Please note the items you are about to read consist largely
of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation.
As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked.
Its informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not
fully thought through.
Aug 31. To Desert Oi-Land and if
that hammock’s a-rucking, you’d better start ducking because it’s
the turn of Jeff ‘Stinky’ Turner of the Cockney Rejects to give
us his favourites.
Jeff’s eight tracks are: Kashmir – Led Zeppelin,
Over The Hills & Far Away – Led Zeppelin, Sweet Child In Time
– Deep Purple, Father To Son – Queen, Love To Love – UFO, Comfortably
Numb – Pink Floyd, No More No More – Aersosmith, Gimme Shelter
– The Rolling Stones.
Jeff’s film is The Godfather. TV show: The Sweeney. Book: Four
Kings by George Kimball (“The story of the rivalry between Hagler,
Duran, Leonard and Hearns”) We’re just off to the USA with the
Rejects for 2000 Tons Of TNT, as if the East Coast hasn’t suffered
enough. Before going, Gal appealed to the facebook faithful to
help us put together decent dates in the UK and Europe – and we’ve
already been inundated with requests to play everywhere from Dundee
to Northern France via Blackpool, Darlington, Southend and more!
If we can make the economics work, we’ll confirm and announce
dates as soon as possible. We’re offering a choice of two sets
– the normal Greater Hits set, which is mostly punk with a bit
of Ska chucked in; and a more mainstream set with more Ska and
rock in the mix. Promoters, club owners, festival and outdoor
rally bookers should contact firstname.lastname@example.org for options
and rates. We’re taking it to the people, baby! All sensible propositions,
and some non-sensible ones, considered.
The Gonads and Infa-Riot are releasing a limited edition seven
inch single which will be given away free with the Randalierer
fanzine in Germany. Just 150 will be produced.
Meanwhile dodgy news from the West Coast of the USA, where the
Seattle Soundfest seems to have been a farce from start to finish.
The Angelic Upstarts were advertised as playing but didn't. And
to no-one’s surprise a large number of the bands that did play
last weekend either did not get paid at all or in the case of
headliners SLF only copped half of their guarantee. We’re told
reliably that three of the promoter’s cheques have already bounced.
If you are one of the bands involved get in touch with Dave Lake
at the Seattle Weekly so the scam can be properly exposed and
the conman promoter can be named, shamed and driven out of the
RIP Dave ‘Honeyboy’ Edwards, the great blues guitarist who played
with Robert Johnson, died on Monday aged 96. Honeyboy famously
said: “I should have died sixty years ago because I used to raise
hell and drink, but God just wasn’t ready for me.” Amen to that.
Monday’s impromptu Pranksters knees-up was said to be “a laugh-a-minute”.
It was held in a bikers’ drinking den on an East Sussex farm in
a converted barn “so run-down they’d have to do it up before they
could demolish it.” The punk-Ska band who were booked to play
broke down on the way, so some of the older brethren jammed twelve-bar
blues before Fat Col took to the stage to deliver “a stand-up
set that aspired to be like Bernard Manning but was more like
Bernard Matthews – packed with turkeys.” One observer tells us
“Col’s material was so old he should be paying death duty on his
Paradimes play the Lesta Splash Reggae festival this Saturday,
an all-dayer devoted to roots and reggae at The Music Cafe; 1pm
till late. They’re on at 7.30pm:
A quick update on Secret Affair’s Save The Children campaign.
The old glory boys re-recorded ‘Time For Action’ for the charity
last month to take to the summer festivals (WOMAD, Wilderness,
Bestival, V Festival) so punters could sing along to the track
in a video booth and add their video performance to the protest
(20,000 names already). It’s now touring major shopping malls
before it goes to David Shameron @ 10 Downing St on Sept 13th.
Dave Cairns, pictured tells us: “It’s a protest and petition to
stop them backtracking on their pre-election pledges so if you
believe or are interested in the cause then please go to this
link and join the petition.
I'm very proud to be involved.” Secret Affair play their annual
London show @ 229 Club, Gt Portland, on Nov 26th, supported by
The Lambrettas. Eddie Piller DJ's.
Several people have been suggesting lookalikes. Some – involving
a certain Cockney Reject and gypsy street-fighter Paddy Doherty
- are too risky to pursue. And what kind of low-down dirty rat
would claim that their fellow band member Nacho Jase could have
been separated at birth from English athlete: Helen Clitheroe?
You pay us, Jase, and we’ll tell you.
*RANDOM news: Jack Kendall has left the Coverup after falling
out with the band’s management but is already planning a new band...Case,
Infa Riot and The Riffs play Club Ska @ the 100 Club on 5th November...Fans
of Burial should check out the lads’ new band The
Regal Kings, said to be “an excellent Ska combo with some
fantastic new material.
Desert Oi-Land returns on Saturday with either the PM’s choices
or punk poet Oi! The Comrade’s. (So Oi! The Comrade it is then
Bank ’OiLiday Update: EMI records are releasing the definitive
Rejects retrospective this week! Called 'Join the Rejects, The
Zonophone Years '79-'81’, it's a three-disc collection of all
of the band’s EMI recordings, plus Peel sessions and rare demos
from the day. Also included is a colour booklet with a blow-by-blow
account of the stories behind the music by Micky Geggus. You can
buy it from here:
And don’t forget to tune back on Wednesday for Stinky Turner’s
Desert Oi-Land Discs.
Breaking Prankster News: the
East Sussex event is ON today, rendezvous noon at the Rose n Crown.
To order, Pranksters! Step off with the left foot.
The best entries for the Gonads 12 Bar caption contest were as
follows: 1) ‘Rituals at his first Church of Oi service were more
painful than Jason imagined.’ 2) ‘Auditions for the Jolly Pranksters
Nativity Play were going well until Nacho Jase got a bale of straw
stuck up his ass.’ 3) ‘It’s the moment Gal was praying for – Jason’s
round!’ And the winner is: ‘Gal prays that whatever South Coast
Steve is doing to Nacho is over soon...’ from Effete El, who is
the winner of our ‘Charlton Boys’ ep (when it comes out in October...)
Well done to The Tones who have scooped the honour of supporting
The Specials at their homecoming gig @ The Ricoh Arena, Coventry
on Saturday 29th October.
We’re pleased to report that all our mates in NYC – fans and
errant band members alike – survived Hurricane Irene, although
we hear that André Schlesinger is staying holed up in his Manhattan
garret with ten thousand cans of beans and a lorry-load of vodka
for a month or two just in case. According to Big Gerard, Irene
was the biggest disaster to hit the Big Apple since Spiderman
Aug 27. He’s here at last, Mighty
Mick Maverick - the Gonad described by Kiria as The Man She Couldn’t
Bang – to restore some red-blooded machismo to Desert Oi-land.
The burly bass ace was forged in metal with a cast iron spine
and a punk rock heart.
Mick’s discs are: The Bleeding – Five Finger Death
Punch, Seek & Destroy – Metallica, God Save The Queen – The Sex
Pistols, Hong Kong Garden – Siouxsie & The Banshees, We Rock –
Dio, Ain’t Talking About Love – Van Halen, Aces High – Iron Maiden,
and Ever Fallen In Love With Someone You Shouldn’t – The Buzzcocks.
Mick’s flick is The Crow. Book: A Prisoner Of
Birth – Jeffrey Archer. TV Box-Set: Spooks. Next on Desert Oi-Land:
Jeff ‘Stinky’ Turner!
Separated at birth: Dave ‘Lights’ Beazley, (the loveable
loon who devised Iron Maiden's original Eddie) and... Neanderthal
Man. One a primitive creature way past the ‘endangered’ stage,
the other a long-gone prehistoric species of human (scientific
name: Fattus Collus Extinctus)
The wonderful Wonk Unit play The Black Heart in Camden on 9th
October with The Murderburgers, DeeCracks from Austria, Emergency
and Bitter. It’s an afternoon gig (2pm – 7pm) because the lads
assure us they are determined to take advantage of the hordes
of female Italian tourists who “roam Camden at the weekend looking
for English cock.” In an related story, we’re just popping up
to Camden market...
And talking cock there has been more fall-out from Kunt & The
Gang’s horrendous ‘hampton’ scandal at the Edinburgh Fringe (see
earlier blog entries). Free-thinking comics immediately rallied
to support K&TG. Stewart Lee and Robin Ince offered to set up
a Cock Aid benefit gig to help cover Kunt’s legal costs. Comedians
Al Murray, Russell Kane, Dirty Rob and Omid Djalili were quick
to send their support too. But rather than rise to the occasion
like a proper cock, Kunt turned on his mate, bonkers comic Bob
Slayer (who was the driving force behind the cock stunt), and
sacked him! What an ungrateful bastard. We always liked K&TG.
They played our launch party for Live Free Die Free at BH2 a couple
of years ago, but perhaps Fat Col has called this one correctly.
Maybe it is a case of Kunt by name, kunt by nature.
Sticking in Jockland, Tony Boozy Barker’s committee meeting
for the Scottish Skinhead Reunion will take place “on Sunday October
2nd, 3pm at Sleazy’s” (No, I don’t know either – Ed) to work out
all aspects of this event which is currently no more than a pie-in-the-Isle-of-Skye
rumour. Bring your own tatties. So far Runnin’ Riot have offered
to play. And the East End Badoes have promised not to. We are
on stand-by in Brutus shirts and pork-pie hats, but you’d have
to pay us, Tone. In English poonds. We dinna play fer haggis,
ken? Sairy. (But fandan, nae problem.) Get ti fuk, yi baw bag.
Up the Gers!
More rumours: we hear that Phil Daniels has recorded a “punky”
Chelsea single. The shame, the shame... we also hear than Sharron
Stiletto gets chatted up by lesbians every time she goes out.
The mind and no doubt the minge boggles.
Caption Corner: Mick, Gal and Jase on stage at the 12 Bar: WTF
is that about? Send your captions to email@example.com;
the funniest wins a copy of the new Charlton Boys ep. Waistrel’s
decision is final.
Out next week: The first solo release from Gregory Attonito,
of the excellent Bouncing Souls. ‘Natural Disaster’ is a 10inch
on coloured vinyl on the Chunksaah label. Off next week: US to
the USA! Brace yourself on the East Coast. We’re like Hurricane
Irene with Marshall amps.
|August 24. Sharron Stiletto (née Slutt),
glam-sham girlie guitar star, rock’n’roll gender-bender and pin-up
for the partially-sighted, has sashayed onto Desert Oi-Land and
unveiled her delightful 45s. Shazza’s eight discs are: Just Like
a Woman - Bob Dylan, Man, I Feel Like A Woman - Shania Twain, Sometimes
It's Hard To Be A Woman - Dolly Parton, I'm Coming Out - Diana Ross,
W.O.M.A.N. - Brenda Lee, Woman - John Lennon, I'm Too Sexy - Right
Said Fred, and Betcha Wish Your Girlfriend (Was Hot Like Me) – the
Pussycat Dolls. Upon being frisked by Fat Col (for an exceedingly
long time) the coquettish cross-dresser was also found to be smuggling
a seven inch in her drawers, to wit Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend
by Marilyn Monroe (although a pearl necklace is all she’ll get from
Oh, and she also had Bitch by the Rolling Stones concealed in
her accoutrements. (Wot? No Lola? No ‘I’m A Lumberjack? No I Wanna
Get In Your Pants by the Cramps? – Ed/Edwina)
Shazza’s book choice is Living Doll by Cindy Jackson. Her DVD
is the Jane Fonda Workout and asked to pick a TV favourite she
replied “Purleeeze, why would I want to share with anyone else?”
Next on Desert Oi-Land: it’s back to machismo with all-male Gonads
bass ace Mighty Mick Maverick! But there are even bigger names
to come in the next few weeks. We’re talking GLOBAL stars, oh
ye unbelievers. Not fat, GLOBAL! Oh, and Oi! – The Comrade.
Jenny Woo taster from her new Clockwork Patriots split album
with Discharger here.
Haematom tour trailer here.
Album news: the brilliant Bouncing Souls, busy playing all eight
of their albums over four nights in various cities the whole world
over, have also found time to knock out ten new choons for their
ninth album which is out next year...The Red Hot Chilli Peppers
are streaming their brand new album, I’m With You (released Monday
29th), on iTunes... Lou Reed and Metallica release their concept
album, Lulu, on 31st October. It’s based on Frank Weddedkind’s
plays about an abused dancer. (Sounds fun. What will they do for
an encore? A double album about Fred West? – Fat Col)
Serious note: our legal advisers have asked us to make clear
that the Reverend Montgomery Dogsbreath-Doodlebug III mentioned
here last year in relation to various unnatural practices involving
two goats, a donkey and an Albanian dwarf was not related in any
way to the Yorkshire vicar of that name. We undertake not to play
a gig within 15 miles of his parish before January 1st, 2015 by
which time this unpleasant business should have been forgotten.
Our sincere apologies to his wife, and livestock.
Here is the shocking pictorial proof of the plot
to over-throw Gal and replace him with... Troy Boy! The shot was
snatched by our spies at the recent Bournemouth rehearsal sessions.
The secret take-over is thought to have been organised by flag-girl
and hardcore MK Dons hooligan Allyson Maverick, who was heard
muttering “Charlton Boys is the final straw, if Gaddafi
can fall, so can Gal. ” A concerned Fit Bird tells us: “Gal
is fortifying his compound and rallying his loyal forces –
Sid and Doris Gonad - for the fight. The running-dog Dons will
never take the Gonads.”
Aug 23. Here’s something classy to
brighten up a wet Tuesday: two brand new Gonads t-shirts designed
to be sold at 2,000 Tons of TNT next month. This quality Franken-Skin
shirt and the scarifying Zombie Skinheads design are available
on line from HERE and HERE.
We play the TNT fest on 4th September in Hartford.
Connecticut, which Hoxton Tom helpfully points out is “the nineteenth
most dangerous city in the USA – and that’s before we get there.”
True story: Gal tells us that he was called in to meet the producers
of Celebrity Big Brother over in a West London hotel a couple
of months ago. “They asked me who I would hate to be in
the house with,” Gal reveals. “I immediately answered
Jedward and Kerry Katona...” D’OH! But we suspect
that if he’d seen Pamela Bach-Hoff he wouldn’t have
Picture of the week: Chris Weeks, Gal, Jel and
Frazzle limber up prior to recording the mighty ‘Charlton Boys’
ep in Sarf London on Sunday. Gal calls this shot “Night boat to
chiro-practor.” While a passing Fit Bird quips: “Are these Charlton
Boys or Beergut 100?”
Reminder: it’s the Skinhead invasion of the Isle of Wight next
weekend. Three nights of original reggae, Ska and rocksteady at
the Town Club, 25 Star St, Ryde, starting Friday, “from eight
August 22. We recorded the 'Charlton Boys' ep
yesterday - and it's sounding stronger than the Hulk on steroids.
Charlton Boys Chris, Jel and Frazzle turned up to supply backing
vocals under the firm direction of Allyson Maverick, and our new
manager Wattsie Watts put in a sparkling appearance with her enforcer
the lovely H. But who were those nutty boys in fez hats and is
Dalston Del really "the new Turkish Frankenskin"? These are the
questions. Next week, more questions...
What we do know is that the five track ep features 'Backstreet
Army', 'Indestructible Wolves', 'Charlton Warrior', 'Charlton
Boys' and 'Valley Floyd Road' and should be released in October.
As always, there were a few last minute studio game changes.
'Valley Floyd Road' is no longer Ska, it's now
more like demented rockabilly. Gal describes it as "absolutely
the worst thing to happen to Paul McCartney since Heather Mills."
Brickwall punk anthem 'Backstreet Army' is the best of the new
songs, according to a panel of experts. But Wattsie raved about
the awesome terrace anthem 'Charlton Warriors', while 'Indestructible
Wolves' combines power, punch and melody. The 'Charlton Boys'
ep is dedicated to the memory of Valley stalwart Chris Slattery,
R.I.P. And also to Big Duncan Frame, Gill Gale, Rocky, JJ and
Banjo Vic: gone but never forgotten.
South Coast Steve and Mick Maverick share a moment
of ‘skinhead love’ to celebrate the brilliance of
our new ‘Charlton Boys’ ep.
An ashen-faced Pat Collier averts his gaze.
La belle Wattsie and H turned up to give the PM a good hiding
but he'd gone into hiding instead. She graciously took over the
management reins due to "the multiple failings" of the previous
Nads management team - although she quickly did a runner when
asked to supply the band with a very basic champagne and chips
supper, which may be a worrying sign. Unperturbed we celebrated
with a slap-up curry, and started planning Greater Hits Volume
Two: The Mutt's Nuts which will be recorded in December and must,
we've decided, be even better than Volume One. This fourteen-track
selection is certain to feature the superb new improved version
of 'Sandra Bigg (Really Bigg)', populist punk street anthem 'England
In My Blood' and the definitive re-boot of 'The Joys Of Oi' plus
a bonus track: the original version of Beachcomber which has been
unavailable for the best part of thirty-three years! It will be
"the absolute bollocks!" Onwards to Professionalism!
FACT! Gal and Mick Maverick had an eight-strong police escort
bringing the Charlton Boys master-tapes back to Nads HQ last night.
Gal claims "the ep is so damn hot we needed back-up to get the
masters back safely" but if anyone knows the real reason the Old
Bill were hot on their trail please let us know. Meanwhile nothing
should be said about Jase and South Coast Steve's fast-developing
intense (and in tents) platonic relationship. Just don't be too
surprised if we end up playing one of those 'men only' clubs in
the near future...
Some great entries for yesterday's Cherry Caption Contest, including
"Oi! The 'D' has fallen off my cap!", and "Madonna finally found
a new tit for her cone bra." But the winning caption came from
Batttttty: "Cherry, caught here on CCTV, might have got away with
his looting spree if he'd worn his Fisher-Price 'My First Hoodie'
a little further forward." Tune back mid-week for saucy sex-pot
Sharron Stiletto's Desert Oi-Land Disc selection.
Aug 21. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No! It’s Pants-Man!
Here is the lad himself, Terence Hayes, PM, proudly modelling
his new stage-look: a pair of designer Spanx, the ‘tummy-tightening’
underwear designed to hold in and hide that budding beer belly.
Apparently it’s all the rage down at Zampa Road, where by a handy
coincidence the football is also largely pants. Still reeling
from this shocking treachery, Tel has also come under a sustained
attack from Ms Wattsie Watts who furiously denies his un-gentlemanly
claims about her dress.
Wattsie fumes: “News flash for the PM, you are no Gok Wan, mate,
more like Mr Flippin’ Magoo. For starters my dress in the Diggle
picture is a different COLOUR and CUT and is three inches shorter
than the one I’m wearing in the Garrie Lammin shot, which also
has diagonal zips across the front!” She goes on: “Terry
Hayes commenting on fashion is like Amy Childs becoming a political
correspondent or Fat Col giving sex tips when he’s clearly a virgin.”
(“If only” – the soon-to-be-ex Mrs. Fat Col, Janette). Friends
of the PM report that he has been “knocked sideways” by this double
Said one: “Not only has Chelsea Dom gone rogue, but Wattsie and
her twin sister Shona are gunning for him too. It looks like the
PM is becoming a toxic brand. Still, no-one likes us and we don’t
care. Know what I mean?” (No - Ed.)
Keeping a theme going, here is today’s Caption
Corner candidate, a fine shot of the boy Cherry in party mood
dahn the Bridge’arse. Email your captions to firstname.lastname@example.org for your chance to win a copy of the new Charlton Boys e.p. (This
caption corner thing seems to have really taken off, driven largely
by hatred and malicious envy. We love it)
Tony Boozy Barker and pals are thinking of holding a reunion
do for Scottish Skinheads – a good old MacKnees-up (in the groin).
They plan to meet up to discuss it before Toots & The Maytals’
Glasgow gig on Sept 1st. Tone asks us to pass this message on
to “anyone north of the border who might be interested in helping
or just putting ideas to us”. The first one to tell him to stop
jocking about and get his arse back to Tilbury wins a famous Gonads
Meanwhile up at the Edinburgh Festival, pathetique
jokers Kunt and the Gang have profusely apologised to “anyone
who is upset about the crudely-drawn cock stickers” that have
been attached to posters all over that fair city. Says a contrite
Kunt: “We thought they would be a light-hearted alternative to
flyers. Unfortunately some comedians were extremely angry at seeing
their posters adorned with an effigy of a male member. This culminated
in myself being physically threatened by one irate comic who failed
to see the funny side... Further to this, after only four nights
of the audience being handed stickers at the end of my show, I
received a warning from the Fringe Police and was told that Underbelly
had threatened action should any more of my stickers be handed
out. I suspect the cock that broke the camel's back was the penis
that ended up in Christine Hamilton's wine glass on their flagship
poster on Bristo Square.
The same night I received a visit at my venue from Edinburgh Council
Environmental Department who told us that they had spent the day
‘pulling off over a hundred cocks’. They showed us examples of
cocks they had found on posters, including the one of Russell
Kane with his mouth open, the one of Richard Herring lying on
a bed and the one of the Spank Comedy Club with that bird bending
over. I gave them my assurance to that no more cock stickers would
be given out. I would like to take this opportunity to say my
cocks were not meant maliciously or designed to annoy anyone and
I sincerely apologise if one of my cocks got up anyone's nose.
Admittedly I didn't think it through properly. I mistakenly thought
everyone would share my enthusiasm for seeing Edinburgh covered
in crudely-drawn cocks for a month... I'm sorry if my cock cheesed
anyone off.” (“What a prick” – Fat Col.)
Aug 20. To Desert Oi-Land where at
last the prince of pranksters has perambulated into our tropical
paradise. It’s only Max Splodge, whose choices are as eclectic,
enigmatic, esoteric, eclamptic (Eh? – Fat Col), erotic and exotic
as you might have hoped and dreamed. Max’s big eight songs are:
Theme from Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes - John De Bello, Echo
4-2 - Bad Manners, Staring At The Rude Boys – The Ruts, theme
tune from Supermarket Sweep - Kevin Kitchen, Vanilla Radio – The
Wildhearts, Lust For Life – Iggy Pop, London Calling – The Clash,
and I’ve Got A Lovely Bunch of Coconuts – Merv Griffin. (Wot?
No Isubaleene by Desert Island Joe? – Ed)
Max’s film is Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes. His TV show is
Dale Winton’s Supermarket Sweep (“Bring it back!” – Max, “Here
here!” – thinking people everywhere) and his book is: How To Build
A Boat Out Of Coconut Shells, plus part two How To Ferment Coconut
Milk Into Alcohol.
Max is waiting to record his new studio album, his first for ten
years. “The Beast is supposed to be sorting it out,” he tells
us. “But nothing’s happened yet.” Really? How very unusual. Next
on Desert Oi-Land: Sharron Slutt! (Sorry, Stiletto!)
Back In Stock! The last Gonads’ album, Greater Hits Volume I
'Plums'; sixteen tracks including 'Oi Mate', 'British Steel',
'Grant Mitchell', 'Alconaut', 'Tucker's Ruckers' and 'I Lost My
Love To A UK Sub'. Available from here.
We’re in the studio this weekend, full report to follow. Meanwhile
accusations and counter-accusations are flying in the wake of
yesterday’s ‘style wars’ exclusive.
Raising the stakes, some low-down dirty rat has
leaked this ancient picture of Gal in full ceremonial robes at
a top secret Jolly Pranksters lodge meeting in Newcastle ten years
ago, back when the PM was a humble ‘Tyler’ and UFO legend Pete
Way (right) was a fully functioning Chief Mong. The Pranksters
have launched an internal inquiry into how their security was
so shamelessly breeched. Brother Geggus is heading the investigation.
An ashen-faced Effete El whispers: “Senior brethren are frothing
at the marf abhart this. Things are going to get nasty.” This
is true. We are also in receipt of certain pictures best described
as “dynamite”. Those of you with weak stomachs are advised not
to look back here tomorrow. The horror, the horror...
Random news: East London punk herberts Underclass UK have made
their new album a free download. Bargain! Have it from here...
Brett Callwood’s book on the Stooges is published next month...
and the new album from the Krum Bums, ‘Cut The Noose’, is out
now on People Like You Records.
Prankster Alert! Pro-celebrity spaghetti-juggling
kicks off in earnest in Edinburgh next week. Organiser John Fleming
says: “It is a win-win situation for me. If everything goes smoothly,
I will be rightly lauded for my slick, professional efficiency.
If it all falls apart into an anarchic shambles, I will be hailed
as a comedy genius for keeping alive the true spirit of the late,
great Malcolm Hardee. Frankly, of the two, I would prefer the
second option. Organising anything Malcolm-related is like juggling
spaghetti - which will prove interesting when, on Wednesday and
Thursday, we literally WILL be juggling spaghetti... It is going
to happen outside in the Grassmarket so, if it rains, I have no
idea what chaos may result and I would not have it any other way...”
Aug 19. Well, we called it on and you haven’t
let us down. The following photos, supplied by our spies, illustrate
the sartorial battle raging at the very heart of streetpunk. Chelsea
Dom, rightly furious at being dubbed ‘Boo Brummell’ by jealous
rivals, is pictured here showing off his effortlessly stylish
summer look. He is wearing a pair of army green shorts from Primark,
and bears a remarkable resemblance to gunner Lofty from It Ain’t
Half Hot Mum, if Lofty had eaten Windsor Davies. Baba Papa also
springs to mind. Opposing him in the bargainista fashionista stakes
is the PM himself, a pioneer Casual at the peak of his game seen
here modeling the kind of headgear that made him the talk of the
New Den. It’s a real grudge match, but which one is top of the
fops? You decide... and don’t forget to come back tomorrow for
Max Splodge’s eminently sensible Desert Oi-Land Discs...
||Aug 17. Oh, this is all too beautiful.
Today on Desert Oi-Land, the world’s leading Small Faces authority,
author, and Wapping Wharf website wonder John Hellier (pictured
here with P.P. Arnold). John’s eight tracks are: Night Train – James
Brown, God Only Knows – Beach Boys, London Boys – David Bowie, All
Or Nothing – Small Faces, Paperback Writer – The Beatles, Be My
Baby – Ronettes, I’ve Been Loving You Too Long – Otis Redding, A
Change Is Gonna Come – Sam Cooke.
John’s book is All Too
Beautiful – The Life & Times of Steve Marriott by Paulo Hewitt
and, er, John Hellier. His film is The Green Mile. TV Box-Set:
Coronation Street (“Whatcha laughing for!?!”).
The 15th Annual Small Faces Convention takes place on 11th Sept
at the O2 in Islington, featuring SEVEN bands including the Small
Fakers who will be playing Ogden’s Nut Gone Flake live. Tickets
£20 from wappingwharf.com
And talking of Ogden’s Nuts, we note that the forthcoming Bermondsey
Joyriders’ album ‘Noise & Revolution’ features the veteran septic
revolutionary John Sinclair narrating between tracks in the manner
of the late great Professor Stanley Unwin. Quips Fat Col: “The
difference being one of them speaks gooblegook, the other was
a great English eccentric...” (Anyone who wants to remind us that
Stan was born in South Africa can piss off now and stop spoiling
the gag). Gary Lammin is currently in talks about releasing the
radical album which could have been inspired by last week’s looting
sprees. Gary says: “It’s all there in the track, ‘Society Is Rapidly
Changing’.” You can say that again, me old fruit.
Gonads noos: Gal and Jase are working on a hardcore version
of ‘These Are Our Streets’ which pays tribute to the citizen armies
of Eltham, Southall, Enfield and Dalston who rose up to protect
their areas last week. Perhaps less worthy of note is that the
duo are also toying with a skiffle version of ‘Karl Marx Supported
Fat Col’s Punk Pathetique Revival is on! Sort of! Col has teamed
up with punk-loving adult hypnotist Ken Webster and they are planning
a pathetique all-dayer in Blackpool later this year. Says Col
“I’ve got Max Splodge and the Gonads” (First we’ve heard about
it – FB) and now all we need is a venue, some more bands, poets,
some fire-eaters, some “over-sixties lap-dancers” and other extreme
or lunatic variety acts. We will of course give first refusal
to bands who were aligned with the original Pathetique movement
such as the Toydolls, and the Test-Tube Babies but that greedy
bastard Peter Test-Tube will probably want too much money. We’d
welcome Geoffrey Oi-Cott and Monkish, though.” Hang about. Over-sixties
lap-dancers? The sick bastard! Now you’re talking our language.
The PM was the first to spot yesterday’s Wattsie Watts’s shocking
fashion faux-pas – la belle Wattsie was wearing the same dress
while snogging Steve Diggle as she was while cuddling Gary Lammin.
“But don’t worry,” says Fat Col. “She’d definitely changed her
draws.” (Like he’d know! – Sandy Lane).
Meanwhile Chelsea Dom has taken issue with his “Boo Brummell”
status, saying that at least “you'd never catch me with a wedge
haircut and white shoes a la Terry Hayes circa 1982.” But which
man had the best look? We’d invite friends (and enemies) of the
Badoes to submit relevant photos so that the world and his wife
Today, as promised, it’s week one of Punk Rock
Book Club. Book of the month is the moving Black By Design: A
2-Tone Memoir by Selecter singer Pauline Black, which our reviewer
Sandra Lane says is “a must-read for all Ska fans, that also opens
your eyes to what it was like growing up mixed race in 70s Britain.”
Also recommended: Psychobilly by Craig Brackenridge (Stormscreen
Productions) which Fat Col describes as “pulp fiction in the Joe
Hawkins mould”. It’s set in 1986 when the scourge of psychobillies
was spreading across UK council estates like a be-quiffed plague.
Also worth a read: Kid On A Red Chopper Bike by Tony Beesley,
which is summed up by Gal as “a real love letter to a working
class 70s childhood that triggers many a memory.” (And at his
age he needs all the triggers he can get.) The book is available,
along with Tony’s 'Our Generation' punk trilogy of books (which
cover the whole punk and beyond era in the Sheffield, Doncaster
and Rotherham regions and include contributions from members of
The Lurkers, UK Subs, Rezillos, Pulp, Cockney Rejects and many
more) from his website.
Rebellion have already released tickets for next year’s fest -
available now for 95 quid (inc VAT), which is at least a score
less than it’ll cost you next year. The deal expires on October
31st. Rebellion is back in Blackpool between 2nd - 5th August
Gig noos@ Sparrer and Infa Riot play The Melkweg, Amsterdam on
Saturday 16th June 2012. Tickets on sale from Oct 1st. The Cockney
Rejects and Resistance 77 plus supports play the Witchwood on
Aug 16. Oi, Diggle - no! Steve Diggle gets up
close and friendly with our own orgasm addict Wattsie Watts. Odd,
normally when she fancies a Buzzcock she reaches for a Vibrator...Talk
about, ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't! A distraught
Gal is believed to have complained "What do I get? (wo-oh) What
do I get?" Meanwhile a furious Fat Col raged: "Hands off, she's
mine, until the end of time." (Even though a) that's a Beat song,
and b) Fat Col is a fantasist.) Check back in tomorrow for the
latest Desert Oi-Land, the brand new Punk Rock Book Club, and
to find out if Wattsie has developed a nasty spiral scratch.
Cass Pennant and a film crew popped round to Gal's last night
to shoot an interview for his new documentary on football casuals.
Fit Bird reports that it was all going well until Gal suggested
that the East End Badoes were the first casual band, and Cass
googled a picture of Chelsea Dom - not so much the Beau Brummell
of Bromley, more the Boo Brummell...
Aug 13. Good morning and welcome
to this month’s edition of Frequently Asked Questions. You asked
1) When will the Gonads play Germany again? Answer:
We’re still waiting to hear about the Black Forest show but we
are definitely on the bill for Punk & Disorderly in Berlin next
April, and we’re looking for other “interesting and varied” gigs
while we are out there, although so far the Hamburgische Staatsoper
has proved disappointingly tardy in replying to our emails. We
will require local flag girls, a jobbing brass section, free beer
and a German Elvis Presley impersonator to do justice to the full
Teutonic set described by experts as “a populist critique of contemporary
capitalism and the modern Eurozone, with tits.” Alternatively
we could just turn up and play some oi-oi punk.
2) When will Ska For Heroes be released in a physical form?
A: The plan is to release it on CD in September, and on vinyl
just before Armistice Day; watch this space for confirmation.
3) When can we expect to hear Gal’s solo album, ‘Beyond The Minge’?
A: 2012, in theory. The songs are written – enough for a double
album, we’re told - and some have been demoed. According to the
PM, they are “an extraordinary hotchpotch of Ska, Oi, London culture,
skinhead lullabies, bawdy jokes, Music Hall and terrace tomfoolery,
with a cheeky pinch of Bernard Cribbins...these songs are a tantalising
taste of what Oi-Tone could become, and what it should become.”
4) When will the ‘Charlton Boys’ ep be available? A: October,
we hope. We will record FIVE (count ’em) tracks this month and
then it’s down to the record company.
5) Who has the biggest man boobs: Fat Col, Dave Hayman or Jello
Biafra? A: We’ve got a tape measure and we know how to use it.
6) Are you still planning to do gigs for the armed forces? A:
Yes, in Afghanistan, but the army’s conditions are more stringent
than we realised so it’s taking some time to set up.
7) When will the BLESMA benefit gig be re-scheduled for? It’s
looking like January.
Of course, the question Gal gets asked most is what the ****
has happened to the 30th anniversary Oi album, ‘Oi! Never Surrender’?
To which we refer you to previous answers explaining that ‘Contra
time’ works differently than human time, being more in tune with
Northern Line time on the London Underground, where the promise
of a tube “in five minutes” can translate as a soul-destroying
72 days of actual waiting. Some who don’t understand the science
suspect that Contra are playing a cruel joke on the world or are
just sitting about on their arses all day drinking Einbecker and
noshing schnitzels. But no, they just operate at a different pace
(possibly alien, possibly snail) in the old East Germany. Either
way, we reckon we’ll be lucky to see it by Christmas and that
the alternative Oi album, ‘Oi! Still Fighting!’ will be out first.
Place your bets please...
Random news: Rancid’s Tim Armstrong is producing the new studio
album from reggae legend Jimmy Cliff; Jimmy has just recorded
a version of The Clash’s ‘Guns Of Brixton’ which will be released
on a taster ep in November... The Offspring have “nearly finished”
recording their ninth album... Slash has just recorded a song
with R&B star Mary J. Blige...there are plans afoot to turn the
‘alternative Rebellion’ gig at Blackpool’s Rose & Crown into a
two-dayer next year... NOFX have just released a 7-inch of cover
versions of songs by obscure 80s hardcore bands on Fat Wreck Chords...
If it’s Saturday, it must be Desert Oi-Land. Today
it’s the turn of Garrie ‘Guitar’ Lammin of the Bermondsey Joyriders.
||Gary’s songs are: Bad Motor Scooter
– Montrose (“as this is the song that I based most of Cock Sparrer’s
Runnin’ Riot on”), Let’s Work Together - Canned Heat (“the song
that I first tried to play slide guitar to”); Little Red Rooster
– the Rolling Stones version (“the song I first heard slide guitar
on... WOW!”), Instant Karma - John Lennon (“the greatest terrace
chant that I’ve ever heard: WE ALL SHINE ON LIKE THE MOON AND THE
STARS AND THE SUN!”), I Hear You Knocking - Dave Edmonds (“rock
n roll with a slide guitar... bliss!”), Mama We’re All Crazee Now
– Slade (“tartan trousers, big sideburns, loudmouth vocals...enter
The Bermondsey Joyriders!”), Telegram Sam - T. Rex (“that actually
out grooves Keith Richards!”), Star Man - Ziggy Stardust & The Spiders
from Mars (“this wrapped the whole teenage wannabe rock n roll hero
up in complete perfection.”
Gary’s TV show is Space Patrol (“featuring the Gabblerdictum Bird
- check it out, they don’t make ’em like this anymore”). Film:
The Ipcress File (“although of course it is a story of spies and
espionage, I think the real story is a actually a fascinating
observation of class struggle and one up-manship...Michael Caine
plays Harry Palmer this upstart working class messenger in the
secret service who is very clever but has realised that the only
thing really available to someone of his social background is
to please himself and do what he has to and not much else. This
is echoed in turn by the character of Dolby played by Nigel Green,
who though from a much higher social background has actually missed
his opportunity in life and is in fact a passed-over major, so
all nicely cued up to clash with the resentment of Harry Palmer.
But the real jewel in the crown comes from Guy Dolman who plays
Colonel Ross, who is able to read both Palmer and Dalby and seems
to be not only looking down his nose at everyone else but is manipulating
the whole scene of bluff and double bluff while keeping one step
ahead of everyone else. At first you think that it is Colonel
Ross who is the dodgy one. Think again. The film is directed by
Sidney J. Furie who brings out the needle match between the three
main players. I studied this film to the point of obsession when
I was acting. The film is based on the book by Len Deighton. It
is often said that the film is never as good as the book...not
so in this case ! Watch this film and realise what it was that
was once so brilliant about the English.”). Gary’s book is: As
A Man Thinketh by James Allen (“a must for any working class tosser
who wants to improve himself spiritually and as a man. As A Man
Thinketh So In His Heart He Shall Be is just one quote and how
about this one: "A Man Does Not Attract What He Wants... BUT WHAT
HE IS!" So to all working class tossers everywhere I appeal to
thee... buy this book now and start reading and improving!”)
Aug 11. Here as threatened, sorry, promised is
Chelsea Dom’s review of Rebellion 2011: ‘Fifteen years since the
first annual summer punk festival took place (then known as Holidays
in the Sun) - has it really been that long? It has now grown to
such a point that it's impossible to watch all the bands (Especially
with a busy drinking schedule – Ed), therefore it's a case of
cherry-picking and going by recommendations, plus trying to fit
this in with the socialising. Promoter Darren Russell has his
detractors, but down the years has looked to make changes and
added touches to make the weekend more of an event. There will
also always be those who complain about the line-up, but that's
certainly not for want of trying to make it different each year,
easy solution - do it yourself! So six stages, four days of bands,
enough pints drunk to refloat the Mary Rose, not to mention late
nights and much suffering in the pursuit of enjoyment. Thursday
was particularly fuzzy and thus memories of specific bands allude
me to some degree, however notable mentions can be given to Angry
Agenda, Menace (featuring original guitarist Steve Tannett), the
Old Firm Casuals and the Heavy Metal Kids. (Are you just listing
bands now? – Ed)
‘The first band I caught properly on Friday were the recently
formed Biteback from Liverpool who know how to play a decent tune
or several. Aussie oi-rockers Rust followed, cranking up the crowd
with their hi-octane sound, difficult not to draw some comparisons
with Rose Tattoo. The day for me followed a bit of theme here-on,
then watching The Warriors, a resurgent Section 5, Resistance
77 with one of the Hairy Bikers on guitar (Chelsea Girl as ever
going down a storm, but then again I'm a Chelsea boy). I had problems
watching the Test Tubes & looking Peter in the eye, after hearing
about their Rebellion special t-shirts featuring Peter receiving
felatio from the singer of a well known 80s band (not that there's
anything wrong with leather, bristles, studs & acne). Argy Bargy
then set the tone for the rest of the evening with an all out
aural (not oral this time) assault. On to a packed Empress Ballroom
for the Business, who played some lesser known songs from their
back catalogue such as ‘Maradona’ (Kissing that Argentina tour
goodbye – Ed), plus the usual classics. Knowing that Infa Riot
had put a lot of effort into preparing for their comeback gig,
this was one of the few re-unions I've seen that hit the mark
from the first note - screeching air-raid sirens & slap-bang into
Emergency, then straight into Riot Riot. They were tight and played
at the right tempo, through 5 Minute Fashion, Kids of the 80's,
Each Dawn I Die, The Winner etc etc.
‘After a much needed hair of the dog, Saturday festivities kicked-off
with the Jons. Whilst Tom and Jack are sons of Col & Burge from
Sparrer, respectively, they are their own band, as Tom duly reminded
us “I'd like to play Because You're Young, but you're all well
old!” which unfortunately for us had a ring of truth about it.
For a first time appearance at Rebellion, they went down well,
with their quirky indie-punk sound and great songs including Walk
Towards The People. With the cobwebs temporarily blown away (i.e.
until the next morning), it was then a case of dodge the rubber
chickens (roasted ones at that) as Runnin Riot hit the Olympia
stage amidst some very vocal threats from Colin Riot if someone
knocked-over his Buckfast. Having managed to catch brief segments
of 999, Gimpfist (Just Another Country, a classic), Hard Skin
and the Defects, it was round to the Empress again for the Street
Dogs, who I've waxed lyrical about before, but another great set
(go see them on their tour!) A great band to watch live are the
Crack, although a serious case of inebriation hampered their set
somewhat. The highlight of the night was no surprise, Sparrer
taking the stage to a locked-out Empress Ballroom. From our vantage
point at the side on the balcony we could see the masses swaying
& clapping along (see the youtube footage of England Belongs to
Me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFbAVVMW6Mo). There were some
changes to the set too (I Fit Central Heating & I Live in Marbella
- extensions to the Working theme). The crowd were left tired,
ecstatic & sweaty by the end of the set.
’Sunday's recovery was a much longer affair, having crawled out
of bed at gone 1pm and thus a late start for me, with Crashed
Out, the lovable Geordies churning out their own brand of Oi-rock
to good effect. Demob (original line-up - next year, new improved
or specially blended) next took to the stage (okay in a different
venue this time) and to my delight included my favourite of theirs
Teenage Adolescent, before a mini-stage invasion for Punk & Disorderly
vol 1 classic No Room For You. A growing 'star' on the scene is
Kunt & the Gang, who I can only describe as a solo artist in a
Macc Ladds style of ribaldry. Kunt played to a packed Arena with
song titles such as Sit Down Wee and I Sucked Off a Bloke, you
get the picture. (Yeah, but we’d rather we didn’t – Ed) One of
the weekend's highlights was surely The Outcasts, another first
gig after over 20 years, playing classics from their repertoire
such as Magnum Force, The Cops Are Coming, Just Another Teenage
Rebel and Self Conscious Over You. Greg Cowans has such a haunting
voice - surely some more gigs are long overdue. Perennial favourites
the UK Subs kicked-up a storm and were another crowd-pleasing
highlight, with the ever youthful Charlie Harper bounding around
the stage in familiar pose. The theme of great sets continued,
with Slaughter & The Dogs, who took us through the whole of Bite
Back for the first time, as well as several of the singles (the
2-3-4 in the Bitch still gets to me). Final set for me was Jello
Biafra, appearing on stage in a blood stained medical coat & gloves,
playing the odd Kennedys song much to the delight of the crowd
and finishing another Rebellion. This is ChelseaDom reporting
from the suburbs, knackered, still recovering sobriety but still
rockin'...’ Thanks Dom!
A slightly more jaundiced view of the proceedings can be found
at moonandblack which includes digs at Angry Agenda (‘Apart from being musically
retarded, their singer had that kind of embarrassing drunken uncle
look about him, the one who always sings karaoke at parties in
front of your mates, but instead of singing Phil Collins he was
having a go at punk.’), Infa-Riot (‘by far one of the worse bands
I’d watched’), Goldblade (‘fuck John Robb and fuck Goldblade…
fuck his shitty haircut and God complex’) and Jello Biafra (‘dressed
in bloody medical gear and looking like a wanker’). We’re not
saying we agree with it, just that it made us laugh.
A few of you have asked why the Gonads don’t play Rebellion.
The simple answer is we haven’t been asked. No idea why. Ask Mr.
A huge turn-out for Gill Gale’s funeral in Essex yesterday,
with a congregation around 200 strong. Gal read a eulogy, Ken
Boothe was played, Gill’s life was celebrated. She was wonderful.
Her family did her proud. We’ll miss her.
August 10. Not everyone is rolling over and giving in to the
looters. In this picture: the Eltham Boys rally to protect their
manor yesterday – just like the Sikhs in Southall, the Turks in
Dalston and the good folk of Enfield who turned out last night
around 500 strong. They shall not pass indeed. No surrender to
the opportunist tealeaves. The amoral little bastards are a disgrace
to their class and their communities.
“No-one loots us, no-one loots us, no-one loots us, we don’t
STOP PRESS. Saturday’s big BLESMA gig has been sadly postponed
because of the troubles in London. A spokesman for the event tells
us, “There are serious concerns about the impact the violence
and looting sprees will have on numbers attending and more importantly
how much dosh we will be able to raise for this great charity.
Most of the audience would have been travelling in from suburbia
and London is not looking too safe.” The event will be rescheduled
for later in the year. These guys have sacrificed enough for us;
we’ll do whatever it takes to do our bit for them.
And now to Desert Oi-Land where today there’s a
proper rock n roll demi-god in the sun-kissed hammock. Step forward
Phillip John Mogg of indestructible hard rock gods UFO! Phil’s
eight high quality disc choices are: Smoke Stack Lightning – Howlin’
Wolf, The Good Life – Tony Bennett, Jesus Just Left Chicago –
ZZ Top, River – Joni Mitchell, Hollywood Nights – Bob Seger, Madame
George – Van Morrison, At Last – Etta James, I Walk On Gilded
Splinters – Humble Pie (“although I’d settle for anything from
Rockin’ The Fillmore.”)
Phil’s film would be Withnail & I. His book would be the Oxford
English Dictionary (“I can’t spell”). TV box-set: Only Fools &
Horses. UFO should be playing London again in 2012... (And while
Phil’s away on the island, he’ll need someone to cater for the
needs of his beautiful ex-model missus Emma. Auditions will be
held in Torquay tomorrow. The end of the queue is currently just
south of Coventry.)
Next on Desert Oi-Land: Garrie ‘Guitar’ Lammin.
We had a blinding band rehearsal at Champions in Bournemouth on
Sunday. Rehearsal onlooker Allyson Maverick of the MK Dons Barmy
Army reports that our new extended version of ‘Oily Rag’ is “shit-hot”.
Funniest moment was Troi the Boi, seven, taking the mic for a
word perfect rendition of ‘Oi Mate’. Is it time for a certain
aging vocalist to stand aside and make way for the next generation?
(No – Ed). Gal’s thanks to rock n roll legend Jenny Torrid for
the lift, the scrambled eggs and the guided tour of the south
An email questionnaire arrives from a US fanzine. Question one:
what are the Gonads looking for on the East Coast in September?
Well let’s see, hot birds, cold beer, hot chilli beef, more cold
beer, more hot birds, a bit of kip, and some Oi-Oi music. Nuff
We have been sent this review of Greater Hits Vol I from an Argentinean
punk website. It reads: ‘Las Gónadas son los punkies más grandes
del mundo. El cantante es muy atractivo. Su guitarrista parece
un mono. Estos muchachos beben como pescados. Los dejaría amar
mi hermana y a mi madre. Son gente loca. ¡Los amo! Un día los
compraré muchas “pintas” de cerveza. ¡Cerdos locos! Vaqueros salvajes!
Son como dioses!’ (And we don’t think you can say fairer than
The Pranksters’ Augustus weekender was a huge success, despite
being moved at the eleventh hour to Poole in Dorset apparently
for undisclosed “security reasons”. The event saw the usual mix
of beer tents, pub sports, curry stalls, synchronised scooter
displays, eel stands, a boxing booth, stand-up comedy sets, table
dancers and Ska-oi DJs, with a couple of intriguing new developments.
To wit, a Miss British Barmaid contest, a set from an incognito
Ska-jazz band from South London, and a special ceremony to honour
Fat Col. Well, when we say honour we actually mean rip the piss
out of him. Grand-rank Prankster Dave Lee told the assembled brethren
“We are here to celebrate the man with the biggest prick in Oi
music, sorry, that should say the man who is the biggest prick
in Oi music. This round-dodging bastard is lower than a worm’s
cock, and what an ugly ****! Col looks like Homer Simpson has
just killed Cherry and is wearing his skin...Fat Col is so unlikeable
that on myspace Tom refused to be his friend” (and so on for ten
more minutes). Col was livid. An eye witness tells us that at
the end he “tore his flat cap from his head, slammed it on the
ground and kicked it like he was auditioning for a silent comedy.
The moment could only have been better if someone had slapped
him in the face with a custard pie.” Next time, then...
Our Rebellion review from Chelsea Dom is coming, apparently,
but while we’re waiting here’s a quick to-the-point summary from
our mate Kieron: “Street Dogs were great and Slaughter & The Dogs
were good. I stuck Jello Biafra for three songs, dribbling Yankee
bollocks! Kunt & the Gang was a star, stupid childish drivel but
hilarious.” Meanwhile, 200 yards away on the Saturday, was the
now traditional ‘non-corporate’ alternative punk gig in the Rose
& Crown pub, which was packed to the rafters for the likes of
the London Diehards, Skinfull (new album out now), Lars’s mates
Pressure 28 and Sweden’s Last Seen Laughing. Fat Col’s mate, Slippery
Ted tells us: “It was a proper old-fashioned skinhead knees-up.
No trouble, no political agenda – so don’t believe the lies –
it was just a right old laugh. The Rebellion mob must have been
shitting their pants about the opposition though because they
put all their Oi/street-punk bands up against it, bands like Control,
Runnin’ Riot, Hard Skin and the Street Dogs. And someone – no
names, no pack drill - tried to get the gig shut down. They even
sent the filth down, nice little salt one of them too. So this
was definitely where the real ‘rebellion’ was. The cops seemed
more worried about the fuckin’ crusties collapsed all over Blackpool
drinking cheap cider and neglecting their kids. Fuckin’ hippy
dirtbags.” Yes, thanks for that Slippery, as you were, mate.
Out this month as digital downloads new albums from The Sidewalk
Doctor and, The Caroloregians on Phoenix City Records.
The Bermondsey Joyriders’ latest album, Noise & Revolution,
is “coming soon”, says Gal ‘Slam-in-the’ Lammin.
Hard Skin’s superb debut album, Hard Nuts & Hard Cnuts, has been
reissued on vinyl by NYHC label Broken Rekids.
We have been sent Danny Baker’s Desert Island Discs by a mutual
pal, which we reprint herewith: ‘Marvellous Lie’ – Helen Shapiro,
A Day In The Country – Dean Martin, Underneath The Arches – Max
Bygraves, I’m So Ashamed – Peter Sellers, Ain’t Got A Dime To
My Name – Bing Crosby, What A Mouth – Tommy Steele, I’ve Grown
Accustomed To Her Face – Bernard Cribbins, The Next Time – Cliff
Richard. Unusual choices you might think for a man who used to
write Sniffin’ Glue and write about Sham in the NME, but that’s
what supporting Millwall does for you... but we forgive him for
giving us Win Lose Or Draw!
August 8th. ‘Ska For Heroes’ by Buster’s Ska
Battalion is out NOW! The three-track Ska ep is raising money
for Help4Heroes, the Erskine Hospital in Glasgow and the Royal
Chelsea Hospital. ‘Ska For Heroes’ features Buster Bloodvessel
plus the Coverup with guest vocals from Jack Kendall and opera
star Benjamin Bevan. Track two is ‘Cheeky Chappy’ by The Gonads
vs The Coverup featuring Liberty Hayes. Track three is ‘Long Ska
Summer’ by The Gonads featuring Jennie Matthias and Jack Kendall.
All the links are here: iTunes - Amazon - Play - Ovi/Nokia - Tesco
August 7. Happy birthday Pete Way! Sixty today!
Stick that up your arse, Panorama!
Aug 6. Gal finally recorded his latest podcast
yesterday at Total Rock Radio’s exotic new location in beautiful
| He was joined by Nathan and Lenny
from the ska-tastic Sidewalk Doctors, pictured, and Mark and Sam
from Northern indie pop herberts Shakey’s Brother. Gal’s new studio
is like a greenhouse inside a warehouse, according to Fit Bird,
with tech support (Malcolm and Tony) “in a potting shed next door.”
Tracks played included songs from the Dipsomaniacs, Rival Sons,
Agincourt, Headcase, Buster’s Ska Battalion, the Riders Of The Night,
Intensified, Radio Dead Ones, Random Hand, Limozine, The Usual Players,
Immoral Discipline, The 335, Goldblade and the V8 Wankers.
Nathan and Lenny also busked two
great songs live on the show. Some observers claim there were
a couple of minor cock-ups (Surely not – Ed), but Fit-Bird claims
that Gal was “experimenting with feedback in the spirit of John
Cage”, and that what sounded like mistakes to the uninitiated
was “fully in the traditions of avant-garde art, actually.” As
you can see from our picture, she’s really gone to seed lately,
the fat caawh. (Regular readers may recall that Gal’s last podcast
was scuppered when he turned up with Tommy Schitt only to find
the studio was now an empty shell in an abandoned Denmark Street
building under heavy surveillance from furious debt collectors
and confused bailiffs.)
The podcast should be up by this afternoon. You
can hear Shakey’s Brother’s ‘A Soldier’s Tale’ here.
To Desert Oi-Land where it’s the turn of top
London punk & Ska DJ Tottenham Sean to take a swing in the prestigious
paradise island hammock.
|Sean’s eight tracks are: Chaos – The
4Skins (“The greatest song ever. It means so much to my age group
from that era - and should never be covered, not even by the Gonads”),
No Regrets – Argy Bargy (“the best song from one of the best Oi
bands ever), I Don’t Want To See You Cry Babe – Ken Boothe (“One
of the finest vocalists the world has ever seen/heard”), In the
Ghetto – Susan Cadogan (“Superb atmospheric mid-70s reggae”), Do
Nothing – The Specials (“the band that started it all for me”),
Don’t Quote Me On That – Madness (“One of their best tunes, IMHO”),
The Night – Frankie Valli & the Four Seasons (“Reminds of all the
Scooter rallies back in the 80s”), There In Your Eyes – Chas & Dave
But Sean adds: “I can’t believe I have missed
out Runnin’ Riot, Rose Tattoo, The Four Tops, The Upsetters, The
Heavy Metal kids and Rick Astley... No-one said it would be easy,
Sean’s film is Young Guns (“And Young Guns 2 - HMV sell them
as a double DVD, so surely I can have them both?”) (No – Ed).
TV box set: Rich Man, Poor Man (“though Auf Wiedersehen, Pet came
a close second”). Book: Britain’s Godfather by Edward T Hart (“I
have read this book more times than I can remember, but always
go back to it.”). He concludes: “As with everyone else my choices
will probably change in a hour but that’s what it is now.” Cheers!
Many people have promised to send us their Desert Oi-Land list,
including Max Splodge, Stinky Turner, the PM, Rihanna, Oi!-The
Comrade and Jennie Bellestar. But while they dither and prevaricate,
a proper living legend has actually delivered. Next time on Desert
Oi-Land: Mr. Phil Mogg, lead singer with UFO, one of the greatest
goddamn rock bands ever to come out of dear old Albion!
Random news: The UK Subs complete punk singles collection is
out now in a two-disc set from Captain Oi... Monkish have their
official album launch on Sep 11th at the Dublin Castle... the
Street Dogs have recorded a four track acoustic ep – you can get
it for nothing simply by clicking ‘Like’ here ... the Darkness have “almost finished” their third studio album...
more news mid-week, probably, when we’ll be back with ace reporter
Chelsea Dom’s bear-soaked Rebellion over-view. Pip pip!
Aug 3. Due to popular demand, we’ve
brought forward Desert Oi-Land Discs, and as promised, Daryl Smith
of Cock Sparrer and Argy Bargy is the man of the moment.
Daryl’s eight song choices are Private Hell –
The Jam, Modern Times – New Model Army, It’s The Same – Heavy
Metal Kids, Disappear – Madness, Everybody’s Dreaming – The Crack,
It’s Gonna Work Itself Out – Rose Tattoo, Problems – Sex Pistols,
Because You’re Young – Cock Sparrer. But he complains: “You’re
a hard man Bushell!! Only eight?? What about The Clash, The Specials,
Bad Manners, The Blood, The Stranglers, Bad Religion, Anti Nowhere
League, Test Tubes, The Business, 4 Skins, Ramones – these would
certainly be in my top choices. Can I resubmit every Monday morning!?”
(No – Ed).
Daryl’s film is The Usual Suspect (“a film you can re-watch even
though you know the ending, as different things make sense. It’s
the same with Memento, another good film... here we go again!
Can I have more than one? This is quite therapeutic. I’m coming
across as greedy. Maybe my clinical obesity has now been answered
by a simple Q&A on the bloody Gonads Blog!”). Book – Affirmations
by Stuart Wilde or The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. (“But more likely
some gadget book or work of music reference. In fact, it would
probably be the excellent 45 Revolutions by Mario Panciera which
is like a brick, so would be good for smacking the natives with
if they got too close. It’s 1100 pages and has pictures and write
ups of every Punk single released between 1976 and 1979.”) TV
Box-set – There’s so many classics that would be worth seeing
like Fawlty Towers, Black Books, The Young Ones etc but they only
lasted for a couple of series, so without being boringly obvious,
without question and beyond any reasonable doubt (honest guv I
don’t need an extra choice, you’ve cured me of my excessiveness)
it would have to be ONLY FOOLS & HORSES. Complete Box Set that
had all the Christmas specials in too. Loads of hours of the best
written, fantastically acted comedy ever. Britain at its very
best... I might sneak in a Minder box set though... actually I’d
probably just take an iPod to leave room in my travel bag for
cheese, chocolate and beer...” (And we thought Gal was indecisive
- Ed) Next up: Tottenham Sean.
The Battle of the Oi! albums is officially on! The long awaited
thirtieth anniversary compilation Oi! No Surrender will be awaited
a bit longer, as Contra have missed their Rebellion deadline.
They apologise and say the record will definitely be out before
Christmas. This gives the other official Oi album, Oi! Still Fighting
(working title) the chance to pip them at the post. This album,
being released on the Oi! The Boat label features happening bands
like the Brassknuckle Boys, the Sydney Ducks, Evil Conduct and
the mighty Maninblack. It is tentatively expected in September.
Former Conflict bassist Big John, now in P.I.G., has opened a
new rehearsal studio in Deptford with band mate Marv ex of The
Varukers. It’s Overdrive
Rehearsal Studios, (opposite Deptford BR station) Units 6-7,
Resolution Way, Deptford, Sarf London, (postcode: LaLaLa!) Phone:
This weekend’s big Prankster do is ON! The message to brethren
is “That Kent Place is confirmed! Kick-off Saturday dinner-time.
The full Oi! Organising Committee met last night in That Essex
Place beloved by the Pranksters. Much of the meeting was apparently
devoted to discussions of a possible Oi/Ska/Punk/Rock/Mod festival
next year. A prime location has been found. FB has been assigned
to investigate the practicalities. The creation of Oi Against
Racism was also mooted. An insider whispers: “Committee members
are loathe to venture into politics – one thing we don’t need
in Britain is the kind of tediously politicised streetpunk scene
that exists in Germany and Italy! But it was felt that by carrying
the ‘O.A.R.’ logo on albums, bands could demonstrate to the world
that they have no interest in racial prejudice or associated tomfoolery.
An artist has been commissioned to come up with a suitable O.A.R.
design, so we can all make a small stiff-upper-lipped stand; all
The Mighty Boosh have finished their debut album. Julian Barrett
reveals that they’ve recorded and mixed the “psychedelic/prog
rock” tracks at New York’s Electric Lady Studios. It’ll be released
to tie in with their movie project.
The Gonads, A Statement: We'd like to make ourselves crystal
clear on our political stance. The Gonads began life as Labour
supporting punk drunks. We ran contact details for the Anti-Nazi
League on our first e.p. Our classic song, 'The Joys Of Oi' quite
clearly stated "the Red Flag not the Horst Wessel". We lost faith
in Labour when the party deserted the working class many years
ago, but we remain a people's band. We have more in common with
someone from the back streets of Brooklyn, Berlin, Beijing or
Buenos Aires than any stuck-up toff you'd care to mention. We
would play RAR gigs at the drop of a pork pie hat. When Gal stood
for Parliament, several years ago, he stood on a platform of expanding
democracy and creating an English Parliament and an English bill
of rights - all thoroughly sensible and progressive demands. The
only politician close to his heart is Proudhon. For the benefit
of the hard of thinking, we are 100% against Nazism, and most
other 'isms' you could name. We don't hate other cultures. We
are absolutely in favour of equal rights for women, especially
when it comes to buying rounds. So if you're a bigot or a Nazi,
and you are looking for a band to follow, we are not for you.
Is that clear enough for you?
Aug 3. Is this the second rarest Oi single ever released? The
song 'Your Face' b/w 'Dead End Yobs' was released by the Porno
Cassettes on Heresy in 1982. For years, many people doubted its
existence. But here it is, kindly supplied by Brad of Monkish.
We have no idea who they are, or what happened to them, but we'd
love to hear from you if you do. The rarest Oi single of them
all of course is our own 'Stroke My Beachcomber, Baby'. Only a
handful were ever pressed up on our own Scrotum label back in
'77 and the only copy we know about now belongs to Fat Col who
will charge you a score just to look at it.
Fat bastard Col posted a few unkind 'jokes' here about Pete
Townshend while we were away. Hasn't the great man suffered enough?
The gossip and innuendo is just that - unfounded and malicious.
When the police seized his computers, they tipped off the media
in advance resulting in a newspaper frenzy. But Townshend was
never charged with anything. He was only ever cautioned. Roger
Daltrey has stood by him throughout. We happen to know from impeccable
sources that Pete rang up a senior ex-cop for guidance before
he started his internet research. And despite the digs and cynicism
Pete is still writing his autobiography. The aging kid is all
right. He's one of the good guys.
Klub Skank is back in Chatham next month! Date: 10th September.
Location: Command House, Dock Road, Chatham. A night of Ska, Reggae
and Rocksteady all for a jacks! 8pm till 2am.
Simon Cowell, Katie Copstick, Piers Morgan... TV is awash with
fearsome arseholes, sorry, judges, but can any of them hold a
candle to our own roving reporter? Here Chelsea Dom, our man with
a biro and the back of a fag packet, casts a critical eye on the
Old Firm Casuals tour: I have to start this review by admitting
that I was somewhat sceptical (or should that be septical) of
the Old Firm Casuals, however I was pleasantly surprised by their
live shows. They have some great songs, which whilst not necessarily
fitting in as a typical Oi band, come over as a cross between
Rancid (as you may expect) and an early 80s skinhead street rock
sound (god, please don't accuse me of starting another sub-genre).
(I won't - God). The original plan was to catch three of their
gigs, although I didn't make the third gig (Tunbridge Wells) thanks
to a combination of the Essex mobile phone network developing
a mysterious 24 time delay & my pick-up having the directional
sense of a Mumbai taxi driver. However I did manage to get to
Bristol at the start of the tour and more recently the Underworld
in Camden. Lars has his detractors and it's easy to criticise
on the internet, but the proof is in the playing and there was
a good atmosphere on both nights with the crowd enjoying healthy
banter with the band. Outside of YouTube, these gigs will have
been the first time the band have been seen live and it didn't
take long for the audience to take to these new sounds. My personal
favourites are 'Don't Worry About Me' and 'Ignorant Ones'. 'Apocalypse
Coming' has shades of 'Clash City Rockers', and other, such as
their anthem 'Casual' boast strong sing-along choruses. The support
bands on each night gave a nod to the Oi scene, both old and new,
with the OFC playing in the middle of the bill both time, presumably
out of respect for their peers. (Here, here - Waistrel, peer of
the realm). In Bristol honours went to Control and Argy Bargy.
Control have come up several notches since the acquisition of
their new guitarist and Robin Guy packing a real heavyweight punch
on drums. You heard this especially on opening number 'Hooligan
Rock & Roll' and the title track of the new album, 'Punk Rock
Ruined My Life'. Bargy followed the OFC blasting through their
standards old and new, finishing with a plethora of old favourites
to send the crowd home happy. The Underworld was an altogether
different affair awash with faces from the scene - Charlie Harper
(who Lars describes as his dad, didn't realise Lars was THAT old),
Lee Wilson from the newly reformed Infas, Steve Whale, Saxby (Warriors),
Mark Wyeth (Case/Symarip), Esso, MAD Marc, Eugene Big Cheese and
Kev the Hammer to mention a few. (Bet Gal thinks it was a secret
Pranksters meet, so secret that not even he knew about it!). First
support was from Booze & Glory, although I have to confess I missed
most of their set in my new guise as an unofficial PR. Last Resort
finished the night on a high, with favourites spanning the years
and a bit of 4Skins thrown in for good luck. Now all we have to
wait for is the tribute band with Terry Hayes & Frankie Flame
as the Infirm Casuals.
STOP PRESS: Menace play a secret show tomorrow night at The Hope
and Anchor (Wednesday 3rd). Cost £6 or £10 with the new album
Too Many Punks Are Dead. Line up Noel, Charlie, Steve and Finn.
August 1st . Right, we promised you news and by Jingo we’ve got
some. In no particular order, the brand new Gonads four-track
‘Charlton Boys’ ep will be recorded later this month and released
by Randale Records in October. And we’ll be back in the studio
over Christmas to record The Gonads Greater Hits Volume II. If
you thought Volume 1 was the business, wait till you hear the
follow-up! We will also be recording the long-promised Gonads
DVD in the coming months, probably in Blackpool, so watch this
space for details.
In the meantime, don’t forget the brilliant Buster Bloodvessel-led
‘Ska For Heroes’ ep is available as a down-load from iTunes, amazon
etc one week from today. And if we all buy it on August 8th we
can chart it! The three track ep features the ‘Ska For Heroes’
medley by Buster’s Ska Battalion, ‘Cheeky Chappie’ by The Gonads
vs The Coverup, with guest vocals from the amazing Liberty Hayes,
and ‘Long Ska Summer’ by The Gonads featuring Jennie Bellestar
and Jack Kendall. All proceeds will go to armed forces charities.
Tickets are now available for the big Blesma benefit show on
August 13th, featuring us, the Heavy Metal Kids and the mighty
Agincourt. Price: £12.50. All profits to the British Limbless
Calling all skin birds, punkettes, Modettes, bar-maids, dominatrix,
tattooed rock chicks and wannabe models of all descriptions: if
you want to be in an exciting new subculture calendar email your
pictures to email@example.com We’re gonna make you a star-ar-ar-ar-ar...
We are pleased to be confirmed as co-headliners at the Help
4 Heroes weekender in Harlow next year, on Saturday June 2nd.
More details as we hear them.
The Gonads are looking to play unusual and exotic venues. Anywhere
from cider festivals to fetish clubs, from lap-dancing venues
to scooter rallies, military messes, parks, picket lines, ends
of piers and working men’s clubs will be considered for our forthcoming
‘Taking It To The People’ tour; anywhere that isn’t another shit-hole
The Nads rehearsed without Gal on Saturday and have added a new
“brutal extended dimension” to ‘Oily Rag’, which previously lasted
one minute, or “about double the length that Fat Col lasts”, according
to his soon to be ex-wife Janette. The new version will be unveiled
at The Garage.
This blog is back but will continue on an irregular basis only
for the foreseeable future. Also continuing as a weekly feature
is the ever-popular Desert Oi-Land Discs. Today, swinging sweet
in the hot hammock, with a whip in her hand is... Beki Bondage!
Beki’s eight tracks are, in no particular order: Complete Control
- The Clash (“I weakened several sets of floor boards bouncing
up and down to this as a junior Punk Rocker, ‘THIS IS THE PUNK
ROCKERS’, yells Strummer in the middle, oh yes!!!”); Moonage Daydream
- David Bowie (“The Mick Ronson guitar solo at the end of this
is pure ecstasy, and it was from an era when men wore cat suits,
high heels and make-up... Phwoooarrr!!! I have a men-in-catsuits
fetish.”), Bomber - Motorhead (“Lemmy had a nick name for me,
'Fishnet Face' and in spite of that I still love this song”);
Lucille - Little Richard (“The king of Rock and Roll, the voice
of Rock & Roll”); Rockers - UK Subs (“‘Born a Rocker die a Rocker',
I concur with Mr Harper”); Whole Lotta Rosie - AC/DC (“I love
AC/DC, Rock and Roll is distilled joy made into sound. We do our
own version of this, 'Whole lotta Roadie' it's all about rubber
torches, gaffa tape and fuses”); Ties that Bind - Alter Bridge
(“My not so secret vice!”);
Decontrol – Discharge (“This one used to make my
dad bang on the ceiling with a broom handle and issue instructions
about turning the bottom end down”); Bad Man - Cockney Rejects
(“This was on the juke box at a pub we used to frequent as underage
drinkers, it has a great riff and you can do the Lambeth Walk
to it, or so I'm told”); Wasn't It A Handsome Punch-up - Joe Brown
& Marty Wilde (“We once sung this to some bemused Americans at
a gig in San Francisco, it's from a 60's film called 'Crazy World'
and is based around Tin Pan Alley, where you can view guitar porn
till this day”) and Him Indoors - Vice Squad (“To remind me of
what I'm (not) missing at home whilst having my feet massaged
by some island Adonis and his three brothers...”). Yes, we know
that’s more than eight tracks, but who is going to argue with
a woman clutching a bull-whip?
Beki’s book: Ingenious Pain by Andrew Miller. Film: Withnail
& I (or Fist of Fury). TV show: If Walls Could Talk.
Next weekend: Daryl Smith from Cock Sparrer and Argy Bargy!
Many more big names to follow.
The great Terry Hayes caption contest attracted a tidal trickle
of entries, ranging for the cruel: “Excuse me, matron, what time’s
lights out?” (from Effete El), to the feebly predictable: “If
you were my daughter I’d still be bathing you.” (from Fat Col).
In-jokes included: “Anyone order a cab to Colchester?”, “Should
this be a caption competition or a Straw poll?” and “What are
we today, the East End Diehards, the London Badoes or the Wizard
Of Oz Recreation Society?”. We quite liked: ‘It’s the new Peters
and Lee – that’s Martin Peters and Christopher Lee (not you, Libs,
you’re the business, can I have your phone number?)’, which we
suspect also came from Fat Col. A few of you likened the father/daughter
duo to ‘the Renee and Renato of street-punk’. But those who actually
caught the gig song say it made them think more of Neil Tennant’s
duet with Dusty Springfield, specifically it made them think ‘What
Have We Done To Deserve This?’ The winning entry had the PM saying:
“I know I should recognise her, is it wotsername?” Thank you to
a contributor who wishes to be known only as Mr X from Bromley,
Kent, although his real name is Chelsea Dom of the increasingly
legendary (in the sense that their existence is unproven), East
End Badoes... And from another anonymous Badoe member: Tel: “Oi
Lib, the pub’s nearly empty. Only the last few Diehards left.”
Lib: “What, like you dad?! Ha ha – geddit?” Tel: “Groan – you’re
a Badoe you are.” Lib: “Nope – that’s you too! Ha ha!” Colin:
“Wave a Rubber Chicken in the air!” (Runnin’ Riot in-joke). See
also: “I asked for rubber chickens, and all I got were these turkeys.”
(Fat Col’s inevitable stuffing joke has been banned).
Available now: Terence Hayes Tours of the M25! See the delights
of Redhill, Reigate, Winchester and East Grinstead! Just get in
at Hornchurch and ask him to take you to Tunbridge Wells...frustration
The Uppercuts launch their debut album on Friday Aug 19th at
The Hydrant, Brighton, with Skingraft, Insane Society, The Noxious
Toyz, Loudmouth Eddi and Insane Youth...
Album of the month: What Happens In Hell, Stays In Hell by psychobilly
trio Nekromantix (on Hellcat) - thirteen slabs of demonic rock;
“Motorhead meets 1955 in punk rock heaven” according to Sandy
Remember the Kidz Next Door? Drummer Peter Woodley has re-mastered
KND demos and live tracks and a Japanese record label is going
to release it all as an album, including a version of the single
they had on Warner Brothers back then. Also in the band were Robbie
Pursey (Jimmy’s brother) on vocals, Steve Hope-Wynne (now an actor
in such prestige productions as the Kinder Surprise TV ad!) or
guitar and the legendary Grant Fleming on bass. According to Peter
“The re-mastering has come out better than I expected and as an
album it sounds really good.” Yeah? Well, we’ll be the judge of
Strange but true: on Saturday night Lars Frederiksen told an
entire Old Firm Casuals audience in Kent that the London Diehards’
debut album is “the best album I’ve heard in the last ten years.”
Observers blamed heavy exposure to diesel fumes. Our spies at
various OFC gigs tell us that the band are “blinding” live.
Genuine! Spotted by Batttttty on the Isle of Wight, a road sign
saying: St Pete Way. Quite right, and all!
Stop Press: our pal Kiria plays the Boston Music Room in Tufnell
Park tonight – it’s her last gig before she starts
work on her new album, and her Desert Oi-Land list. Word is the
new material will take a turn towards the Gooner Goddess’s
rock’n’roll roots. Headliners tonight are cult Kraut
glam group The