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Please note the items you are about to read consist largely of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation.
As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked. Its informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully thought through.

The Gonads Website


Dec 24. A Merry Xmas and a Happy New Oi to all our readers!


The Gonads WebsiteThe great Gonads lyric book, I Lost My Love To A UK Sub & Other Punk Rock Sob Stories, is now in stock on our shop page packed with forty of Gal's finest song words – for under a fiver!


We'll be back on 1st January with hot news for 2016. In the meantime, if you're down Woolwich next week you're likely to find Fat Col flogging these quality items off his barrow:


The Lucky Stone of Lee Wilson – keep this in your pocket and you'll never have to buy a drink again; special sacred edition "blessed by Spizz" (a snip at £99.99). The Sound Of Charlton CD – choral masterpieces as performed by the mass choir of the Old Covered End, includes 'Valley Floyd Road', 'Saying Goodbye To His Horse' (historic recording), 'Who's That Scoring Goals' and 'Wanky Wanky Millwall' all taped "al fresco"; piss-poor quality guaranteed (£5). Punk Cluedo – special edition of the murder mystery boardgame where players must work out Who Killed Punk; culprits include Penny Rimbaud, Sid Vicious, Wattie Buchan and 'Dame' Vivienne Westwood. (£29.99). The Franky Flame Horror Mask – fool drunken chums by turning up on their doors late at night wearing this incredible life-like face mask of the guru Francis O'Flame and telling them at great length how lizard men rule the world. (£35). And finally, for just one monkey – £500 – you can still purchase Col's Complete Xmas kit that includes six pint bottles of champagne top, two grams of fair trade cocaine, a deluxe Wattsie Watts blow-up doll, four bronze-effect topless barmaid tree angels, an Excalibur-styled stanley knife, and a "Yeti-size" Yuletide special Xmas tree shaped pegging attachment (whatever that is). Bottoms up!


The Gonads Website2015 ended in style with the Boot-Boy Christmas Knees-Up at London's 100 Club, a fine annual event organised by those caring chaps at Human Punk. Our cast-iron set, dedicated to our late pal Tony Van Frater, packed in Tucker's Ruckers, Jobs Not jails, I Lost My Love To A UK Sub, Grant Mitchell, Buy Me A Drink Lee Wilson (with the shy and retiring Lee joining us on stage), Oi Mate, Yeti, Dance Fat Boy Dance, Alconaut, London Boys, Lager Top, and Punk Rock Till I Die/Joys Of Oi. Sarah Black praised it as "the best I've ever seen you", John King dubbed it "great, you came across really well", and Diana Schuler reviewed it as "brilliant" adding "Why can you not play in Germany next year?"; while one tearful bard claimed "if the Gonads and your spin-offs last for a thousand years, men will still say, 'This was their finest half-hour'. No night involving Lee Wilson would be complete without a tale of outrageous meanness, of course, and Infas guitarist Barry was quick to spill the latest bad news beans. Lee asked the band to pick him up for the show in a taxi. It would make sense, he said, because "Then we could split the bill four ways." Naturally when the lads reached Oxford Street, the wretched cheapskate Wilson was gone quicker than Mourinho leaving the vast cab bill to be split three ways. What a rotter, eh kids? On a happier note, young streetpunk chaps Skurvi opened proceedings and the Last Resort closed the night in proper beefy, boot-boy style. Old faces in the crowd included Deptford John, Kev the Hammer, Jet from the UK Subs, Diana Schuler, Mandy Crow, Chelsea Dom, and Martin Sporrell (aggressive gooner) (Wot? No Kiria? No Emma? Shame!). The only shadow over the evening was Micky Fitz's illness. The great Geno Blue (AKA Judge Shed) joined the Resort on stage to sing 'Suburban Rebels' in Mick's honour. You'll find it on Youtube. Cheers!


The Pranksters enjoyed a superb end to their year too, with the brethren celebrating "Festivus" in their newly opened North Downs HQ. Fat Col (IPM, Plumstead lodge) files this report (but be warned, kids, Colin has recently taken to micro dosing on acid): As well as the usual punk and Ska knees-up, the two day feast of fun included pie-eating and ale-quaffing contests, skiffle versions of Oi standards, Oi versions of skiffle standards, the annual Barmaid Of The Year winner, a Garry Johnson poetry exhibition, arm-wrestling, fire-eating, jugglers, Saggencraic (Ramsgate's own over-80s nude gymnastic display team), and a hologram of Max Wall performing 'That's My Weakness Now'. The new complex, designed to the PM's exact specifications, includes a Great Hall of Heroes adorned with portraits of prankster legends including Van Frater, Bedsore, Banjo Vic, Chinese Tim, Viv Stanshall and Sid James (may they rest in peace) and was well-received by all. Although the blindfolded darts event, organised by Soppy Nige, will not be repeated as the idiots shattered Tony Madras's pint pot and almost hospitalised table dancer and part-time Class War academic Lisa Gnocchi. At the end of the draining 48-hour "eisteddford" (or piss-up), the incoming WM Pete 'Percy' Gorringe (former "Provincial Grand Alderman" of the League of Herbert Gentlefolk, Solihull district, and a retired gas-fitter) announced details of the next event: the 2016 St George's Day celebration which he pledged would consist of "speeches, readings, stirring music, a mouth-watering buffet and splendid English ales". With a tear in his eye, Percy closed the weekend by torching the treacherous EU flag and raising Albion's own. Quoting Shapcott Wensley he said: "It comes from the misty ages, the banner of England's might; the blood-red cross of the brave St George, that burns on a field of white!" Well said, sir. To order brethren! Step off with the left foot.


We're sad to report that last weekend's great Punk Literary Fest was marred by an outrageous sexual assault. This is not a joke. The shock incident that shames us all happened during the post-fest drink-up at the Globe pub in Marylebone. The victim was a blushing doe-eyed New Zealander who had done nothing to provoke the attack, one Eugene Butcher of Vive Le Rock. An eye-witness tells us: "I saw it happen. One moment Eugene was enjoying a pint of ice-cold lager, the next a hot palm was cupping his bollocks. Eugene's expression moved from surprise to shock to outrage in a single second." The perpetrator was described as "a huge Manic Esso fan who was able to quote from his texts, but Esso was not involved. I did notice that Esso was giggling in the aftermath though." Another stunned bystander substantiates the story: "When we were in the pub, there was a guy who tagged on to our group – he was one of those guys that you almost immediately feel like walking away from. Anyhow, later in the evening he grabbed Eugene's crotch, apparently in a jovial way, but he was a bit odd." We tracked down a traumatised Eugene and with psychiatric guidance he was able to confirm everything. "It was that strange bloke who was hanging around all day," he tells us. "As John King out it, I handled it very well, but he handled it very badly!"


Record Noos: Crown Court's 'Ruck & Roll' ep has been re-issued again on silver vinyl by Longshot Music and Rebellion Records; 7-inch includes digital download….The Venom's only album, ''Arringtons, Crombies, Anarchy, Bondage' is finally available for the first time on vinyl. This is the Welsh Oi band, not the extreme metal herberts. The Venom's only proper releases back in the day were a track on the Swansea punk 7-inch sampler 'Sex, Violence, & The Eternal Truth' and one on the 'Back On The Streets' ep compiled by Gal. Limited hand-number 500 copy edition from Radio Raheem.


Coming soon! I Lost My Love To A UK Sub & Other Punk Rock Sob Stories – collected Gonads lyrics Volume One. Forty of Gal’s best song words including two Prole numbers for just £4.99 plus postage from our shop page. Pre-order now and we’ll dispatch them as soon as they reach Nads HQ. Cheers!

The Gonads WebsiteDec 13. We’re still closed but we’ve popped back just to remind you that we play our final gig of the year this coming Friday (18th) at the 100 Club, with the Resort, Infa Riot and Skurvi. Be there, or be square, kids. Oh and the second Street Sounds annual is on sale NOW!


Yesterday’s Punk Literary Festival was a stonking success with Rick Buckler, Jeff Turner, Gal, the Ruts, John King and Manic Esso in the interview hot seat. Rumours that Lee ‘Daktari’ Wilson was there because he thought it was a free beer fest and that Literary was a new light ale cannot be discounted. “It was a great day,” Harvey Gardener tells us, “and there will be more of them.” Meanwhile there may be some huge Rejects news very shortly…


PS. An ashen-faced Lee Wilson rings this morning to complain about the price of a round in Marylebone pub The Globe, where various herberts retired to after the event. “Five drinks cost £28,” he tells us. What, we ask aghast, did you get them in then? “You’re kidding,” Lee replies. “Luckily John King was in the chair.”


If we had time we’d tell you about the Sounds reunion in the fabled White Lion last Friday, and the Punk Rock Curry Club’s round-dodger free Xmas do last Tuesday – a fun night that saw former Sex Pistols and Specials security man Steve English join the usual suspects in the equally fabled but now sadly gentrified Lord Northbrook. Faces included Steve Whale, Cass Pennant, Robin Guy, Chelsea Dom and the Anti-Nowhere League. Sadly there is no opportunity to tell you about Animal’s autobiography which is out in February, or to tell you that BH2 is reopening for Oi shows, because Gal is tied up trying to get the second Riff-Raff book finished and Fat Col is sulking cos he ain’t invited to our own Xmas do tomorrow. (It’s band-only you plum!) We’ll be sure to tell you about that in due course, though.


Finally, some coloured vinyl delights out now: Bonecrusher’s Saints & Heroes album – just 500 copies from Longshot Music; LPs come with free download. And Flogging Molly’s Drunken Lullabies: 20 Year Anniversary Edition from SideOneDummy Records.


Dec 6. Today we make an historic announcement. The latest figures show that Gonads songs have now notched up more than ONE MILLION listens via social media. That’s the total of downloads, plays on YouTube, FB, MySpace, soundcloud etc. Last night a shocked Lord Waistrel said: “This is an incredible testimony to four decades of my incompetent, inebriated and often misguided management style.” Told that only the downloads had made the band any dosh (£3 6shillings and thrupence in old money), for even the YouTube postings had been done by other people, Waistrel shrugged and claimed that was “a triumph for punk’s anti-establishment spirit”, adding, a pint or two of champagne top later: “And the quite deliberate result of my policy of encouraging entrepreneurial gumption amongst the oi polloi, let others profit for we have the eternal glory!” Ah yes, the eternal glory of sharing a dressing room with Lee Bloody Wilson... (Can there be any truth by the way in the rumour that Lee is considering gender realignment on the grounds that Leanne would be more likely to have drinks bought for her?). A detailed examination of the stats further reveals that around one ninth of those plays were generated by one song – Gal and Clyde’s ‘Oi Mate’. This is encouraging news for the duo’s GBX project, which launches next year. Tracks already written for this include ‘Full English’, ‘What’s Happening Now’ (sparsely demoed on Greater Hits Vol 3), the sublime ‘Love Radio’, ‘They Died Heroes’, ‘City Of Bones’, ‘Half Past Three & Nine Pence’, ‘Tell All Tel’ and ‘Dreamland’. (Wot? No ‘Goon On The Moon’? – Ed) At least three more ditties are in the pipeline. More news when we have it.


Bono from U2 says he has written a song about the Paris atrocity. Haven’t the poor sods suffered enough?


Dec 4 . STOP PRESS 1: R.I.P. Scott Weiland of Stone Temple Pilots and Velvet Revolver who died yesterday. No immediate cause of death has been given. The official statement asks for ‘the privacy of Scott's family be respected’. He was 48.


STOP PRESS 2: Lee ‘Scratch’ Perry’s home in Switzerland has been destroyed by fire. The reggae legend says that he forgot to blow out a candle and the blaze spread, wrecking all of his recording equipment, recordings, and many personal belongings. Lee and his wife Mireille were not hurt. He is still expected to tour next March.


STOP PRESS 3: The Eagles Of Death Metal are expected to join U2 onstage at their rescheduled Paris gig on Sunday (6th).


Record news: Ahoy shipmates! The Skids – The Virgin Years box-set has just been released by our old mate Captain Oi. This tasty treat weighs in at six CDs and 113 tracks. Disc 1: the Scared to Dance album. Disc 2: Days In Europa (plus a version of Bowie/Mott The Hoople’s ‘All The Young Dudes’ from a Radio 1 Kid Jensen session as a bonus. Disc 3: The Absolute Game. Disc 4: their Joy album (never before issued on CD). Disc 5, for the very first time on CD, the remixed Days In Europa album plus the BBC In Concert show from March 1979. Disc 6: all five of the band’s John Peel sessions. The box-set comes with bonus tracks we can’t be arsed to list and a 40 page booklet... Also available from the good old Cap’n: royalty statements and cheques! Sorry, that would be madness, no, we mean: the UK Subs ‘The Peel Sessions Vol 2’, the second in the Subs’ limited edition series of three 7" colour vinyl singles featuring Charlie’s three John Peel sessions, recorded in 1978 and 1979 when the demon barber was a young whippersnapper of just 93. And just out: The Violators’ singles collection, succinctly titled Singles 82/83, which marries the bands early EPs with five live tracks. Just 300 hand-numbered copies from Vomitopunkrock Records. And the Harrington Saints’ second album Pride & Tradition s available again on coloured vinyl from Pirates Press. Produced by Lars.


Interesting developments today as Peter Ahlqvist from Sweden’s Burning Heart Records called on a meet in a discrete Kent pub with Gal and Steve Whale. What was all that about? We were so intrigued we sent a spy along to eavesdrop. What happened? We asked breathlessly. Well, says our man ‘FC’, “I noticed this Ahlqvist fella never bought a round all the time he was there.” Yes. “He was wearing a pukka Brutus dicky-dirt. Yes, yes. “And there was some mystery blonde hanging about looking double gorgeous... ” Never mind all that, we say, what did they talk about. “I dunno,” he shrugs. “I was playing darts.” Oaf.


If you’re up the West End tonight, the great Neville Staple Band play the St Moritz Club in Wardour Street...


Dec 3. Rebellion festival have just announced the biggest-ever line up of classic American punk bands for next year’s 20th anniversary knees-up. These include the DESCENDENTS, FLAG, FEAR, that tit JELLO BIAFRA, THE DICKIES, THE SLACKERS, THE DWARVES, DAG NASTY, JFA, THE BOUNCING SOULS, THE ADOLESCENTS, TSOL, THE STREET DOGS, MDC, REAGAN YOUTH, CHOKING SUSAN and three or four more. They have so many Yanks playing it might be cheaper for Daz and Jennie to stage the fest in downtown Queens...


This is nice, the Gonads Charlton Boys badge has been officially added to the Charlton Athletic FC museum.


Advance warning: we’ll be on-stage bang on 8.45pm at the 100 Club (18th).


Record noos: the new album from Face To Face will be out next March... Hooray For Our Side release their first full-length album Overture on 30th December. Available for pre-order from Hooray Music.


Our pal Phil Collen from Def Leppard plays the 229 on the 20th with his excellent blues project Delta Deep co-starring ‘Queen of the Blues’ songstress Debbi Blackwell-Cook, bassist Robert DeLeo, and Forrest Robinson on drums. “It’s about preserving blues in its rawest form,” he tells us. Hmm. We remember Philip in Girl. Wonder how the mascara would have gone down in the Mississippi Delta...


Prankster alert: Bowling and belly-dancing. Bexleyheath. Friday. Nuff said.


Oxley’s Midnight Runners’ new three track e.p. ‘Combat’ is imminent from the dream team of Randale and Oi! The Boat.


Dec 2. Gal's latest new music podcast is now up and running with Nicky Weller talking about growing up with the Jam, and Moston's All The King's Men playing live in the studio. With tracks from the Roughneck Riot, the Riders Of The Night, Insane Society, the Pukes, System Of Hate and many more. All here.


PS. A Riders Of The Night tribute band play the Hope & Anchor on Upper Street this month, with The Duel and The London Sewage Company... And like all good Spirit Of The Streets shows, it's only a fiver... let's hope they play 'What'd I Get For Christmas?'


STOP PRESS: Micky Fitz is now out of hospital. Here's his message: "Hi Gal, before this update, I wanna say a huge thank you both to yourself and the massive amount of people writing in with all their kind words of support in this time. I'm now out of hospital but having the joy of feeding, drinking and taking meds through a 'Peg' tube directly into my stomach. My radiotherapy/partial chemo begins in mid December through to the end of January. Again my thanks to one & all for the support! All the best, Mick."



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