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Please note the items you are about to read consist largely of scurrilous gossip, vicious back-stabbing and idle speculation. As Jon Stewart might say, its stories are not fact checked. Its informants are not journalists. And its opinions are not fully thought through.


 


The Gonads WebsiteJuly 18. Exclusive by Fred Crapper: Notorious frontman and well known Millwall supporter Roi Pearce of indie pop band The Last Resort has been exposed as the new Chelsea manager (pictured). Roi achieved this betrayal simply by sporting a pair of NHS bins... Roi fans are reportedly (and resortedly) shocked and dismayed by this revelation. Stunned Bushwhacker Irma Twat told this blog: "I have known Roi for 30 years, even when Millwall were good back in the 80s and I never thought he would sell out like this." The Millwall committee have had an emergency meeting at the Dog & Trumpet in Bermomdsey and as a (last) result Roi has been banned from using the Millwall cafe next to the ground! Which means he can no longer get his Millwall burger and chips on a Saturday. We decided to confront Roi at the Chelsea training ground yesterday, but he pretended to be Italian with a really lousy accent." Observers report that he was obviously shocked that his cover had been blown. No-one likes him and he don't care.

AUG 13. These are grim days for blog lovers as the Jolly Pranksters continue to blank us and negotiations between Waistrel and Red Wanda drag on like a poor man’s Brexit. However we can announce the following exciting developments: 1) We’ve added Punk Rock Will Never Die to the set for Guildford. It will be the first time the classic number has been performed live in the UK this century and it’s sounding shit hot. In a four hour rehearsal tonight, we also ran through The Joys Of Oi in its entirety. (Whether this can be done live is another matter, “it’s a bleedin’ lotta words,” sniffs Fit Bird). However Skinhead Girl will definitely be in the Guildford set. 2) The Gonads Quasar team is back in action next month under the stewardship of Miss Management and Martin Sporrell (aggressive gooner) and will take on any challengers on a “Bromley rules” basis. 3) Gal is in talks to ghostwrite Millwall Roi’s official biography. 4) In our absence Wattsie Watts has started working out up to five times a week. Some gossips have linked her new treadmill obsession to the surprise news that Fat Col is “stepping out” with Bunty Bigelow. Could gym bunny Wattsie be trying to woo him back? Yes, according to the Bitch who claims the pair are locked in a “toxic” love/hate relationship “like Trump and Kim Jung On, but with no tongues”. Blimey.



In music noos, the Territories album is fresh out and it’s magnificent... Rancid’s split seven-inch with Murphy’s Law is out on colour vinyl from Pitchfork Records, featuring a new song from both; the single includes digital download... Pirates Press have released Suede Razors’ album All The Hits... And Misses – all 16 tracks re-mastered in one killer collection... and cockney comedy legend Mickey Pugh is launching a campaign to get the GBX download single Saturday Night Beneath The Plastic Palm Trees released on vinyl.



Happy b-Oi-fday Chelsea Don! Blow out his candle Mandy! Go on, it’s only once a year.



We hope to be back to normal soon. In the meantime, keep listening to Gal’s shows every Tuesday night on 2nd City Radio, and on Mixcloud thereafter.



August 8. Apologies for this blog’s regrettable and unexpected plunge into silence but in a shock development the Jolly Pranksters have taken out a legal injunction to prevent us reporting details of their Lammas festival. And if that wasn’t gutting enough, Waistrel has also had to give the macaque monkeys the tin tack after they caused £1500 worth of damage to Nads HQ on their first day. Waistrel claims the apes have gone to “a better home” but Scrotum, his wrinkled retainer, cautions that you should probably avoid the “special meat curry” in the Plumstead Raj for the near future. Reluctantly his Lordship is in talks to re-employ Red Wanda and her comrades so we hope the blog will be back in scandalous and seditious action soon. For real news, see the news page. (There is some). For scurrilous gossip about Fat Col and his new love Bad-Girl Bunty Bigelow just buy us a drink whenever you see us.



PS. Gal’s latest podcast is now on Mix Cloud, here.






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