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Please note the items you are about to read consist largely of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation. As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked. Its informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully thought through.


The Gonads Website

Aug 31. Good news, bad news from the Omo Valley. The good news? On his first day there, Fat Col was acclaimed as Big Bouncing Butt – the Bodi tribe’s equivalent of Rear of the Year – and renamed Lord Lovely Lardy Loins by his bride-to-be. The bad news… it seems Gelila’s bedtime demands put a major strain on Col’s cardiovascular system. Heart specialist Yafet Wuzzak tells us, “Mr Gannon started to groan and wheeze about thirteen seconds into copulation. He then ejaculated with a loud grunt, vomited like a volcano and passed out from the exertion. It took several hours to clean up the sweat alone and two more hours for his jellyroll guts to stop the wobbling and the shaking.” What next?, we ask slightly reluctantly. Mr Wuzzak shakes his head and says, “I am afraid the marriage cannot happen. It would kill this useless fat old bastard stone dead. Mr Gannon is being flown home to London as we speak. As he cannot afford private medical treatment and cannot live alone in this condition, I am having him delivered by my cousin, a Just Eat courier, to the address of Mr Gannon’s good friend Ms Wattsie Watts to convalesce with her for a year or two in that godless hell-hole of Welling, which even we know is the wrong side of Shooters Hill. Mr Gannon is penniless but this Watts woman paid for his flight and must love him very dearly, so our bill will go directly to her.” Serves her right, you say, and we agree. Even Wattsie wouldn’t refuse succour to a man she nearly killed. Would she?

Aug 30. Fat Col landed in Addis Abiba in the early hours, and has made his way to the remote Omo Valley where he has already been partnered up with his first bride-to-be Gelila, 17. His dear pal Effete El tells us, “Col is ecstatic, he can’t thank Wattsie enough. He says Gelila calls him ‘My Human Hippo’ and ‘Buddha Dom’ as she strokes his belly. He plans to consummate their relationship tonight, have a few pints of Hakim stout and then try for a threesome with her mum and gran.” After you with the sick bucket.

Aug 29. Don’t take this as gospel yet, but one eye-watering plan for Gal’s Big 69 celebrations is for us to release a bumper 69-track celebration album. Our anonymous informant (Wattsie) whispered, “I thought Gal meant a 69-track compilation of our best songs, but he’s actually talking about recording 69 brand new songs.” Blimey. The project would be largely the kind of racket you’d associate with the Gonads, a mix of punk, Oi, Ska, drinking songs and Cockney rock, but, she adds, “with that much running time there’d be room for guests like Adrienne Warren and maybe a bit of experimentation too”. (Just the idea that Wattsie might be in to “experimentation” made Fat Col’s eyes water, causing a minor scene at his departure gate at Heathrow airport). Confirming the rumour, Waistrel’s new tight-lipped finance operative Deborah “Moneypenny” Doebury, would only tell us that Gal’s Big 69 “is being given lip service at the highest level”, but she cautions, “it is theoretically possible, but it would be expensive to pull off. Even at the speed we work, you’d be looking a whole six weeks flat out at it in the recording studio.” Double blimey. She goes on, “It’s not so much ‘has Waistrel got the money?’ as has Gal got the stamina?” The other big unanswered question is, would it come out as one giant CD or would it be released in instalments, say as six single albums, two months apart, leading up to a final 69-track box-set collection to be released on St George’s Day 2025 as the celebrations reach an emotional, volcanic climax?

STOP PRESS. Boss producer Clyde Ward is looking for a feisty young female singer to front a new Ska project, “she must be under-25 with a great voice and personality,” he tells us; if that’s you, get in touch!… It will be worth it.

STOP PRESS #2. We are asked to remind our Prankster readers that today’s Jolly Pranksters’ event is at “that East Sussex place”. They add mysteriously “and don’t forget Southsea in November.”

Wattsie has upset Fat Col again by buying him a one-way ticket to Ethiopia on the grounds that “women in the Bodi tribe fancy the pants off fat blokes; the fatter you are, the more attractive you are in their eyes”. She adds mischievously, “Col ain’t fat, he’s just in the wrong tribe.” Although initially hurt, Col was last seen heading to Heathrow airport with hand luggage crammed with cakes and condoms. He told the blog, “Wattsie is a rude shrew of a woman, but be fair, a shag’s a shag.”

Kev the Hammer and Arthur Kay also sent their apologies for not making Lol’s memorial on Friday – one was gigging, the other was running security at the Notting Hill Carnival. Another surprising absentee was Lol’s great pal, the militant poet Oi! The Comrade from 1981’s Carry On Oi. If now isn’t the right time for the rhyming trade union rebel to make a comeback and unleash the follow-up to his classic Guvnor’s Man, when is?

Aug 28. Here are some pretty pictures from Lol’s memorial at the Triangle café & bar in Deptford on Friday, including Gal, Wattsie, Steve Whale, Si Spanner, Kate Seago, Richard England, Eugene Butcher of Vive Le Rock and more whose names we have lost in a punishing hangover daze. As you can see, it wasn’t a morose affair, or a sober one – which is exactly how Laurie would have wanted it. The music of ska, old and new, Judge Dread, the Business and skinhead reggae played all night as the beers and gins flowed. Towards closing time, we gathered in a circle and shared memories of the man we were proud to call a friend, not least his genius for scams and deal-brokering, his bin-liner weight loss plan, and his incredible drive. Apologies for absence were received from King Hammond (gigging), Sandra Bigg (stranded in Kent), Bev Elliott (stranded in Soho), Steve Kent (washing his hair), Terence Hayes, PM (on crutches) and Geno Blue, AKA Judge Shed, whose succinct message was read out at the end of the evening: “Just wanted to say on this Memorial Day for Lol that my best wishes are with those of his family and friends who will remember him this evening. From here in Wales, I will raise a glass tonight in his memory. He was someone I liked and trusted and had many adventures with – Hunter Ronson at the Astoria, doing the Laurel (Aitken) deal, making Ruts in a can, the Club Ska Symarip and Riffs deals – and being someone I could turn to. Not to mention all those tales about the ICF (South London branch) from which he was firmly retired years ago. Paul ‘Foxy’ Fox of the Ruts also had a lot to thank him for, and as he’s no longer with us either, I do it on his behalf. Rest in peace, Lol.” Last words from our own Unky Bunk: “Fatty Lol in his bin-liner, saw the light and played a blinder.” Nuff said.

The Gonads WebsiteThe Gonads WebsiteThe Gonads WebsiteThe Gonads Website

Aug 27. Quick reminder: our very special album launch event, Intimate Gonads, will happen on 16th September at the Triangle café at the Greenwich end of Deptford, SE8, on 16th September. There will be a full playback of the new album, Revolution Now!, we will be performing a number of acoustic songs for only the third time in public, and there will also be an uncensored Q&A session. You won’t want to miss it!

At last it’s over! After a week of intense debates, spiteful speculation, vicious insults and damaging rivalry we can finally reveal that we have a winner in the great Gal Gonad succession stakes. Here’s how events unfolded – first, Lord Waistrel yesterday dismissed ALL of the competing candidates as “utterly shoddy and substandard” and instead decided that in the event of Gal retiring or “shuffling off his mortal coil”, his successor will be none other than… PSYCHOBILLY KITTY (or as the old feudal reactionary calls her “that loose-limbed libidinous leopard-print lovely with the luscious legs, what larks!”). Then in another pulse-pounding twist, a bored-to-distraction Fit Bird assured us, “Gal ain’t goin’ nowhere, is ’e? This succession shizzle is all media bollocks and Fat Col shit-stirrin’, ain’t it?” She went on, “Gal ’as made it clear that he is ’anging on until at least 2025!” 2025? Why then, you ask. Because it seems that Gal turns 69 in May 2024 and – encouraged by his muse, Wattsie Watts – he intends to mark it with a whole twelve months of celebrations. Cultural historian Effete El explains, “69 is a much more significant number than the more mundane 70, it has a very special resonance in Gonads mythology.” That might sound hard to swallow, but just go with it and gird your loins for a riot of events and special explosive releases to mark Gal Gonad’s Big 69 – it’s a proper mouthful, but it’s what you’d expect… there could be a hearing aid proposal… we might even finally unleash Throbber!

PS Although la belle Wattsie has lost out in the succession race, large chunks of her manifesto – including gigs in Ireland – are likely to become official band policy. She is also credited with convincing Gal to keep a firm hand on his ever-fertile Gonads for years to come.

PPS. Tune back tomorrow for pictures from last night’s Laurie Pryor memorial event and a special badge offer on the shop page.

Aug 26. Our new EP, Sling Enough Shit, is released digitally today. The four tracks are available on all streaming platforms. Find them here:

Apple Music:






Fat Col hit back at Wattsie last night for her cunning plan to play more gigs for reduced fees. “What kind of numpty asks for less money in a time of raging inflation?” he scoffed from the pulpit, sorry, public bar of The Volunteer in Plumstead High Street. “Under my leadership we will raise our fees, ditch all of her far-left political cobblers, and join the RMT to screw robber baron Waistrel for every penny we can get. Forward to victory! Vote COL not Dole!”

In other news Richie Rocker intervened dramatically saying “tell that septic Sandie West to go fuck herself!” He seethed, “My loyalties are with Wattsie and with Gal. All of the Crazy Clockwork Cider Crew urge Gal to put us Gonads fans out of our misery and tell these wannabes that he is going nowhere. Wattsie would do a sterling job but there is only one Gal Gonad. As for Gannon, there is no doubt the mouthy c*** is behind this and if you searched hard enough you would find Lee Wilson’s hand as well. Get a grip, Gal, we are all with you!”

Jack Kendall from Essex Ska and soul band P45 was also moved to join the increasingly heated debate, emailing us to say, “gem, get some ice please and an egg and bacon sandwich please urgently as I could possibly faint from lack of food in this shit pit. Xx” Our top tech geezers are working around the clock to decode this cryptic message which is presumed to be philosopher Jack’s semi-mystical metaphorical commentary on the poor quality of Fat Col’s arguments. Or something.

Aug 25. In what is being seen as a significant development, succession favourite Wattsie Watts last night delivered her first major speech in the battle to be named Gal’s successor. Speaking to a packed meeting hall, Wattsie laid out her “rock solid” plans for the band’s future, including “playing social club gigs, strike benefits, and pubs, taking reduced fees if necessary”. She also outlined plans for a mini tour of Ireland. Wattsie went on, “Bands like us have to be part of the local community in order to thrive, we cannot cut ourselves off from the people and exist only in dying scenes” – views known to be shared by Gal. She made no mention of Fat Col, but did say that the hostile tone of this unnecessary campaign “is giving ammunition to the band’s many enemies, such as vile neo-Nazis, repulsive vegan cranks, sock-headed crusties, MI5 and the festering UK establishment”. Her words were greeted with a standing ovation at the meeting (the AGM of the UFOs Are Real society, incorporating Bowie Lives, Plumstead branch). After the speech, Wattie’s pink-haired campaign manager Suzie Floozy briefed that press saying off-the-record that Col was “behaving like a wounded over-fed buffalo” and “needs a holiday from himself”.

Aug 24. In yet another thrilling twist, we learn today that Sandie West, Hollywood Pest, has thrown her hat into the ring to take over from Gal should he retire, die, or just give the fuck up after years of mounting boredom. A source close to Clyde Ward whispers that if Sandie gets the gig several US and Mexican tours are “bang-on guaranteed” and Hollywood movie Get Your Gonads USA will be back in pre-production. The only problems are Wattsie will have to go and JC, Paul and Phil will be ruthlessly replaced by Clyde, Trotsky and Tippy Jay the Human Tripod. West is expected to encourage Miss Management to continue to run day-to-day business as sternly as possible and to employ Richie “Calm down” Rocker as much-loved but unpaid road manager. More news as we have it.

Aug 23. Barnet Mark’s Those 12 Bar Nights book is out, packed with pix and memories of amazing times in one of London’s greatest lost rock’n’roll venues. We are in there of course, and the ‘true story’ alert is already sounding. Grab copies while you can.

A day of savage campaigning for the role of Gal Gonad’s successor saw Fat Col, now a 1,000-1 outsider, attack the singer for this coming Friday’s brand-new Sling Enough Shit EP. In a press statement punctuated with more fucks than a Jerry Sadowitz show, Col fumed, “What kind of ***kin’ moron would release a so-called taster EP for a ***kin’ album that includes two tracks that ain’t ***kin’ on it, and two other tracks that don’t reflect the album’s central theme of working-class power? Talk about cluster****! And where the ***kin’ **** is 18 Stone Of Dynamite (Half Inch Fuse)? What a load of c***in’ bollocks!” But Col himself was targeted by Wattsie Watts who accused him of “stealing the whole succession storyline from the opening episode of House Of The Dragon”. In another shock turn of events, Terence Hayes (PM) and webmistress Battttty have roared into the race as second and third favourites respectively – way ahead of other new runners including a soon-to-be-jobless Rishi Sunak, controversial historian David Starkey and Prince Albert of Monaco. Wattsie remains favourite. Sniffs Effete El, “even on crutches, El Tel would make a better successor than most of these dopes.”

Aug 22. Odds are shortening on Gal’s successor being named by the end of this week, report our well-placed insiders. Unofficial bookies have Wattsie Watts as favourite, followed by Paul and Phil – JC has been ruled out for his long, sorry history of offensive scarf displays. Other runners and riders include Micky Pugh, Miss Management, Max Splodge, Beki Bondage, Stinky Turner, Thandiwe Newton and Jerry Sadowitz. Colin Gannon and Chelsea Dom are both 500-1 outsiders, both slightly ahead of Penny Rimbaud and Meghan Markle (Waistrel’s personal favourite). John King’s “vegan hysteria”, Lee Wilson’s Olympian tightness and Bon Scott’s “inconvenient lack of life” rule them out of the running.

Aug 21. Fat Col has thrown a spanner in the works (again). An inebriated Gannon gate-crashed last night’s Club 77 Annual Hog Roast, Hard Rock & Hot Rennies knees-up, took over the mic and demanded that Gal must be “forced by Lord Waistrel to name his successor”. Col, who was clearly the worse for drink, argued that to “establish continuity” Sir Gonad must designate the person most suited to lead the band “should he retire prematurely to Portugal, or unexpectedly leave this wretched plain for Valhalla”. The absence of a named successor is “causing destabilising rumours”, he claimed, adding it “spread fears that the upstart Wattsie Watts might seize the throne and make male Gonads wear hideous, effeminate black nail varnish”. This uncertainty, he concluded, “must be dealt with before stocks in the Gonads plummet like the value of Bitcoin”. He then modestly suggested himself as “the most deserving and unblemished candidate”. Make it no.

Record Noos: Buster Bloodvessel has signed a deal with Plastic Head to re-release six Bad Manners albums on vinyl in November. The LPs include This Is Ska, Heavy Petting, and All The Best Live.

Aug 20. The latest edition of Ask Gal Anything kicks off with some slightly angry emails. Stop teasing us and tell us what the tracks are on the new Gonads album, fumes Karen Williams. Gal: No problem, the album is officially ten tracks long – Ragman’s Trumpet, TDA, Hoppers’ Hut, Federales, Scream My Name, Teeth Aht, Promised Land, Pentonville, Joe Hill and Revolution Now? But the CD version comes with three bonus songs, which are Too Old To Riot, Glad To Be Alive and Three Chords & The Truth – it’s the first physical release for all three of them. I wrote eight of the new tracks with Mark McMighty. Joe Hill is a cover; Promised Land, Federales and the bonus songs are by me and Clyde. The CD is released on 9th September by Randale Records, but we are having the launch party on the 16th just in case there is any delay in the CDs arriving. There are no immediate plans for a vinyl release. The four tracks on Sling Enough Shit (out on Friday, 26/8) are two tasters for the album, plus Johnny Reggae by the SkaNads and the perfectly innocent Can You Take All This?.

Q2. The blog says you have written a shed-load of new songs, can you tell us what the best ones are, Jack Ross? Gal: Sure. My favourite, just in terms of the quality of the lyrics and song-writing, is No Saints In Newark. Twelve Bar Nights is full-on street rock’n’roll, Backstreets is old-school sing-along Oi and Magic is pure filth. They will all be on the next studio album but there is no release date for that yet, the live album will probably come first.

Q3. Can you recommend any decent novels, Mark Adams? Gal: Steve Cavanagh’s Eddie Flynn books are superb. They’re about a conman turned defence lawyer. The pace is incredible from the start, it’s proper pulse-pounding prose, and you never see the twists coming. He never disappoints.

The Gonads WebsiteAug 19. Just a reminder that this four-track beauty is released as a download ep in just one week’s time…

On the same day, there will be a public memorial for our late mate Lol Pryor, label boss, manager and human tornado, in the Trident Café and Bar at the Greenwich end of Deptford. Doors open at 6pm, don’t turn up before that because they’re closed next week and only opening up for us – by order of Harry May.

Fat Col has taken great offence at being labelled a fictional character by Facebook fans of Wattsie Watts. One went so far as to claim he was “a comic creation, like Larry Grayson.” A furious Col told this blog, “Larry fuckin’ Grayson? I’ll shut that door all right, right on his fuckin’ head.” Pausing for breath and a bite of cow pie, Col adds, “Thick bastard! Larry Grayson was as real as I am. But if you’re a fan of that washed-up Wattsie bint I s’pose you’ll believe any old conspiracy bollocks. You wanna chuck her out the band and bring in Psychobilly Kitty on ukulele.”

Col hasn’t been in the greatest of moods ever since he accepted an invitation to a Right Said Fred book and album launch in the West End last week. “The soppy bastards didn’t even lay on a free bar,” he fumed. “It cost me a score for two pints! Who’s their financial advisor, Lee Wilson? I’ll deeply dippy the soft twats when I see ’em next…” (cont till closing time).

Aug 18. Noos! Millwall Roi and Arthur Kay will join us and Neville Staple on the great Unity punk/reggae/Oi-tone compilation. Memo to all slacking bands – get moving or get dropped… Agnostic Front blitz Europe in October with Charger and Spirit World. Dates include London on 8/10, Newcastle on the 10th and Birmingham on 12th followed by Germany and France. The tour’s opening night is in Belgium on the 7th… Jerry Only of the Misfits will release solo album Anti-Hero on 28th October… the Warriors embark on a US tour next month, beginning in Baltimore on 29th September, followed by Swarthmore, PA, Newark and Brooklyn before culminating at Crash Fest in Portland, Oregon. A spokesman told the blog “Great care has been taken to avoid the Venice Beach area and all points ‘West’.” Seems eminently sensible.

Aug 17. Here is Foxy’s radio show from Rebellion featuring back stage interviews – including us – and music from Wonk Unit, Spizz, The Boys, Johnny Moped and more. Exciting!

Aug 16. Our old fanzine buddy Raoul Galloway is launching a new weekly podcast, Spinners of Yarns, based around subcultures of the late 70s and 80s which sounds promising. He’s also hosting a series of “off-piste” interviews on a YouTube channel. The first to go live is this cheery encounter with Trevor from Crown Court.

We asked Fit Bird how Gal was coping with the Covid symptoms. “E’s grumpy, tired, and bad-tempered, ain’t e,” she whispers with all the delicacy of an early morning foghorn, adding dismissively, “You do the effin’ joke.” God she scary. We like that in a treacle.

Aug 15. Millwall Roi has teamed up with Arthur Kay and The Clerks to make this dub version of the Last Resort classic King Of The Jungle. It’s mixed by The Dubcreator who really should have a crack at Unky Bunk. Arthur is one of the great old characters. He’s 73 and had gained first kyu in Kyokushin Karate (full contact). He raises money for Help For Heroes in the process through Just Giving. He tells us, “If I pass my Shodan Black Belt next July I will be the oldest person to have achieved this award.” Good on ya mate.

Aug 14. STOP PRESS. Gal diagnosed with Covid. Fit-Bird says his brain is foggy and he is mangling his words. So condition normal then…

Aug 13. Okay, here’s the big noos we promised. The band had a Curry Club planning meeting last night and major decisions were agreed on. In order of importance: 1) There will be a playback party for our new album, Revolution Now!, in South London next month on or near the 16th September. If you would like to come, email to reserve your place. 2) We will revive plans for An Evening with Garry Bushell, and also the much noisier An Evening with Gal and his Gonads. 3) We hope to announce a small Kent show later this year, and a select South London show, but the Arkwright’s gig will stay reserved for Club 77 members. 4) We will not publish the Gonads annual this year, that will be held back “until the time is right”. 5) Finally, JC’s Gillingham scarf will no longer be allowed on a Gonads stage. As one band member rightly observed, “The joke has had its day”. It was not a full band turn out – Wattsie is in Ibiza and JC is in Slovenia – but Miss Management noted that, “The meeting had a quorum, “ and decreed that “all decisions will be acted on and enforced with ruthless efficiency.” So mote it be.

Aug 12. A huge thank you to Blackpool’s Variety Lodge Pranksters who threw a party for us in the early hours of Sunday morning. We started off watching the great old-school patter-man Buddy Lee at the Viking Hotel and went on to the Dutchman where our old pal, practising prankster Dirty Rob, treated us to an impromptu routine inspired by his love of Buy Me A Drink You Bastard.

It went something like this: “I love tightwads like Lee Wilson. I don’t want them as friends, just as jokes. Lee is so tight he won’t even laugh unless it’s at someone else’s expense. Lee doesn’t care how he’s treated as long as he is. He rung up a hooker once and asked her what night she’d be free. He’s a real lady-killer, though, when Lee takes a woman out, he starves her to death. Lee thinks “no tipping” is one of the Ten Commandments. He knows money can’t buy him happiness, but that’s okay, he loves money a lot more than happiness…” Human joke-machine Rob continued for some time in this merciless rat-a-tat vein before branching off into other blog related gags mostly concerning the inadequacies of Fat Col. His thoughts on Wattsie’s fishnets are probably best left unrepeated, although he did allow that she was “quite a catch”.

Aug 11. Oi Oi! Important news may be coming. Check back on Saturday…

Aug 10. A few people have asked why the Franken-Skin didn’t appear last Saturday. On the day, Miss Management issued a press statement explaining that the song was dropped because of time constraints. She certainly believed this to be true, but we can reveal that the real reason for the shock omission is that Fat Col, who was bringing the mask, didn’t get into the venue. Col was stopped by a security woman who asked what was in his bag. “Let me show you my monster,” he replied. Uh-oh. The #MeToo police roared into action and long story short Col has yet to return. He was last seen in handcuffs… and has not been sighted since. “A blessing,” says Wattsie, but then, as we all know, she is a cold-hearted beast.

The Gonads Website

Aug 9. Although relatively trouble free, Rebellion did see a significant turn-out of a terrifying new aging youth cult known as the IBS firm. The vicious mob, also known as the Chelsea Bath Hunters, are led by a man who gained access to the festival by posing as a journalist. He is known only as “the Dom of Doms” and all of his geriatric followers have adopted his striking sartorial style – unflattering shorts, uncoordinated trainers, unpleasant socks, and pasty white legs. A terrified source whispers, “The IBF are growing in stature. Their aim is to take over Rebellion and turn it into Dom-Fest. They won’t rest until soul-sapping ‘interviews’ rule the roost.” Blimey.

Aug 8. And still they come! Here are more pretty pix from Saturday’s gig, including lovely old Charlie Harper in the audience for I Lost My Love To A UK Sub and Gal with Carrie Griffiths and Paula Frost. No doubt more to follow…
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Aug 7. Oh what a night! Okay, late afternoon. Yesterday’s Rebellion gig was a cracker and here’s the proof in pictures. The set list was: THE COMING. LAGER TOP. JOBS NOT JAILS. BLACKPOOL BOYS. SE7 DOLE DAY. ALCONAUT. BUY ME A DRINK YOU BASTARDS. I LOST MY LOVE TO A UK SUB. SKINHEAD GIRL. FEDERALES. BEANO. OI MATE. GRANT MITCHELL. PUNK ROCK WILL NEVER DI/JOYS OF OI/TUCKER’S RUCKERS AIN’T NO SUCKERS. More pix and more words when/if we get our breath back.

The Gonads WebsiteThe Gonads WebsiteThe Gonads WebsiteThe Gonads WebsiteThe Gonads WebsiteThe Gonads WebsiteThe Gonads WebsiteThe Gonads WebsiteThe Gonads WebsiteThe Gonads Website

Aug 6. Health scare over! We all made it! We’re onstage at 4.45 prompt in the Pavilion Theatre and we’ll be off-stage forty minutes later. Gal tells us he intends to “cram in more than Ron Jeremy.”

Aug 5. Fears grow that Gal might not make the Rebellion stage tomorrow. The singer has been suffering with numerous health problems all week, including a badly bruised back from a nasty fall, vision issues and “turbulent guts”. But rather than wait three hours for him, a furious Fit-Bird reveals that the rest of the band have “fucked off up there early, ain’t they?” leaving the ailing Gonad stranded and facing a four-train journey with heavy luggage. “It’s a bit fuckin’ much,” she fumes. “Where is the comradeship, where is the compassion? Bunch of selfish c…” Selfish what, we ask? Sadly the phone goes dead.

In better news, the new Interrupters album is out today.

Aug 4. Lord Waistrel’s plan, for the band to play Can You Talk All This? live for the first time at Rebellion on Saturday has hit the buffers as festival bosses insist the song can only be performed with the help of a Hollywood-style intimacy coordinator. Fat Col immediately volunteered for the job and was met by a look from Wattsie Watts that an eyewitness reports “could have iced-up Brighton in a heatwave”.

STOP PRESS. Former Samson singer Nicky Moore has died, aged 75. Our commiserations to his family and loved ones.

Aug 3. A new Gonads download ep will be rush-released by the end of this month ahead of our delayed studio album, which is due out on 9th September. The details of the tasty four track are a closely guarded secret but it is believed to feature both the Gonads and the SkaNads and to include Can You Take All This? – the moving tale of a gentleman trying to assist a soaking wet woman get a large package all the way inside. It’s all “intirely innocent ain’t it,” says Fit Bird, adding “Your minds are fuckin’ sewers.”

In other news, Gal is laid up with a bad back following a painful incident on Sunday night…Wattsie Watts “looking for a husband” at Rebellion rumour (she doesn’t mind whose, claims jealous Fat Col)… Keith Richards tells us he expects the Stones to record new music this year…

Aug 2. Hold on to your hats, it’s time for this month’s edition of Ask Gal Anything. Q1. What would you say are the most under-rated Gonads songs? – Mark Collins.

Gal: Definitely Indestructible Wolves from the Charlton Boys EP and Glorious from Built For Destruction, although Glorious needs a big Noddy Holder roar of a voice to really do it justice. I actually wrote it for Pete Morcey of Forced Reality to sing but that never happened.

Q2. What’s Revolution Now about and have you really written the next three studio albums after that? – Isabel Horner.

Gal. It’s about the 1970s when the working class had power, but also about the false prophets – the donkeys who let us down. I won’t say anymore, it’ll all make sense when you finally hear it. Yes, the next three studio albums are either written or part-written, but we’re taking the recording side slowly so the albums will come out at least a year apart from one other. We’ll probably push the new live album back until Summer 2023, because Revolution Now has been delayed.

Q3. What happened to the one-man show you were talking about doing? Paul Donovan.

Gal. It got derailed by Covid. I might still do it. I’m working 70-hour weeks at the moment so it’s difficult to do much else. Even the new Harry Tyler book has had to go on the backburner, which is really frustrating. We need an extra day in the week. Cheers all. Keep the questions coming!

Aug 1st. Yesterday’s rehearsal was a blinder. See pix on FB and Instagram. We will be onstage at Rebellion at 4.45pm precisely on Saturday and off at 5.25pm. See you there!


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