Please note the items you are about to read consist largely of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation. As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked. Its informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully thought through.
THE GONADS! CHARLTON! SOUTH LONDON! STREET ROCK N ROLL! COCKNEY CULTURE! COCKNEY ROCK! OI-TONE! SKA! BEER! CURRY! WORKERS’ RIGHTS! FLAG-GIRLS! ENGLAND! OI OI OI! THIS IS WHO WE ARE!
June 5. Breaking news! We interrupt our enforced silence following shock reports of a full-length feature film aimed at “destroying Gal’s reputation”. DIRTY GARRY is a disturbing biopic currently in pre-production in Hollywood which seeks to link Gal to “organised crime, hooligan culture and far-Left political elements”, according to our sources.
Our lawyer, The Beast, today took the unprecedented step of warning the film-makers that they will face “immediate injunctions” and “multiple actions for general and special damages” if they try and release such a “laughably libellous fiction” in the USA, the UK or anywhere else in the world. He tells us: “This is not a joke. This is happening. And we will sue in the Los Angeles courts for millions of dollars in compensation should this project go ahead.”
A tight-lipped Martin Sporrell (aggressive gooner) adds “Our contacts in LA are investigating the people behind this even as we speak.” Blimey. Tune back soon for more on this shocking scandal, as well as more uplifting Gonads news....
