April 30. News from Chelsea Dom, he’s busy finishing off six new
Badoes songs which insiders say “piss all over” the Diehards’ set
and are therefore certain to add to the WM’s state of perpetual
*Single of the week: ‘Sick’ by Ceremony, a 7" colour vinyl from
Bridge Nine Records.
April 26. The global Gonads debuted by headlining the Frag Fest
in Milton Keynes last night – just hours after their first full
rehearsal session. And the results were spectacular. The line-up
of RD, Nacho Jase and Mick Maverick hit like David Haye and were
tighter than Scoops at a pay bar. Technical wizard Jase has already
added Churchill quotes and Filthy John snippets to his foot peddle
(gawd knows how) and there is wild talk of investing in a Gonads
back drop. Our thanks to Alison for being flag girl, to Joan for
the use of her recreational “petting zoo”, and to the legendary
rock goddess Janice Gussett for turning up and raving about the
gig. The set-list was: ‘Alconaut’, ‘Punk Rock Till I Die’, ‘Oi
Mate’, ‘Grant Mitchell’, ‘British Steel’, ‘Yeti’, ‘Rob A Bank’,
‘England’s Glory’, ‘Hey You’, and ‘Gob’ – by which time we hit
curfew. The Beast was deeply impressed. He said: “The new Gonads
have already hit a new peak of power, professionalism and ability.
Today the Crauford Arms, tomorrow the world.” Oi! Oi!
April 25. BH2 was packed to capacity with punks and skins for
the St George’s festival last night. The Anti-Nowhere League headlined
with the London Diehards, Franky Flame and a host of others. Spotted
in the crowd was a very well-spoken beauty who went to school
with the Countess of Wessex – not an advance guard for the Royal
Family but the wife of Mr. Nicholas ‘Animal’ Culmer. (Rumours
that Prince Philip is coming along with Waistrel for our gig tomorrow
night have been hushed up by the security forces.) The League
are already in talks for a return gig at the venue.
*No details of this year’s St George’s Day prankster festival
will be made public, by order of the WM. “Some things are best
kept under wraps,” said Tel, as he downed red wine to try to blot
out the hideous, haunting visions - visions that would have driven
a lesser man to the very edge of sanity, visions guaranteeing
months of emptiness and endless nights of restless misery (We
get it – Ed). So mote it be.
*Fans of Boston mavericks the Conversions will be interested
to learn that their never-released album ‘Spineless Wonders’ has
just come out on Ride The Snake records. Also just out Sick Of
It All’s latest hardcore treat (CD+DVD) ‘Based On A True Story’.
April 23. Happy St George's Day!!! The morning started with
Stinky Turner on Sky Sports, continued riotously at London boozers
decked out in the flag of St Geo, there was a high-level Pranksters
meeting at Rules in Maiden Lane and the festivities continue apace
tonight. Keep St George in your hearts, keep us English! PS Don't
forget, the new global Gonads headline the Frag Fest on Sunday.
Bring a flag!
April 22. Right Said Fred were on Newsnight last night singing
a version of the Gonads' song 'Infected.' That’s bad enough, but
to rub salt in the wounds they’d adapted it as a Lib Dem anthem...
the cheeky bastards! This is an outrage for a number of reasons,
primarily a) We’re voting UKIP/English Democrats b) Where’s our
bleedin’ royalty cheque? That said, other Gonads songs available
for political parties include ‘Mistress Material’ for top Green
Sian Berry, ‘Alconaut’ for pub-loving Nigel Farage and ‘Badly
Done’ for John Prescott’s unfortunate former mistress.
*Tottenham Sean: a correction. Contrary to earlier reports Sean
was not sacked as band manager of the London Diehards. He has
in fact resigned due to work pressures. More fool us for believing
*Gentleman John’s written a great track called ‘Temazepam’ for
the new Long Tall Shorty album. The only problem being none of
LTS can spell it...listen out for the song on Gal’s next pod-cast,
which will almost certainly be in May – he’s been busy!
April 21. East London legends the Cockney Rejects are adding
a new member to their band – temporarily at least. Boxer Kevin
Mitchell is in training for his Interim WBO World Lightweight
Champion title fight against Michael Katsidis on May 15th at West
Ham United's Boleyn Ground, but the Dagenham hot-shot will join
the Rejects for a special one-off performance at BH2 this Thursday
afternoon. Unbeaten Mitchell will play drums on a live version
of the West Ham anthem ‘I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles.’ Kevin tells
us: "I'm used to hammering opponents with my hands, and I've got
good coordination and rhythm, so bashing the drums should be pretty
easy - I hope!" He went on: "The Cockney Rejects are legendary
in the East End, my dad was well into their music so he's well
happy that I'm in the band!" Stinky adds: "I'm delighted that
Kevin is joining us for a session. Being a former boxer and West
Ham fan, I've followed Kevin's career and he's the best British
boxer out there by far and it's fantastic that he's fighting for
the world title at West Ham's ground. But I'll hold out on my
judgement of his musical talent until after he's played the session
with us on Thursday." Watch out for it on Sky TV! (Tickets for
Kevin’s 'Hammer Time' bout, priced between £30 and £250, are available
from: West Ham Ticket Hotline: 0871 222 2700. Website: www.whufc.com)
April 19. Eastern European interest in Gonadery continues to
grow apace. Bulgaria is the latest proud nation to approach us
about a show – something the Beast will attend to when he sobers
up. His 50th birthday bash in Brentwood, Essex, yesterday was
a proper gathering of the clans. Several Oi faces turned up, including
the legendary Vince Riordan, Gal, Jeniera Blade and Leah McCaffrey.
Birthday greetings were read out from Steve Whale, Maninblack,
Dave Courtney and DMG. Vince was in fine form helping to run up
a huge bar bill, and many tales of better times were retold. Incredibly,
Fat Col snubbed the event to go to the Dropkick Murphys’ show
in Brixton. The lardy oaf then had the cheek to ring up complaining
because the Murphys’ sound was “shit” and the songs were “too
watered down and mainstream.” They “used to be a good punk band,”
he moaned. “What happened?”
*Shock news from the London Diehards front: Tottenham Sean has
been sacked as manager for “failure to attend gigs”. The leading
contender to replace him is Charlton Lisa. Although her megalomaniacal
demand to be called “the London director of Oi” rather than manager
has raised more eyebrows than the WM’s spelling.
APRIL 18. If you’re coming to the Beast’s 50th today, it’s kicking
off at about 2pm. A report may follow.
* Here’s a ten minute taster from Punk & Disorderly featuring
among others: COCKNEY REJECTS, ANGELIC UPSTARTS, CRUSHING CASPARS,
OHL, THE ZERO POINT etc: www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxyYqW-5dMs.
* Legendary Danish all-girl punk band Gylle are getting back
together for a one-off show in June…
APRIL 17. Londoners looking for a great Ska night out on St
George’s Day are advised that Buster Shuffle, the Scaredy Cats
and the Sterilisers play the Target Club at the 12Bar next Friday.
And if you’re around during the day we’ll see ya at the Gunmakers.
*Yo! New Yorkers should know that our pals Maninblack play the
Double Down Saloon (14 Avenue A at Houston Street 10009 in Manhattan)
on Friday 30th April. They’re on stage at 9pm and admission is
free. Maninblack will be the first live band to perform at the
Double Down, NYC, although its Las Vegas sister bar has hosted
live music for years. CrakShot will be sponsoring this event so
there will be plenty of freebie white vials around. Drinks are
*IN record news the Slackers album, ‘The Great Rock-Steady Swindle’
has just come out on HellCat, stuffed full of “Jamaican rock n
roll.” Meanwhile The Last Gang, who supported the Business years
ago, have released a 7” single, ‘Continuity Breakout’. The band
mixes punk and rocksteady, and Beki likes em.
April 16. The Gonads will support the Cockney Rejects at a major
London show this Autumn. Watch this space. But we will NOT now
be supporting the Angelic Upstarts when they finally play the
Garage late this summer. Crashed Out will open for them instead
on the entirely reasonable grounds that the Upstarts are sharing
their back line and van.
* More than 200 bands will play Rebellion between 5th and 8th
August, including Bad Religion (Sunday headliners), the New York
Dolls (Saturday headliners), Stiff Little Fingers (Friday headliners),
the King Blues, Streetlight Manifesto and the Aggrolites (Thurs).
Other confirmed bands for the long weekender at the Winter Gardens,
Blackpool, include the Cockney Rejects, Gallows, Agnostic Front,
GBH, Discharge, King Kurt, The Oppressed, the Glitter Band and
the Cro-Mags. The weekend ticket price is £90 (£100 after May
1st). Or it’s £35 a day (£25 on Thursday). Email: email@example.com.
Call 02476 601678 (+44 2476 601678 from outside the UK)
*Steve Whale tells us the Blades’ excellent ‘Spirit of England’
ep will be released by Plastic Head. More details when the great
man is back from Lanzarote. He just made it out before the volcanic
ash – the most white powder Iceland has seen since Kerry Katona
filmed her last ad.
*Two senior Oi figures reckon the reason Oi never went Top Ten
in the 1980s was the bands lacked sex appeal. “Think about it,”
said one. “Mensi, Stinky, Roi, Mickey Fitz, Wattie... girls weren’t
exactly going to work themselves into a sexual frenzy over that
little firm the way they did over pretty boys like Adam Ant or
Elvis. That’s why Oi was such a lads’ thing.” “The only good-looking
Oi singer was Terry Hayes,” agreed the other, whose identity has
now become apparent. “If only Skully hadn’t been arrested the
Badoes could have bossed the charts like rock ‘n’ roll lurv gods.”
Indeed. Even now the WM is “the Paul Newman of Oi,” agreed the
April 15. A scurrilous but well-researched list has been compiled
of Oi band members, hangers-on and fans who are suspected of being
“in the closet”. It will be read out in full at the Jolly Pranksters’
St George’s Day festival.
* Long Tall Shorty have finished their latest album, ‘Kick Out
The Shams’ which is described as being “very sixties”. Meanwhile
Backhand Fee Tone is telling people that he has left the Gonads.
He might have told us first!
* Phil from the ever so busy East End Badoes (that’s ever so
busy used in the same sense that Gordon Brown is ever so popular)
tells us that he bought a cracking Epiphone 335 off the WM for
a sensible price last month. He sent him a text at 9am on April
1st saying he’d just sold the same guitar to a guitar tech for
more than double what he’d paid Tel. Phil goes on “The silence
lasted only about 35seconds before my Nokia rang into life, flashing
‘El Tel’ on the screen.” It was the WM moaning like a Cockney
Victor Meldrew. “I do NOT fookin’ belieeeeeve it!” he fumed. “You
should feel guilty my son. Proper ripped off I’ve been!” Phil
replied: “Sorry you feel like that mate, I’ll buy you a drink.
By the way, have you got today’s date?” “What?” “Today’s date.
Have you got it? Only I’ve forgotten what it is…” (long pause).
“You f*****’ ****!” Click. Brrrr.
April 14. Congrats to Gonadettes beauties Zoe Anderson and Vikki
Thomas who both get married this September, and not to each other
either. Although given her, ahem, size we reckon Vik could swing
both ways, or indeed any way she wanted them to swing.
April 11. Not much to report. Long Tall Shorty are in finishing
their new album with Pat Collier today with Wattsie on backing
vocals (first they steal our gigs, now our singer – this will
end in tears). Gentleman John has started a window cleaning business;
if his round includes Kiria’s house we’ll know what his game is.
And Gal has turned down a last minute offer to stand for the English
Democrats in Greenwich & Woolwich at the General Election because
he says there is no point contesting a seat unless you do it properly.
Other than that, Street Dog fans will be interested to hear that
Taang! have re-released ‘Savin Hill’ as a colour vinyl album with
a gatefold cover and an extra track. And if you’re reading this
Johnny Rioux how about replying to the email, mate? It weren’t
that long ago that you were supporting us at the Elvis Room in
NH... how soon they forget.
*It’s being suggested in certain quarters that Oi - The Party
should be formed to contest seats across the EU, offering a radical
street-level alternative to the establishment parties; non-racist
of course. Good idea? Bad idea? Pipe dream? We can’t tell you.
We just report the facts, ma’am, just the facts.
*Our pal David ‘Dizzy’ Holmes runs the only Bulldog Rescue centre
in the UK. On St. Georges Day, the charity-backed concern is holding
about 20 events all over the country. Details here.
April 7. Gal’s on his way back from Vegas, minus his shirt. Only
a fateful encounter with a Frankie ‘Boy’ Flame lookalike saved
his bacon. He tells us: “There was a croupier in TI who looked
the dead spit of Frank. I tried his table and won $300 in half
an hour – cheers Frank!” Vegas prices have gone through the roof,
though. One beer, a plate of chips and three draft beers in the
BB King Bar set our leader back 52 bucks. Says Gal: “No wonder
he had the ’kin blues...” Clearly what Nevada is missing is a
London hotel with an Oi and Ska bar, Cockney comics on every night,
and such authentic folk delicacies as stewed eels, pie, mash and
porky scratching... we are ready for a six month residency just
as soon as Charlton get promoted.
*’Charlton Boys’ and ‘That’s Oi’ are now up and playing on our
myspace page. Have it!
*Hoolies, Gal’s book on British cults, is available to pre-order
now on Amazon.
It includes lengthy chapters on Oi, 2-Tone, Punk, Skinheads, Mod,
New Mod and the Glory Boys, anarcho-punk, street politics and
much more. The up-dated paperback version of Cockney Reject is
in stock at Gonads HQ now.
*While we were away, GBH’s new CD came out on Hellcat. Called
‘Perfume & Piss’ it’s packed with angry anthems like ‘Kids Get
Down’, ‘Cadillac One’ and ‘This Is Not The Real World’. A brutish
beaut, according to Fat Col.
*Sparrer’s London shows were a smash hit. Steve Bruce tells
us “We had about 4,000 in over the two nights. Good support bands
and a great atmosphere.” The lads are off to Sweden on Friday.
Meanwhile Garrie Lammin pops up in EastEnders on May 7th – seriously
- which reminds us of the time Garry Johnson convinced Annette
Witheridge, then of the News Of The World, that Frankie ‘Boy’
Flame was joining the soap cast as the Vic’s resident Cockney
pianist. She interviewed him at great length about his views on
the East End and his time in Woody Woodmansey’s U Boat, took pictures,
wined and dined him and was set to run the story. The wind-up
only fell apart at the final hurdle when Annette rang back to
ask when exactly the great man would appear on screen...