Please note the items you are about to read consist largely of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation. As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked. Its informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully thought through.
THE GONADS! CHARLTON! SOUTH LONDON! STREET ROCK N ROLL! COCKNEY CULTURE! COCKNEY ROCK! OI-TONE! SKA! BEER! CURRY! WORKERS’ RIGHTS! FLAG-GIRLS! ENGLAND! OI OI OI! THIS IS WHO WE ARE!
Dec 28. Pirates Press celebrate Cock Sparrer’s 50th anniversary by releasing a tribute album even Sparrer didn’t know was happening. All eight tracks are by bands on Skippy’s label. They are: THE DROWNS – Riot Squad, SUZI MOON – Platinum Blonde. PLIZZKEN – What’s It Like To Be Old, GRADE 2 – Roads To Freedom, THE RATCHETS - Where Are They Now?, THE INTERRUPTERS – We’re Coming Back, THE AGGROLITES – Take ’Em All, THE BARSTOOL PREACHERS – Suicide Girls. Snap it up here.
PS from our researcher Fat Col: in answer to the questions raised by Where Are They Now, Tony Parsons is a hugely successful author and columnist, Julie Burchill is a millionaire shit-stirrer, John Mellor is brown bread, and James T. Pursey has been away with the fairies since the early 80s.” Ta, Colin. How unkind. Col also supplies his Top 3 Sparrer covers that aren’t on the album: Take ’Em All by Agnostic Front, Runnin’ Riot by Discipline and East End Girl by Leah McCaffrey, which is available on all digital platforms.
Dec 25. Merry Christmas to all! Oi to the world and everybody in it.
Dec 19. Gutted to hear we’ve lost Terry Hall. Look out for a proper tribute on Gal’s personal blog.
Dec 18. Huge thanks to Street Sounds for naming Revolution Now “Street-punk album of the year, 2022”. All the other winners are on their Twitter account and Facebook page.
The answers to last week’s questions are: the red massage parlour in the high street, ask for Lorna, and £30 if you’re quick. This week, Maria McCarthy wants to know our set-list from the Hopper’s Hut gig. Of course, it was: Lager Top, The Drinking Song, Buy Me A Drink You Bastard, Grant Mitchell, Joe Hill, It’s A Yeti, Alconaut (country version), Beer Can Boogie, I Lost My Love To A UK Sub, Getting Pissed, Infected, Oi Mate, Beano, Hopper’s Hut and The Greatest Cockney Christmas, followed by an encore of Lee Wilson’s Round and Buy Me A Drink You Bastard. (The gig was recorded, as was the soundcheck run-through of our 1977 song Whelks, un-played in public for 45 years). Fat Col’s question pertaining to warm women’s underwear and the purchasing there of, has been ruled too creepy to publish.
Dec 17. This just in: after a direct intervention by Wattsie Watts, we can reveal that Lord Waistrel has dramatically sacked Spider Harry! His Lordship was said to have been so “shaken” by Wattsie’s forceful confrontation that witnesses report he immediately grabbed his trusty antique quill and began dipping it furiously. He was later heard complaining that she had “worn my little nib down to the bone”. But as a result of his many pages of new handwritten instructions, Miss Management is now back in charge of the band and is disciplining the wretches firmly even as we speak. A number of clearcut decisions have been swiftly reached to rationalise our approach to 2023 and beyond. To wit:
*All the grand plans involving avatars, interactive “golden showers” and the whole extravagantly bonkers “Gonads Experience” project have been axed.
*A realistic approach to Gal’s Big 69 has been agreed. The project will now be divided into four unique albums which will be released in stages. The first will come out on 13th May 2024 and the following three albums – all of which have either been written, or are being written, by Gal, Clyde and Mark McMighty – will follow at realistic interludes. The final 69-track super-deluxe collection will then be available in one limited edition boxset.
*Before that, it is likely that we will release our new live album in July. Plans to record a Gonads themed TV pilot will also go ahead.
And finally, Wattsie’s birthday will be properly celebrated on Monday, as the final band event of the year before rehearsals start for Southend.
In other news, we are also working on a new live side-project which will be tried out under the radar early next year. It looks unlikely that we will be back in the USA in 2023. But Germany is still 50/50 possible. More news when we have it.
STOP PRESS. Waistrel has outlawed Fat Col’s plan for an OnlyFans page featuring graphic pictures of his proud Plumstead flab unfolding over the large doner kebab mercifully concealing his privates (Looked like a small doner to me – Wattsie). And thank gawd for that.
Festivus update: the Grand Festivus Ball will take place at That Cheshire Place next weekend. Codename: New Tudor. Be alert.
Dec 12. And here as promised are some shots from Saturday’s gig, mostly taken by our great mate Jim Jimmy James…
Dec 11. Cheers to the merry crew who packed out the Hopper’s Hut for our acoustic Christmas knees-up last night. It was tough going on after the England game – as Gal told the Sidcup crowd, “Well you’ve sat through one disappointing tragedy and now here’s another…” – but we “really lifted our spirits,” according to Big Lloyd, West Ham & Bar. We did seventeen songs in all, including the encore, and the night ended with bar staff dancing on the tables in a riotous David Essex sing-along session. Millwall Kev told us, “It was a great night, loads of laughs. I’m surprised how well the acoustic set worked. I loved every minute, you should do it again.” And we might. Stranger things etc. But for now, our next proper pure punk gig is at The Venue in Westcliff, Southend on 21st January. Pictures to follow tomorrow.
Please note: this blog is still operating under stringent reporting restrictions, but we will endeavour to be back with a Festivus update as soon as possible. Cheerio!
Dec 6. Sixteen hardy curry club associates braved the cold and chaotic public transport to turn out for last night’s big PRCC Christmas do. To wit: Gal, Paul SkaNad, Miss Management, Steve Whale, Tim ‘Teething’ Wells, Cass Pennant, Steve Drewett (Newtown Neurotics), Jim Jimmy James, Janine Janey Janington, Eugene Butcher, Eugene’s mate, Barry Cain, Barnet Mark, Raoul Galloway, and Gentleman John of Vicious Love. Apologies for absence were received from Judge Shed (in Leamington Spa), Rudi Guerre (saving herself for Saturday’s mega-gig), Carrie Griffiths (working), Lee Wilson (tight), Chelsea Dom (IBS), Phil Fury (in Kent), Terence Hayes PM (in hospital), Fat Col (in nick, don’t ask) and the Last Resort, Max Spartan, Big E and the Anti-Nowhere League who instead will be attending a second more hardcore PRCC Xmas bash in south London on Sunday. The so-called “Beer Monster Elite” boycotted the night on the grounds that the Lahore restaurant don’t serve booze. There was only one hiccup, when the party trusted Gal to lead them on foot from the Good Samaritan pub to the curryhouse. “It was London Bridge all over again,” noted Whaley. There was also, whisper it, scandal when it emerged that one of the diners has been banned from a prestigious Xmas party this year for “shagging a woman in the cloakroom” last year. That’s the sort of scurrilous gossip that used to be this blog’s life-blood. Now, under Waistrel’s stringent reporting restrictions, we can’t even open a book on which one of the randy buggers it was… a sad day for British pseudo-journalism.
Here’s Gentleman John enjoying the party mood…
Dec 5. Gig update. Due to the England v France World Cup clash on Saturday, we will be going on stage slightly later, at around 9pm, pretty much as soon as the match ends. There is a telly at the venue.
Dec 4. Heeerrreee’s Tippy… a post-op pic from Jay The Tripod. The PM has had his op successfully too, so good news all round.
Dec 2. A fresh scandal has hit the Jolly Pranksters as a senior Kent member Millwall Nige was accused of shameless round-dodging. Nige, known in Prankster circles as “the king of the booze-hounds”, will be suspended from membership and banned from Festivus until a full investigation is concluded by the brethren. “This is a very serious matter,” an ashen-faced Effete El tells us. “Round-dodging is one of the worst crimes in the Prankster code, it’s up there with murder, wife-stealing, free-style jazz and amateur rapping. If the charge sticks, the Kent brethren will have to expel him.” Nige is said to have been living on the edge for some time and had a famous run-in with Wattsie following his legendary half-cut performance as The FrankenSkin at the New Cross Inn. What about some Gonads news, we ask? El gives us the stink-eye and says sternly, “This alleged crime clearly takes priority over that load of old cobblers.” How very dare you!
All our best to the PM who is due to finally have his surgery today. Stay with us Tel, we’re dropping like Matt Hancock’s flies.
Dec 1. So sad to hear that Cast Iron Steve Smith of Red Alert has died today, aged just 59. Let’s hope St Pete has got the bar open. Rest in power, mate.
Good news from the USA! Our dear friend Jay The Tripod of the American Gonads has had his cardiac op. Rodger ‘Trotsky’ Shosa reports: “The surgeons operated and found a cheeseburger where a heart is supposed to be. They also gave him a penis reduction, he’s down to just 27 inches”. Blimey. Trotsky adds: “Unfortunately, the docs say his guitar playing won’t be improved by these treatments.” Did they find our twenty bucks in there we ask? “No,” comes a reply replete with maniacal laughter. “He’s lost that on Medical Care… a horse running at Belmont Park.”