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Please note the items you are about to read consist largely of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation.
As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked. Its informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully thought through.

April 30. People who are saying we are winding down the Gonads to concentrate on the SkaNads are “completely wrong,” says management consultant FB. In fact we can reveal that Gal has pulled the SkaNads out of this year’s SkaMouth festival saying that there would be “no more SkaNads gigs booked anywhere in the world until the sound and the set is bang on.” Says FB: “The SkaNads were always a complimentary venture, they were never meant to be a rival to or a replacement for the Gonads themselves.”

The Gonads Greater Hits Volume 3: The Complete Cobblers will come with “state-of-the-art holograms of the band” and a “blow-up Yeti doll” according to an email we received last night from Fat Col. Wow. That sounds incredible. Sadly when we contacted him this morning for clarifications, he grunted “Sorry, too much skunk” and hung up. Oaf.

Paul ‘Stalin of Style’ Hallam tells us that Street Sounds issue #3 has been slightly delayed because of record labels “dicking about with adverts”. The editorial “is ready to roll,” he says. “But we are still waiting for advert art and cursing people who promised to take ads and then pulled out at the last minute.” Paul is still confident the mag will be on sale by “May 6th at the latest.” No year specified.

Reports of Team Gonad’s incredible Quasar victory at the weekend are still reaching us. Eye witness Fit Bird says “Gal was a one-man army, ’e was like Arnie in Commando”, while Fat Col has announced his intention of writing a poem immortalising the day called ‘The Battle Of Bromley’ adding “which I trust the band will see fit to turn into a song.” Hmm. Don’t hold yer breath.

Random guff: a live album by ancient South London band the Pitiful called the Deptford Sessions 1978 including a studio version of ‘Working Class Gourmet’ is now out on Fit For The Bin Records... the new Control album is imminent and according to sources “shit-hot”... the two surviving Beastie Boys are writing a book about the band’s 30-odd year story, expected in 2015; they say they want to "challenge the form" of the rock memoir and are structuring it as a "multidimensional experience" (So it’ll come with a DVD then – Cynical Ed).

Calling our mates in New York City: Maninblack will be playing their 7th annual showcase event in Manhattan tonight, along with Les Mis & the Angry Inch and DJ Black Dalek at the Double Down Saloon. The bar is located at 14 Ave. A, NYC, 10009, near Houston and it kicks off at 7pm. Admission free, booze cheap.

April 29. In our time this blog has delivered hot breaking punk news, outrageous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and Dick Emery related smear stories. But finally we have something proper to tell you, something big. Yes, this is as serious as it get – the Gonads Quasar team came out of retirement yesterday, playing their first full on match for about eighteen months. The result was a magnificent victory, with the final score, The Gonads: 2775, Bromley Herberts: minus 800!!! What’s more Gal himself managed a frankly gob-smacking individual score of 84,500 in one half hour game. Fat Col, who is still dripping with sweat told us: “We are back with a bang, and clearly the best punk rock laser gun team in England if not the world. Our message to the Rejects, Sparrer, Argy, Donkey Laugh, the Eltham Young Hounds and the rest is ‘Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough’... in the Quasar pit, obviously... ”

April 27. Like Tom Jones on a Viagra drip it’s been a long time coming... but his hangover is gone, his beer belly replenished, and so here at last and worth the wait is Chelsea Dom’s review of Punk & Disorderly 2013:

Everywhere has good and bad, a yin to its yang. Take Germany, the sausages are the wurst, yet they put on a damn fine festival. Punk & Disorderly for example, not as extensive as say Rebellion, but an established regular in the punk rock diary. Berlin is a true 24-hour city, where it’s compulsory to wear beer goggles, and with this in mind I staggered, stumbled and strummed my way through the weekend. (Don’t women strum? – Confused Ed). Following our warm up with 1-litre cocktails in Kreuzburg on Thursday, we watched the festival open on Friday with Louise Distras, whose voice mixes a gentle yet haunting vocal with some fearsome growls. It takes a brave person to open a festival single-handed, but Louise more than capably handled this and drew much applause from the gathering crowd, including fellow female songstress Jenny Woo.

I have to be completely honest, as it was at this point the weekend descended into the usual haze, although I managed to catch snatches of Middle Finger Salute and Booze & Glory both putting in well-received sets, before Argy Bargy took to the stage. Since I first started going to P&D many moons ago, I've seen Bargy grow, not just their girths (Ooh-erh – Sid The Sexist), but musically as a band, in their general standing within the scene and popularity with the Berlin crowd. The new album ‘Hopes Dreams Pies & Schemes’ has rightfully drawn glowing reviews and much of this was in evidence tonight, with numbers such as ‘Looking For Glory’ and ‘Homeward Bound’.

Having just about caught the end of Foreign Legion, we settled back to watch Deadline who have to be one of the hardest working bands on the scene. Like many others they have been through several line-up changes, however the current band have to be one of the strongest yet, which was matched by a storming set exemplified by a great version of ‘Liar

This was followed by a welcome return from muscle-bound Dutch stalwarts Discipline, having recently resumed following a break and introduction of a new singer. It was the new guy's third gig and he is now starting to find his feet, although for the audience it was very much business as usual.

The full-on street punk onslaught was then interrupted the cheeky chappies (& chappesses) from Buster Shuffle who entertained the audience with their quirky Ska sound , fresh from an acoustic appearance at the local Fred Perry shop. One unkind observer, however, remarked that Jed the singer bears a close resemblance to Dick Van Dyke (Does this mean to say the PM has a doppelganger? Now that IS a scary thought). After this brief respite, Infa Riot stormed the stage to the sounds of an air raid siren and straight into ‘Emergency’, Lee Wilson waving his arms like a demented Magnus Pyke. Since last year's debacle, the Infas are much tighter (no, not Lee's wallet), more polished and have a new bass player (having ditched the wannabe rock star who couldn't quite comprehend Norwich is not exactly where it's happening, dude!). The Infas rightfully deserved their place just below Sparrer on the bill. And then came Sparrer, but what can I add to what has already been said? Despite some technical hitches, yet again the whole crowd had their arms in the air and yet again they delivered . It's very much a family affair, band and crowd as one, emphasised by the final number ‘We're Coming Back’, with Colin joined by son Tom on vocals for the final refrain.

By Sunday, I was well and truly flagging. I missed Donkey Laugh but managed to drag myself away from the hotel bar in time to catch the Last Resort . Many bands reform and don't quite match past glories, but the Resort have managed to build on their repertoire whilst staying faithful to the original sound. Old numbers accompanied by new classics, with a smidgeon of 4-Skins thrown in. I just about managed to watch some of the Exploited who played a fitting end to the festival with their apocalyptic sound, rousing the crowd with ‘Dead Cities’, ‘Alternative’, ‘Dogs of War’ and so on. And so ended another weekend Berlin, it was almost like I'd never been away...

Gal recorded his latest podcast yesterday with guests Den Stratton and Stief A Billy. To say it was chaotic would be like calling a monsoon a light drizzle. The studio’s new technology had so many hitches that the gang became convinced that the show was being secretly recorded by the ghost of Jeremy Beadle. A theory that has yet to be discounted. CDs wouldn’t register, tracks shuffled about willy nilly or started to play themselves... . Den was in stitches, Stalin was dumbstruck, Gal was on the verge of a breakdown (Stief just “glowed prettily”). However IF the pod show can be salvaged it will, we’re told, feature tasty tracks from the Great Malarkey, Noise Agents, Missing Andy, the Upsessions, Booze & Glory, the Straps, The Tennysons, Goldblade, Close Shave, Remus Down Boulevard, the Skoidats, the Noxious Toyz and Bonecrusher. Phew. Almost inevitably the stress was washed away in a 20-pint session with Hoxton Tom, followed by the inevitable Ruby...

April 26. The Outcasts play the Garage in North London tonight, with The Defects and Hooligan Dublin. (It’s billed as ‘THE BEST OF NORTHERN IRELAND PUNK’ although Dublin was quite clearly in the South the last time we looked. Perhaps it’s moved.) Doors 6.30pm. Curfew 10:30pm. Tickets £15 in advance.

*GBH play the 100 Club on Saturday 22nd June, with Barb Wire Dolls, Louise Distras and the Charred Hearts.

Finally Kiria's next gig is on June 15th at the Boston Arms, where she appears as part of a tribute night to The Ruts' Paul Fox. Also appearing: Menace, Rock 'n' Roll Gypsies, Eat This, Donkey Laugh & The Bears. (What are we a fecking gig guide all of a sudden? Gertcha – Ed)

April 25. We are the Gonads. We’re fucking off for good in seven months time. Our farewell message is: Oi! – Oi! to the world!... And live free, die free. Our two messages are Oi! to the world, live free, die free and never surrender... Our THREE messages are Oi! to the world, live free, die free, never surrender... and expect the unexpected... Our FOUR... no... Amongst our messages are such elements as Oi! to the world, never surrender, live free, die free, expect the unexpected, and stay fanatically devoted to Charlton Athletic FC... we'll come back when we sort this out.

The Gonads Website

Coming soon... the Mod/Ska/Scooter event of the Summer...

The Gonads Website

SkaNads on a mission: Gentleman John, Wattsie and Mercy get distracted in Soho en route to auditions for our spin-off band's new keyboardist...

The Gonads Website

April 24. More big news. We are planning to re-record three of our earliest ever songs for Greater Hits Volume Three. The songs are ‘The Legend of Sam Bartram’, ‘Darling Harold’, and ‘Antigallican Last Bell’, plus ‘Filthy Rich’ (a cover of a Small Faces track). Says an emotional Fat Col: “These precious numbers dripping with tunes and sing-along sensibilities were never recorded back in the day and were only ever played live at a handful of gigs in and around Charlton, SE7. We’d also like to appeal to anyone who has ‘Ripper’s Delight’ in any form to contact us as Gal can’t remember the words or the chords or what day it is.” Harrumph. Greater Hits Vol 3 will be the Gonads final album, it will follow Built For Destruction and will probably be released ‘posthumously’, i.e. next year.

Retirement Update: it’s our own fault, we suppose, we’ve been part of so many wind-ups that the news that we will stop playing at the end of this year has been greeted with cynicism. But please be assured that we are NOT joking. Croydon was our last ever London show. A couple more gigs will be announced shortly but at midnight on Old Year’s Night, the Gonads will walk away from it all – just like Ziggy did on July 3rd 1973. Time takes a cigarette, puts it in your mouth... Sayonara sweethearts...

COMING SOON from Lord Waistrel’s House of Tat – The South Coast Steve Pescetarian Recipe Book including: stir fried frogs spawn, toasted tofu on a stick, toasted stick on tofu, fish eyes broiled in urine with yellow peas, and the Sally Lane strap-on cucumber surprise. Yum. Delicious or what?

Random guff: US Oi vets Forced Reality are putting the finishing touches to their new album... Louise Distras will play the Left Field stage at Glastonbury this year... the Street Dogs are planning to release a new album by the end of the year... there’s a League of Labour Skins reunion May 1st in Battersea... our brother band Maninblack are giving their annual free performance on April 30th at the infamous Double Down Saloon in Manhattan. It kicks off at 7pm with DJ Black Dalek spinning various punk sub genres for the duration, special guests Les Miz & the Angry Inch will be breaking a leg at 8 and those bolshy boys in black starting their set at 9pm. It's free admission but if you don’t buy Sally a drink she’s likely to smack you in the gob. (If you do buy her a drink and try it on, ditto).

April 23. Happy St George’s Day! Oi For England! England for the workers!

Random news: Our mates Buster Shuffle are on the bill for this year’s Endless Summer open air festival in Torgau (August 8 – 10) along with Agnostic Front, Perkele, Madball, 4 Promille, The Bones, Discipline, Third Choice, Beer Patriots, Street Dog, Volxstrum, Donkey Laugh, Evergreen Terrace and more... The Levellers have released a new video for their forthcoming ep, ‘The Recruiting Sergeant’ in aid of the War Child charity. The title track features English folk stalwarts The Copper Family...

The Gonads Website

April 22. Here’s our pal Nick Welsh signing the 2-Tone wall of fame, just under Gal’s signature. Mad knifeman Roddy Radiation’s moniker is above that. You can see the lot at 2-Tone Central in Coventry, where there’s a cafe, a shop, and the Simmer Down restaurant. A music museum and a Rudies Room are currently under construction.

STOP PRESS: Today's tabloids expose our talented friend Francine Lewis's alleged fling with Leonardi DiCaprio. Impressionist Francine, who stormed Britain's Got Talent last night, is said to have spent the night with the movie star back in 1999. Fran rightly dismisses this as "old news" but this won't stop the hacks muck-raking. We just pray they don't get their hands on this shock picture of the brilliant mimic in bed with our Garry! Gal's PR Fit Bird sniffs: "There was nothing smutty about it, they were just filming a scene for the Bushell On The Box DVD." Correct. Fran's Gonads connection goes way back - hear her do Peggy and Sharon Mitchell on 'SkaEnders'. We're glad her talent is finally getting recognised.

The Gonads Website

April 21. If you love the Gonads but can’t afford to book us, we’re offering a cheaper alternative. Gal and Jase are now available as punk rock DJs the Brothers Gonad! You can also book Gal and Paul Hallam for Ska/Mod/Punk DJing. And Gal and a 2-Tone legend for a pure Ska DJ night. For details/prices email The Gonads – keeping it affordable!! (Blue collar comedy packages are also available.)

*Disturbing news. Bloodstock (formerly Total Rock) Radio are getting the Spanish Archer. Yep, the people’s station is being evicted from its deluxe Shoreditch squat, sorry HQ, at the end of May. The shed will be demolished, the greenhouse smashed to smithereens and Malcolm Dome’s lock-up of top quality tat is unlikely to survive. Says boss Tony Wilson: “We need to find cheap accommodation elsewhere in a hurry.” Any offers??? (No, but according to Fat Col, Romania’s likely to be pretty empty on January 1st.)

Some stuff: we think – think! – that East End Babylon will be out on DVD next month, but even the Rejects can’t get an actual release date out of Cadiz... Oi! This is StreetPunk volume 3 is available on vinyl in the UK only from our shop page... Congratulations to Steve Whale on his engagement... the next Punk Rock Curry Club is confirmed for the first week of May, see Gal or Steve for details... Black Sabbath have posted a brand new song ‘God Is Dead’ this week but that’s ridiculous, we spoke to the PM only yesterday.

The great and historic Randale meeting takes place over the second weekend of May, launched with a pre-fest party DJ’ed between pints of wallop by Watford Jon and the Fat Man from Argy Bargy. The next two nights of unbridled mayhem feature performances from Stomper, Argy, the Old Firm Casuals, Stigma, the Templars and our pin-up Jenny Woo and her band of Muscovite madmen. The mighty Arthur Kitchener is also involved.

April 20. That Dropkick Murphys benefit t-shirt has already raised more than £65,000 for the victims and families of the Boston bombings. The front boasts the slogan ‘For Boston’ over the city skyline. Four Boston hardcore bands are following suit - Death Before Dishonour, DYS, Have Heart and American Nightmare have all rushed out exclusive new t-shirts to raise cash for the victims of the callous attack. All proceeds from their shirts will be donated via Meanwhile 130 local bands have donated music to be part of a relief mix-tape to help raise money for the same fund. It’s available to download for 66p. Three people died and over 170 were injured when two bombs exploded near the finishing line of the Boston Marathon on Monday.

April 18. The Dropkick Murphys are selling a benefit shirt from their web store for the survivors of the senseless Boston Marathon tragedy, and the families of the victims. You can order the shirt from here – the band has pledged that 100% of the proceeds will go to those affected.

April 17. Just dropping by to announce that the Street Sounds team will be launching a new youth cult-based fiction imprint for unpublished working class authors later this year. Full details in issue #3.

Naturally there’s still no sign of Chelsea Dom’s big P&D review but the beefy bard of the beer barrel does suggest that we tease you with this question: Which of the following statements is true of last weekend: a) David Cameron was seen walking along (and was spoken to) by the Berlin Wall or b) Lee Wilson got a round in? (If he’d asked if an alien had been seen by the Wall or Lee had got a round in, we’d plump for the alien).

Random news: the Bouncing Souls are re-issuing their debut The Greenball Crew ep to celebrate its 20th anniversary; you can pre-order it from these chavvies.

April 15. Gal reveals today that he has signed up to publish the third part of The Face trilogy of pulp fiction novels. The new book, Face Down is said to be more brutal and sexier than the first two and is due out this Autumn.

Here’s a Sky News numbskull totally failing to grasp that the Notsensibles are taking the piss with ‘I’m In Love With Margaret Thatcher’. (Haggis and co give Gal a shout out too!). A stern-faced Fat Col recommends Thatcher-lovers purchase Jim Davidson’s ‘Maggie’ instead, although most feel this would be a step beyond what is acceptable, even in the name of irony. ‘Iron Maiden’ by Iron Maiden is more like it.

If you’re looking for St George’s Day events this year, there are a few here.

Two of London’s most celebrated Mod DJs and promoters, Rob Bailey (The New Untouchables/Le Beat Bespoke) and Rhys Webb (The Horrors /The Cave Club) will launch a new Maximum R&B club night with a Bank Holiday special on Sunday 5th May at The Phoenix in Central London (37 Cavendish Square W1G 0PP), 9pm – 3am. Entry: £6 before 10, £8 after.

April 13. Okay folks, this blog is shutting down until we have something to tell you or until our intrepid correspondent Chelsea Dom scrapes himself off the Berlin bierkeller floor long enough to file his review of Punk & Disorderly – the odds are split evenly on which will happen first, although we hope to have definitive news on Built For Destruction and more overseas gigs by the end of the month.

For those following the Porno Cassettes saga, Dizzy has solved the mystery – you’ll find the whole story here.

New from Sailors Grave, the latest album from psychobilly horror-punks The Brains. Called The Monster Within it mashes up rockabilly, punk and rock 'n' roll. Also just out the debut album from Noi!se, called Rising Tide on GMM Records, which is very Oi!some; while lovers of the Damned should check out Neon Piss.

April 10. Here’s a new video from the Last Resort, for ‘Never Get A Job’, in advance of their brand new studio album This Is My England which is out next month.

The death of former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher has divided the country – and the punk scene. Although many are jumping on the bash Maggie bandwagon, we can report that Lord Waistrel, the PM and other “free-thinking” Oi-Oi luminaries are planning to attend the Iron Lady’s funeral next Wednesday.

Our pal Stief A Billy tragically died in a violent incident on Sunday involving a babe with a blade. Mercifully this was in a scene for the forthcoming movie Babes With Blades. Stief’s finest thespian performances are of course on stage with us as the FrankenSkin.

April 9. The reviews are coming in thick and fast for Saturday’s last-ever Gonads London show. Chelsea Dom notes that “the Nads were the best I’ve ever seen them”. Stief A Billy reports: “Brilliant night, you’re back on top form.” Fluff says “It was a top night, a great gig”. Ally calls it “Brilliant, a supremely confident performance, the Nads have never been mightier.” While top music expert Chris Weeks observes: “A great night, it’s tragic that this was your last London show.” The only sour note was struck by the PM who dismissed the show with a curt: “You were all pissed and clearly hadn’t rehearsed the two new songs. Or any of the others.” Ouch. More apologies for absence have filtered through too. Louise Distras couldn’t get along as she was playing a gig in Brighton, Dale Winton was “in Florida” (what kind of excuse is that?) while Infa Riot’s Lee Wilson confesses: “Sorry I couldn’t make it Saturday night, but it was too far and I’m too tight!” South Coast Steve wins the award for understatement with his semi-apologetic text: “Okay maybe a couple of songs were a bit too fast but the vibe was good.” Oaf. These pictures from the gig, supplied by Chris, are only hazy because they were taken through his tears:

The Gonads Website
Wattsie and Mandy join Gal on SE7 Dole Day – we’ll all be signing on soon

The Gonads Website
Mick Mav backs the Moscow rebels who have never knowingly ruptured a foreskin

The Gonads Website
The Jase-meister in rare ukulele-free shot, scans crowd for Buckfast

The Gonads Website
Charlton boys Frazzle and Jel want some – do you?

The Gonads Website
South Coast caught in background thanks to time-freezing Klingon camera technology

Mere mention of horse porn has drawn an immediate confession from Lee Wilson, who says he was in a Swedish hotel when he “asked at reception if they had internet and they pointed to a machine in the lobby, so I politely asked if it was ok to look at horse porn just to see the look on their faces!” (That old one!) He goes on: “When I finished I made sure there was a screen saver of naked erect men, it’s what any civilised English punk band do whilst visiting another country.” Yeah? We like to shag their women and drink their beer, but each to his own mate.

April 8. Questions of the week: Why is Dick Emery listed among the Argy Bargy tracks on YouTube? Is there more to this than meets the eye? And what is the connection between Lee Wilson and horse porn? Check back soon for the answers...

The Gonads Website

Thought for the day:

The Gonads Website

Band statement: The Gonads stand absolutely for freedom of speech, thought and association. We don't try and tell people how to think. Anyone can come to our gigs as long as they can live with the fact that we are by definition, instinct and inclination against all forms of bigotry, intolerance and narrow-mindedness. If you want to know what we are in favour of, see below.

The Gonads Website

STOP PRESS. We’re saddened to hear of the death of the brilliant Harry Johnson, better known as Harry J of The Harry J All-Stars whose biggest hit was the skinhead reggae classic ‘Liquidator’. The legendary musician-producer died in hospital in western Jamaica on Wednesday after a long battle with diabetes. He was 67. Bob Marley & The Wailers recorded their first four Island Records albums at Harry’s studio, which was also used by Peter Tosh, Bunny Wailer and Burning Spear, as well as becoming a draw for the likes of Mick Jagger, Grace Jones and Chris Blackwell. Other Johnson produced hits include Boris Gardiner’s ‘Elizabethan Reggae’ and The Beltones’ ‘No More Heartaches’.

The Gonads Website

April 7. Thanks to all who came to last night’s show in Croydon, especially to Mandy Shaw from the Crows who joined us on stage for a couple of ditties, Chris Weeks and the Charlton Boys, ravishing Wattsie Watts, flag-girl Allyson Maverick of the MK Dons, Stief O’FrankenSkin and Jennie Bellestar’s pissed-as-a-pudding publisher who insisted on buying rounds. Other luminaries of backstreet culture in attendance included the PM, Chelsea Dom, Dave Straps, and Fluff and Tracy who came down from Doncaster because unlike some of you unbelievers they realised we were serious and this really was the Gonads’ last ever London show. As the PM said, between dodging rounds: “Gentlemen in England now-a-bed shall think themselves accurs’d they were not here, and hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks that drank with us upon Lord Waistrel’s day... .” The set was: intro music – Liquidator, Punk Rock Till I Die, The Growler, Alconaut, Oi Mate, Hey You, SE7 Dole Day, Grant Mitchell, The FrankenSkin, Valhallaballoo, Oily Rag, Charlton Boys, Jobs Not Jails, England In Our Blood (first ever live performance), Tucker’s Ruckers, I Lost My Love to a UK Sub. Encore: Ruptured Foreskin Blues (first ever live performance), Pink Tent, Oi Nutter. Some pictures may follow. Apologies for absence were received from Stinky Turner (in Holland), Cass Pennant (watching himself on TV), Frankie Flame (lost his bus pass), The Beast (arrived five hours early and you know how it is) and Iain Kilgallon (in the studio with Control recording their blinding new album: Ballad Of The Working Man). There are now just eight months left to book and see the Gonads live. Or not. Over to you...

Matters arising from the Croydon show: 1) South Coast Steve needs to fucking slow down 2) South Coast Steve needs to fucking slow down 3) South Coast Steve needs to fucking slow down.

RANDOM delights: Sarah Black has joined the SkaNads as backing vocalist, apparently she was won over by ‘Badly Done’ which clearly rang a bell – the band still needs a keyboard player... watch Gal’s website for a big non-Gonads-related announcement next week... Jimmy Edwards tells us he’s playing the Constitution in Camden on the 12th July... issue three of Street Sounds will be published at the end of the month.

*BIG love to our old pal Eddie Pillar who is just out of hospital following a major operation on his neck. Get well soon, buddy.

April 6. Don’t forget we’re playing the Scream Lounge Croydon tonight in what will almost certainly be our LAST EVER LONDON GIG before the Gonads retire Ziggy-style on New Year’s Eve 2013. So it’d be good to see ya.

*We asked Fat Col to write a review of the sold-out Orgasm Guerrillas/Donkey Laugh show from last Monday but after editing out the references to Charlton Athletic, Stella Artois and the various vexations of women, there was precious little left of it. Col did rave about the Orgasm Guerrillas who he says have “moved away from punk and into the manic mainstream,” adding poetically: “They are the Goons for droogs, vaudeville for the modern world, and all our yesterdays tomorrow.” The Guerrillas embody “everything English” he says – “folk, Music Hall, Benny Hill, beer, fish n chips and the Jolly Pranksters (even if Ska and curry influences are also prominent.)” Other helpful references include Madness, Monty Python and the Magical Mystery Tour. So a mighty long way from the early days of ‘Aloha’ and ‘Frankie Goes To Pot’. All-girl trio Donkey Laugh didn’t fare so well. Fans say Donkey Laugh swagger between aggressive pop, obnoxious rock and the Crucifucks but Col reports that they “make a terrifying racket, a bit like the Civets shagging Crass as they’re being fed into Stephen King’s blender.” He claims he was left “traumatised” and insists the band are “in the place where humour dies and horror begins.”

Exciting! Smartphone users can now add The Gonads website to their phones by scanning the QR code. Try it!

The Gonads Website

*The Rock’s Back Pages Album Club, in association with The Idler, are putting on a special Bob Marley night next Thursday (April 11th) at the Idler Academy, 81 Westbourne Park Road, London W2 5QH. The evening features acclaimed Marley biographer Chris Salewicz and punky-reggae DJ legend Don Letts playing and discussing Bob & the Wailers' majestic 1977 album Exodus Full details here.

April 2. OK, it’s too effin’ cold. This blog is relocating to Puerto Banus. We’ll be back in time for Croydon, probably...

If/when we return, we’ll have a review from last night’s Orgasm Guerrillas/Donkey Laugh show... Meantime, Cass Pennant tells us that his rather splendid award-winning Casuals documentary film gets its first TV airing this Saturday (April 6th) at 9pm on the Community Channel (539 on Sky, 233 on Virgin).

April 1st. Not an April Fool’s Day wind-up. Oi! The Boat is teaming up with Randale, Longshot, Contra, Pirates Press and Rebellion to serve up 52 seven-inch e.p.s over 52 weeks. This ‘Under One Flag’ singles series kicks off on 20th April and there’s some sort of subscription deal involved but we’re too busy sun-bathing (cough) to look into the details. The Boat boys tell us: “The intention is to unite Streetpunk and Oi! vinyl collectors worldwide, to celebrate the loyalty of this sub-genre, and to prove how strong we are when we come together as a one team, under one flag! Releasing one 7" record each week and limited to editions of only 350 records per title, this series will kick off on Records Store Day 2013. All records will be housed in a simple 'old school' full colour printed paper inner sleeve with printed centre labels, inserted into a custom-printed shipping envelope. All six record companies involved are contributing material for between 6-10 weeks. This series aims to highlight great bands that fans of Punk and Oi! will already know, while also introducing the base to new and upcoming bands that are destined to be future favourites of the scene... ” Let’s hope they give Donkey Laugh a break.

Louise Distras released her new four-track acoustic e.p. ‘Shades Of Hate’ today; you can download it for free just by entering your email address on Louise’s website.