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Please note the items you are about to read consist largely of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation.
As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked. Its informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully thought through.

Feb 29. R.I.P. Davy Jones. He eventually caught the Last Train To Clarksville.

The mighty Skatalites have announced their 48th anniversary tour. The musicians who formed the band in 1964 had been playing together for producers such as Coxsone Dodd, Duke Reid & Vincent Chin in various combinations since the 50's and backed the top singers of the day including. Stranger Cole, Alton Ellis, Ken Boothe, Toots & The Maytals, Delroy Wilson, Peter Tosh and Jimmy Cliff. Early Studio One recordings were the first Skatalites songs, including Simmer Down’ – Bob Marley’s first Jamaican Number One. Roland Alphonso, Johnny Moore, Lester Sterling, Don Drummond, Lloyd Knibb, Lloyd Brevett, Jerome Hinds and Jackie Mittoo recruited Tommy McCook from his stint as a bandleader in the Bahamas, giving the group that 'big band' feel so popular at the time among the hotel circuit and dancehalls. Their UK dates are 21 May: Bournemouth, The Old Fire Station; 22 May: London, Islington Assembly Hall. 23 May: Leeds, The Wardrobe. 24 May: Manchester, Band on the Wall. 25 May: Birmingham, o2 Academy, 26 May: Oxford, o2 Academy, 27 May: Sheffield, o2 Academy; 28 May: Liverpool, o2 Academy, 29 May: Newcastle, o2 Academy, 30 May: Glasgow, o2 ABC

Thought for the week: If there was hope, it must lie in the proles – Winston Smith, 1984.

Feb 24. Weekly update # 2: Rumours abound as to why this blog has gone off-air, one internet site reckons that Gal ate a couple of ‘Guatemalan insanity peppers’ and has disappeared on a fantastical hallucinatory journey with his spiritual guide the Space Coyote, voiced by Johnny Cash. Although we think that was actually an episode of the Simpsons. Other theories speculate that Gal and Mick Maverick are about to be exposed by a Sunday newspaper following ‘orgies with showgirls’ involving ‘a kilo of un-cut cocaine, two-way mirrors, handcuffs, and slight masochism’ but we can’t put any of these to Gal as he appears to be in Brussels (“the heart of the beast”) for reasons no-one will tell us.

The Mutt's Nuts

In the meantime, our new album, Greater Hits Volume Two: The Mutt’s Nuts, is out now! We’ll let you know when we have copies in stock. While we’re waiting, here is a detailed review of the prime platter by Garry Johnson: ‘Volume One: Plums was so strong we wondered how the Gonads could ever follow it. But The Mutt’s Nuts has “raised the bar” even higher, with TWENTY brilliant songs that combine Oi, Ska and pure punk aggression with the band’s trademark passion and humour. The album kicks off with the old crowd-pleaser ‘Go Mad With The Gonads’ first played in the Lads Of The Village pub in Charlton SE7 nearly 35 years ago. Other golden oldies include the classic ‘The Joys Of Oi’ with its addictive sing-along chorus, the angry stomp of ‘Rob A Bank’ which hits like a gang of armed blaggers going “over the pavement”, and the mighty ‘Conquest’ with its lyrics inspired by the Lord Of The Rings, and featuring Steve Whale on lead guitar. The hardest hitting tracks are ‘England In My Blood’ - a heart-felt anthem calling on the people to fight for our lost democratic rights and civil liberties – and ‘These Are Our Street’, a handsome hardcore inferno about backstreet power. But who is the ‘Judas Pig’ referred to in the lyrics? This is likely to provoke as much heated debate as the identity of ‘Unky Bunk’ did! There are big surprises on this album too. For starters, ‘Skinhead Girl’ sounds like AC/DC in Doctor Marten books and comes with the classic Gal line: ‘feather-cut and eyes that smoulder/I’d really like to Noddy Holder’. Then there’s ‘Beki Bondage Please’ which was first played live in Leeds as ‘Rebecca Pollard Please’ by the Unidentified Cockney Gonads, a one-off ‘super-group’ featuring Gal, Mickey Geggus from the Cockney Rejects and rock legend Pete Way (this was at punk-and-oi website mistress Rebecca’s wedding). The album is packed with gems! My favourite is the new version of ‘Sandra Bigg (Really Big)’ a song from the band’s first ep, ‘Pure Punk For Row People’ which now include Sandra’s spunky response: ‘Hey my name is Sandra/And for 30 years you’ve persecuted me/Hey, it’s close to slander/About my looks and about my double Ds’. ‘Got Any Wrigleys, John?’ was on that ep as well but it didn’t sound as powerful then as it does now! Everyone loved ‘Oi Mate’ from Volume One, and Volume Two brings us more infectious Ska songs – ‘Lotto’, about winning the Lottery, ‘Getting Pissed’ (cheers!) and ‘Stop That Drumming’ which features the ravishing Wattsie Watts playing a nagging wife (something she does frighteningly well!). The band calls these songs “Oi-Tone, the place where Oi and Ska collide after eighteen pints of wallop and a vindaloo”. Guest singers include blues rock veteran Fin Muir from Waysted (and The Office!) on ‘Lager Top Blues’, Leah McCaffrey who belts out ‘She Can’t Whip Me’, and old Gonads vocalist Annie Auldiron who returns after thirty years to sing ‘I Don’t Wanna’, a duet with teenage fan Kamber Wells. ‘Karl Marx Supported Millwall’ is another of Gal’s hilariously unlikely historical revelations, while ‘Haemorrhoid’ pays homage to the late great Phil Lynott. And that’s it, twenty monster Gonads songs that deliver everything you want from this veteran, free-thinking Oi band who are still ‘having a laugh and having a say after 35 years and yet still manage to sound fresh and exciting. They have the energy of a thousand milkmen and clearly enjoy every minute. How on earth will they ever top this? – Garry Johnson 2012. Cheers Gal, maybe we’ll discuss Volume Three if the gloom ever lifts...

There’s a lot of actual news about, but first, here’s a new occasional feature: The Paul Devine Memorial Round Dodgers List Of Shame: We’re pleased to announce that Acid Jazz guru Eddie Piller is a new entry to this disgraceful list, for persistent and inventive swerving over a 32-year period, but he’ll have to go some to over-take Scoops and Jim ‘The Piddler’. Send your round-dodger nominations to while singing ‘Buy me a drink you bastards, buy me a drink...’

Random news: Lemmy has attacked new Motörhead box-set The Complete Early Years which is selling for over £400. It’s a handsome package but even so... Lemmy says: “Unfortunately greed once again rears its yapping head. I would advise against it even for the most rabid completists. Motörhead have no control over what's done with these early songs, and don't want fans to think that the band is involved in putting out such a costly box set”... Spit Like This have signed a new album deal, something we report solely so we can run a new picture of Vikki Spit. Their first release will be the album ‘Normalityville Horror’ on 7th May 2012.

Vikki Spit

Out this week: The Menzingers’ LP ‘On The Impossible Past’ (Epitaph), which Effete El says is chock-full of sing-along choruses and down to earth lyrics; the CD version comes with the vinyl... plus the debut album from French Oi band the Warrior Kids, ‘Les Enfants De L'Espoir’ has been re-issued in the US by Katorga Works...and at the poppy end of punk the Cheap Girls’ ‘Giant Orange’ LP is out on colour vinyl from Rise Records.

Shit-hot new Tommy Schitt punkabilly spin-off Dead Fez were filmed at the 12-Bar on Sunday for a new TV pilot, along with great friends of this blog including Buster Shuffle, the 335, OCD, Shakey’s Brother and the Sidewalk Doctors. The show also featured comedians including red-hot blue collar stand-up Mark Rough (formerly of NE punk band Disorder). On top of that, the very voluptuous Kiria did interviews with Dead Fez and Buster Shuffle’s sexy backing singers Debz and Carrie who claimed their life-long ambition was to play with Gal's "lovely Gonads" in Berlin (“I'm sure that can be arranged, but what about a gig as well?" - Fat Col). Nathan from the Sidewalk Doctors reckons the show has “recreated the spirit of The Tube” – so let’s hope it gets commissioned pronto. Apparently there is already strong interest from discerning TV channels.

Buster Shuffle

*Reggae legend Jimmy Cliff has announced his UK tour dates. Following his appearance at Glastonbury last year, Jimmy is playing London’s indigO2 on May 18th and the Birmingham Ballroom on May 20th. We’re told the great man will be performing all of his greatest hits including ‘You Can Get It If You Really Want’, ‘The Harder they Come’ and ‘Many Rivers To Cross’. His new album RE.BIRTH produced by Tim Armstrong is due out this summer. Here’s a clip abhart it.

RIP Michael Davis, bass player with rock legends the MC5, who has died of liver failure. He was 68. Mike passed away at Enloe Medical Center in Chico, California, on Friday following a month of treatment for liver disease. Our thoughts are with his family.

Out now, the latest Maximumrocknroll ftrg interviews with Night Birds, Globsters, Kromosom’s Japan tour diary and much more.

On the day I pop me clogs (wo-oh, wo-oh), scrape me up from Crayford Dogs (wo-oh, wo-oh), and here is what to do, my friends, bury my heart in the COVERED END (wo-oh, wo-oh-oh, wo-oh).

Oi, Oi muckers! Fat Col here, interrupting the silence to announce that the new Gonads album is OUT NOW! 'Greater Hits Volume Two: The Mutt's Nuts' is available from Randale Records, shipping worldwide for 14,90€. It’s got TWENTY great tracks! It’s even better than 'Plums'! And we ain’t even got copies yet! Track-list: 1) Go Mad with the Gonads 2) Rob A Bank 3) England in our blood 4) Oi Nutter! 5) Sandra Bigg 6) Lotto 7) Oily Rag 8) Beki Bondage, Please 9) She Can’t Whip Me 10) Karl Marx supported Millwall 11) These Are Our Streets 12) Got Any Wrigleys, John? 13) Getting Pissed 14) Conquest 15) The Joys of Oi! 16) Lager Top Blues 17) Skinhead Girl 18) I Don’t Wanna 19) Haemorrhoid 20) Stop that Drumming. Exciting!

Feb 18. Weekly up-date #1: The Gonads are happy to announce that we have tied in with Kay Kimberley’s KK Introduces booking agency which represents a fine stable of acts including Roddy Radiation & The Skabilly Rebels, King Hammond, Charlie & The Martyrs, Rebel City Radio and more. For practical and professional reasons all future bookings should be done either via Kay or directly via Lord Waistrel. Please do not ask any band members, including Gal, about gigs – they will only refer you to this message.

Here is the fully confirmed line-up for Europe’s premier punk and oi festival, Punk & Disorderly: Troopers, Perkele, Stomper 98, Peter & The Test-Tube Babies, The Business, Argy-Bargy, Vice Squad, Berliner Weisse, Sondaschule, the Old Firm Casuals, Buster Shuffle, Nabat, The Gonads, Booze & Glory, OHL, The Mahones, Fertil Miseria, PROTERVIA, Guida, and NoToken. Wannabe flag-girls please note, we’re on at 8.30pm on the Saturday (April 14) and “wir party, als ob es 1979 war.”

Quick catch-up: we’ve half-finished our tracks for the new Gonads/Uprisers split EP; yeah, half, and there’s a story that can wait till we’re in a better mood... early word on the Cockney Rejects film East End Babylon is that it’s gritty, truthful and top-hole...

Our pals Bad Manners headline a big old St George’s Day Ska bash at Bedford Corn Exchange on April 21.

Random guff: new albums are coming next month from The Dualers and The Phoenix City All-Stars; the legendary Dave Barker guests on three of the Phoenix tracks... NOFX have announced UK dates in June... Green Day have started recording their new studio album... a couple of South London Pranksters who went to the Dropkick Murphys’ London show say they bumped into Katie ‘the Weasel’ Waissel from X Factor there; asked what she thought of the Murphys Katie replied simply and accurately “they rock!” failing to add “But I don’t.”

Drum roll please... Maninblack have recruited a new drummer, Nick Fuse, a veteran of the original New York Punk scene, who arrives we’re told “without excuses, not afraid to play in front of a crowded room or hammer electronic drums on top of a pool table with a spotlight on him.” Maninblack's André Schlesinger says: “I tried to recruit Nick several times over the past few years but he's always been busy with other projects, I knew this guy had a little bit of Keith Moon blood in him and always felt he'd be a complement to the band"; while bassist Michael Brown was reported saying, when ask what he thought of Nick's audition, "fuck yeah!" Can we expect this line-up to last longer than a snowman in Dubai, though? It’d make a nice change.

* Punk Rock Bowling 2012 will star Rancid, Pennywise, Sham 69 (Pursey & Parsons line-up), NOFX, The Addicts, Hepcat, Hot Water Music, Youth of Today, Street Dogs, Youth Of Yesterday (Are you sure? – Ed), Old Man Markley, the Beltones, The Real McKenzies, and Dead Ending among others. Tickets on sale, March 5th. They have asked us and we will be there... just as long as our Lotto numbers come up tonight.

The London International Ska Festival returns to the capital from Thursday 3rd – 6th May 2012 and promises 40 glorious acts from around the world. The organisers tell us the line up will “showcase all Ska has to offer from its roots in rhythm and blues, mento and calypso, to the Jamaican originators, the progression through rocksteady and reggae, 2 Tone, ska-punk and right up-to-date with 21st century Ska sounds.” The four day fest will see musical legends take to the stage. Dandy Livingstone will play his world exclusive comeback show and first in 40 years on Friday 4th May at O2 Academy Islington. Dandy released some all-time classic reggae songs including the original 'Rudy A Message To You', as well as being Britain's leading reggae producer and instrumental in establishing Trojan Records. Other headliners across the weekend include The Pioneers starring Jackie Robinson and George Dekker ('Let Your Yeah Be Yeah' and 'Long Shot Kick De Bucket'), Dawn Penn ('No, No, No'), the voice of Dave and Ansell Collins - Dave Barker and Rico Rodriguez MBE. From the 2 Tone era comes the founder, guitarist and songwriter of The Selecter - Neol Davies, the original Hotknives celebrating their 30th anniversary, California’s Fishbone and multi-award winning Ska Cubano. Plus contemporary acts The Dualers, the Phoenix City All-Stars, and London’s very own Buster Shuffle. DJs will include Jerry Dammers, Don Letts, Gaz Mayall, Andy Smith, the Dreadzone Sound System and many more. Full details and running order here. Normal fuck-you silence is now resumed.

Feb 16. RIP Darren Murphy of Wasted Youth.

PLEASE NOTE: this blog is closing down for the immediate future due to the unwanted intrusion into our affairs of The Real World. We will try and post weekly updates but no promises. Pranksters: this is a code red situation. To everyone else, it’s what Fat Col would call Complete & Utter Nuclear Toss. Thought for the day: ‘Arseholes, bastards, fucking cunts and pricks’ – Ian Dury.

Meanwhile Gal’s new podcast is up now. Enjoy it, there won’t be another for some time. Ta-ta, sayonara, toodle-pip, adios and all that. Cheerio and keep the faith. You can listen to it via the direct link here.

Feb 11. No thoughts for the day today, too hung-over. But here’s a nice picture of Wattsie Watts inspecting Mick Maverick’s arse for frost-bite. How cold was it yesterday, Gal? “So cold Paul Hallam went outside for a piss and had to snap it off. So cold Wattsie was chatting up a snowman. So cold MIA’s middle finger had to be treated for hypothermia. So cold the Bethnal Green hookers were handing out goose-down condoms...” But at least the snow reduced the congestion. Shoreditch apparently had “less traffic than the Orgasm Guerrillas’ website.”

Frostbite Check

Fascinating Mik Whitnall facts: he has a Cockney Rejects ‘Power & The Glory’ tattoo on his left arm, he’s a huge fan of Burial, he co-wrote Amy Winehouse’s last album...

Out this week: ‘Police’ by Canada’s Fucked Up, vinyl 7” (Deranged Records); a 12-track album from Israel’s Useless ID: ‘Symptons’ (Fat Wreck Chords); The Koffin Kats’ psychobilly-punk extravaganza ‘Our Way & The Highway’ now out on coloured vinyl (Sailor’s Grave)... and Fat Col’s quite excited about Goatwhore.

Feb 10. Gal recorded his latest Total Rock podcast today with special guests Mik Whitnall from Babyshambles and Mod DJ Paul Hallam; the show includes tasty tracks from Argy-Bargy, The Selecter, Geoffrey Oi!Cott, The Old Firm Casuals, Come Sunrise, Bovver Boys, Plasmajam, Jonny Cola & The A-Grades, Phyllis Dillon and many more. Mik, who was also in 90s Ska band 100 Men (and 80s Oi band Skin Deep) played two acoustic Ska songs and spoke about his time writing with Amy Winehouse, R.I.P. We’ll let you know when it’s up. The ravishing Wattsie Watts burst in five minutes from the end of the recording accusing Gal of “starting before I was ready and finishing before I could get started.” Yeah, we know, save the gags for the divorce hearing.

Random news: Pennywise working on their first album for four years... newly confirmed for Rebellion: Public Image, Neville Staple, Ruts DC and Case... Dexy’s Midnight Runners are bringing out a brand new album in June; called ‘One Day I'm Going To Soar' it’ll be their first new release since 1985's 'Don't Stand Me Down'... Clarence Clemons’s nephew Jake will replace the Big Man in the E Street Band; Bruce’s latest is up here.

Advance notice: a major new open air Ska festival will launch in South London this summer. The family-friendly Heritage Of Ska Fest will take place in Brockwell Park over the weekend of July 7th and 8th. Acts will include major Ska performers plus exponents of roots reggae, dub-step and hip-hop (Wot? No Oi-Tone?); plus there will be talks, work-shops, photo exhibitions, DJs, fashion and buckets of Caribbean grub. In the build-up, there is going to be a promo party a month for three months (starting March) in Shoreditch, and two events in South London – of which more details to come. Strangely, the organizers have rejected Gal’s suggestion that, as it’s Olympic year, each party should open with a big dude running into view clutching a giant flaming spliff.

This may even be a better cause than the PM Appeal: the Specialized charity album. Lee ‘Kix’ Thompson, King Hammond, Rico, Rhoda Dakar and various other 2-Tone legends are involved in this Paul Williams charity project. All the tracks are modern versions of old Specials songs, including a masterful re-tread of ‘You’re Wondering Now’ by The Values featuring Roland Gift who say “We’re really pleased to be involved because every single penny raised from people buying the compilation goes directly to the Teenage Cancer Trust.”

Feb 9. Thought for the day: Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O’Rourke

Fears grow for the safety and sanity of Terence Hayes, PM, who has recently cancelled two important meetings and a high-ranking Prankster gathering at the last minute citing vague and unexplained “boiler problems.” Some brethren fear that the PM is being “got at” by the MPL (Midget Protection League) who want to secure an exclusive deal for his services, but Effete El whispers that this is merely “a PR smokescreen.” According to El, Tel is actually “terrified of coming to South London as he owes at least 73 people a slap-up Chinese banquet”. Eric goes on: “At the moment, he will only meet people after midnight by the tea-hut on Blackheath when no restaurants are open, in caffs at breakfast time or in the safety of football grounds. Why, last Saturday he was seen at West Ham/Millwall in the home end trying to avoid anyone he might owe a knife and fork. It’s like the Greek debt crisis in miniature, only with chicken fried rice instead of cash.” Today the Gonads launch PM Appeal to help El Tel out of his mess. In true EU style 19pence in every pound you send will go to Terry. The rest will pay off his creditors. Dig deep, folks, spare ribs don’t barbecue themselves.

Random Ska snippets: King Hammond’s 50th Birthday Bash is on April 22nd at the Buffalo Bar, London N1, with supports Too Many Crooks, The Skanx and Swagga... Our pals P45 open for The Beat and The Selecter at Ipswich Corn Exchange on April 1st... Pauline Black has started writing her first novel, working title The Last Supper... Montreal Ska vets The Planet Smashers have just posted a video for their song ‘Death Theats’ here.

Feb 8. Thought for the day: “The great are only great because we are on our knees – let us rise!” – Proudhon.

Meanwhile here’s some semi-confirmed gossip disguised as a news item: Kiria is on board for the Ska-Nads project. Yes live-sex-on-stage aficionado Kiria Le Pink will be guesting on the eagerly-awaited Ska-Nads ep. Kiria, who co-sang ‘Re-Infected’ so brilliantly on ‘Glorious Bastards’, celebrated the news by mounting a large pink elephant, as you do. Lucky pachyderm. No wonder his trunk’s up... Kiria will be paid in vodka, the elephant works for peanuts.


Random guff: Cock Sparrer are playing Philly and Boston in May... The Business’s 23-date US tour kicks off in Seattle on 24th Feb, and carries on until Chicago on 24th March... and here’s Soho face and Cockney tailor Mark Powell interviewed. Says Gal: “This guy dresses so sharp, he makes you want to look in a mirror and work out where you’re going wrong.”

Former Sniffin’ Glue guru Danny Baker reckons he is “Mulling over an offer to invest £11m in a plot of land near the Rock 'n' Roll Hall Of Fame for a similar project: Get Off! A History Of Opening Acts...”

Feb 7. R.I.P. King Stitt, the pioneering Jamaican toaster has died aged 72. Born Winston Spark in Kingston, Stitt was best known for his songs ‘Fire Corner’, ‘Vigorton 2’ and ‘Herbman Shuffle’. The ‘Stitt’ nickname came from his childhood stutter, and he was also known as “The Ugly One” years before Mensi was. Stitt’s slang-driven toasting was credited with inspiring rap music, but then nobody’s perfect.

We’re back in the studio this month recording two new tracks for our split ep with the Uprisers for US release. Our songs are ‘Glorious’ and ‘We Are The Boys’, and (technology permitting), Pete Morcey from Forced Reality will be singing guest vocals on ‘Glorious’. Both songs are Bushell/Ward/Poole compositions. Fit Bird whispers that ‘Glorious’ aims for “a modern Slade feel” while ‘We Are The Boys’ is a “proper brick-wall terrace chant stomper” – a technical term that you will of course be familiar with.

The Whiskey Rebels new vinyl album pre-sale starts tomorrow at Oi! The Boat. “17 tracks of unreleased and rare shit from ’99-‘09”. You get the digital download on checkout when you pre-order... and NOFX release a limited edition deluxe vinyl box-set containing 18 of their classic 7” singles on April 24; called 126 Inches of NOFX. (For 126 inches of the Gonads, girls, see us after the Southend gig... it might take some time...)

Feb 6. Story of the week must surely be today’s news of a musician returning “from the dead” claiming he’d been living for two years with zombies. Oddly this wasn’t Pete Way or even Max Splodge but award-winning South African performer Khulekani Kwakhe "Mgqumeni" Mseleku. Mugqumeni was thought to have died in December 2009 after drinking a poisonous concoction supplied by a dodgy witch doctor. But last week a man claiming to be the star waltzed back to his home in Mquthu, near Dundee, in northern KwaZulu-Natal telling fans: "I have been suffering a lot at the place where I was kept with zombies. It was hell there and I am so grateful that I was able to free myself and return to my family and you, my supporters. I promise to continue singing once I gather enough strength.” The folk troubadour told how he had been trapped in a cave outside of Johannesburg where his captors had shaved his hair (zombie barbers!) and changed his physical attributes. "My facial and body appearance has changed," he admitted. Blimey, just like Ben Mitchell on EastEnders. (Or Hustle – Ed). The zombies also forged an identity card for him with a false name (his undead moniker is "Sphamanda Gcabashe"). The local cops are now investigating the thoroughly believable story. Police spokesman Colonel Jay Naicker (Naicker of the Yard!) said: "We have opened an inquiry and will be taking some samples to verify whether it is him or not.”

Feb 5. A mischievous child whispers that one of the reasons the East End Badoes split was “an absurd attempt to re-brand” the vintage Oi hooligan combo as “Teenage Terry and The Toi-Boys”. Sources confirm that this was actually suggested by one band member and was “a major sticking point.” Mercifully, the “hare-brained scheme” was rejected by the formidable tactician Terence Hayes, PM, who is determined to keep the Badoes brand alive until they achieve the success that has mysteriously eluded the band since 1982. However with El Tel, 97, at the helm again and the band running “on Contra time”, there appears to be little chance of the excellent four-track ‘Poplar Boys’ ep by the original line-up coming out before Easter. So why not treat yourselves to some ‘Charlton Boys’ instead? “Superior in every way” – The Nosher.

The Mutt’s Nuts is at the pressing plant now, after a late minute hiccup with the booklet. We’re still not entirely sure of the running order, but we can confirm that the fabled recipe for the Gonads Gut-Buster Curry is included. Who knows, maybe a Punk Rock Cook Book could follow, featuring Nacho Jase’s ‘Nacho Feast’, Stinky Turner’s Chilli Con Carnage, Millwall Roi’s Broken Leg Of Lamb, Charlie Harper’s Old Goat’s Cheese with a cracker, Argy-Bargy’s Onion Bhajis and Gal’s spicy pie and mash – as featured on ITV! Care is advised however, whenever Shazza Stiletto offers you her notorious Sausage Suprise.
PS The Nosher called Fat Col about the recipe book volunteering a Spunketti Bollocknaize. "I'll be blowed," he said. "That'll be a fiver," she replied. Ever tight, Gannon says he settled for a ham shank.

The great Lee ‘Kix’ Thompson brings his Ska Orchestra to Islington Assembly Hall Saturday 05 May 2012. The orchestra were formed in the back streets of Hackney last year. As well as his usual sax duties, Lee takes on the lead vocals in a hand-picked line up that features fellow Madness original Mark 'Bedders' Bedford on bass, as well as Steve 'Roo-B-Doo' Rooney (drums), Kevin 'Born Ready' Burdett (guitar), Louis 'Diamond Legs' Vause (joanna), Seamus 'Nice Man' Beaghen (organ), Steve 'Ice Man' Turner (tenor sax), Darren 'Mr Reliable' Smith (alto), Steve 'Chalky' White (trumpet), Bob 'The Bone' Dowell (trombone), Darren 'Fordie' Fordham (vox).

Feb 4. Well here it is folks, the first look at the magnificent cover of Greater Hits Volume Two: The Mutt’s Nuts, which is on course to be released on March 3rd. The twenty-song strong album features: Go Mad With The Gonads, Rob A Bank, England In Our Blood, Oily Rag, Sandra Bigg (Really Big), The Joys Of Oi, Getting Pissed, Beki Bondage Please, She Can’t Whip Me, Karl Marx Supported Millwall, These Are Our Streets, Oi! Nutter, Got Any Wrigleys John, Lotto, Lager Top Blues, Conquest, Skinhead Girl, I Don’t Wanna, Haemorrhoid, and Stop That Drumming. And if that’s not enough for you, there is wild talk of releasing a three or four track Mutt’s Nuts Extra ep later in the year featuring some of the songs we demoed for this album but ran out of space for... we’ll let you know if that’s gonna happen.

The Mutt's Nuts

* Advance notice: Gal’s next Dance Craze book signing and reading in the UK will be at the 2-Tone village in Coventry at 2pm on March 24. Admission: £2. Later that night Mr. Gonad and Paul ‘Stalin of Style’ Hallam will join Lady Cardboard as guest DJs at a fund-raising gig starring The 2-Tone Collection (including Horace Panter, Charley ‘Red Dreads’ Anderson and more) plus supports.

Dance Craze      2-Tone Central

Random news: Captain Oi has just re-released the Ramones 1991 live album ‘Loco Live’ in a deluxe clamshell box. The 2-CD set features 37 tracks and is the first time that the Ramones’ gig in Barcelona has appeared in full on one collection (the UK and US releases had different track-listings originally)... Roddy Byers’s Skabilly Rebels start their first US on 24th Feb... Our mates the Cundeez support The Damned at a Scottish Help 4 Heroes festival 4-6th May... Dave Grohl is developing a comedy series with Dana Gould for FX... just re-released on colour vinyl The Explosion’s ‘Bury Me Standing’ (Chunksaah).

Heads up, Germany: we’ll be back to a pure punk and oi set for the big Black Forest gig: all killer, no filler!

Feb 3. SkaNads News: after an intensive rehearsal day today, the first four SkaNads songs are now officially ready to be recorded. These are: the almost soulful male-female duet, ‘It’s Getting Harder’, the filthy and funny up-tempo ‘Threes Up’ (co-written with Nick Welsh), the rather jaunty ‘Spotty Dick’, and the laid-back, life-affirming sing-along ‘Avoid The Vexation Of Women’. Harvey Gardens tells us that the Ska-Nads now have “more than enough songs for an album, but we’re taking it slowly, know what I mean?” Not really, mate, but we do know that the e.p. will be recorded at Easter with all-female SkaNads horn section Trumpet Crumpet and outrageous backing singers the Happy Slappers.

Dead this week: artist Mike Kelley, who is sadly thought to have topped himself on Tuesday at his home in South Pasadena, California. He was 57. Kelley, from Detroit, co-founded the "anti-rock" mega cult band Destroy All Monsters. A photo of one of his trademark dolls was used on Sonic Youth’s 1992 album Dirty. Even sadder, we also learned of the recent death of composer Ted Dicks who co-wrote the Bernard Cribbins hit ‘Hole In The Ground’ as well as the theme song for Carry On Camping. And that was pure genius. Ted popped his clogs on Jan 27.

Hardcore corner: just re-released, the split single from Capitalist Casualties and Lack Of Interest on Six Weeks Records. And new from Harley’s War ‘2012’ (MVD), featuring ex-Cro-Mag Harley Flanagan and Rocky George of Suicidal Tendencies: five new songs plus 13 live tracks...

Feb 1. Just dropping by because we remembered an unusual snatch of conversation from the Dance Craze launch party last week – when our own Wattsie Watts met Carol Harrison for the first time and told her: “’Ere your ex-father-in-law murdered my ex-father-in-law.” And it’s true! The former EastEnders star was married to Jamie Foreman, son of London gangster ‘Brown Bread’ Fred, while Wattsie’s ex-pa-in-law was used car dealer Tommy ‘Ginger’ Marks who was kidnapped outside the Repton Boys Club and killed by Freddie back in 1965. What a small world! The women immediately got on like an insurance job on fire. (Freddie Foreman was acquitted of the murder but later confessed to it; he’d shot Ginger in revenge for shooting his brother George in the legs – and Ginger did that because Geo was pogering Mrs Marks at the time. Better than a soap, this...) Actually, when we come back, we might start up a Dear Dreary style Problem Page to help with the love lives of the stars. Say for example you were an aging punk singer whose family home was being dramatically staked out by the Other Woman, who could you turn to? Deidre Sanders? Do us a favour! Ask the Gonads, we’re your saviours!

When we come back we may also have news on a developing story that could see the Gonads playing a private party in the Playboy Mansion in LA this summer. It’s most likely someone trying to wind us up. But we have been approached, the recipient of the surprise party, a big-name Hollywood bod, is known to be a major street-punk fan and stranger things have happened. We will of course carry on expressing our horror at the foul sexist nature of the Playboy operation right up until the e-tickets arrive in our in-box...

While we’re here, Sparrer play San Francisco with Rancid on March 23rd and 24th (The Warfield)...Watford Jon wants to set up a joint Argy-Bargy/Gonads gig in 2013... US Ska punk leg-ends Reel Big Fish are demoing songs for their first new album in five years... we’ll be back at the weekend

*Chelsea Dom selflessly missed our Saturday show so he could review the Argy-Bargy gig instead. (Well he doesn’t like crowds - Ed). The great man writes: So Saturday night off to the 12 Bar. An early meet in the Ship with John King & Lee 'Daktari' Wilson, who had fortunately left his elephant gun at home, for a few precursory beers (no more than twelve, no less than nine) and then the short crawl to the venue. First band up Ministers Dead didn't really float my boat, so not much to say on them. (Why not? Slaughter the bastards! – Critical Ed) After a short break, Watford stalwarts The Booze Boys hit the stage resplendent in Hawaiian shirts and hit us with a wave of abuse from the stage; singer Nick Parker's verbal onslaught is certainly sharper than his fashion sense. Old favourites such as ‘Barry Bethel’, ‘16 Pints’ and a cover of the Macc Lads’ ‘Sweaty Betty’ hit the mark and got the crowd in the right mood. Hopefully more gigs from them soon. At around 10:30, Bargy cranked up the energy levels and thrashed their way through a plethora of favourites old and new as the watching audience equally thrashed in appreciation. Highlights were ‘Immaterial Girl’, the increasingly popular ‘Burning Sky’ and ‘Drinks Drugs Football Thugs’. My only complaint was why no ‘Saturday's Glory’? The set finished with some classic standards ending on a rousing cover of ‘If the Kids Are United’. It was great night, how it should be with everyone enjoying themselves, no politics or decorators in sight. More of the same please.

Fat Col adds: “If Lee is Daktari, which one of the Infas is Clarence the cross-eyed lion?”

STOP PRESS: we’re sorry to announce that our Bolton and Blackpool gigs have been cancelled for reasons entirely beyond our control (in the case of the Pineapple Inn, Bolton, the brewery is shutting the pub – presumably as a precaution.) We will try and reschedule Blackpool soon as possible. Our next confirmed gigs are Schramberg, Germany, March 3rd, Southend, Essex, March 23rd, Berlin, Germany (P&D) April 14th and Beauvais, France April 21st. This blog may sleep for a while now. Toodle pip.