Islington Assembly Hall on Sat 18th Feb. Tickets:
£20... and international skin jamboree Bigger Boss 3 will take
place at the Westcoast, Margate from 17th to 19th August.
In other news Johnny Ramone's autobiography is to be published
eight years after he died of prostate cancer. ‘Commando: The Autobiography
of Johnny Ramone’ is out in early April. His widow, Linda described
the 176-page book as "kind of his last word that he knew would
be out... It is a really powerful book because his whole life
has gone before him and he knows it's going to come to an end,
and he really needs to tell everybody what he's feeling inside,
so that's what makes it so amazing," she added later. "That is
the biggest, most powerful thing, writing a book when you know
you're dying." Johnny Ramone, born John Cummings died in 2004
at age 55 after battling cancer for five years. He started writing
the book when he first became ill. Says Linda: "Johnny's legacy
to him was so important, even while he was sick... It was like
he knew he was dying, and he wanted to do something." Tommy Ramone,
the only surviving original band member, wrote the foreword. He
said: “Johnny Ramone's autobiography is a no holds barred, straight-forward
book written in a no-nonsense style that is Johnny personified.
His story is written in his own actual words, so the reader gets
an insight into what made him the unique, charismatic and exciting
individual that he was. It also gives a great view of The Ramones
from Johnny's perspective." The epilogue was written by close
pal Lisa Marie Presley.
Ex Priest axeman KK Downing is planning to open a luxury hotel
in the grounds of his Shropshire stately home. Finally new employment
for Benny from Crossroads. Brummie Downing, who retired from Judas
Priest last April plans to build 63-room hotel, indoor swimming
pool, spa and a top class restaurant in the grounds of his 320-acre
estate. He already has the golf course. Fat Col says he hopes
the porn channel will be disabled because he’s “really in to the
sick stuff.” Tit.
We’ve had an abusive and vaguely threatening email from Martin
Sporrell (aggressive Gooner) who asks us to point out that the
Orgasm Guerrillas’ song we mentioned is actually called ‘You Swing,
I Ching’. Apologies.
Jan 24. Right, this is the confirmed line-up for Saturday’s big
show: The Gonads, Billy Bones and The Legendary Groovy Men. Please
note: this will be our ONLY LONDON SHOW in 2012. It’s at The Lime
Street Exchange, 52 Lime Street, London EC3M 7BS. The ravishing
Wattsie Watts will join us on stage for the first-ever public
playing of ‘Lotto’, ‘Beki Bondage Please’ and ‘Stop That Drumming’.
The Franken-Skin will make an appearance. And there will be a
chance to win one copy of the 30th anniversary Oi! album (worth
£30) plus ‘Dance Craze’. It’s the gig of the month!
Random whispers: Chris Pope’s band Pope have just finished recording
their third album, due out in March, our man on the inside tells
us that it’s their strongest to date... Mick Talbot of the Style
Council is said to be recording with punk-folk rebel Louise Distras...
rising Ska and reggae stars the Paradimes are recording their
debut album... and the Orgasm Guerrillas have started recording
theirs, which will mix new songs such as ‘Anarchy Kebab’, ‘I Ching’,
‘Wheel Of Dharma’ and ‘Till She Screams’ with old favourites ‘Sing
Something Swindle’, ‘Aloha’ and ‘Frankie Goes To Pot.’ We did
ask their manager, the aggressive Gooner Martin Sporrell when
it was coming out and he told us “it’s none of your effing business,
clot”, only he didn’t say effing. Or clot.
Beast TV... it’s coming! Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Jan 23. We raced against the clock to restore ‘Skinhead Girl’
to its rightful glory today. With the original version wiped –
either accidentally or as a deliberate act of sabotage, Gal rushed
back to the studio to re-record the verses... we think we got
the song to the record company in time as a WAV file but so far
there has been an inscrutable silence from the bunker-fish bunker...
updates to follow...
Reasons we’re glad FB is coming back number 97: Brain of Britain
reject South Coast Steve has booked us a rehearsal on Saturday
(yeah, the day of the gig!) which finishes six sodding hours before
we’re due on stage. If he thinks we’re going on one of his walking
tours in between he can poke his cow-bells where the sun don’t
is rare footage of an early incarnation of Maninblack playing
the songs of André Schlesinger’s legendary earlier group The Press
(the first ever US Oi band) in New York’s Old Knitting Factory:
The songs are ‘Revolution Now’ and ‘ASAP’.
And here’s ‘Julian’
(the hooligan) by Parisian band The Misogynes: Really? A hooligan
called Julian? Who’s the rest of his firm then? Tarquin, Tristram,
Peregrine and Gilbert?
Drummer needed! Pathetique punk flag-bearers Monkish are looking
for a new sticks man. If that’s you, email email@example.com
and don’t piss in his microwave.
WARNING if you get a begging email or text from Jack Kendall
asking for money you may be tempted to think that the P45 singer’s
account has been hacked or his phone has been hijacked by a prankster.
Don’t believe it. The messages are genuine. His own band mates
call him a ponce of the first order. But “No big issue”, replies
Jack. Presumably because he’s sold out of them.
Jan 22. History lesson time: in this shot, Dave Parsons, Steve
Jones, Paul Cook, James Pursey... and Gal (behind Dave’s head!)...
on the way back from Glasgow in 1979... In the background, diagonally
opposite GB is Jimmy's cousin Freddie the Road Rat, picture by
Grant Fleming who says “I like the two old dears sat untroubled
in the corners of the picture; despite the assorted rabble they
were treated with nothing but respect and consideration – wouldn’t
be the same these days would it?”
*FB is now coming to the end of his lengthy association with
the Lord Lucan hotel group (Shergar Suite) and will be rejoining
the Gonads management team full time in February. His return has
been prompted by the sheer genius of Greater Hits Volume Two:
The Mutt’s Nuts but has already been marred by the latest Fat
Col scandal, an outrage so shocking that it has been dubbed ‘Gannon
Gate’ by horrified observers. The fat fool Gannon had two discs
and a set of simple instructions from Waistrel: 1) post disc A
to Randale Records 2) destroy disc B which contained incomplete
mixes. You know where this is going don’t you? That’s right, the
Germans now have disc B which includes the unfinished version
of ‘Skinhead Girl’ with Gal’s guide vocals on the first verse.
Said FB: “It’s a shocking mistake, which is compounded by the
rumour that the mix-up largely occurred because Gannon was intending
to bootleg the album and sell illicit copies round the back of
the Charlton Conservative Club and at car boot sales on Sundays
in the Charlton and Plumstead area.” FB is tearing the studio
apart trying to find a copy of the correct finished version before
the master goes to the pressing plant. The tight-lipped band catering
and logistics manager tells us: “It would be tragic if the wrong
version goes on the album, because this is the hardest rocking
track this band has ever recorded – the song is heavier than Franken-Skin
in concrete boots and is guaranteed to leave your arse like a
hippo’s yawn!” Although frankly that’s not an image we care to
Talking of The Franken-Skin, his story will live on in new song
‘Son Of Franken-Skin’, a punk rock opera no less which is currently
being worked on by Frankie in his dungeon cellar. The riff allegedly
“punches like the Hulk on PCP.” PS. As catering and logistics
manager, FB is now known as CALM for short – unlike Col who recently
became Corporate Underwriter, Nads Technology...
STOP PRESS 1: this just in! It wasn’t just the wrong track. Instead
of sending the sleeve notes, Col also managed to send Randale
the recipe for the Legendary Gonads Curry. A concerned FB advises
fans who are not regular curry eaters not to even think of sampling
the dish. “It’s a Health & Safety issue,” he explains. “You need
cast iron guts to even smell it, and a jumbo pack of refrigerated
Andrex to deal with the consequences.”
STOP PRESS 2: crisis in Nads camp! Gannon is now attempting to
deflect the heat from himself by suggesting that other band members
(to wit Nacho Jase) are involved in bootlegging improprieties.
We are confident that Nacho’s good name will be cleared before
his lucrative Just For Men contract is threatened by this fast-developing
scandal. PS “Anyone wanna buy a well-known 1970s rock star bassist’s
soon-come solo album?” says Fat Col (see facebook for updates).
Serious shit: Danielle Delottinville, singer with all-girl Canadian
punk band Pantychrist has been charged with murder alongside two
men, after what cops call “a robbery gone wrong.” Victim Jessie
Kovacs was a disabled retired antiques dealer.
Random news: The classic ‘Fat Music For Fat People’ comp is
being re-released as a limited edition 1,000 pressing by Fat Wreck
Chords – for just three bucks... The genuinely legendary Dave
Barker and Rico Rodriguez are the latest additions to the London
International Ska Festival...
Jan 21. Russian cops nicked an all-girl punk group called Pussy
Riot yesterday - after they played a protest song criticising
Vladimir Putin in Red Square, Moscow. The eight band members,
wearing mini-dresses and balaclavas, climbed over railings onto
a stone platform next to St Basil’s Cathedral to perform a song
called ‘Putin Has Pissed Himself’. All eight were detained at
the nearby Kitai-Gorod nick and four have been charged with non-criminal
public order offences. The ‘crimes’ carry a maximum punishment
of 15 days behind bars (or as Fat Col puts it “Close shave for
Pussy. Pussy Putin Jail... What’s short, bald and fucks Pussy?
Vladimir Putin... etc, what a loss he is to the Sunday Sport)
Solidarity sisters! We love Pussy, warts and all.
Great news psychobilly fans: The Koffin Kats’ new album ‘Our
Way & The Highway’ is out now on Sailor’s Grave records, it’s
described by experts (well, Fat Col) as “a proper mental celebration
of Brylcream, tatts and punkoid rock 'n' roll”... also out this
week, albums from Gallows, C.R.A.S.H. and the mighty Voodoo Glow
Random guffery: 999 play BH2 tonight... Carol Harrison is set
to star in a new Mod-themed musical All Or Nothing...Secret Affair
will release a new studio album this year... the new Maximumrocknroll
is out including chats with Terrible Feelings, Big Eyes, the Unruled
and more... big London benefit for Kinks legend Peter Quaife this
summer – details to follow.
Jan 20 STOP PRESS: R.I.P. Etta James “the ultimate blues mama”,
one of the most powerful and versatile voices in rock. Etta was
born Jamesetta Hawkins in Los Angeles on Jan. 25, 1938. Her mother,
Dorothy Hawkins was 14 at the time; her father was AWOL. Etta
never knew for sure who he was, although her mum said he was Minnesota
Fats, (celebrated pool player Rudolf Wanderone). Etta began singing
at the St. Paul Baptist Church in Los Angeles at 5; she was 15
when she recorded her first record ‘Roll With Me Henry’ which
set her own lyrics to the tune of Hank Ballard’s hit ‘Work With
Me Annie’. When some DJs moaned about the suggestive title, she
changed it to ‘The Wallflower’ and got to Number 2 in the r&b
charts. Her rise to fame, and subsequent drug problems (smack
in the 60s; Charlie in the 70s) are described candidly in her
autobiography, Rage To Survive, written with David Ritz.
Jan 20. Pre-release reactions to our new album have been fair
to sensational. The record company Randale emailed excitedly from
the Black Forest fish farm (the bunker fish Bunker?) to say the
Gonads "SIND SEXGÖTTER!!!!" - sex gods - which is of course true.
They loved it so much they played the master CD five times in
a row, and pronounced 'England In Our Blood' and 'Rob A Bank'
to be their favourite tracks. And Wattsie Watts reckons it is
"definitely the best Gonads album so far", adding that stonking
Ska song 'Lotto' "must be rush-released as a single." Ska band
P45 agree and, to the fury of Fat Col, are rush-recording their
own version of 'Lotto' to try and beat us to the charts. The cheeky
bastards! Luckily our management team - The Beast, FB and Wattsie
- are on the case (so P45 it is then - Ed). 'Lotto' and 'Stop
That Drumming' will be played live for the FIRST TIME EVER at
our Balls Brothers gig on Jan 28th. Greater Hits Volume Two: The
Mutt's Nuts is scheduled for an early March release. Premature
talk of volume three has been banished from this website (although
Col's banging on about it down the Newbridge).
Meanwhile Gal's occasional personal manager, the spiv-like Harvey
Gardens tells us that GB will be putting the finishing touches
to his solo ep - a taster for the coming solo album - early next
Gig noos: Pauline and Gappa's The Selecter are also playing the
Cherry Red Stadium, Kingston-upon-Thames on Jan 28th (tickets
£17.50 - so it's a lot cheaper to come and see us at Balls Brothers,
Lime Street!)... The Chords play Islington Assembly Hall on March
30th... The Dropkick Murphys have announced two more Boston home-town
shows as part of their annual St Patrick's Day (month?) tour,
European dates start in Croatia on Sunday; the lads reach Liverpool
on 8th Feb, London on the 10th, Glasgow: 11th.
Jan 19. A big thank you from Gal to everyone who came along
for the Dance Craze book launch at Balls Brothers last night.
With a 250 strong turn-out, there are too many to mention by name
but the skanking ranks included Buster Bloodvessel, Jennie Bellestar,
King Hammond, Case, Carol Harrison off of EastEnders (and Brush
Strokes), la belle Vicki Michelle, Dave Cairns (Secret Affair),
Hoxton Tom, Sir John King, Steve Whale, Spizz, Simon Stebbing
from the Purple Hearts, Jim The Piddler (LTS), various Riders
Of The Night, a hit squad from the Daily Star Sunday and a plethora
of faces familiar to readers of this blog such as the ravishing
Wattsie Watts, Antonia Moore (“the black Marilyn”), trACEy, Tottenham
Sean, Charlton Tel, Cass Pennant, Grant Fleming, Manic Esso, Chelsea
Dom, Mod guru Richard Barnes, film director Rob Gomez, Sean Flowerdew
from Pama, Buster Shuffle, Garrie Lammin, Jonny Owen from Shameless
and of course Paul Hallam (“the Stalin of Style”) who pulled it
all together. The only mild controversy was Acid Jazz guru Eddie
Piller nearly getting turned away from the bash (“the early warning
round-dodger detector worked then” – anon). Apologies for absence
were received from Fatty Lol and KC from Dub City Rockers (too
busy “playing Quadrophenia on the beach”), The Beast, Watford
Jon, Clyde Ward (in Cyprus) and Lee Thompson who’s in Italy. A
more sober and detailed report is unlikely to follow.
Pics by Brian Hanrahan
and then there's this - the first ever picture
of Vicki Michelle and a man in an Orient shirt.....
Mik Whitnell from Babyshambles and DJ Ash Sarkar
PS. Apologies to all those turned away at the door. We had moved
the party to a bigger venue, but it still wasn’t big enough! Additional
thanks to Snoozy Suzy who surprised Gal with a mystery present
last night which he’s just unwrapped: two rare early 1960s Blue
Beat label singles – one Prince Buster, the other Byron Lee. Bloody
hell! What a nice thought. If Fat Col were here he’d almost certainly
advocate giving Suze a reciprocal seven inch gift (I doubt he’d
measure up – Batttttty). Meanwhile Mark Wyeth from Symarip emails
to say “I especially enjoyed the Judge Dread chapter - I can't
remember the last time I heard the expression 'What a Brahmma!'
- I have to say there were a few there last night.” Indeed. By
the way, to those who are asking, Mr. Bushell’s “boss whistle”
was hand-made by Mr. Eddie in Dean Street, and described by Gal
as “my last great extravagance.”
Random guff: the Rejects are set to play Punk Rock Bowling in
Vegas this May... Cass tells us that he is planning to build on
the success of his excellent Casuals DVD by holding a related
festival later this year... Thomas ‘Mensi’ Mensforth has announced
that he is “stepping out the music scene until further notice”,
which will surprise many people who didn’t know he was in it.
The big lug cites his new found status as a single parent as the
main reason. He threatens to “return when I get sorted.”
A shrine to South London comedy legend Malcolm Hardee will be
unveiled during the regular Friday Open Mic Night at the Star
& Garter in Greenwich tomorrow night. The regular show starts
at 8.30pm but, from 10.00pm, there will be a “memorial mumble”
in Hardee’s honour with wild anecdotes about Malcolm, some poems
and songs about him and who knows what degeneracy. Our informant
reports “Or, on the other hand, as a fitting tribute to Malcolm,
it may just all disintegrate into a drunken shambles... They may
even repeat the six jokes he survived on for twenty years... The
20th January is somewhere between Malcolm’s birth on 5th January
and death on 31st January. Obviously, in different years...
Nov 18: We have received this message from Watford Jon calling
a truce in the escalating war of words betwixt the Argy frontman
and Fat Col. It reads: ‘Dearest Gal, after some lengthy deliberation
in my favourite thinking place, The Wishing Well public house,
I have decided to graciously accept Fat Col's apology and his
generous offer of compensation; to wit, a light and bitter and
a packet of pork scratchings. I won't pretend that I wasn't hurt
by some of the comments which at times could've easily been classified
as a hate crime. Under this ruggedly handsome exterior lives a
man with feelings. After all Gal, when cut do I not bleed? Fortunately
for Col I turned down Barnet Mark's offer of help which undoubtedly
would have involved a unit of the HHS (Hertfordshire Hit Squad)
paying him a visit. We can only imagine what the ensuing “shirts
off” might have amounted to. We'll cement our rekindled relationship
at the Dance Craze bash and draw a line under this whole tawdry
affair. I remain Sir, blah blah blah, Jon
Pauline Black’s line-up of The Selecter have announced their
‘Made In Britain’ tour dates: March 1st: Sub 89 Reading, 2nd:
Bogiez, Cardiff, 3rd The Fleece, Bristol, 8th: The Assembly, Leamington
Spa; 9th: Citrus Club, Edinburgh; 10th: Reading Rooms, Dundee;
11th: Òran Mór, Glasgow; 15th: Guildhall, Gloucester; 16th: Rock
City, Nottingham; 17th: 229, London; 18th: The Garage, Swansea;
22nd The Brook Southampton; 23rd: Brudenel Social Club, Leeds;
25th: Concorde 2, Brighton; 29th: Phoenix, Exeter; 30th: Robin
2, Wolverhampton; 31st: Eric’s Liverpool. Tickets available via
Jan 17: R.I.P. Dave Lee, a wonderful comedian and a good friend.
Heaven just got funnier.
Jan 15. So Gal played puke box jurors Max and Bev 25 great tracks
from 2011 for his podcast, including songs by Murderers’ Row,
Monkish, Random Hand, The Dipsomaniacs, Buster Bloodvessel and
Booze & Glory. While they were deliberating, Gal slipped on ‘Karl
Marx Supported Millwall’ as a taster of our new album (out in
March). “That’s brilliant,” the pissed pair said as one. “That’s
the song of the year, forget the rest.” Wrong year sadly, but
we told you these guys had taste. The podcast will be up and running
This blog will be back at the end of the week, when we may or
may not have news on the Dance Craze launch party, our US ep,
Gal’s solo recordings and the terrifying project code-named ‘Beast
TV’. PS. Malcolm Dome’s Total Rock lock-up grows in splendour
every time we go there; he now has a sixties style mini-bar, an
antelope’s head and a fine collection of vinyl ranging from Johnny
Cash to sixties and seventies TV show sound tracks.