Dec 31. Happy New Oi to all our readers! Like Shane Warne, we’re
getting in Hurley. Sorry for not reminding you to watch Buzzcocks
last night. It was a double bubble – Sticks from the Upstarts
and Pauline Black from the Selecter. Catch the repeat if you can
be arsed. Meanwhile, we note that the Bouncing Souls have postponed
their ‘Home For The Holidays’ shows due to the US ‘snowpocalypse’.
We haven’t had to do that because we took the simple precaution
of not booking any Winter gigs. Watch this space for Nads tour
dates starting in March...
Micky Fitz joined Gal and Dan (Son Of Oi) for a beer on Christmas
Eve. Unfortunately neither of the drunken bums can remember a
thing he told them. In unrelated news, we’re expecting to have
some big Steve Whale-related info to impart shortly.
Dec 29. Ring out the old! Ring in the new with the latest single,
from the Objex. Talk about meaty, beaty, big and bouncy (and
that’s just bisexual singer Felony Melony.) The band are viewed
as a “disgrace to Vegas” by po-faced punk purists, but we rather
like ’em. Avid fan Bobby Gonad tells us that their new album is
out in Feb. Here’s hoping Melony’s mammaries are out sooner (says
a passing Fat Col with a hearty fuck-witted chuckle.)
*Word filters through about Col’s Rock Against Xmas disco, held
at a working man’s club in Charlton on Christmas Eve. The Scrooge
of SE7 bombarded punters with such festive ditties as Fear’s 1982
single ‘Fuck Xmas’ and Crucial Youth’s ‘Crucial Yule’ before surrendering
to public opinion and moving on to more up-lifting gems like ‘Oi
To The World’ by the Vandals, ‘Jingle Bells’ by Judge Dread and
of course ‘The Greatest Cockney Christmas’ by us. His Aris a-twitching,
the fat fool then gave in to more traditional crowd-pleasers from
the Pogues, Slade, Wizzard (the band, not the WM), Elton and Mud.
(Wot? No SSD’s ‘Jolly Old Saint Nicholas’?)
Dec 27: Welcome back, culture lovers. Here’s a bucket of steaming
hot news to brighten your daze. First up, inspired no doubt by
Xmas spirit, Gal has penned an absolute sledge-load of brand new
quality songs for his long-awaited solo album. These little crackers
come with intriguing titles such as ‘Corruptus Interruptus’, ‘Ma
Kelly’s Greasy Buns’, 'Rhapsody In Waitrose', 'Goon On The Moon',
‘You, Me, ’Im’, ‘Revolt Of The Chain Store Santas’, ‘Don’t Fear
The Roofer’, ‘Moon Ska Maureen’, ‘Ska-Mungus’ and ‘Flight Of The
Umlaut’. Not even Fit Bird has heard them yet, although a passing
Terence Hayes, WM, remarks that the numbers will “delight and
amaze fans of the Gonads and Madness alike.” But he cautions that
they may also “blow a few minds” as the songs range “from Orange
Street to Waterloo Sunset, with a passing nod at ‘Birdland’.”
We’re not sure what that means but we’re happy to pass it on.
*The mighty Agnostic Front have been busy too, recording their
latest album down in St. Petersburg, FLA, with Madball’s Freddy
Cricien producing. It’s out in March – as is Green Day’s new live
album Awesome as Fuck.
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW Oi! FROM THE GONADS!
COMING SOON: Greater Hits Volume One: Plums (Randale) and the
Thirthieth Anniversary Oi Album (Contra)! Watch this space for
Dec 19. We’re shutting down for the holidays. Have a great Christmas.
We’ll break on through on the other side.
Dec 18. Yesterday involved a merry pogo down memory lane as
the leading writers from the halcyon days of Sounds reassembled
at Covent Garden’s fabled White Lion. There were Gal, Alan Lewis,
Eric Fuller (!), Deaf Barton, Jon Newey, Pete Silverton, Margaret
from advertising, and someone else we pretended to recognise.
Much of the conversation now seems hazy, no doubt due to the inclement
weather (“like walking through a snow globe”, says Gal) and nothing
to do with the 18 pints of Doom Bar. However there was some discussion
of the fondly remembered faces who once supped with us there,
the late great Phil Lynott and John Peel, the not late but still
great Alan Moore, the only half-dead Pete Way, and those who turned
out to be less praiseworthy such as Mad Chrissie Hynde and Gross
Halfwit, who has since turned into Gollum. There was also talk
of the great Sounds strike, when we were joined on the picket
line by Hoxton Tom, and of the unexpected return to fashion of
Bartonian bands such as Journey (pass sick bucket now). Apologies
for absence were received from Mick Wall, Edwin Pouncey (yeah!
Savage Pencil!), Betty Page (scared of the snow), Bev Elliott
(in Hamburg) and Tony Mitchell (no doubt “tied up” in some Soho
fetish club). But of Hugh Fielder, Dave Lewis, Robbi Millar, and
Dave Angry there was no word (Deaf recalled a fight between Div
Mac and Gal at a Sounds editorial conference; Gal has no memory
of it, which isn’t to say that it never happened... ) Nowadays
Big Al runs Record Collector but will retire next year, Eric has
had a year off after leaving his job as publisher of Nuts in strained
circumstances, Deaf is still at Classic Rock, Pete has written
a book called Filthy English, Jon runs a jazz mag (no, you fools,
a proper jazz mag), Margaret said something about paper mills
between great steaming jugs of mulled wine, and Gal of course
fronts the greatest goddamn oi-punk-rock-comedy-ska band in the
history of the known universe. This happy few, this band of brothers,
decided to do it all again next year but in a bigger pub, with
more people, and maybe Stephanie from the switchboard. Last men
drinking? Gal, Jon and Margaret – we’ve still got it. (And if
scientists could work out what ‘it’ is, they’d lock it up in a
*Out now! Maximumrocknroll issue 332, which is a punk comics
issue, full of comic strips and interviews by and with the likes
of Gary Panter, Jaime Hernandez, Mimi Pond and Ed Luce.
Record noos: It’s re-issue time! Pirates Press have re-released
a shed-load of old re-mastered Cock Sparrer albums on coloured
vinyl, including Guilty As Charged, Shock Troops, Running Riot
'84/Live & Loud, True Grit Out-takes (i.e. Rarities) and Two Monkeys.
Limited editions all. Also re-released Why and Hear Nothing, See
Nothing, Say Nothing by Discharge (Havoc Records).
* After Debbie Harry’s recent Ted Bundy revelations, our attention
is drawn to a piece in the Guardian (spit) where Henry Rollins
tells how he once helped Charles Manson record an album of “acoustic
pop songs”. It happened when Henry was living at the SST Records
headquarters in the 80s and the label was contacted by one of
the killer’s lawyers. SST planned to release the Rollins-produced
songs, but the big pussies were scared off by a string of death-threats.
The label destroyed all but five of the records, two of which
are still in Henry's possession. Tsk. If only Gal had recorded
Ronnie Kray when he sang ‘I Should Be So Lucky’ to him in Broadmoor...
Dec 17. Such is the national influence of this prestigious power-blog
that our report about Mr. Foxton’s beer shampoo yesterday attracted
enquiries from the Independent, The Sun and The Star, although
sadly there’s been no word as yet from Liberation or the Washington
Post. Anywho, a former FTJ fam who bills herself as a ‘Buckler
loyalist’ tells us that this wasn’t the first gig they've played
where beer has been thrown and adds that “a lot of Jam fans don't
like them because they’re performing Jam songs without Weller...
they’re a glorified tribute band.” We were also contacted by some
hardcore Gooners whose verdict was “Brilliant – revenge is a dish
best served soaking wet.” The message for our old pal Bruce is
clear: never mess with a Gonadette!
*Terence Hayes, WM, recorded his TV debut on Wednesday, with
Sparrer’s Steve Bruce in the audience for moral support. The show,
which must remain cloaked in mystery for now, should be on prime
time telly in February, but Tel assures us that it was hilarious
and that his street-punk credentials remain intact.
RIP Jesse ‘Jess the Mess’ Rich of Orange County punk band Broken
Bottles who OD’d on Wednesday.
*We’re still baffled by the German fraulein who wanted Gal to
service her with the ‘Infected’ strap-on. Where would the pleasure
be for him? Mr Gonad was once approached by a man who said his
wife wanted to sleep with him but the husband wanted to watch.
Gal was horrified – he didn’t even send a picture.
Dec 16. Extraordinary scenes at From The Jam’s gig in Islington
last night, which ended in Bruce Foxton drenched in beer and storming
off stage. The problems began after Wattsie texted Bruce and the
lads just to tell them she was going to be on stage with local
support band Riders Of The Night. Within an hour the Riders were
told they were off the bill because they were “hooligans”.
When pressed FTJ’s manager said he would “let them
know later.” But the band had already sold 100 tickets and
weren’t going to take it laying down. They turned up for the sound-check
and the promoter refused to speak to them. His mistake however
was not to take away their guest passes. So the Riders and their
entourage got into the gig and about thirty of them took up a
position on the 02’s balcony. Between From The Jam’s numbers,
the lads started singing their own songs and were joined by supporters
below. Bruce was understandably rattled and had a go at them over
the mic, only to be rewarded by a full pint of lager thrown from
the Riders throng. “It went straight over him,” says our mole.
“Foxton was soaked from top to bottom.” He then walked off stage
and straight into a car and back to his hotel, leaving the rest
of the band on stage “grinning inanely”. Our source goes on: “Poor
Russell Hastings was just standing there with a fixed smile and
a worried look in his eyes. Eventually the roadies told them Bruce
had left the building and they came off too. They’d only done
four or five numbers. The promoter had no choice but to offer
the punters their ticket money back.” The audience, including
such luminaries as Eddie Piller, the Purple Hearts’ Gary Sparks,
and Bollock Brother Jock MacDonald could only look on in horror,
and in Jock’s case, amusement. “That’s entertainment,” he said.
So why did Bruce want the Riders off the bill? We can’t be sure,
but there has been some friction between him and Wattsie who used
to selflessly run From The Jam’s websites for them. Could he have
pulled the chaps simply to have a go at her? Would he really be
that petty? Band insiders suggest he could and would. But the
message is clear: don’t mess with Arsenal herberts, especially
not on their home patch. Thought you were smart when you took
them on, but you didn’t have a look in their artillery room...
New Jam song suggestions: ‘Beer Surrender’, ‘When You’re Youngs’,
‘David Wett’, ‘Carlsberg Export Rifles’, ‘In The Shower’, ‘The
Bitterest Pilsner’, ‘Town Called Miller’, ‘An
Amstel in Wardour Street’, ‘Absolute Beerginners’,
‘Soaking On The Spot’, ‘John Smithers-Jones’,
‘Little Bud Soldiers’, ‘But I'm Drenched Now’,
‘So Sad About Bass’, ‘All Mod Coronas’,
‘Peroni Hell’, Newton and Ridleys of the World, David
Watneys, Pretty Greenall Whitley, (cont the Emirates).
* I want all you skinheads! The mighty SYMARIP play the Gaff
in North London this Saturday (18th). The original ‘Skinhead Moonstomp’
Ska star Roy Ellis returns with his handpicked live band including
Drew Stansall and Mark Wyeth. Plus top original Boss Reggae and
Ska sounds on original vinyl from The Attic Twins, Reggaemattic
and Hot Bomb Hi-fi (Enthucol and Sir Marcus Downbeat). Your compere
for the evening is the man himself Geno Blue. Skinheads Dem A
Come! I-re: www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5ImEGJe7Ek
*Is there no end to the Sharron Slutt saga? Now Wattsie tells
us that “Shazza is so hot, I may go lesbian” (eh?), adding more
logically “I hate it when blokes have got better legs than me.”
*Random titbits: Roger Miret & The Disasters’ new album Gotta
Get Up Now is out on 25th Jan...Blink 182 are four songs in to
writing their next album... the word from the Cockney Rejects’
recording studio is that their new CD has got “quite a theme going
*More Stockbroker Belt songs as they are written: ‘I'm Forever
Blowing Roubles’, ‘City Vacant’, ‘Where Have all the Tax Breaks
Gone?’ and ‘Stocks & Shares & Rock ‘n’ Roll’...
Dec 15. Arsenal nutters Riders of the Night play the 02 Academy,
Islington tonight with Department S and headliners From The Jam.
Ravishing Wattsie Watts will be joining them on stage for the
sensitive ditty ‘Kerb Crawler’. Wattsie tells us that she asked
Kiria if she could borrow one of her rubber outfits for the show
and “The witch told me she didn't have anything 'cheap' enough
for me to wear... she'll be sorry tomorrow when she finds her
crotch-less knickers stapled up!” (Memo to Fat Col: keep that
Yeti/crotch-less panties/broomstick gag to yerself...)
Random noos: the Briggs have posted their version of ‘Silent
Night’ on their myspace page. The New York Dolls will release
a new eleven-track studio album called Dancing Backwards in High
Heels on 15th March – their third post-reunion effort. And Flogging
Molly are back in the studio recording their follow-up album to
*Publicity-crazed Sharron Slutt emails to ask: ‘Have you heard
of a T. Hayes Esq? I keep receiving gifts and notes d'amour from
said person inviting me to escort him to what sounds a delightful
evening at a supper club called The Garage. I think he must be
really posh and intelligent because he has the initials, WM, after
his nom. Apparently, he is 6 foot 3, extremely good looking and
with biceps that Arnold Schwarzenegger would die for.’ But a spokesman
for the Badoes denies the charges completely and adds sternly:
“We stand for punk as boot-boy music, it has nothing to do with
Slutt’s degenerate behaviour. Looking at ‘her’ reminds us that
there is a panto missing an ugly sister.” Ouch!
Dec 14. A few of you impatient souls have asked what nifty Nads
tracks will feature on Greater Hits Volume II. That album probably
won’t be released until 2012; and there may be a new studio album
between volumes one and two, but here for your information and
edification is the planned Vol II track-listing: The Joys Of Oi,
Rob A Bank, Sandra Bigg (Really Big), Harry May’s Revenge, It’s
A Yeti, England’s Glory, Lights Out In Charlton, Lager Top Blues,
Oily Rag, The Growler, Unky Bunk, Filthy Rich, Dying For A Pint,
Surrealist Blues, Antigallican Last Bell, Fire Down Under, Eels,
Charlton Warrior and as a special bonus treat, the original recording
of Stroke My Beachcomber Baby. Which of course still leaves a
shed-load of killer gems for Vol III...
*An unusual message arrives from a besotted German lady requesting
that Gal gives her ein “bloody good seeing to” while wearing the
infamous ‘Infected’ strap-on. Mein Gott! Garry has of course declined,
but the selfless Fat Col was last seen on a coach to Hamburg to
offer his condolences...
*Make out it’s 1981 all over again! Back Captain
Ska for Xmas Number One!
*An email materialises from poor abused Sharron Slutt saying:
‘After several years in the music business and after having endured
many years of sexist behaviour from other artists, promoters,
managers and even lighting engineers, I have started a new organisation,
Artists Rejecting Sexism Eternally, or ‘ARSE’ for short. Just
because a girl wants to show a leg and simulate sex on stage with
another goddess, it doesn't give people the right to shout out
hurtful things like, “GET YER TITS OUT” or “SHOW US YOUR COCK
YOU SEXY BITCH”. Enough is enough!! At 35 (ahem) years of age,
I don't expect this sort of behaviour. Kiria and myself are not
prepared to tone down our act, we just want people to stop their
sexist outpourings. Thank you, Shazza xxxx’. Wethinks she doth
protest too much...