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Please note the items you are about to read consist largely of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation.
As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked. Its informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully thought through.

April 28. STOP PRESS. Sham 69 have dropped out of Punk Rock Bowling because Jimmy’s Dad has been diagnosed with aggressive lung cancer caused by asbestosis. They will be replaced by the Cockney Rejects. Our thoughts are with the Pursey family. Less seriously, Gal’s latest podcast is now up here.

April 28th: A busy day. First Gal recorded his latest podcast with a cast of thousands including Dave Barker, of Dave and Ansel Collins fame, Molly and Danie from the Feathers, and the better looking half of Buster Shuffle. It features top tracks from Underclass UK, Stomper 98, Night Of Treason, Wasted Life, King Brillo, Taurus Trakker, the God Damn Electric, Blackmayne, the Dub City Rockers, Spyn Reset, the Dualers, Shotglass Killers, Murderers’ Row and, surprisingly, the Gonads – we’ll let you know when it’s up. Our hungry pal Debz was running slightly late, largely because there are 1,237 fast-food out-lets between her house and the Total Rock studios... which by the way has a serious roof problem. It has more leaks than a St David’s Day parade and was almost as wet as the Shadow Cabinet.

The Gonads Website
Caption, Left to right: Molly and Danie (The Feathers), Paul Hallam (the Stalin of Style),
skinhead reggae legend Dave Barker, Gal, Carrie, Debz and Jet from Buster Shuffle.

Then last night we hit Camden’s Bar Solo for a thoroughly upbeat gig. The mighty throng was swelled by the dapper Lee Wilson, gorgeous Jennie Bellestar, an almost sober Max Splodge, fresh-faced Bradders from Monkish, Bill from Oi-The Shop (happy 50th mate), Ska DJ Andy, our mate Lorraine (glamorous granny) and of course Wattsie Watts who joined us for ‘Beki Bondage Please’ and ‘UK Sub’ and probably something else – don’t expect this blog to remember, we were half-cut by teatime. Our thanks to Max for playing the FrankenSkin, to Mandy, and last but not least Kay Kimberly for setting up the gig in the first place.

Here’s the great Jerry Dammers with the book all the Ska stars rate – Gal’s Dance Craze oeuvre. Thank you, General – we salute you!

The Gonads Website

April 27th. What a night! The Cockney Rejects film, East End Babylon got its first public airing at the KoKo in Camden (or the Music Machine as we old fuckers remember it) and then Vince Riordan jumped up on stage playing bass on three songs at the climax of a Rejects set that was tighter than Eddie Piller at a pay-bar. In the crowd: former Iron Maiden axe-man Dennis Stratton, Sir Hoxton of Tom, early Rejects drummer Andy Scott (also from fabled Bridgehouse band the Tickets), Max Splodge, Terence Hayes (the Lad Himself), Garrie ‘Guitar’ Lammin, and a host of mates including Grant Fleming, Skully, Si Spanner, and Lee Drury from Eraserhead. (There were probably more faces there, but in truth Gal was too busy wondering where he’ll put his Oscar to take notes.) Anyway, the film is great, everyone raved about it – it really is the first film to do Oi justice and one of the great rock music documentaries. As a bonus, here’s a bit of Jeff iinterviewed on Sky Sports:

Random news: Argy Bargy are in the recording studio on Monday, starting work on their eagerly awaited new album. The studio is in Devon, cos, Daryl tells us: “That’s where clotted crème fudge n toffee comes from.” (Not to mention Bays Devon Dumpling)...we may get a review of Sparrer in Bologna next week as their groupie Chelsea Dom is out there...Max Splodge has joined the GayNads – but his asking price is Wattsie’s hand in marriage. (Fat Col: “He can have her hand as long as we can have her...” Cut! – Ed)

Stories reach us of a disastrous Roberto Duran dinner last week at The Roller Ball. The retired Panamanian boxing legend is widely regarded as one of the greatest fighters of all time, so naturally a few Oi boys were in attendance. Unfortunately Duran speaks no English. Normally in such a situation, the promoters would hire a professional interpreter to facilitate the Q&A session. These clods brought in a painter and decorator who spoke a bit of Spanish. The evening rapidly descended into chaos as the painter couldn’t translate what the great man was saying, the promoters ended up fighting each other while the singer was on, and punters who’d paid 30sovs a head were further insulted by being served curry in polystyrene bowls without even knives and forks to eat it with. Said a stunned on-looker, “it was so badly done it could have been organised by the LibDems.”

Oh no, the Bitch is back! She/he has seen the strange “war paint” three of the Nads wore in France and has dismissed us as “Adam & The Pants.” The acid-tongued Bitch also has a pop at our friend Garrie Lammin who apparently “looks like Uncle Bulgaria after he’s been dragged through a charity clothes shop”. But she/he isn’t having it all her/his way, for Metal Phil from Blackmayne hits back: “I would like to take this opportunity to inform The Bitch that I did try to address the rapid influx of grey hair upon my head by borrowing the WM's Grecian 2000, but he made it very clear that ‘If you lay even one frikkin Badoe finger on my Grecian Phil, I will not be responsible for my Harry The Dog actions!’ However, I'd also like to add that any comparisons with Dom's fine dress sense I take as a massive compliment. A more classy dresser I have yet to meet. His luminous trainer laces (one green and t'other orange) are a wonderful thing to behold.” Indeed.

Oi! Stief is doing his skydive on 26th May, you can sponsor him here: We’re playing The Royalty in Chester Road, Sunderland, next Saturday (May 5th) with Stief’s band the Noxious Toyz, as an off-the-wall and up-the-bracket warm-up gig for the Darlington punk all-dayer on the 6th. And here’s the poster for Help 4 Heroes weekender in June...

The Gonads Website

Janice Gussett (nee Issitt) has broken her 30-year silence to confirm that the lyrics to ‘I Lost My Love To A UK Sub’ are TRUE! She notes on facebook: ‘Yes, I am Janice Gussett for whom ‘I Lost My Love To A UK Sub’ was written - the sad truth was that I did like Steve Roberts who took me on a date and then introduced me to his wife, I went home and cried.’ Former Kerrang secretary Janice, who went on to play bass in Rock Goddess, is now engaged to... another bloody drummer.

Random news: four ex-members of Black Flag are writing chapters for hardcore book, WE GOT POWER!: Hardcore Punk Scenes from 1980s Southern California, by David Markey and Jordan Schwartz. Three of Black Flag's many singers will be contributing - Keith Morris, Dez Cadena, and Henry Rollins; as well as bassist Chuck Dukowski... our mates Iron Cross have just released a new five-track vinyl 7 inch on the Skinflint label... The Offspring’s next album, Days Go By, will be released “early Summer” on Sony.

And so here it is at last, a belated review of Punk & Disorderly 2012, from our slightly jittery man in galoshes with the umbrella, water bomb attack survivor Chelsea Dom: ‘It began last Wednesday with my arrival in Berlin, straight to the Wild at Heart club for a few warm-up beers, to discover that the Abrasive Wheels were playing a set. Unfortunately I was overcome by the need to feed my bulemic frame and missed the first half of the set (A true professional – Ed) which ended with a romp through ‘When the Punks Go Marching In’ and ‘Burn Em Down’. With more folk arriving Thursday the drinking became more ferocious – the Watford mob were there, the Scousers, the Port Vale crew (you get the picture). The night ended (started?) at the Wild At Heart (again) for the official warm-up. First up were acoustic band the Crows with a fine set of original numbers and dual female vocals. Richie Ramjet then switched from acoustic to electric for up and coming Wirral band Biteback (no Cliff Richard cover though – Wirral Going on a Summer Holiday??? – I’ll get my coat). Actually they went down a storm. Finishing the night was Glasgow’s very own Fire Exit, fronted by the inimitable Gerry. However, the main event was going on the dressing room, with various vocal ‘talents’ letting rip to an acoustic Oh Boy. Hopefully the footage of myself & Watford throwing some shapes that Fred Astaire would have been proud of will remain under wraps (so mote it be – Pranksters everywhere). On to Friday and the start of the actual festival. As ever due to a serious amount of socialising I didn’t get to watch all the bands, however before getting on to the gig, I’d like to make one thing clear. There were various rumours floating round about fights breaking out, however we saw and heard no evidence of this (bar a couple of rumbles in a bar across town). The gig itself started slowly, eventually packing out with a sell out crowd. Control were the first UK band up, filling in at short notice and played a thumping set. Old Firm Casuals followed with what I believe was their European mainland debut and really got the crowd going. Despite negativity from some quarters they have some fine tunes and ‘A Gang Like Us’ is destined to become an Oi classic. German stalwarts Stomper 98 continued the theme of decent Streetpunk, before Berlin ‘legends’ Troopers finished off the evening. Whilst I have a reasonable knowledge of Kraut Punk, I am not familiar with this band. (Big in the 80s – Ed) Unfortunately they weren’t really my cup of tea, having a sub-metal sound, but what really switched me off was seeing a guy at the side of the stage doing the lead vocals. (Was it Milky? – Ed). Saturday started off with the controversy of the weekend – who was really responsible for the ‘watergate’ scandal? (Lee Wilson – innocent Ed, see previous blog entries). Didn’t get to see Evil Mopped, so not sure if they made a clean sweep. The Gonads put in a decent shift, including my favourite ‘Oi Mate’ (Oh that’s it, damn us with faint praise, why don’tcha – Ed). Gal has also bigged-up Buster Shuffle, but I have to say it is well deserved. This is the first time I’d seen them live and they were truly magnificent – the crowd loved them. Touches of punk, ska, bits of the Kinks thrown in – for me one of the highlights of the weekend. Perennial favourites The Business also played a stonking set and in my humble opinion should have been headliners (but why no ‘England 5 Germany 1’ – cowards!). Now don’t take this the wrong way, we all have our personal taste, but I don’t get Perkele. They just don’t do it for me & seem to take an Oi by numbers approach, with choruses such as ‘skinhead, skinhead… sorry, but not my bag, however obviously have a wider appeal, given a sell-out crowd the second night in a row.

Finally we reached Sunday, a night that in previous years has seen a low turnout, consequently leading to a lacklustre evening. However, I was pleasantly surprised to see a decent-sized crowd. Despite a marathon effort on the drinking stakes (the person that finished off by having beer on their cornflakes shall remain nameless!) (It was Watford – Ed), Argy Bargy somehow managed to deliver a blistering set, complete with Ray Dust and his drummer orgasm faces. ‘Drinks, Drugs, Football Thugs’ could well have been the theme sing for the weekend, but unfortunately it was all too short. Final band of the weekend, were Peter and the Test Tube Babies and I think a few of us were concerned that they would pull this one off, being the umpteenth replacement for an ever-changing headliner. However, they certainly delivered, playing tighter than Peter Test-tube’s wallet, even if some of the humour was lost on the crowd (not sure how many German’s have heard of Rupert the Bear – a joke on the bass players dodgy trousers). I’d almost forgotten how good songs such as ‘Banned From the Pubs’, ‘Maniac’ etc sound when you’re pissed. All in all, another top weekend in Berlin courtesy of MAD.

April 25. The good news? The Beast has secured a deal with Randale for both the SkaNads debut ep and our own next one. The bad news? A furious Martin Sporrell has hit back and announced that he and FB will release a Gonads bootleg album this summer – and donate all the proceeds to “hactivists”. The headstrong duo are proceeding with ‘Charlton Boys – The Official Bootleg’ against the express wishes of the band. It is thought to include unheard mixes, rarities and demos of unfinished songs such as ‘Oblivion’, ‘Dogging In Dartford’, ‘Foreplay’s For Girls’, the catchy but horrible ‘(Still) Coming Blood’, the juvenile ‘Becky’s Bucket’, the shocking ‘Say What You Like’, the outrageous ‘Go Motherfucker’ and the potentially illegal ‘My Cousin’s Niece’. Said The Beast: “This couldn’t be happening at a worst time. Just when the Nads are getting taken seriously, this bootleg could take us right back to square one. The band knows none of these disgusting songs should ever see the light of day. But Mart and FB have got some kind of hold over Gal and he just goes along with them.” However Fat Col is backing the bootleggers, saying “This is not an official release but it’s exactly what the Gonads should be about – filthy, rule-breaking punk rock mayhem with a fuck-PC attitude.” The Beast is trying to prevent the release by attempting to slap an injunction on it; but Mr. Sporrell is no respecter of the law, allegedly.

There’s more from the Bitch, all the goss from the next two nights in Camden, and Chelsea Dom’s P&D review coming very soon...

April 24. This is interesting, a bit of a bidding war has broken out for our next two releases. As regular readers will know, Gal is planning to bring out his long-awaited four track SkaNads e.p. late this summer, and there are plans afoot for a new four or five track Gonads e.p. for October. Since Berlin however, we have been contacted by not one, not two but four record labels, variously from Germany, the USA, the UK and Scandinavia, hoping to release both of said gems. Says The Beast, “Obviously we have a working relationship with Randale in Germany, and would like to keep that going, but at the end of the day we will do business with whoever offers us the best deal.” However, Gal’s personal manager Martin Sporrel (aggressive Gooner) disagrees and is arguing forcefully that both eps should be released on vinyl by our own Soitainly label, saying “We don’t need no other fuckers, let’s keep it in-house; at the end of the day we are family, we are one and we stand alone.” Good point. Tough decisions need to be made, and we’ll fill you in when all is decided.

There will be no report here on yesterday’s outrageous St George’s Day prankster celebrations – by order of the brotherhood. So mote it be.

We’re off now until the weekend, when we’ll be back with the word on the Rejects film preview in Camden (this Thursday) and our FREE gig at Bar Solo, also in Camden, on Friday. Meanwhile, here’s an unsavoury development. We have received a rather unnecessary email from a mystery correspondent describing herself (or himself) as “The Bitch”, who offers these unwanted thoughts on the dress sense of many of the good folk pictured on this blog. According to this so-called Bitch, Phil McDermott’s waistcoat is “a fashion disaster of Chelsea Dom proportions... it’s the Don Estelle look, redolent of Dom in Amsterdam with the Badoes in 2009.” She/he goes on to ask, “has Phil dyed his hair blonde or has he just gone very grey?” Other personalities at the sharp end of this creature’s cruel tongue include Gal (“stop wearing black, it ain’t as slimming as you obviously think it is, mate”), Wattsie (“Paloma Faith for the Sanatogen generation”), and Mick Maverick: “tell your bass player that unless he has an eyesight problem he should ditch the sunglasses – he looks a plum.” A grim-faced Fat Col says “No wonder this Bitch stays anonymous, slagging off the Mav is about as good for the health as streaking down Syria High Street in a target t-shirt.”

Quick PS to our France report: thanks to Guillaume for cooking us breakfast. Cheers, mate.

Out this week: the Anti-Heros’ 1999 album ‘Underneath The Underground’ (GMM Records) on colour vinyl for the first time. It comes with bonus tracks from their 1992 ‘Election Day’ single... sticking in the States, our sister band Maninblack are back at the Double Down Saloon in the East Village of Manhattan, NYC, next Monday for their 6th annual free performance for friends and associates. It's a school night so the event is going to kick off early, at 7 PM, with Tim Sommer spinning Punk, Punk, Punk for the duration, comedian Bob Bell will lower your IQ a few notches at 8pm, and Maninblack hit the stage by 9pm. Sultry New York lesbian publicist Sally will be giving out free mini CDs of Maninblack’s Fighting In The Streets b/w The NYC, badges, stickers and maybe the business end of a dildo or two.

Anyone know about Saturday’s Heroes? It’s a quarterly English-language magazine from Poland dedicated to the global ultra and hooligan scene. It has 80 full colour pages with proper articles on the mobs from here, Poland, Serbia, Greece, Croatia and South America. You can order it from for 3,90 EUR per issue (including shipping).

April 23. Happy St George's Day from the Gonads. Dragon slaying postponed due to inclement weather, suggest ale-supping instead. Cheers!

April 22. Well, we're back from Beauvais, chaps and chapesses, our back teeth floating in strong French beer. The gig was "un blast" but the journey was something else. It's an easy route from Calais to Beauvais, two and a bit hours straight down on the A16. No dramas, you would think. Unfortunately some fool decided South Coast Steve should navigate. Well, we reasoned, the geezer works as a courier, how could he go wrong? We found out within minutes as map-mangling moron took us off the A16 and East towards Dunkirk. And then on towards Bruges, which is in Belgium. Another country. Realising his mistake, South Coast then took us in a giant triangle to the seaside town of Boulogne. When we started seeing signs for Monte Carlo, the gibbering beat-keeper was demoted to freight and wiser heads prevailed. Tempers were slightly frayed at this point, and Mick Maverick at the wheel took his anger out on a French driver who had the temerity to flash us for being on the wrong side of the road. As Mick pointed out, we were on the right side - the whole effin' country is on the wrong side. The gig itself was cooking, with fine support slots from French bands the Maraboots and the Misogynes and the Half-wits from Canterbury. Our set was Punk Rock Till I Die, Tucker's Ruckers, Alconaut, Oi Mate, Grant Mitchell, The Growler, Rob A Bank, Gob, Oily Rag, Jobs Not Jails, Charlton Boys (with local flag Doris - merci buckets), Beki Bondage Please, Franken-Skin (with John from Vicious Rumours as the Monster), and I Lost My Love To A UK Sub (with Vanessa from Misogynes). Encores are a bit hard to recall but definitely included That's Oi, Tuckers, Skinhead Girl (with Vanessa) and Hey You with Gal crowd-surfing. The punters were good natured and had come from as far away as Italy, Belgium and even Canada. In fact the only backstage drama was Gal's rather unnecessary rage at being asked to consume couscous. There is no round-dodging to report, but we were privileged to watch a masterful display of "mine-sweeping" from Vanessa - the art of blatant beer-nicking. We then followed John VR on to the after-show party marvelling at how he drove with no lights and a bottle of red wine between his legs without getting tugged by le Vieux Bill. As the night progressed and beer flowed, members of our entourage morphed into their alcoholic alter-egos. Allyson became Miss Potty Mouth, Mick "le Ginge Minge" (pronounced janje-manje), Jason confessed to his sordid past as a Chubby Chaser (le chasseur de grosses femmes), and Gal just vanished to barricade himself into his bedroom to prevent another 4am intrusion from SCS who in drink traditionally becomes the Room-Raider. Ah, but the real delight of the night was our "hotel" - actually a circus training centre 15miles out of town in le Moulin de Pierre. That's right we kipped in a circus! They had the horses, the ponies and the live-stock - we brought the clown. South Coast Steve, we salute you, you loveable fuckwit. Onwards to Camden. Steve you can't miss it, it's just off the A1. What's that, mate? You're in Rotterdam? Zuts alors.

The Gonads Website
Oi! - The Circus

Here’s the first look at Phil McDermott’s new/old band Blackmayne. Former East End Badoes guitarist Phil was in the NWoBHM outfit back in the eighties. Now they’re back playing heavy metal with streetpunk attitude. Blackmayne are busy writing new material and plan to be gigging by October.

The Gonads Website

The Gonads Website
Gal is hoist aloft by jubilant punters as Gonads fever sweeps Le Continent

The Gonads Website
Nacho Jase delights the French crowd with his fearsome fretwork frenzies

April 19. Bonnet de douche! Brace yerselves, mes amis, Les Gonads are coming! Here we are rehearsing intensely for Saturday’s big gig in Beauvais, France, under the watchful eye of acting road manager Allyson Maverick. (Part-time punk Wattsie Watts remains road mistress... material). Chateauneuf du Pape! This blog returns next week. Et maintenant, revenons a nos moutonst.

The Gonads Website

OUT NOW! Hooligan Classics Volume One: a four track vinyl ep, compiled by Lars Frederiksen on the Randale label featuring ‘Tribal’ by Control, ‘Lafayette’ by The Chosen Ones, ‘Just Another Yob’ by On File, and ‘We Don’t Bury Our Dead’ by the Old Firm Casuals. Lars says this series is “inspired by the original Oi! albums”. Fittingly then, Volume 2 will feature Stomper 98, Perkele, the OFC and a brand new romantic ballad from us entitled: ‘Punch! Punch!’. You can buy Vol 1 from the Randale site for 8Euros 90, whatever the fuck that is in English. (About £7.35 – Educated Ed)

More on Infa-Riot’s slippery Lee Wilson. Readers note that a) Lee is ‘eel’ spelt backwards – “and there’s nothing slipperier...”; and b) ‘Lee Wilson’ is an anagram of ‘Wellies On’ – the actual catchphrase of the phantom water bomber of old Berlin. Not that that proves anything of course...

New single from the Phoenix City All-Stars featuring the legendary Dave Barker out shortly – hear it here.

NOOS: Social Distortion are confirmed to headline Friday night at Rebellion... NOFX are in the studio now recording new material... Radical acoustic punk Louise Distras plays 'Germ Free Adolescents' (in memory of Poly Styrene) at Catch 22 Shoreditch next Tuesday (24th)... We Are The Union release a new album later this year... Resistance 77 are celebrating St George’s Day with a fundraising charity gig at the Hawthorns, South Normanton, this Saturday. Entry is free, and the lads will be collecting for the Army Benevolent Fund.

The biggest Oi Against Racism gig to date takes place in Chemnitz, Saxony, on 5th May, featuring Stomper, the OFC, and the Gumbles with special guests the Hudson Falcons, Saints & Sinners and High Society. The beer-loving Gumbles are named after booze-hound Barney Gumble from the Simpsons who in turn was separated at birth from his ginger co-joined twin Fat Col Gannon. Speaking of the chunky oaf, we sent Col to investigate the activities of Terence Hayes (The Lad Himself) and his secretive Golden Dawn society, seen by many as the modern day Illuminati. He tells us: “They met in the backroom of a disreputable public house in Snodland. I managed to wedge the door open and saw them practising levitation (with a table-dancer). I over-heard some of the ritual, but was forcibly ejected by a man calling himself Silver Stick.” What was the ritual, we asked, breathless with excitement. An ashen-faced Col replied: "In Hackney Wick there lives a lass, whose grommets would I woggle/Her gander-parts none can surpass and her posset makes me boggle...’ By the Horne, this is much, much worse than even we suspected...

Separated at birth: Terence Hayes (TLH) in our wok-gate picture below, and this tortoise...?

The Gonads Website

April 18. Good morning to Mark Brennan – glad to hear you’re a regular reader.

April 17. Here are great live shots from the weekend, taken by Anna Vilen. Next stop, Beauvais!

The Gonads Website

The Gonads Website

The Gonads Website

The Gonads Website

The Gonads Website

The Gonads Website

The Gonads Website

April 16. Berlin extra: there was a big turn-out for Argy-Bargy on Sunday night, and the boys played a blinder. “It’s just a shame they’re all so bloody ugly,” said our man in the crowd whose identity we will protect - unless and until Watford gets a round in. Scientists are believed to be examining cells from Jon and Daryl Smith’s internal organs to establish the secret of their Ozzy-like powers of rejuvenation. Respected boffin Sir Rosiss O’Deleeva tells us: “I am amazed zat they were able to get on ze stage, let alone stand zere playing for 45 minutes without collapsing. No normal human could do zis...” But then Mr. Smith and Watford Jon (“from Luton!” (c) Lars) are not normal humans, like all true men of Oi they have hearts of oak, fists of steel, the looks of a Greek god, and the build of a Greek restaurant.

Random goss: Infa-Riot have a new album ready to record... Phil McDermott, formerly of the East End Badoes, is back playing with his previous new wave metal band about whom more soon... John Jacobs has also returned to public life and is gigging on the south east London pub circuit (not Oi but they do include a couple of Madness covers, says our man in the audience, Nutty Lee from Coldharbour)... Allyson Maverick (aka Mrs Organised) is now promoted to Acting Gonads Tour Manager due to the on-going and puzzling absence of FB who went off for a loaf of bread in 2010 and hasn’t been seen since; meanwhile South Coast Steve has been given a yellow card by Lord Waistrel after sheepishly owning up to the latest early morning hotel-room nuisance raid. Waistrel’s enforcer the Beast described his behaviour as “a funny way to hand in your notice.” He went on: “This is an official warning, it’s shape up or ship out time.”...

More True stuff: Gonads USA gigs will now NOT happen this August, but Vegas 2013 for the real Gonads is looking increasingly likely... Our New York sister band Maninblack will be working with ‘Noise-The Show’ legend Tim Sommer, former NYC Oi radio presenter turned producer. Tim is also DJing for the lads at their annual free show at the Double Down Saloon (14 Ave) on April 30, w/ punk stand up comedian Bob Bell... Jimmy Cliff debuted at Coachella in California on Saturday night and was blown away by the sight and sound of a massive crowd of mostly 20-somethings singing along to hits he had notched up before they were even born. The great man said: “One young girl came up to me tonight with about five albums she asked me to sign. She said, 'My parents brought me up on this...’” Madness were also on the bill. But the greatest resurrection was Tupac whose hologram appeared alongside Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre to cap off Sunday’s rap-heavy bill.

Prankster news: the Lodge of Serendipity is organising the annual St George’s Day event at that Kent place. See your Tyler for details. Meanwhile we hear that while we were away Terence Hayes, PM, (aka “the guru’s guru” – Prankster Monthly) was voted onto the ruling council of the Golden Dawn (a spin-off grouping for senior pranksters devoted to astral travel, pigeon-racing and necromancy) and must henceforth be referred to by his new official title of “The Lad Himself”. So mote it be.

Record News: Detroit Oi! band the Bad Assets have just released ‘The Spirit Of Detroit’ CD on United Riot Records... the Sex Pistols are re-releasing 'God Save The Queen' on May 28th – 35 years after it first came out in 1977. The Pistols are also releasing a limited edition 7" inch picture disc of their first ever single 'Anarchy In The UK' (April 21 for Record Store Day.)... The Dualers’ new album Prince Buster Shakedown is released on 7th May on Phoenix City (through Cherry Red); it’s “a tribute to the undisputed King of Ska, Prince Buster”, says singer Tyber Craunston (our mate Nina’s brother). The launch is at the London Intl Ska Festival on 5th May 2012 at O2 Shepherds Bush Empire... Operation Ivy’s album ‘Energy’ has been re-mastered and will be re-released through Epitaph. The vinyl version comes with a download card of the entire album. Their album ‘Hectic’ is also available again on vinyl.

April 15. Wotcha cocks! We’re back from Berlin, cream-crackered but as happy as a rat with a gold tooth. We set out to show Punk & Disorderly that the Gonads are now a band to be taken seriously. Said Steve Whale: “You more than proved that – the Nads were sensational; like Charlton, you have moved up a division.” Daryl Smith (Cock Sparrer/Argy Bargy) said “You’ve always been a fun band but now you mean business too; it is ridiculous the Gonads aren’t playing Rebellion.” Even Infa-Riot’s slippery Lee Wilson, of whom much more later, reluctantly admitted: “You were so much better than I thought you’d be.” We only had half an hour but we packed it with what Watford Jon described as “all killers, no fillers.” The set was: ‘Punk Rock Till I Die’, ‘Alconaut’, ‘Grant Mitchell’, ‘Oi Mate’, ‘The Growler’, ‘Rob A Bank’, ‘Gob’, ‘Oily Rag’, ‘Tucker’s Ruckers’, ‘Charlton Boys’ (with Whaley on backing vocals) and ‘I Lost My Love To A UK Sub’, with the lovely Carrie from Buster Shuffle taking the female part (sadly she wasn’t interested in any of the male parts on offer...). The big surprise was Frank Novinec from Hatebreed flying over from Florida purely, he said, to see us! Frank, who watched from the side of the stage, says that he plays our old live double album “every day” and requested ‘Dying For A Pint’. Next time, mate! Our set was also filmed by renowned surrealist artists Agata and Anka Krzyzanowski of Macabre Pariah Productions: so we should have some blinding footage to show you in due course. The sisters tell us: “We really enjoyed filming your show” but then there are renowned for their love of the odd and grotesque...

After the gig we chilled out with Debz and Carrie, and shot the breeze with the ever radiant Beki Bondage and Paul Rooney while Mick Mav stretched the definition of “just one more beer” to infinity and beyond. Most of us passed out around 4am – about half an hour before a gibbering South Coast tried to knock us up (matron!) for “a party”. Watford and Daryl were still drinking when we got up at 7am to leave, and so clearly was the one German fan who claimed Jon was “better looking than Elvis”, and declared she wanted to see him in a mankini – an image that would give the SAS nightmares. Oi the Caff provided the hangover cure - Oi-themed breakfasts. Lee requested “deep-fried 4-Skins”, Watford topped that by asking for an “infa fry-up.” But neither of them can eat like Debz from Buster Shuffle - noodles, kebabs, KFC, kangaroo balls, whole roast oxen, blimey, there’s nothing this girl won’t nosh! And yes, we suppose we had better rephrase that. Sadly we may have to wait some time for the official review of the weekend from our man Chelsea Dom, who is still traumatised after an unfortunate incident outside of the Eastside Hotel. Regrettably Dom and his nice Scouse pal Mandy were targeted by person(s) unknown in an uncalled-for water-bomb assault. Dom was sunning himself at a table admiring the historic Berlin Wall murals when a bag full of the wet stuff whistled past his ear at high velocity and exploded with a loud bang just inches behind him. The shock caused the beefy Badoe to leap from his seat in what some untrained observers might have mistaken for sheer terror. Moments later the foul prankster(s) struck again childishly hurling an even bigger ‘bomb’ at a passing cyclist who apparently steamed into the hotel demanding satisfaction. The manager ejected some Dutch hooligans who had been staying several storeys above but the window-to-impact trajectory didn’t quite add up. We initially suspected the real culprits were the Pranksters’ German co-conspirators, the anarchist-inclined Lustige Spaßvögel (whose motto “Fick kunst, ließ uns tränken jemand” literally translates as “Fuck art, let’s soak someone”), but we then spotted a certain character lurking in a corridor giggling, his fingers as wet as the otter’s proverbial pocket... In a completely unrelated aside, we’d like to ask: is dapper Lee Wilson the Jeremy Beadle of Oi, or does he just really enjoy washing? Lee swears he is innocent and we believe him, but he was certainly up to mischief this weekend. Modestly describing himself as a living legend, he even tried to heckle us when we were on stage. But Lee didn’t quite have it all his own way. Hilariously, on the first night he starting helping himself from what he thought was a bowl of sweeties. They didn’t taste that good though for the simple reason that they weren’t sweets at all, they were actually multi-coloured ear-plugs!

Big love to Buster Shuffle for transporting Gal’s 2-Tone book Dance Craze to the fest, and to our many German friends, and all the firm at P&D for a job well done. Here are a couple of pictures – more will surely follow.

The Gonads Website
Us with Carrie Gonad and a passing Welshman (from Vice Squad)

The Gonads Website
Beki and Gal: Beki Bondage Please!

The Gonads Website
Why is South Coast licking Old Man Steptoe's head?

The Gonads Website
Daryl and Slippery Lee Wilson – butter wouldn’t melt...

The Gonads Website
The Gonads 2012: Jase, SCS, Mav, Gal

The Gonads Website
The father of the Revolution. And Lenin...

April 13. Oi! We’re away now but we had to send you this world exclusive! Here is the PM finally and happily (cough) forking out for a MEGA Chinese banquet. Joining him in New Eltham’s splendid Tai Pan eaterie were the SM, the WM in waiting, Effete El, Gal, and our two minders – Jackie and Jeniera Blade. The bill came to a modest £452.70 and we cheered his hospitality with pints of champagne top before toasting the memory of Chinese Tim, R.I.P. – the first, but definitely not the last of the Chinese Pranksters. To order brethren. Tuck in!

The Gonads Website

While we’re here, you can buy tickets for the official preview of East End Babylon here. Gal saw it on Wednesday and describes it as “superb – truthful, brutal, honest, moving and funny.” Meanwhile we wonder if Danny Baker, Millwall & Bar, features in the new Marley movie, because Dan firmly believes he is responsible for Bob getting the cancer in the toe that eventually killed him. This is not an urban myth. The Wailers FC took on an NME team in a charity football match at Battersea Park back in 1977, Dan stood on Bob’s toe, injuring it – the same toe where the reggae giant later developed skin cancer. Years after, specialists wanted to amputate it, but Bob refused. The cancer took hold, and the great man sadly died on 11th May 1981. Baker has never been brought to justice.

More news: Green Day will be releasing THREE new albums in close succession: ¡Uno! (Sept 25), ¡Dos! (Nov 13) and ¡Tré! (Jan 15)... Teenage Bottlerocket will release their new album Freak Out, on July 3rd (Fat Wreck Chords)...

This is cute. Some US Motorhead fan is searching for a stranger who knocked her up in the khazi at a Megadeath/Motorhead gig in Chicago. She has posted the following on the Missed Encounters section of Craig’s List: "Me: Blue hair, silver tube top, fishnets, Knee high black biker boots. You: Red Mohawk, black pentagram gauges, viper piercings." She goes on to describe their Mills and Boon style encounter: "I was grinding on you in the pit, then we went to the bathroom, and got fucked up. You had a nice cock so I let [you] raw dog it in the stall. You were really good and you had to gag me so I would make too much noise." Now she’s pregnant and says: “It’s yours. Contact if you want to be part of your child’s life.” And they say romance is dead. It’s just a shame Michael Aspel isn’t around with his big red book any more. What a start that’d make to This Is Your Life... Fat Col’s first encounter with the Nosher was similar, although that was in the bogs at the Circus Tavern, Purfleet, and he described her poetically as having “a fanny like Billy Gibbons’s beard.” Is it any wonder Wattsie won’t talk to the oaf?

We’ll be back next week with all the news from Berlin and amazing developments regarding the Gonads US tour...

April 11. Right muckers, we’re shutting up shop and jetting off to Berlin. Be sure to tune back next week for all the goss on Punk & Disorderly. TTFN. Das Gonads.

The Punk Rock Curry Club moved back to Lee last night, and saw a top turn-out of Oi-Oi herberts including Millwall Roi, Fatty Lol (the Scarlet Pimpernel of British Ska), Steve Whale, Darryl Smith from Cock Sparrer, those old Badoes Terence Hayes (PM Restored) and Chelsea Dom, Gal, the entire Anti-Nowhere League, top film director Richard England, Robin Guy and guest of honour Lars Frederiksen, looking a lot like Richie Lewis of yore. We kicked off in The Lord Northbrook, once the hub of the South London Oi scene but now so refurbished that even the likes of Johnny Ansett (a regular for 30+ years) have been driven out to the Tigers Head down the road. Incredibly only two of us were drinking, and unfortunately one of them was the note taker for this blog, so we couldn’t tell you what was discussed – except for a vague memory of the clearly discerning Lars wanting the Old Firm Casuals to do a split ep with us and Stomper. Oh and Dom got pulled over by the Old Bill. (Was it the fashion police? – Ed). And Tel picked up a hot bit of stuff (a chicken vindaloo). Fat Col says he turned up late and sat on his own listening to REM and reading a book by Richard Dawkins – that’s him in the korma, losing his religion... Apologies for that joke will be gratefully received. Meanwhile apologies for absence came from John King (conjunctivitis), Mark Wyeth (Mum’s birthday do), Hoxton Tom (“too far south”), Paul Hallam (Millwall Marxism class), Manic Esso and Buster Bloodvessel (couldn’t be arsed to make the journey without their normal chauffeur). Till the next time...

The Gonads Website
Outside the Northy, left-to-right: Whaley, the PM, Chelsea Dom, Rich, Roi, Lars, Daryl, Fatty Lol.
Picture taken by our man on the Ghost Ship...

Here’s the Dub City Rockers performing the sublime ‘Trojan City Love’:

Strummercamp fest returns to Manchester Rugby Club (June 1st – 3rd) featuring: The Jim Jones Revue, Dub Pistols, Rotten Hill Gang, New Model Army, Goldblade and Neck. For full line-up details and to purchase tickets go here.

April 9. The weekend’s Jolly Prankster gathering was as magnificent as it was baffling. Brethren came in record numbers for the family friendly knees-up deep in the unspoilt Sussex countryside. There was a wealth of impromptu side-stalls including coconut shies, darts, archery, plate-smashing, and the return of Septic Peg, the notoriously inaccurate fortune teller who still looks uncannily like Frankie ‘Boy’ Flame in drag. Frankie and Peg have never ever been seen in the same place. We can prove nothing, but suspect the worrying influence of Sharron Stiletto...
The Gonads Website
The Gonads Website
Septic Peg : Bad News Psychic
polishing the crystal balls in her pocket
And oh look, here's her mother, Madame Strange
(runner-up Ireland's Best Bearded Lady contest, 1957)

The event began in earnest (a large man) at 1pm on Saturday, with a formal ceremonial drill performed by the Norwegian Blue Scooter Club riding in close order formation and displaying their beautiful plumage. Then came a vulgar punk re-creation of TV’s Britain’s Got Talent called Britain’s Got Bollocks, followed by the usual old frolics: tug-o’-war teams, arm-wrestling, archery, dwarf-throwing, close-up magic, boxing (amateur), pickpockets (pro), busking and a display of synchronised in-door smoking. The real highlight of the afternoon, however, was the appearance of Terence Hayes (WM) before the grim-faced People’s Tribunal, chaired by the brotherhood’s Secret Master, or SM. Tel, you will recall had been temporarily stripped off his Perfect Master status over the distressing Wok-Gate fiasco. Would his rule as Worshipful Master end today too? The SM called for silence and, as a kind of hush fell over the leading scholars, scribes and sages present, the great man entered, wearing stockings and the kind of powdered wig popular with men of substance in the 18th century. Tel opened his mouth to speak... and then we were ejected from the tent...

Only twenty people know exactly what happened inside, friends, but what is certain is a mere thirty minutes later, Terence was carried out aloft on the shoulders of apologetic officials, his ‘PM’ status firmly restored and a new promise of a slap-up Chinese banquet on the cards “as soon as finances allow”. The mood among the waiting throng turned to one of jubilation and celebration. Even Fat Col choked back a sob betwixt mouthfuls of hot, but untaxed, pasty. As the ale flowed, Big Dan proposed a toast to absent Pranksters (Piller, E; Geggus, M; Hallam, P; Van Frater, T) followed by the Loyal Toast and then came the entertainers. The acts were marshalled as usual by the Blackpool-based ‘Variety’ lodge, whose members include comics, illusionists, show-girls, extreme jugglers, the Flying Goldbergs (a kosher trapeze act), a self-styled Marxist magician claiming to be the grandson of Harrini Transcendo, Le Cabaret Dada, Oronoco the inebriated ice sculptor, the Hastings town-crier, and the legendary Peaches Magoo whose intricate work with an improbably large black pudding brought a tear to Sandra Lane’s eye and a lump to Si Spanner’s Levi red-tags. Sadly, we cannot reveal the exact nature of the events of the night to those readers in a state of darkness, but even Lord Waistrel was moved to apoplexy by what he termed “the ceaseless onslaught of vile oafishness from a bunch of filthy degenerates.”

We particularly enjoyed the performance of Fat Col’s brother John who had a shock of red hair – the main shock being that he had brown hair before which he’d accidentally set on fire.

Guest of honour was Chenille Steele, the Chelsea-supporting glamour girl who famously likes it “up the bum”. And if you’d ever wondered what kind of face she’d pull during such a deeply dippy experience, our picture is a (brown) eye-opener...

The Gonads Website

Naturally the crowd loved every minute. Amongst their number were rude girls, blue girls, suedeheads, skinheads, herberts, converts, Morris Men and their daughters, market porters, publicans, hooligans, punks, drunks, fairground barkers, Mods in parkas, ex-lags, old nags, retired blaggers, professional slaggers, hustlers, rustlers, tattooists, cartoonists, Tantric sexperts, oi-oi experts, the hooliganologist Cass Pennant, Del (our butcher), two Church Of Oi vicars (actually one, but he is schizophrenic), three droogs, two dog-faced boys, one boy-faced dog, nine London cabbies, all talking over their left shoulders, and one Julius Caesar (poor Big Jim had been told it was fancy dress). The evening finished with a blinding Ska and Trojan reggae disco put on by DJ Dirty Rob before the traditional ceremonial burning of the EU flag. The match was supplied as is customary by René Artois de Besancenot, leader of our dearly beloved French fraternal grouping Les Espiègles Gais. As the foul traitors' rag burned, an actor from the current cast of EastEnders (whose identity we will protect) performed a dazzling recitation of several Garry Johnson poems. (Well it was either that or doing the community service). Our thanks to the good folk of Nobby’s Nosh who supplied the festive board - a choice selection of English dishes ranging from stewed eels to eh jellied eels via pie, mash and liquor. Unfortunately a hefty hog which had been roasted on a spit vanished just before it was due to be served (we have our suspicions). A special thank you, too, to the old faces who put in an appearance including Barry the Wise, Old Eric, Thailand Darren, Pete The Print, Quiet Dan, Christine S, Robin Goodfellow, the Green Knight (aka Mad Mickey Wharton) and Freddie ‘Explain this stain’ Brown. Lodges in attendance included ‘Herbert’, ‘Variety’, ‘St George’, ‘2-Tone’, ‘The Ageless Chaps’, ‘Chelsea’ and ‘Sedition’. The next meet is St George’s Day (that Kent place). To order brethren! For England! For Liberty! For Sandra Bigg! Step off with the left foot. So mote it be.

The Gonads Website

*The new Bob Marley film Marley is in cinemas from April 20th. But making it was not without difficulties. Director Kevin Macdonald was flabbergasted when he asked to interview the last remaining Wailer, Bunny Livingstone only to be told Bunny would require a million dollars upfront. He finally agreed to do it for a lot less but turned up wearing a white field marshal’s uniform complete with cap and brocade. Before talking Bunny pulled out a carrot, which he proceeded to hollow out and fill with weed. “The herb of the field is best smoked through the root of the ground,” he observed sagely. Seen. And the heat of the chilli is best consumed with the brew of the hop. Interestingly Bob’s early song ‘Terror’ is one of the rarest recordings in existence. Only three were ever made, two of which were destroyed. Says The Beast, “Only the first Gonads single, ‘Stroke My Beachcomber Baby’ is as rare as ‘Terror’.” Released on our own Scrotum label, ‘Beachcomber’ is now regarded as the holy grail of record collectors. Only fifty were ever made. The only person we know who has a copy is Fat Col Gannon, who says he’ll let anyone hold it in their hands “for £50,000 in cash no questions asked.” Yeah, but what about the record, mate?

Talking of rare discs, we’ve just come across a Rico Rodriguez single, ‘It’s Not Unusual’ from 1968 on the Pama label where his surname is spelt ‘Rodrecez’. What’s it worth? No idea, it’s staying at Nads HQ. To us it’s priceless.

Record news: out now, The Templars ‘Dans Les Catacombs Du Studio De L'Acre’, the 20th anniversary edition of The Templars' oi classic complete with a silver foil-stamped cover from TKO Records...the bakers’ Dozen album ‘Nightmare In Red, White & Blue’... and on CD and colour vinyl, the new album from Noise By Numbers called ‘Over Leavitt’ (Jump Start Records)... Joey Ramone’s second album ‘Ya Know’ will be posthumously released next month; the single ‘Rock n Roll Is The Answer’ is out on April 21st...The Bermondsey Joyriders’ ‘Noise & Revolution’ album finally comes out in May... Superyob will record a new album this year, their first with Lee from Vas Deferens on guitar... and for the crustier among you, ‘Nostradamnedus’ from Icons Of Filth has just been re-issued on vinyl...

Have a look at this geezer below. With that bald bonce and olive green flight jacket he could be auditioning for the cover of Strength Thru Oi! but it’s actually a 2011 shot of Steve Ignorant. We like the poppy on his sleeve but wonder if it quite fits in with ‘Sheep Farming In The Falklands’ ...

The Gonads Website

It’s only taken two months for Fat Col to work out that our new version of ‘Stop That Drumming’ is loosely inspired (ahem) by Laurel Aitken’s ‘Pussy Price.’ “So,” asks the fat man “Is Gal saying that women’s nagging is the price men must pay for their carnal delights?” The very idea! The Beast has moved quickly to squash the suggestion, adding “Much like the art of Gilbert & George, there is much more, and often much less, to the Gonads’ artistry than it appears on surface.” To discuss it further would be, he says “to let the daylight in on magic.” Besides, he continued “Paul Devine wrote the original words and he’s a right sexist bastard.”

And now the exclusive launch of our Punk Rock Recipe Club. Every week we’ll be unveiling the classic dishes perfected by various punk rock herberts, starting with the secret, life-enriching recipe for the Legendary Gonads Curry. Here goes: Heat four tablespoons of vegetable oil in a large frying pan over medium heat; fry one large sliced onion until golden brown, lower heat and throw in four cloves, four cardamom pods, two star anise, four chopped green chillies, four chopped red chillies, three tablespoons of Madras masala paste and one tea spoon of turmeric. Fry for three minutes. Add 500 grams of cubed beef and mix well; cover and cook over a low heat until beef is tender. Uncover, turn up heat for four minutes to reduce excess liquid. Add four tablespoons of tamarind juice, salt and, if desired, one “depth charge” (tsp) of Mad Dog 357 hot sauce. Heat through, garnish with chopped coriander leaves and serve, with rice or fat chips, garlic naan and one gallon of chilled Stella Artois. Enjoy! Dessert: 2/3 bottles Nuit St George red wine, brandy, cigar. (Please note: for health and safety reasons, this is the mild version.) Next week: Gal’s Spicy Pie & Mash (as seen on ITV).

A quick shout out to our readers in San Francisco: the legendary Skatalites play the World Beat Centre in Balboa Park this coming Wednesday with the Delirians from LA, the SoCal Shocks Of Mighty from Oceanside and San Diego’s Skarevolutionary Orchestra – three bands at the jazzier end of skanking...

*HEARD in the Newbridge WM Club. Barmaid, rubbing Fat Col’s belly: “Is that Carlsberg or London Pride, darlin’?” Col: “There’s a tap underneath, love, taste it and find out.”

April 7. Here’s a quick update of what recordings you can realistically expect from Team Gonad over the next two years. 2012 will definitely see the release of our split e.p. with the USA’s mighty Uprisers, blessed with two nifty new Nads anthems: ‘Glorious’ and ‘Beer Can’. And, Martin Sporrell permitting, we’ll also get the first ever recordings from Gal’s SkaNads side-project, a tasty four track ep featuring four originals: ‘It’s Getting Harder’, ‘Tonight’, ‘Threes Up’ and ‘Avoid The Vexation Of Women’. This year could also see us recording the Mutts Nuts Extra ep featuring ‘City Of Bones’, ‘Shitty Town’, ‘Let Us Rise’ and ‘Punk City Rockers’. FB was also trying to organise a Rarities collection before he disappeared. (Said an onlooker: “It’s like he just vanished into fat air”) however Fit Bird tells us that it’s now more likely that the Gonads rarities will be issued as a series of four-track eps starting next year, the first of which will feature the “brilliant” ‘Radio, Radio’, the original ‘Stroke My Beachcomber Baby’, ‘Filthy Rich’ and the somewhat controversial ‘MacGonads’ Anthem’. Greater Hits Volume Three will not be released until at least 2014 by which time Fat Col reckons that, like the Nosher, you’ll be gagging for it.

April 6. Right listen, the BBC are making a three part punk documentary. If you’re in a band and are approached to appear on it, be cautious. An assistant producer, as honest as a mafia accountant, contacted Gal and told him they wanted to interview him about Oi, “not Southall or politics, just the music.” They came to film it this week. Guess how many questions on the music there were. That’s right, precisely zero. But predictably Southall and Strength Thru Oi featured heavily. The Oi archive footage lined up the show consists of BBC news reports about Southall and the Benny’s club punch-up of 1982 (South London v Harlow) that featured on 40 Minutes. So the chance of their Oi coverage being fair and balanced is also precisely zero. Says Gal: “Thousands of trouble-free Oi gigs have taken place since then, hundreds of Oi and Oi influenced bands exist and in some cases thrive the world over, scores of great albums have come out, and yet all these tits can bang on about is one poxy gig 31 years ago.” Yawn. It’s not like anyone died at Southall – as they did when the Stones played Altamont. Very few people even remember the tragic Who gig in Cincinnati in 1979 when eleven poor sods perished. While other forms of music have concrete links to Actual Murders (Biggie, Tupac, Jam Master Jay, Soulja Slim etc etc) yet they consistently get a much easier ride from the liberal media. So we’re forced to ask: what is it about the white working class that they hate so much?

It’s the big Pranksters Easter convention and scooter rally this weekend, in ‘that Sussex place’. There will be a limited report next week, brethren permitting. Terry Hayes, WM, seems unconcerned about his appearance in front of the People’s Tribunal tomorrow, however, and has instead been devoting his spare time to meeting with Fat Col about a major new Oi initiative. The two sages are talking about creating an “anti-establishment” event open only to “proper Oi bands and fans”. Col tells us the word-of-mouth gig will operate a strict admissions and bookings policy: “No politicians, no media, no PC cunts, no toffs, no middle class, no wannabe ‘stars’, and definitely no posers.” Says Terry: “We want to take Oi back to what it was always supposed to be: working class.” Their name for the event? The Just Us League. Their flag? The cross of St George. Love it.

PS. Is this where Tel got the inspiration for his pants pose?

Listen up: the East End Babylon screening at the KoKo in Camden on 26th April will be your ONLY chance to see the Cockney Rejects documentary before the summer. The film will have a limited nationwide run at independent cinemas probably in June. Here’s Jeff and Mick at Upton Park on Saturday announcing the West Ham players alongside stadium announcer Jeremy Nicholas. Coach Wally Downes told them he's a big fan! And with the luck of the Rejects, Reading FC won 4-2.

The Gonads Website

Breaking news: both Gentleman John and Nacho Jase have been cleared and have had their names removed from the Round-Dodgers’ List Of Shame. John wrote to the committee, stating his case most forcefully. He argued: ‘Whilst I would agree whole hardheartedly with the Top Three in your list - in fact Scoops did originally tell me that after a brief court appearance in 1987 a condition of his bail was not to go within 25 meters of a pay-bar – I would like to make the following statement: Gentleman John is not a round dodger, I do, however, believe in certain principles of drinking: 1. Free beer does indeed taste better. 2. It is my duty to drink the rider so not to offend the promoters 3. If offered a drink I would not like to offend by refusing.’ All very reasonable, we’re sure. He goes on: ‘I would go further and say that if you stick me on the guest list for the next Gonads gig I will gladly attend and prove without doubt I do not have round-dodging tendencies.’ That’s a done deal, John mate. Consider yourself on the guest-list for April 27th at Camden’s Bar Solo (it’s free entry so it costs us fuck-all). Meanwhile in an even more stunning about face, Nacho Jase turned up at the Sandbanks Hotel, Poole on Monday where Gal was filming a TV pilot, flashing a thick wallet containing more cash than Si Spanner’s wall-safe, and offering drinks left, right and centre. What more proof of his innocence do you need?

The Gonads Website
Nacho flashes the cash in round-buying extravaganza

In related Gonads news, the proposed Beer – The Opera project may shape up to be an entire album. Meanwhile a decision on possible Gonads US shows will be reached by next Wednesday, apparently, as a complex transatlantic deal is thrashed out between Fat Col, Max Morton and Dave Ellis of Skinflint Records. Chances of them actually happening? 60/40 we reckon.

STOP PRESS 1: The original line up of Wolfsbane have confirmed a nine date October UK tour: Leicester, Kendal, Liverpool, Rushden, Sheffield, York, London, Glasgow and Bilston.

STOP PRESS 2: the legendary Freddie ‘Montego Bay’ Notes has joined the bill for the London International Ska Fest.

Record News: Aussie yobs The Rumjacks have just released a lively new single – ‘Crosses For Eyes’ b/w a cover of ‘Wild Mountain Thyme’... The Harrington Saints/Booze & Glory split claret-coloured vinyl 12" Single is out now on Pirates Press... The new Dualers album will be launched on 5th May...Richmond thrashers Municipal Waste have just released a free EP via Scion A/V... and here’s the new Claypigeon ep.

The poor old Nosher is suffering with a crippling cough (She needs to gargle something – Mick). Fat Col hasn’t helped, two hours ago he replaced her cough syrup with Ex-Lax. A cruel trick? Maybe. But according to Col it’s cured her. She wanted something for her cough, but I couldn't find the cough syrup,” he explains. “So, I substituted Ex-Lax and told her to take it all at once. You’d think Ex-Lax wouldn’t cure coughs but it does. Just look at her. She's afraid to cough." Rim-shot.

Green Day will deliver Guns N' Roses' induction speech at the 2012 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction do in Cleveland on Saturday week. Chris Rock will induct the Red Hot Chili Peppers, while Public Enemy's Chuck D will do the honours for the Beastie Boys. The great Small Faces will be inducted too, along with Freddie King, Don Kirshner, and Donovan.

Anyone seen FB? Word is the FrankenSkin has eaten him...

April 4. STOP PRESS: The King Blues have split. The boys say they have "taken things as far as they can go" and will release one last album in July.

Buy stuff from The Skints here.

April 3. Hey you, don’t read that, read this – it’s the Gonads mid-week picture gallery...

Here is Terry Hayes, WM, as you hoped never to see him. Tel is fighting fit and ready to clear his good name at this weekend’s Jolly Pranksters Easter Rally where he will face the People’s Tribunal in the great wok-gate scandal. Tune back on Friday for regular blog bollocks and a shock twist in the round-dodgers’ saga.

Terry Hayes

Gal’s solo single shock: rehearsals for the launch party began this week even before he’s signed a recording deal. Unfortunately the celebrations proved premature because Gal’s personal manager, the aggressive Gooner Martin Sporrell is back out of nick and has put a block on plans for a Spring release. Evoking the spirit of Bernie Rhodes, Dave Long and Snaky John of yore, Sporrell tells us he is “holding back till the time is right, if it’s any of your fuckin’ business.” What a charmer. However we can reveal that the four-track ep will be called ‘Skinhead Lullabies’, it will be credited to the SkaNads and both Nick Welsh and Jennie Bellestar will be involved in the project.

Solo Single

Woops. News that Gal’s 2-Tone book Dance Craze was temporarily out of stock was not well received in West London... luckily more will be available from the shop page by Monday.